Another relationship problem, this time from someone who may be thinking too derp

[JeanClaudVanDamme]

In light of reading Syntex's relationship thread and realizing there are quite a few of you giving really good advice on relationship here, figure I can get some help with mine.

Been dating this girl for 11 months now, known her for almost 3 years. Co-workers. Before dating her, I knew she had a flirtatious personality. Flirted with damn near every guy at work, myself included. Didn't bother me, still really doesn't bother me, but I'll get to that later.

Anyway, as we got to talking during the initial phase of the relationship, I find out she had previously dated another guy also from work, which I know and see damn near every day. I find out this girl was really in love with him, though she says her feelings for him weren't that of love, but more of gratitude for what he did for her because she was new to the country. I think she loves him because she told me after he'd broken up with her, it almost drove her suicidal. She says it's not because she loves him, it's because she comes from a very traditional (Cambodian) background where breaking up with someone who you've had sex with is considered very shameful where she comes from. He was also her first boyfriend and possibly first love. They've been broken up for over 4 years now and he's engaged.

See, this is where the root of all my problems with her, and the insecurities I have in this relationship. Though we're 11 months in, I'm still not quite convinced she's completely over him, and loves me as she says.

My doubt isn't completely unfounded, for during that time that I developed feelings for her and started noticing her at work, I really got to observe her.

Though she and the ex remain friends and continue to work at the same place, the vibe I got while observing her was that of a puppy dog following around her master. Every break, she'd at the same table, across from him. Break after break, lunch after lunch. She's normally a very shy and quite girl and never dares to say no to our manager/supervisor. If they asked her to stay over time, however many hours, she'd do it. But on one occasion, where the ex-bf felt the managers/supervisors were asking too much of the workers and being unfair, he stopped mid-work when it was time to go home and just left his work there. This is a big no-no. But to my amazement, this girl who'd never once done anything close to pissing the company off, actually followed his lead and also left her work undone and went home. She literally followed behind him out.

She swears she has no feelings left for him when I confronted her with my observation of her action in the past with the ex-bf, but I still don't believe it, and this is where I come in.

As I've said, we've been dating 11 months. We'd just recently come back from our vacation in Vietnam, where she got to meet my entire family, and I got to meet hers.

After almost a year of dating, not once did I ever really felt she loved me. Not once did she do anything that made me stop in my track and say, 'Wow, this girl really loves me!'

The little things she does also plants a lot of doubt in my head. Little things like when I reach in to kiss her, she'd give a kiss back really fast, while her eyes are averted. She never really looks me dead in the eye when we kiss. I don't think I remember one time where she said 'I love you' to me without me saying it first. She might have called me up once or twice in the 11 months just to talk. Every other time, it was me who initiated the phone call, who told her I loved her first, who reached in for the kiss first. It's always me. But that's not the main reason I think she doesn't give a shit about me.

Whenever we run into trouble and I tell her I want to break up, she's always completely nonchalant about it. Like, nothing. No reaction. If I tell her I want a break up, she says Ok and that's that. It's just like that.

The thing that pisses me off so much about is when I confront her about this. I ask her, why are you so quick to just end it? Don't you want to fight for what we have? The answer she always gives me is "This relationship is for you to decide. If you want to end it, I listen, ok?" This fucking drives me insane. It tells me she has nothing invested in this relationship and doesn't give two shits if it ends today or tomorrow. As long as I give the go ahead on it. She doesn't want any say in it at all.

Last week, when she was at work and while I had an appointment. She gets home much earlier than normal, and I ask her how'd you get home so fast? She told me her ex (remember he also works there) drove her to the bus stop. Of course, this pissed me off. I told her straight up, you don't get in a car with your fucking ex at 11 at night. That shit isn't gonna fly with me. I don't give a fuck if it's late. You can ask anyone else, any other guy, I don't care. But not your ex. I will not tolerate that shit. It's bad enough I'm constantly reminded of your infatuation with him in the past because I see you and him at work everyday, now I have to fucking think about what you guys doing together in the car at 11 PM? No, get the fuck out. What was something that should have been resolved with a simple 'Ok, I agree, you're right, I shouldn't be in a car with my ex at night' got drawn out into a long argument. It got to the point where I gave her an ultimatum: If she couldn't answer me right then and there that she would never do that again, she needs to pack her shit and get the fuck out of my house right then and there, at 3 AM. I don't care. After a long pause, she finally says ok, she can do that for me, no problem. Though the matter was solved, I felt there shouldn't even been an debate that long about this subject in the first place.

These past 2 weeks, there's been some tension between us. I've finally had enough of being in a relationship where I feel so fucking hollow so I confronted her about this. I told her everything I've just written here, how I've never seen her do anything that would suggest she loves me, despite her saying it all the time. Her defense is exactly that, she reassures me by telling me she always says she loves me, and I'd counter with "but you've never done anything that's made me feel loved" and it goes on and on. I've finally had enough and told her to move back to her place (we've been pretty much living together for 6 months now) and that we need time apart, and maybe she can understand where I'm coming from.

I basically told her at this point, I've done everything I could to show I'm serious about her and ready to take our relationship to the next level. We've had talks of marriage and kids before, we've met each others families in our respective countries already. Yet, for me to feel this way now, almost a year in, I couldn't do it any longer. I can't keep investing so much in this relationship and feel like she's not on the same wave length. I can't keep diving head first while she's completely nonchalant about everything.

I told her we need time apart, and that if we are to go further in this relationship, I need her to show me that she cares. I need her to show emotion. Fuck, I need her to show ANYTHING.

We've been living apart for about 4 days now. Not once has she called just to say hey, I miss you. Or hey, I love you and I'm sorry you feel this way. Or hey, come to my place, I really want to be with you. Nothing. It's just so consistent with her personality. And I'm completely exhausted, so I don't wan to call her up either. I've been calling her, sweet talking her, telling her I love you, I miss you for the past year, it's to the point where I feel like she doesn't deserve my love anymore. You can only keep putting yourself out there and get nothing back before you start feeling like shit.



So with all that, I want BG's opinion. Does she love me? Is this relationship worth carrying on? Do I sound really girl as she said, because I keep asking her "Do you love me" sometimes jokingly and sometimes seriously. Or am I just insecure and need to shut the fuck up and go over to her house and fuck her?

[Flarega]

I feel like you've answered your own question quite a few times in that post.

[Vigilia]

I can't believe I read all that bullshit. You're both insecure as hell. She's dealing with it by putting up a wall of defense after her severe break up (4 years means nothing when you see the ex every day and reopen the wound constantly) and you're dealing with it by being an irritating pussy. And she's not going to feel secure with you and let her walls down with the constant "but do you love meee... reaaalllyyyyy" whining. Get new jobs/move town/get the ex fired/anything that gives you two a fresh start and then MAYBE you can have a relationship because it doesn't look like either of you is going to get over your ex-hangup otherwise. End of the day though it sounds like you need to man up more than she does.

[boo]

Why do you date a suicidal? That's a big no to start with.

Get rid of her before she gets too deep into you.

[miokomioko]

Yes, push her over the edge.

[Titanss]

anyone feel like giving me a tldr version?

[Zalius]

Been dating this girl for 11 months now, known her for almost 3 years. Co-workers.
PROBLEMS


Before dating her, I knew she had a flirtatious personality. Flirted with damn near every guy at work, myself included. Didn't bother me, still really doesn't bother me, but I'll get to that later.
SOME GIRLS DO THIS WHEN THEY WANT GUYS/DICK ITS TOTALLY NORMAL DOG


Anyway, as we got to talking during the initial phase of the relationship, I find out she had previously dated another guy also from work, which I know and see damn near every day. I find out this girl was really in love with him, though she says her feelings for him weren't that of love, but more of gratitude for what he did for her because she was new to the country. I think she loves him because she told me after he'd broken up with her, it almost drove her suicidal. She says it's not because she loves him, it's because she comes from a very traditional (Cambodian) background where breaking up with someone who you've had sex with is considered very shameful where she comes from. He was...
ACCIDENTLY SNIPPED SOME OF YOUR TEXT IM BAD W/LAPTOP MOUSE BUT THIS TOO IS ALSO NORMAL IF HE WAS HER FIRST BUT 4 YEARS - ITS BECAUSE SHE STILL FUUUUUUUUCKING SEEEEEEEEES HIM ALLLLLLL THE TIME. COWORKERS. LOL.

See, this is where the root of all my problems with her, and the insecurities I have in this relationship. Though we're 11 months in, I'm still not quite convinced she's completely over him, and loves me as she says.
insecurity = how you know you're weak somewhere. insecurity is how you get STRONG LIKE OX

My doubt isn't completely unfounded, for during that time that I developed feelings for her and started noticing her at work, I really got to observe her.
could be phrased to sound less creepy but this too is normal

Though she and the ex remain friends and continue to work at the same place, the vibe I got while observing her was that of a puppy dog following around her master. Every break, she'd at the same table, across from him. Break after break, lunch after lunch. She's normally a very shy and quite girl and never dares to say no to our manager/supervisor. If they asked her to stay over time, however many hours, she'd do it. But on one occasion, where the ex-bf felt the managers/supervisors were asking too much of the workers and being unfair, he stopped mid-work when it was time to go home and just left his work there. This is a big no-no. But to my amazement, this girl who'd never once done anything close to pissing the company off, actually followed his lead and also left her work undone and went home. She literally followed behind him out.
clingwrap defcon 5

She swears she has no feelings left for him when I confronted her with my observation of her action in the past with the ex-bf, but I still don't believe it, and this is where I come in.
come in vaginas or condoms instead

As I've said, we've been dating 11 months. We'd just recently come back from our vacation in Vietnam, where she got to meet my entire family, and I got to meet hers.

After almost a year of dating, not once did I ever really felt she loved me. Not once did she do anything that made me stop in my track and say, 'Wow, this girl really loves me!'
cuz you got it backwards dog. they feel loved = they show love. if you're 100% giving love, and you're not getting that shit back, YOU ARE NOT COMPATIBLE MOVE ON TO ONE OF THE NEXT 3+BILLION EXCEPT FOR THE SMALL CHILDREN AND OLDER LADIES UNLESS YOU'RE INTO OLDER LADIES BUT THE SMALL CHILDREN ARE STILLA NO-NO

The little things she does also plants a lot of doubt in my head. Little things like when I reach in to kiss her, she'd give a kiss back really fast, while her eyes are averted. She never really looks me dead in the eye when we kiss. I don't think I remember one time where she said 'I love you' to me without me saying it first. She might have called me up once or twice in the 11 months just to talk. Every other time, it was me who initiated the phone call, who told her I loved her first, who reached in for the kiss first. It's always me. But that's not the main reason I think she doesn't give a shit about me.
call me old fashioned but eyes closed is when you're feeling emotional energy cause it amplifies it

Whenever we run into trouble and I tell her I want to break up, she's always completely nonchalant about it. Like, nothing. No reaction. If I tell her I want a break up, she says Ok and that's that. It's just like that.
i love you but she gots you on a string that is wrapped around your balls and cutting off all access to their supreme powers

The thing that pisses me off so much about is when I confront her about this. I ask her, why are you so quick to just end it? Don't you want to fight for what we have? The answer she always gives me is "This relationship is for you to decide. If you want to end it, I listen, ok?" This fucking drives me insane. It tells me she has nothing invested in this relationship and doesn't give two shits if it ends today or tomorrow. As long as I give the go ahead on it. She doesn't want any say in it at all.
good girl. GOOD GIRL. she wants you to be her leader, el capitan, her jack sparrow, her king leo, her wolverine. this is simple. if you lift her up and throw her on a bed and tell her "we are fucking", you will fuck, assuming you have follow-through and staying power. if you say, we are breaking up, and you break up, then breakup happens and she deals w/her emotions n shit and finds more guy cause she prolly wants babies and a family and shit. if your leadership is weak then she's gotta steer the boat and they not always so good at that. they are easily distracted by emotions and waterfalls and shit.

Last week, when she was at work and while I had an appointment. She gets home much earlier than normal, and I ask her how'd you get home so fast? She told me her ex (remember he also works there) drove her to the bus stop. Of course, this pissed me off. I told her straight up, you don't get in a car with your fucking ex at 11 at night. That shit isn't gonna fly with me. I don't give a fuck if it's late. You can ask anyone else, any other guy, I don't care. But not your ex. I will not tolerate that shit. It's bad enough I'm constantly reminded of your infatuation with him in the past because I see you and him at work everyday, now I have to fucking think about what you guys doing together in the car at 11 PM? No, get the fuck out. What was something that should have been resolved with a simple 'Ok, I agree, you're right, I shouldn't be in a car with my ex at night' got drawn out into a long argument. It got to the point where I gave her an ultimatum: If she couldn't answer me right then and there that she would never do that again, she needs to pack her shit and get the fuck out of my house right then and there, at 3 AM. I don't care. After a long pause, she finally says ok, she can do that for me, no problem. Though the matter was solved, I felt there shouldn't even been an debate that long about this subject in the first place.
yay you still have your balls. overreacted a lil if it got into a long debate, if you were already her wolverine you coulda just looked into her face and been like "jean. no. never again." and she'd be like "buhwhu..?" and you'd just keep staring into her eyes like "no." and she'd like rest her head on your shoulder and been like "im sorry" and you coulda been all "its ok i love you remember" and then you'd fuck

These past 2 weeks, there's been some tension between us. I've finally had enough of being in a relationship where I feel so fucking hollow so I confronted her about this. I told her everything I've just written here, how I've never seen her do anything that would suggest she loves me, despite her saying it all the time. Her defense is exactly that, she reassures me by telling me she always says she loves me, and I'd counter with "but you've never done anything that's made me feel loved" and it goes on and on. I've finally had enough and told her to move back to her place (we've been pretty much living together for 6 months now) and that we need time apart, and maybe she can understand where I'm coming from.
prolly confusing her by not actually making a solid decision...cause now she doesn't know which zone she's in. she's all like...but he loves me? but are we broken up? but he didnt say we're broken up. but i said to tell me if we're going to break up but he didnt. so we're not. but we're not together AHHHHHHHHHHH WTF and then she cries and calls her friends and they talk about it and most of them will probably tell her to leave you

I basically told her at this point, I've done everything I could to show I'm serious about her and ready to take our relationship to the next level. We've had talks of marriage and kids before, we've met each others families in our respective countries already. Yet, for me to feel this way now, almost a year in, I couldn't do it any longer. I can't keep investing so much in this relationship and feel like she's not on the same wave length. I can't keep diving head first while she's completely nonchalant about everything.
decision making skills dog. they are invaluable.

I told her we need time apart, and that if we are to go further in this relationship, I need her to show me that she cares. I need her to show emotion. Fuck, I need her to show ANYTHING.
would you rather walk on an emotional tightrope or le grounde

We've been living apart for about 4 days now. Not once has she called just to say hey, I miss you. Or hey, I love you and I'm sorry you feel this way. Or hey, come to my place, I really want to be with you. Nothing. It's just so consistent with her personality. And I'm completely exhausted, so I don't wan to call her up either. I've been calling her, sweet talking her, telling her I love you, I miss you for the past year, it's to the point where I feel like she doesn't deserve my love anymore. You can only keep putting yourself out there and get nothing back before you start feeling like shit.
ok, if you're an awesome 5 star boyfriend of the year, leave her. 5 star boyfriends are in high as all mother fuck demand. women outnumber men. people break up ALL THE TIME. do what your balls tell you. they are all powerful advisors of men



So with all that, I want BG's opinion. Does she love me? Is this relationship worth carrying on? Do I sound really girl as she said, because I keep asking her "Do you love me" sometimes jokingly and sometimes seriously. Or am I just insecure and need to shut the fuck up and go over to her house and fuck her?

yes you sound like a girl. no disree. women deal with emotions and men deal with handlin business, this is the paradigm. lots of guys are pussies all of the time though. i'm a pussy at least once a day. but this is about %s here dog.

[Guitarman]

No, she doesn't love you. If there is NO affection or initiation of affection from her side, what do you think? She's just going through the motions with you.

Why are you keeping this relationship going if she's not affectionate? It's not going to change. She won't magically wake up one morning and be the girl you want her to be. Drop her, now. You're putting the pussy on the pedistal here, putting up with the shit just to get your dick wet, though it sounds like you haven't even gotten that far in HOW LONG? Drop the bitch and find someone better suited for you. there is NO REASON to keep this relationship going. AT all.

[pogejr]

We need pictures to properly gauge whether staying together or dumping her would be the best option...

n00ds preferred..

[Maaglin]

wtf

[Takedown3]

cut yourself

[AoE]

http://img1.newser.com/square-image/...ed-a-wuss.jpeg

[Cream Soda]

We've been living apart for about 4 days now. Not once has she called just to say hey, I miss you. Or hey, I love you and I'm sorry you feel this way. Or hey, come to my place, I really want to be with you. Nothing. It's just so consistent with her personality. And I'm completely exhausted, so I don't wan to call her up either. I've been calling her, sweet talking her, telling her I love you, I miss you for the past year, it's to the point where I feel like she doesn't deserve my love anymore. You can only keep putting yourself out there and get nothing back before you start feeling like shit.

You expect someone who you just kicked out of your house to call and say they miss you or invite you over to their place? lol

[Headspace]

Give her two weeks

K-ROLD

[Eliseos]

anyone feel like giving me a tldr version?

This. It's way too early for a wall of text.

Judging off his user name, he should probably just kick the bitch in the face.

[Pirian]

yes you sound like a girl. no disree. women deal with emotions and men deal with handlin business, this is the paradigm. lots of guys are pussies all of the time though. i'm a pussy at least once a day. but this is about %s here dog.

Holy fuck, all that red text I had to go back up to make sure it wasn't Vajra dishing out advise

But yeah, to op: bitchs be crazy. Welcome to life

[friedfunk]

don't fish off the company pier

[Yabby]

TLDR

[bigrougabagel]

Considering how every other relationship thread goes, let's just skip to the part where op posts tits.

[Despain]

Break up with her and move on. She doesn't want to be with you simply because of what was stated earlier. The fact that she sees her ex on a daily basis and can so easily throw up a wall against you means she never really had feelings for you.

You had a house. She need a place to stay. You had a dick. She wanted sex. You probably spoil her rotten, which is why she hasn't broken up with you.

Pussy on the pedastal to the NEXT level.