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  1. #1
    The 69th Donor
    Pens win! Pens Win!!! PENS WIN!!!!!

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    Rest in Peace, Rachel (aka hey)

    On Thursday night (technically Friday morning) at midnight, I received a notification on my twitter account - I was @ by hey


    What followed, I can barely remember because I was so upset, if any of you look me up on Twitter or Tumblr, you can see some of my shock/grief tweets/posts. I got in touch with some of the admins, but since a tweet isn't exactly confirmation (and I had actually hoped that maybe she had only attempted but not succeeded), it was deemed better to wait for something more concrete before posting a thread for the community.

    I had hoped so desperately that it was not real, but after having gotten in touch with her mother, who is still making arrangements, and seeing this article, https://dolphin-emu.org/blog/2015/04...n-rachel-bryk/, unfortunately, that was the confirmation needed that this was, in fact, real. There have been a few posts in other threads on this forum, but I wanted to make a thread specifically for hey, for her benefit, because as her friend, I believe she deserves that much.

    Hey was troubled but a wonderful person. She touched so many people's lives in so many places and she will be missed terribly by those who loved her. I will never forget the PM I received one day, where she thanked me for being such a good person. I felt for her then, and I feel for her now. I don't feel like I was doing anything exceptional, except being a human being and caring for people, but it still made me feel good - like I'd made a friend.

    I still do not have any information on the service. I would like to send something or make a donation in her name, so I will post information if/when I get it.

    I wish there was more I could have done to help her, but I feel like she was beyond that, and it saddens me more than words can say. Right now, although I am upset, I am taking comfort in the fact that she is probably at peace now, and her suffering is over.

    And to quote Sono (from PM, I hope you don't mind but it was beautiful):
    Quote Originally Posted by Sonomaa
    woozie will keep her company on the hubble


    UPDATE:
    Rachel's mother started a blog in memory of her, and also a memorial fund, if you are able to contribute, I am sure it would be appreciated.

    UPDATE: (19 May)

    Rachel's funeral service will be held on Friday from 5-8pm and Saturday at 9:30am at Orender Funeral Home in Manasquan, NJ. All are welcome to attend. If you need directions, please visit their website (http://orenderfamilyhome.net) for more information.

    Again, we thank you for your kindness and support. Please continue to keep Rachel and her family in your thoughts.
    If any of you would like to pay your respects.

  2. #2
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    I am sorry aks. If there is anything I can do, let me know.

  3. #3
    I'm more gentle than I look.
    Mr. Feathers AKA Mr. Striations
    All hail Lord Yamcha

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    Always hits hard when we lose one of our BG family. Hey was wonderful and it's sad to know that she's no longer around.

    If anyone was hit hard by this and needs to talk, feel free to shoot me a PM

  4. #4

    Man, I don't know what to say, other than the fact that hey has contributed to the education and growth of myself as a person through her posts and information shared about her life. Man, this year has been shit, lost both my lil homies(2nd Jack passed last month), and another respected voice here on the Gartr. May she rest in peace.

  5. #5
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    I have missed her here since she left, really sad that she won't be back.

  6. #6
    Ridill
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    Sad to hear. Butted heads many times, but I still respected them.

    RIP you stubborn, stubborn girl. Sad to see it end like this.

  7. #7
    i should really shut up
    You can safely ignore me I am a troll

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    Feel better Aks.

    Spoiler: show

  8. #8
    Banned.

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    Just came back from a bad day and this really dwarfs it. I'm so upset. I've never dealt with death in any family members or any friends, and I guess hey... Rachel passing is the first thing that makes it real for me. I think I had a mini-panic attack (was breathing uncontrollably fast and almost passed out from it). This is scary. I've had 3 more fucking years on this earth than her, and they're years that have made my life substantially better, and I wish she had had it too. I want to get angry and upset and blame everyone here for this, but I'm not upset enough for that, which ironically is upsetting. Still, I wonder if I'll ever see "BG is not a safe space" typed as proudly again. I can't imagine I'll be able to read or post here again, at least to the same extent that I was able to before, without thinking of Rachel.

    RIP Rachel. Know that you impacted at least one life.


    User was infracted for this post.

  9. #9
    Limecat
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    Well that really sucks. We had a blast trolling people in FFXI together. Man, this just...sucks. That's all I got...

  10. #10
    Ridill
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    Rest in Peace, Rachel (aka hey)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mazmaz View Post
    Just came back from a bad day and this really dwarfs it. I'm so upset. I've never dealt with death in any family members or any friends, and I guess hey... Rachel passing is the first thing that makes it real for me. I think I had a mini-panic attack (was breathing uncontrollably fast and almost passed out from it). This is scary. I've had 3 more fucking years on this earth than her, and they're years that have made my life substantially better, and I wish she had had it too. I want to get angry and upset and blame everyone here for this, but I'm not upset enough for that, which ironically is upsetting. Still, I wonder if I'll ever see "BG is not a safe space" typed as proudly again. I can't imagine I'll be able to read or post here again, at least to the same extent that I was able to before, without thinking of Rachel.

    RIP Rachel. Know that you impacted at least one life.
    BG is not a safe space and if you want to believe that we had a direct influence on her decisions that's your choice.

    It's a shitty, self-serving choice that illustrates what a shitty human you are, but it's still your choice.

    Edit: Not that it really needs to be said, but if you think this thread is the place for pointing fingers then you really need to fuck directly off. This is a place to grieve and for positive thoughts.

  11. #11
    I'm not safe on my island
    Nikkei will still get me.

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    I can't say what exactly was happening in her life that led to this, but it makes real the statistics one often hears about trans people being at higher risk for suicide. I think it behooves us all to try to learn as much as we can about the kinds of lives trans people live in to really understand the struggles they go through day to day. We owe Hey at least that much.

  12. #12
    Member since 2006 and still can't think of a title.
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    Maz, you can quietly go fuck your self for pulling that finger pointing bullshit here. This is not the time and place for that self serving bullshit.

  13. #13
    i should really shut up
    You can safely ignore me I am a troll

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    Quote Originally Posted by SathFenrir View Post
    BG is not a safe space and if you want to believe that we had a direct influence on her decisions that's your choice.

    It's a shitty, self-serving choice that illustrates what a shitty human you are, but it's still your choice.

    Edit: Not that it really needs to be said, but if you think this thread is the place for pointing fingers then you really need to fuck directly off. This is a place to grieve and for positive thoughts.
    Hopefully we don't go down this road in this thread.

    EDIT:
    Quote Originally Posted by Melena View Post
    Maz, you can quietly go fuck your self for pulling that finger pointing bullshit here. This is not the time and place for that self serving bullshit.
    It begins..

    http://media.giphy.com/media/VTk1wX3HEzLNu/giphy.gif

  14. #14
    THOU THOU THOU THOU THOU THOU THOU THOU
    Avatar of Fury.

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    Cool it, motherfuckers.

  15. #15
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    I feared this news ever since I was part of a conversation where she talked about having those thoughts. The way she talked told me it was only a matter of time. I have never before wished so much to be wrong. This news actually came to me from the gaming sub on reddit and I knew it was Rachel before I even checked here. It hurts to lose someone who is a part of such a small community. Through all our disagreements and discussions, I still thought of hey as a fellow gamer and friend.

    I wish there was just a little more time. I wish I had reached out to her.

    Goodbye Rachel. I am sorry to see you go.

  16. #16
    Old Merits
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    My condolences to this young lady's friends and family. Prayers for peace and comfort in this time of grief. God bless!

  17. #17

    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

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    Shitty, hey hooked me up with some IPT login way back. Rip

  18. #18
    YOU BLACK, MIDNIGHT, EVIL MOTHERFUCKERS!!! BLACK MAGIC, DARKNESS!!! YOU RAW, DARKNESS!!! YOU, FUCKING, DELIRIOUS MOTHERFUCKER!
    You were cold as ice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kuya View Post
    I can't say what exactly was happening in her life that led to this, but it makes real the statistics one often hears about trans people being at higher risk for suicide. I think it behooves us all to try to learn as much as we can about the kinds of lives trans people live in to really understand the struggles they go through day to day. We owe Hey at least that much.
    RIP hey. Unfortunate that all around at how this came about. Hopefully you are resting in peace now.

    I've been a somewhat close friend to a mtf for over 6 years now. I understand the struggle much more than I did almost a decade ago. There's definitely a much higher rate of suicide with trans people, and most of it boils down to depression with the struggles of classifying their identity and getting others to understand. I also agree with you Kuya, hopefully this moves people to learn as much as possible on the lives trans people live, to at least reach an understanding and be tolerant. What came about makes reading the transgender thread now all the more depressing.

    ---

    Aks, when ever you are able to provide any links to pay respects to hey, please do.

  19. #19
    Han Cholo
    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

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    I never knew or talked to hey much, I think she probably replied to my posts before, but this is really damn sad to hear. Especially reading how much she affected people here. To quote House.. living in misery sucks marginally less than dying in it. May she rest in peace.

    Suicide is never the answer, I will never understand why people do it. I wish people would just reach out. My cousin took his life exactly 10 years ago this coming month, and he was probably the most polite and awesome human being on earth. He introduced me to video games, comic books, computers. He was older than me and lived in another town, I didn't see him too much growing up, for some reason later in the years he became depressed and he specifically told my dad that he hated taking his meds, it made him want to go crazy, he was forced to take them and eventually it drove him to kill himself. At least that's what my dad thinks, but shitty enough, I will never have a chance to ask my cousin myself.

  20. #20
    Ridill
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    Sad. Many of us butted heads with hey, but I feel comfortable saying it was in a way to open hey's eyes to differing views; that people can view the world differently and still come together. At the end of the day, BG feels like a family; a weird, fucked up family, but a family nonetheless. It's difficult to lose one of your own.

    suicide is never the answer, I will never understand why people do it. I wish people would just reach out.
    I wish it were that simple. I've walked that line many times. When you're in your darkest moment, nothing makes sense. It's an enveloping blackness that takes all reason and hope from you. It's heavy, like a concrete blanket you cant get out from under. When you're in the throes of a suicidal period, you quite literally lose the ability to reason. I feel fortunate I found strength to come back from it each time. Many don't.

    I wish there was more I could have done to help her, but I feel like she was beyond that, and it saddens me more than words can say.
    When my grandfather passed away early last year, we were in the waiting room of the hospital, and a priest came in to console my mom. She kept saying "if only i had seen him one more time". The priest said something very profound that I feel applies to here. He told her "but then that one more wouldn't have been enough, you would be wanting yet another "one more time" with him. Cherish the time you had and recognize you did the best you could given your situation". I think everyone here will agree you did the most for hey out of all of us, aks. You can't be superwoman. Be happy you made hey smile and were a friend when she needed it most. That's all you could really do.

    I hope I didn't draw attention away from hey, but I felt trying to help people make sense of this is the best I can offer. I lost a cousin to suicide when I was in high school and stopped another from killing himself the next year, so I'm unfortunately somewhat knowledgeable about the subject.

    Rest well.

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