Making friends

[Aksannyi]

I've found that I really suck at making friends, like really really suck at it. I feel like I'm lagging behind on the friend train. My boyfriend has a lot of friends, a lot of people he hangs out with and keeps regular contact with. Aside from him, I hang out with one other person, and really infrequently. And I don't want to just latch onto his friends because they're his friends. I have people I would hang with if I still lived up north but I don't, and making local friends hasn't really happened - and I've been here six years.

I get along well enough with people at work and school, but none of them are people I would actually want to hang out with outside of those venues, and on the rare occasion that I do want to, I feel like their "friend base" (for lack of a better term) is already established and they don't need/want any other people, so I never ask if they want to do anything.

My one coworker for example, I like her well enough to talk to at work, but I'd never hang out with her outside of work, because sometimes she says shit that's just so fucking stupid I can't even reconcile with it. And I feel like the only thing we have in common is our job and the fact that we like the same type of music. Not a basis for a friendship.

Any pointers for making friends? I mean most of the time I'm content to keep a lot of people at arm's length and communicate only via the internet where the pressure for interaction is lower and I can log off at any time (which is significantly easier than walking away from a situation I don't like) but as far as in person friends, I just don't know how to get from casual conversation to "let's hang out sometime." Strangely enough, I never have this issue when I'm trying to date someone, so idfk.

tl;dr: You're lazy. It was four easy paragraphs.

[Ratatapa]

Get some classes (cooking classes, or w/e type of classes)

Quick start

[Callisto]

If you have a specific hobby(books, riding bikes, whatever) it might be worth checking out what sort of gatherings for that specific thing go on near you. I've made a ton of new friends from the offline gaming events that I go to, and like actual legitimate friends rather than just facespace clicks. It's a lot easier to start a friendship when you already have the 'common interests' box checked from the get-go, and it helps that if you're starting with strangers outside of your normal social circles(or lack thereof) you have no predispositions going in. That said I'm also awesome and everyone loves me and wants to be my friend, so ymmv.

[Xajii]

It gets tough after a certain point (college). I am lucky to have stayed close with some people from my hometown and from college, but if I weren't, I'd probably check out my interests and the activities asociated with them on meetup.com - I know many have met cool epople this way and got involved in fun activities like rec league sports, board gaming, book club type shit, all sorts of interests.

[Quixon]

Age is important here I think. So before I answer, I turned 30 in march.

90% of my friends have come from my hobbies. My best friend who happens to live across the street, I met through the local import car scene. We also both happen to consume large sums of marijuana, so that was kind of a sticking point as well lol. Few of my other friends I met through either cars or salt water aquariums. Most of the car friends came from local car meets/facebook. The fishtank guys came from a local Saltwater Enthusiast Forums. I talk to Rudy, Keith, and Roy & Family pretty often as well. I of course met them through FFXI/BG. The only people I really still talk to from HS/College are girls, who happen to be my wife's best friends now. Still friendly with My HS/College friends but I will basically see them randomly at a bar, or at a wedding lol.

Latching/intermingling friends will happen with any relationship that lasts. I wouldn't force anything, if you mesh with his friends.... cool. If not, look toward your hobbies. Guaranteed a common interest there.

[Aksannyi]

Yeah it's definitely tough making friends with people in college as I'm 33 and there's this generation gap thing going on. I'm no ageist, but I've found that I don't really gel with the younger generation.

[Cream Soda]

Take up that bike riding hobby! I always have to ride alone

Spoiler: show

>tfw nobody to race against

[Aksannyi]

You would absolutely smoke me brah

[Callisto]

Yeah it's definitely tough making friends with people in college as I'm 33 and there's this generation gap thing going on. I'm no ageist, but I've found that I don't really gel with the younger generation.

I turn 31 this year and have only been doing most of the hobby activities I do for 2~ years, while I do hang out with college-age kids a fair amount(it's a gaming hobby so that's to be expected) usually if you can go without talking about your kids for 30 minutes everyone can get past the age thing just fine based on the common interest that you've come together for.

[Aksannyi]

So I guess I will have to try to get into some hobbies. Of course money is a factor there too, but maybe I can find something like a weekend class or something.

[Ratatapa]

There is also 'dating sites'

Girl looking for some fun, when times are boring

You'll get lots of friends! (maybe not the one you wants tho)

[Charismatic]

There is also 'dating sites'

Girl looking for some fun, when times are boring

You'll get lots of friends! (maybe not the one you wants tho)

u wot

[Xajii]

There is also 'dating sites'

Girl looking for some fun, when times are boring

You'll get lots of friends! (maybe not the one you wants tho)

never change rata

[Aksannyi]

Fucking Rata what the fuck man

[Xantavia]

Do you feel the need to hang out with other people, or are just feeling pressured that it is what "normal" people do? If you are content with internet friends, why change? For your actual question, I don't have any idea. When I'm not working, I'm by myself, and I'm fine with that. Its the comments from family about me needing to go out and socialize and be like everybody that bothers me, not the no real friends part.

[Aksannyi]

Do you feel the need to hang out with other people, or are just feeling pressured that it is what "normal" people do? If you are content with internet friends, why change? For your actual question, I don't have any idea. When I'm not working, I'm by myself, and I'm fine with that. Its the comments from family about me needing to go out and socialize and be like everybody that bothers me, not the no real friends part.

Sometimes I do wish I had more than just my boyfriend to really hang out with/talk to. Sometimes he is the problem and I need to talk about him and hash it out (girl talk) than with him.

I guess there is some pressure and I do feel abnormal, but it's also a networking thing, trying not only to expand the number of people I consider to be true friends and people I can spend time with on my leisure time, but networking is also something that will come in handy and I don't really have any good contacts for that (unless you count my Facebook feed, but I doubt it).

So maybe a little of both? I would like to have someone else - locally to just bitch with.

[Ratatapa]

Fucking Rata what the fuck man

Sounds like a joke but honestly I see that often

[Tajin]

Go do some stuff you like that involves other people, and you'll soon meet like minded individuals. Or get a dog/cat

[Charismatic]

Or get a dog/cat

Don't do this as a substitute, this nigga retarded.

[BaneTheBrawler]

seconding the hobby thing. my only friends have either been my friends since high school or we became friends through a hobby. namely, playing halo etc on xbl. haven't added a new friend in a loooooong time, though.