Rest in Peace, Rachel (aka hey)

[Tricen]

You know, I've always enjoyed reading her posts. I don't know how often I agreed or disagreed, but I've never looked down on Rachel. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind even if it was the minority. It pains me to know that there are now 2 people who had impacted this community wont be able to join us again. @Sonomaa, if you ever make a list or something for people to contact other people who need to talk, put me on there. I know I'm kind of a nobody, but if it helps then that's all I can ask for.

[Vandalhart]

I'm not much of a wordsmith, but my thoughts and feelings go out to her family members at this time. It's a shame that she couldn't see herself as other apparently saw her.

[Brill Weave]

[Akiyama]

God dammit. I clicked this because I saw Rest in Peace, but I was hoping it was just a random thread about a random celeb. (Not to say I'd wish a celeb died, but.. ughhh)

This sucks. Thoughts and prayers are with her loved ones, and everyone here who cared for her. This really, really sucks.

[Lyall]

We butted heads a bit in recent memory but I always appreciated Hey's insight on her side of things. Now I'm left wondering if I should have reached out more. God dammit.

[Ratatapa]

I have not known her so the only thing i can say is

RIP

[Spicyryan]

We butted heads a bit in recent memory but I always appreciated Hey's insight on her side of things. Now I'm left wondering if I should have reached out more. God dammit.

Can't beat yourself up over it.

Ultimately they decided to act of their own freewill and you weren't even a serious thought in the process of finally getting there.

[tyven]

Sure would be nice if BGers would stop leaving us like this.

RIPsies

[Tokitoki]

Always sucks to lose a friend. Although I didn't have any interactions I can think of, I hope she can rest well and wish her friends and family the best.

[Aksannyi]

Aks, when ever you are able to provide any links to pay respects to hey, please do.

I am still waiting on that, but I will post with the info as soon as I have it. I'll update the OP and bump the thread with it.

I think everyone here will agree you did the most for hey out of all of us, aks. You can't be superwoman. Be happy you made hey smile and were a friend when she needed it most. That's all you could really do.

Thanks, and I do feel that. There will always be that "what if" in the back of my mind, but I know that I cannot blame myself, and I certainly don't blame anyone here.

[Stumblingdrunk]

I think this is a good time to point out to everyone that the pervasive idea that people who talk a lot about suicide aren't likely to commit suicide, is a myth.

[Boyiee]

There's always going to be people you don't get along with or you'll butt heads with on this forum, but we're still a community and it sucks when we lose one of our own.

RIP hey, I wish this wasn't the way BGers left us.

[Melena]

If you know anyone who you think has even hinted at suicide, please talk to them. It is scary when you reach the point where you think you being dead will make everyone's lives or even your pain better. It is not a phase, it is not attention seeking. It's a plea for help. The short time you spend talking and listening to them may be all it takes to pull them away from that ledge.

[Dimmauk]

Condolences to Rachel(Hey)'s family and friends.

RIP

[darkepyon]

I wish it were that simple. I've walked that line many times. When you're in your darkest moment, nothing makes sense. It's an enveloping blackness that takes all reason and hope from you. It's heavy, like a concrete blanket you cant get out from under. When you're in the throes of a suicidal period, you quite literally lose the ability to reason. I feel fortunate I found strength to come back from it each time. Many don't.

Seconding this, having been there a few times myself. Yeah it does rob you of any sense of reason and can hit you without you even realizing it. Eventually you get really good at masking it in front of others. There was one point where I felt like I was on auto-pilot for several months. I even tried to end it all with a door and a computer cable in the fall of 2013. I didn't tell anyone about it until later as I was still emotionally numb and to this day I'm not sure why I didn't try it again. Then after Thanksgiving that year, I started having these breakdowns (partly due to the fact my mom died around that time a few years before) and I told my dad and my sister I "wanted to fucking die", so they took me to the ER where I voluntarily committed myself. In my 3 days there, I met another patient who said 'I'm in here because I talk too much". My response was "I'm in here because I don't talk enough". It took a year of Zoloft and seeing a therapist once a month and finally moving to the other side of the country, but I think I'm ok now after making peace with a number of things.

I don't mean to detract anything from the original point of this thread, but just wanted to share my insights and experience on this matter for those that may not have been that far down said rabbit hole. Even now, I feel there is still a level of "taboo" associated with suicide (among all groups of people), which I guess is part of why it doesn't really get the attention it deserves.

[Patriarch]

Never had much interaction with her, but my condolences all the same.

Sad to see someone go like this. RIP

[Spicyryan]

Seconding this, having been there a few times myself. Yeah it does rob you of any sense of reason and can hit you without you even realizing it. Eventually you get really good at masking it in front of others. There was one point where I felt like I was on auto-pilot for several months. I even tried to end it all with a door and a computer cable in the fall of 2013. I didn't tell anyone about it until later as I was still emotionally numb and to this day I'm not sure why I didn't try it again. Then after Thanksgiving that year, I started having these breakdowns (partly due to the fact my mom died around that time a few years before) and I told my dad and my sister I "wanted to fucking die", so they took me to the ER where I voluntarily committed myself. In my 3 days there, I met another patient who said 'I'm in here because I talk too much". My response was "I'm in here because I don't talk enough". It took a year of Zoloft and seeing a therapist once a month and finally moving to the other side of the country, but I think I'm ok now after making peace with a number of things.

I don't mean to detract anything from the original point of this thread, but just wanted to share my insights and experience on this matter for those that may not have been that far down said rabbit hole. Even now, I feel there is still a level of "taboo" associated with suicide (among all groups of people), which I guess is part of why it doesn't really get the attention it deserves.

Nice to hear you are still with us and are doing better. I am sure your family is too.

[Hitoshura]

Not trying to bum anyone out even more.. but has this happened before?

[archibaldcrane]

Not with a transperson I don't think, but Woozie committed suicide a couple years back.

[Hitoshura]

Goddamn that sucks. Makes me wish things like chat rooms were still active or live journal like threads existed but then again when you put shit out here, people can use it against you and maybe I can understand why certain people wouldn't want to, but still beats NOT talking to anyone and ending your life.