How to start a conversation when online dating?

[D44kpunk]

sounds like you're just somewhat insecure, also lol @ the above tinder pictures, i've had some girls message me with some pretty funny pick up lines too but i've never taken pictures of them

[Anoat]

I've found that the only times a woman ever messages me first on Tinder, it's a scam/porn bot. The struggle.

[Yuri-G]

of all the things in your post this is the most likely to qualify you as a horrible person

do you go out and date people you find hideously unattractive simply because it's the right thing to do? the concept of "in my league" and "out of my league" is not one that I invented. I know you hate me for some reason but please refrain from the personal attacks, I would appreciate it. I'm not a horrible person.


@D44kpunk... nail head. so insecure... I know this, but knowing it and working through it are not the same thing sadly.

[Darus Grey]

do you go out and date people you find hideously unattractive simply because it's the right thing to do? the concept of "in my league" and "out of my league" is not one that I invented. I know you hate me for some reason but please refrain from the personal attacks, I would appreciate it.

It's one of those things we all think, including Bane I'm sure, but that's considered sanctimonious to mention out loud because it betrays the illusion of love that we hold so dear.

That said, I understand your attitude, I often dated "under" my station because the reality is it's nice to be chased instead of doing the chasing. I'm a fairly well off individual and dating people around my socioeconomic level is just too fucking high maintenance...

[Yuri-G]

yeah, the way I said it came off REALLY arrogant. I understand completely. but you get what I meant, and you get why I'm dating those guys... that is 100% what I'm saying.

[Anoat]

Eh, at least give them a chance. Sometimes that 4/10 physically can become like an 8/10 or 9/10 overall when you factor in personality/hobbies/skills/SEXYTIME abilities.

[D44kpunk]

do you go out and date people you find hideously unattractive simply because it's the right thing to do? the concept of "in my league" and "out of my league" is not one that I invented. I know you hate me for some reason but please refrain from the personal attacks, I would appreciate it. I'm not a horrible person.


@D44kpunk... nail head. so insecure... I know this, but knowing it and working through it are not the same thing sadly.

it doesn't make you a terrible person, fuck the people saying so. attraction is the basis for almost every relationship and if you aren't attracted to someone it's rare that you will have a meaningful relationship with them.

also keep in mind for the insecurity thing that just as many guys are just as insecure or even moreso to what you are feeling, brave through it take some risks

[Yuri-G]

you know, it actually helps to hear that. thank you


it's funny; people talk about "don't call for three days" and "playing games" and all that but now I'm beginning to understand just why those rules exist. I texted him today and didn't get the response I wanted; I could either push further or pull back - guess which one I chose? that doesn't mean he's not interested or that I can't call him up later on this week and say "hey, how about a drink?" but it doesn't need to be today. I'm going to wait a few more days before I push again and that's not for his benefit or because I'm supposed to - it's because that's what feels right here. I don't know why he didn't feel like carrying on a conversation today and I really don't need to.


never thought I'd be the one saying those words. fuck you, insecurity. #feelsgoodman

[BaneTheBrawler]

lol. you'll note, if you read my post, that i didn't call yuri-G a horrible person. i said that if anything in the post were to make 'em one (in response to their question if their post makes them a horrible person, mind), that would be most likely. i stand by that statement.... mostly because the phrase "beneath my station" has all sorts of connotations in addition to the "out of my league" thing.

"Station" refers not just to the */10 rating system and whatnot, but also to social/economic status and touches on a person's worth/value.

Obviously I know that's not how Yuri meant it, which is why I didn't just outright call 'em a horrible person, and instead phrased it the way I did.

Y'all gotta work on your reading comprehension and stop trying to read between the lines all the damn time.

[D44kpunk]

i wasn't responding to you specifically, there's just a lot of people that say you should give anyone a chance etc etc. while it's nice to think that way, most people know within the first few seconds of meeting someone if they would want a relationship with that person or not. if the attraction isn't there forcing it is silly, i've had too many relationships i wish i had just went with my gut on from the start.

all i meant by my post was if you're looking for something meaningful in my opinion, attraction is a must.

[BaneTheBrawler]

yeah, i was also directing that more generally.


and yeah. im not sure it's a must for everyone, but when it is, it is. cant help that.

[Celeras]

This is what I was thinking the entire time I read Yuri-G's post:

[Yuri-G]

you had me at plague rats

[LinktheDeme]

you know, it actually helps to hear that. thank you


it's funny; people talk about "don't call for three days" and "playing games" and all that but now I'm beginning to understand just why those rules exist. I texted him today and didn't get the response I wanted; I could either push further or pull back - guess which one I chose? that doesn't mean he's not interested or that I can't call him up later on this week and say "hey, how about a drink?" but it doesn't need to be today. I'm going to wait a few more days before I push again and that's not for his benefit or because I'm supposed to - it's because that's what feels right here. I don't know why he didn't feel like carrying on a conversation today and I really don't need to.


never thought I'd be the one saying those words. fuck you, insecurity. #feelsgoodman

This is the general approach to take, if you push too much or too hard then you're going to scare him away or bore him. There needs to be some mystery to keep the attraction sparked. I've been on both sides of this and I consider myself an attractive enough person (not super photogenic though <_< ), whether or not that's true who knows though but everyone I've gone out with was surprised about how I looked compared to photos and complimented me so thats a plus.


Trust me though, I've pushed too hard with one person and scared them away and regretted it don't do it regardless of what signals you think your getting you still want to keep the distance/mystery, unless it's past the 2-3 month point then that's when you can start taking risks. Prior to me pushing hard with this person it was the reverse with them pushing hard on me which was why I thought I picked up on those signals. I'd also suggest you wait for him to make some moves as well to see if the feeling is mutual. It's easier said than done, but you just need to not give a shit about the outcome of anything you do going out/waiting for texts/etc. Don't text back right away wait it out at times etc. Although regardless though after a night of going out if you enjoyed it you should send them a text or something afterwards.


Also avoid overtexting, phone calls are more meaningful but don't be too intrusive with them. If you go overboard with them it'll create a boring atmosphere as this way you'll have more to talk about when you're actually doing stuff together. Just do light playful things

[Yuri-G]

@ bane, I think we are just very different people. if that's truly what you meant, and it wasn't personal, then I will concede that you are right - it did make me sound like a horrible person.


@link, thanks for sharing that story. I may be 32 but I'm only really beginning to date at this age - lots of reasons why, don't ask - and while it's exciting and exhilarating it's also mystifying and bewildering. I'm learning as I go along though. that's the biggest reason I'm dating guys I'm less interested in or intimidated by: I'm still getting my sea legs so to speak. besides, you never know who you'll end up falling for in time - one of the guys I'm seeing is not that cute, kinda heavy, and really nerdy, but he's growing on me nonetheless. being a tiger in the sack helps.


on the flip side, when I meet a guy where I'm the one who's more interested... well I can't really complain about karma, can I?


it's funny, I got told off today by one of the guys I've been talking to for being misleading... I was like, what do you want from me? I haven't lied, I haven't misled you, if you got the wrong idea that's on you. when you asked how I felt I was honest, when you asked what I wanted I told you. if you thought I was secretly wanting more, well, I can't be responsible for that.

[Yuri-G]

if anyone is interested, the guy I was talking about in this thread and I have our second date on Saturday. I wouldn't have gotten this far without you guys (and my other friends of course). I appreciate the advice and whether or not this one works out, I feel like I'm learning a lot about how to handle myself in the early stages of dating - a lesson that will serve me well for a lifetime.


thank you, BG <3

[vagus]

Gl. Post on how it goes.

[BaneTheBrawler]

yay!

[Cream Soda]

lol had a tinder match yesterday and got a message from someone wanting to meet with me. 12 miles out, okay that's not something I'm unused to biking. Get there, she half way opens the door, tells me "Sorry, but you're too short" and closes the door. Got back on to bike home and hit some trash in the bike lane and fell off my shit on the way home.



Yup, uninstalling tinder, lol. Fuck that shit

[Charismatic]

Damn lol
That's fucked. How short is your lil manlet self anyway?