With the release of the Final Fantasy XI collection, Square-Enix has taken a first step to a very lucrative direction. With the Tidal Talisman, Square has proven that people are willing to pay $50 for a $2 trinket that comes with an in-game item. But this is only the beginning! What other cheap, tacky items and other services can Square pump out to part its fan base from their money?

After a 20 hour fight with Pandemonium Warden, I am sure that people would have appreciated this officially licensed Empty Bottle.

Although they may be devising a method to shorten the battle in the next version update (most likely with a rage timer), there are still plenty of mobs with very long spawn windows where people would love to be able to use the bottle, and it could come with a code to redeem an in-game item to help them claim!

I am sure that there are several other related items that people would buy.

Tired of waiting for long periods for GMs? Sick of getting stuck for an hour or more? Then sign up for the Gold Star GM Service. With Gold Star GM Service, you get to jump to the front of the line to get a GM to take care of your problems first. Also, GM Concierge Service comes for free with you Gold Star membership. Concierge Service allows you to schedule event times with the GMs ahead of time so that you can clear out other people who may wish to pop the same NMs. It works with zones as well, such as Limbus and Dynamis! With Gold Star GM Service you never have to worry again about annoying wait times or being MPK'ed without reprisal ever again.

But sometimes these things happen. You're meriting in Bhaflau Thickets, when boom! Suddenly Vrtra pops right on top of you and wipes your party. Unfortunate "accidents" can strike at any time. But maybe we can help to prevent those accidents. With the new Platinum Protection Plan we can ensure that unpleasant situations like that don't befall you. But that's not all. Maybe there's a person you don't like, maybe he can have an "accident". Maybe that linkshell that always claims Fafnir might somehow aggro Tiamat from a few zones over. It's a mysterious world, sometimes mysterious things happen. With the Platinum Protection Plan you can be sure that those mysterious things only happen to other people.

And why not make real replicas of popular in-game items for people to buy? Popular weapons and armor such as Relic Weapons and Salvage Equipment would make excellent merchandising fodder. They can start off the collection with a replica Ridill, and slap in a companion in game item called a Puzill!

Give it a $200 price tag and you have an inexhaustible source of income until the servers shut down.

Stuff we did

Chlevnik

Wyrm

Dynamis

Einherjar

Odin

Lambton Worm

Ixion

Tiamat

ZNMs

Jailer of Prudence

Ouryu

Stuff we got

Congratulations to Aerides for White Tathlum and Duelist's Tabard.

Congratulations to Alleya for Hermes' Sandals.

Congratulations to Barada for Ixion Cloak and Avalon Shield. Congratulations to Toecutter for Hermes' Sandals.

Congratulations to Ceiyne for Hermes' Sandals, Zenith Pumps, and Aurum Sabatons.

Congratulations to Drewbixcube for Tomoe and Morgana's Choker.

Congratulations to Epical for Saotome Kabuto.

Congratulations to Fryte for Oily Trousers and Naglering.

Congratulations to Gizmosan for Antares Harness.

Congratulations to Kazen for Askar Korazin and Aurum Sabatons while he both delights and horrifies people in his outfit that can only be described as an atrocious sin against humanity.

Congratulations to Kiara for Hermes' Sandals.

Congratulations to Korea for Nashira Gages.

Congratulations to Kuno for Ixion Cloak.

Congratulations to Marius for Homam Manopolas.

Congratulations to Maxxan for Naglering.

Congratulations to Mongomong for Enkidu's Subligar.

Congratulations to Mukuu for Avalon Breastplate.

Congratulations to Nickolias for Shadow Coat, Zahak's Mail, Tomoe, and Summoner's Doublet.

Congratulations to Nikkei for Azoth, and Homam Corazza.

Congratulations to Ragnhild for Black Tathlum. Congratulations to Nizuka for Ixion Cloak.

Congratulations to Rocl for Fragarach, Ixion Cloak, and Homam Cosciales.

Congratulations to Ryphen for Zahak's Mail and Antares Harness.

Congratulations to Sendoh for Black Tathlum.

Congratulations to Septimus for Avocat Pigaches and Crimson Scale Mail. Congratulations to Atumre for Ixion Cloak and Enkidu's Mittens.

Congratulations to Shiznicle for Azoth and Denali Kecks.

Congratulations to Slone for Azoth.

Congratulations to Sonomaa for Ares's Flanchard. Congratulations to Denyala for Clerics Briault.

Congratulations to Tearshang for Ixion Cape, Nashira Turban, Hermes' Sandals, and Shadow Hat.

Congratulations to Tsukasaz for White Tathlum and Cletine.

Congratulations to Vishodhan for Zahak's Mail, Ixion Cloak, and Warrior's Cuisses.

Congratulations to Xavier for Azoth.

And whose brand-recognition generated enough positive sentiment to be August's Loot Whore of the Month?

GORION! Congratulations for Hermes' Sandals, Ixion Cape, Azoth, Oracle's Gloves, and Sorcerers Coat. And extra contratulations for attaining Maat's Cap!

Join us next month as I explore the most cynical possibilities possible from other mostly benign things.