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"Its been 30 hours, you need to leave"

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Okay, so continuation on the story from before.

It was June of 2018. The wife was doing alot better than she has been for the last two years. She's gaining weight, she has energy. I feel good. Everything was coming up Milhouse.

Since we were doing so good and happy, we decided to visit our local county fair. Its nothing special, your typical fair ground type stuff. Rides, food, weird shows, weird vendors, the norm. We had a great day. My only complaint about going every year is that I am an idiot and due to Cystic Fibrosis, I get heat stroke STUPID easily. This year I did my best by drinking l loads of water mixed with salt, Gatoraid, and I soaked my t-shirt and baseball hat in Ice Cold water any chance I got.

After about 8 or so hours in the blazing heat, approx +35 Degrees Celsius(Not sure what that is in American, but its hot.).

Anyways, sure enough, on the car ride back, started to feel sick. I had to pull over and vomit several times on the way home. I again, didn't think much of it. Just go home, lie down, drink lots of fluids for the next few days. I've done it, pretty much every year since I was 11.

Well, the vomiting only got worse, as did the pain. A few days now have gone by and the pain and vomiting are really bad. I can't eat anything larger than a tea spoon without a full body puke session. Again, I've had this before. This time, I thought it could be related to being massively constipated. Something, again, I've done before. The longest I've ever gone without taking a bowel movement was 19 days. Any longer and they would have done surgery on me. So again, not thinking too much of it. I double up on laxatives and rest. Pain gets worse.

We're about 7 days out from when we went to the local fair. Things have not gotten better, they've gotten much worse. In my stubborn stupidity I thought i'd give it a few more days to get better. Oh boy, was that a mistake.

I woke up on a Weds Morning. I believe it was July 4th at this point. I woke up in screaming pain. The best way to describe it was it felt like a strong man was gripping my balls as hard as he could and was trying to pull them off my body. Nonstop.

Now, usually when I have something severe happen, I call my Transplant Doctors. It helps me skips the horrible lines at the Emergency Rooms and get seen as soon as possible as it could be Transplant related. If its transplant related, it needs to be taken care of ASAP. So, I call my Transplant Team. Its a new Nurse. It turns out, my old nurse got transferred to another Province to run a new Transplant Program there. Good for her but crap for me. I inform this new nurse of the problem and tell her that I will most likely need a Catscan.

Look, I've been sick since the day I was born, I know my body and I know whats needed for my body. I was just trying to save everyone time.

My new Nurse, lets call her...Sharon. So I give Sharon a call and it goes like this. Its also 8am at this point

Ring ring, ring ring

Sharon > Hello?

Me > Hey, Sharon, its Randy, look, something is really wrong with me, I've been vomiting, I lost alot of weight, I feel a really bad lump in my lower stomach, and I have this horrible pain in the testicles. Is it possible to come in today and speak to you, my doctor, and possibly get a Catscan?

Sharon > No.

Me > Excuse me?

Sharon > Well, looking at your chart, you missed an appointment last month.

Me > Yeah, that was to be with my wife, she was in the hospital. I called ahead of that appointment and rescheduled.

Sharon > Still no. If you want to see us or have any testing done, you have to wait till your next appointment, which is on Aug 24th.

Me > So, you aren't going to do anything to help me? I'm telling you something is very very wrong. Its even affecting my breathing.

Sharon > You have to wait till your next appointment, its not my problem.

Me > Wow, sounds like I'd get better medical advice off the street. Thanks for nothing. *Click*

Now, I'm very angry. My old nurse would have said "Come on in, we'll set up everything you need" because she understood the seriousness of health issues with a transplant patient.

But the pain is still there and its getting worse. My Wife tells me to google the local wait times at our 3 remaining Emerg Rooms. What luck! One had 30 minutes. I drive there, the Emerg has damn near no one in it. Just one native woman demanding, very loudly, high dose pain killers. I try to be quit and just wait.

I'm finally seen to a room. They start me on an IV drip to get some fluids into me and ask my medical history. Now, heres where I made a mistake. I informed them that I take regular doses of Painkillers. Man, they did not like hearing that. All concern in their faces went right out the window. I was no longer a patient, I was a drug seeker. Even though I never once asked for pain killers. I kept asking for a cat scan of my lower stomach.

After about 5 hours of waiting. No painkillers, no nurses, nothing. a female Doctor comes in, kept asking the same 3 questions with unbelievable attitude but in different ways, basically trying to get me to admit I was looking for a high, and demands to looking at my testicles(since that was were I was having the bad pain, it felt like I was having my balls twisted and pulled off. It turned out to be something called "Referred Pain due to a 9cmx5cm tumor in my lower stomach area). I'm barely able to stand at this point but I somehow managed to. I drop my pants, she gets a hand full of balls, says the typical "Cough" line, and leaves my room.

I truthfully can't remember what happens after that. The pain was so awful that its honestly a horrible blur of screaming. The next thing I remember was a male doctor coming into my room about 6ish or so hours later. He asks the same questions but only nicer. He says something along the lines of "Jesus christ, why hasn't anyone given you pain killers!?" and he got me some right away. After they he had scheduled a Ultra sound of my balls. Since I was having pain there, everyone was thinking that I had twisted a testicle. I tried telling them that I had twisted a testicle in the past, I know that kind of pain. This was not that kind of pain but no one really listened to me.

It was about 10pmish at this point. My wife went home, I'm all alone at the hospital. I get sent to have a random Ultra sound tech pour very cold ultra sound lube stuff all over my balls. She does her scan, sees nothing, sends me back to my room. Its about 1030pm. The same nice man doctor comes in, informs me they found nothing wrong my twig and berries but they'll send me for a CT to confirm, just to be save.

11pm, I have a 20~ min CT.
1230am, I have another CT.
2am, another CT.
about3am, a final CT.

I'm back in a room, in emerg. I'm on enough painkillers that I'm able to fall asleep.

430am, I'm awoken to a "Doctor", jabbing my shoulder.

"Randy, wake up. Your Catscan showed you have tumors in your abdomen, you most likely have tumors in your lungs" and just fucking leaves my room. He never introduces himself, never apologizes for waking me. just fucking "you have tumors in your abdomen, you most likely have tumors in your lungs" and fucking leaves. Believe me, I might not remember everything 100% but that, that, I fucking remember clear as day and will never forget til the day I fucking die.

So, its about 5am now, I call myself to tell her that I'm basically dead. Tumors in transplanted lungs? Suicide is easier. She's freaking out, she doesn't know what to do, who to call, or even what to say. I am just an ungodly mess at this point. Painkillers are no longer working, I'm having panic attacks, and honesty, I contemplated leaving and killing myself(Which, fun fact, will be a recurring theme by the end of this story).

The day goes on, I try to drown out the thoughts by watching movies, tv shows, and various youtube things. Its really not working, at all. The wife visits, my best friend was unable to visit but knew I couldn't be left alone so he messaged two other friends to come visit me and try to calm me down. By now, its about 4pm. I'm finally calm, the pain has subsided a bit, I was starting to get into a better mental space. My two friends, Scott and Bobert, and my wife, Sam, did such an amazing job at getting me out of that darkness....

In walks Dr. Lee.

"Hi, Randy, I'm Dr. Lee, I'm here to talk to you about your Catscan results."
"Yes, I know, another Doctor told me that I have tumors in my abdomen and most likely my lungs"
"While it is true you have tumors in your abdomen, we have zero reason to believe you would have any in your lungs."
"Oh...that's good news then"
"Not exactly. We aren't certain yet as this will require a biopsy, but I believe you have cancer, Lymphoma to be specific"
"You see, the Catscans showed that your entire abdomen is filled with small tumors, aswell as a large one. I think your testicular pain is referred pain from those tumors pressing against you."

He went on about how he thinks that this Lymphoma is caused by my transplant. Post Transplant Lymphoma, is what I think he called it. Dr. Lee was amazingly kind and understanding about everything. After he informs me, my wife, my two friends, and my older brother(Who was only there to prove that I was in Emerg to my mother) that the survival rate is about 80% for Lymphoma. He's very hopeful. He orders me painkillers ontap, basically, and says

"This is very hard news to handle. Feel free to spend the night here"

I, of course, responded with "Yeah, I'm fucking spending the night" and let out an awkward laugh.

He leaves and silence fills my room. This is another thing that I can't account for, but I have no idea how much time passed during this silence. I think the entire room was just trying to process the information. While yes, its not tumors in the lungs. Cancer is never a great outcome. During that silence, I didn't have a single thought in my head. I was hollow, empty. The lights were on but no one was home, ya know. Nothing clicked till I heard my wife start to cry. Once she started to cry, my mind shot right back into my body and I started to cry, my friends started to cry, too. The only one who didn't cry was my older brother.

My friend Bobert was the first to really speak after Dr. Lee left. He went on about how Cancer isn't a death sentence and that he'll be there to support me no matter what. My friend Scott chimes in saying the same thing. They both tell me how strong I am and that I'm unkillable. The silence turns into some awkward laughter, which, honestly, really helped.

After sometime, everyone is ready to go home. It's been a horribly emotional and awful day. It's my wife's birthday tomorrow, she has plans to go to a music festival thing with her friends. She wanted to cancel to be with me, I demanded she go, if just for the distraction. I had made plans that Bobert would pick me up from the Hospital at around Noon. I'd go home and relax.

Like everything with that day. It did not go as planned. See... it was roughly 12:30am, all visitors have left well before this point. I had taken some sleeping pills, painkillers, and was ready for bed. The only minor issue I had was that I had a slight headache. Not wanting to wait on nursing staff for 40 minutes by pushing the call buttons, I had just went up to the front desk and asked for an Ice Pack. A small, simple ice pack.

"Can I help you"
"Yeah, I was just looking to get an Ice Pack for this headache I have"
"Why are you still here"
"Excuse me?"
"You've been here for 30 hours, you need to leave"
"Excuse me?"
"You've been here for 30 hours. You have to leave"
"What? I was just diagnosed with Cancer"
"Not our problem. You need to leave"
"Are....are you serious? I was told I could spend the night so I don't go home and kill myself"
"It doesn't matter, you've been tested and seen by Doctors. You're done here"

At this point, I sort of started to raise my voice. I was SLIGHTLY upset by this. This "Doctor" keeps telling me that patients need the room and I'm being an asshole. I'd have believed that except that this whole time, the Emerg was basically empty. I had gone to a Emerg that was extremely out of the way for most people. So, his "Line" about needing my room was bullshit. We ended up arguing for about 20 minutes. During this time, some Nurse who I had never seen or spoken to, runs over like a 10 year old running to mommy and daddy to tattle tale on big bro.

"Oh Dr[something], I watched him all day. All he did was get high on painkillers and lie in bed"


After more arguing and several threats from me involving News crews, he says

"Fine, you can spend the night in the Emerg, however, you have to sit in the waiting room, where security will watch you til 730(am) after which time you'll be escorted off the premises"

I respond basically asking how he could even think that was a compromise and I think I might have sworn a few times in there. Not 100% sure on that, I was seething with rage. He goes on to tell me how grateful I should be that he even was allowing that. I, in a few choice words, tell him "no", and politely decline. I pack my things, rip out my IV, and leave the hospital.

I spent 2 hours walking home, at 1:30 in the morning, after a Cancer diagnoses, and it took everything I have, had, or will ever have, to not step out into highway traffic, killing myself.

Til next time~


  1. Madeline -
    Madeline's Avatar
    Hospitals are hot garbage now. My experience with doctors and nurses locally are very similar to yours. If you so much as MENTION pain, you're just another fucker wanting an opioid. My grandmother went in for knee replacement and they damn near instantly cut her off of painkillers once she discharged. She got 2 weeks worth I think. She's had nothing but complications with it and she's not the type to go to the pain clinics they now refer you to by default for long term chronic pain. If you've ever been to one of those places..opioid addicts are the only people there really. Unfortunate situations all around in healthcare.
  2. Kalmado -
    Kalmado's Avatar
    My wife works as a CNA at our local hospital. She's on the seventh floor where besides normal people go, addicts who are withdrawing get put there. She works 3rd shift so she has seen a lot. It's no secret a lot of addicts do go to the ER to get put in a room and get their high. She has seen people fake seizures, act like they can't breathe, say they can't feel limbs because of the pain, etc etc all lies. However, there are definitely people like yourself. What is sad is she could probably point to a few of her coworkers and say they would've treated you the same. Actual Registered Nurses and Doctors on the other hand are a different story. Liability is a huge fear and lawsuits for malpractice are a very common thing. More than once my wife has been interviewed about how a patient was treated because they made threatening comments.

    Now, should go without saying I'm not thinking your med staff was trash. I'm sure it was! Six years ago my wife had a kidney infection and was sort of treated similar in the beginning by doctors. Very careless. Never introduced themselves. Just, cold sort of. I'm borderline shocked they would tell you that you literally cannot stay there. I'm sure if you were in a better state of mind you would have went back with a news crew!

    My own experience with meds wasn't painkillers, although in the same realm, I think. I have acute anxiety and when I was trying my best to stick to my prescriptions things weren't working so well. This was in 2015. I went to a new doc because we lived in a different area and he asked what do I do when I have an anxiety attack? Huh, nothing? Suffer? He prescribed me a low dose of Xanax. GAME CHANGER. Now I didn't have to wonder if I was going to eventually have a heart attack while having an anxiety attack. A year goes by and we move back home. I have an annual visit and it's a new doc because our health system changed. We talk about the SSRI and I say, oh yeah, I only have one Xanax left. I need to get a new prescription. Yeah, took over a year to go thru 9 Xanax (script was only for 10). Immediate no from new doc. Nothing to even discuss. Too much risk of me becoming an addict.

    I too am not a fan of healthcare or dental for that matter. It just always seems like a hassle or those in the profession aren't truly trying to help.
  3. Myrrh_Quetz -
    Myrrh_Quetz's Avatar
    Here’s the problem with getting the News. If I were to do that, no medical professional would ever touch me. I’d become “that news guy”. I’m currently trying to contact the news anonymously but I think they care as much without a face to put to such treatment.

    This post is just the start of the horrible mistreatement I’ve gotten ever since I was diagnosed with Cancer. It doesn’t get worse, but it doesn’t get better.

    I will say, the good thing about Canadian health care is that I haven’t had to pay a single cent for anything cancer related. Which, knowing how screwed id be if I lived in the states is very nice.
  4. Kalmado -
    Kalmado's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Myrrh_Quetz
    Here’s the problem with getting the News. If I were to do that, no medical professional would ever touch me. I’d become “that news guy”. I’m currently trying to contact the news anonymously but I think they care as much without a face to put to such treatment.

    This post is just the start of the horrible mistreatement I’ve gotten ever since I was diagnosed with Cancer. It doesn’t get worse, but it doesn’t get better.

    I will say, the good thing about Canadian health care is that I haven’t had to pay a single cent for anything cancer related. Which, knowing how screwed id be if I lived in the states is very nice.
    That is the sad part of it all. You get treated like shit, but you don't have that added stress of money, sort of. My wife says there are always periodic meetings about liability, things said among staff, etc because of how sue happy everyone is. When she is a full fledged RN I will more than likely buy some type of additional liability insurance whether it's malpractice or just on the personal side of things.

    I'm happy for your that you're doing this. I'd imagine it has to be therapeutic in a way.