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Hey guys, it's me, Joe Flacco. I'm the best QB in the NFL and I'm here to take you on a tour of the Top 10 Quarterbacks around the league.
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Oh boy, are we talking Top 10 QBs!?
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Now I don't believe in fancy schmancy stats to back up play. I believe in winning, looking like a deer in the headlights, and having one or two good drives per game. If you want to know third down conversion rates, passer rating out of the pocket, or any other mumbo jumbo like that, you'll have to talk to Aaron Rodgers' PR Manager archibaldcrane.
But without further ado, here are THE TOP TEN QBS IN THE NFL
Writer's Note: These rankings are based with a heavy weight on the 2011 and 2012 seasons, but include some consideration as to the overall career of the players.
10. Matt Schaub, Houston Texans
8th NFL Season W-L Record: 37-35
Lowest percentage of ears in the NFL
Spoiler: show
9. Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons
5th NFL Season W-L Record: 49-22
Fucking Useless in January
Youngest QB in the NFL at the age of 12
Spoiler: show
8. Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears
6th NFL Season W-L Record: 46-39
Suffers from severe tobacco addiction and glucose deficiency
Spoiler: show
7. Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers
8th NFL Season W-L Record: 92-40
Can only rape his lawfully wedded wife now
Spoiler: show
6. Eli Manning, New York Giants
8th NFL Season W-L Record: 81-55
Full Name is Irrefutably A Female's
Most Likely QB To Undergo Plastic Surgery Later In Life
Spoiler: show
5. Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints
10th NFL Season W-L Record: 98-69
#1 in the League in Obliviousness Regarding Misbehavior
The Opposite of "Carried By The Defense"
Spoiler: show
4. Peyton Manning, Denver Broncos
14th NFL Season W-L Record: 153-80
Loves horses and horse-related teams
#1 in the League at SNL Performances
Spoiler: show
3. Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers
4th NFL Season W-L: 48-26
Ask archibaldcrane about anything from his passer rating to his cock girth
Spoiler: show
2. Tom Brady, New England Patriots
11th NFL Season W-L Record: 143-44
Highest win percentage in the NFL
Hottest chick to play pro football
Spoiler: show
1. Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens
5th NFL Season W-L Record: 54-25
Most wins by a QB in first 4 Seasons
Playoff win every year in the NFL
Spoiler: show
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Okay, folks, I've got to get back to not changing my newborn baby's diapers and explaining to the media why every position player on my team is the best in the league. If your quarterback didn't make the list, please field complaints to the offices of Adam Schefter by sending Cail a private message. Ta-ta!
WEEK 7, BREGOR SYLE, just kidding who gives a fuck about vegas
0-0 0-0 ATS 1-0 NFL THREADS
Seattle at San Francisco
Tennessee at Buffalo
Dallas at Carolina
Baltimore at Houston
Cleveland at Indianapolis
Arizona at Minnesota
Washington at New York Giants
Green Bay at St. Louis
New Orleans at Tampa Bay
New York Jets at New England
Jacksonville at Oakland
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
Detroit at Chicago
Spoiler: show