merry xmas spam

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

Spoiler: show

[Brill Weave]

You mother fucker.

[Churchill]

yipee!!!!

[Rhyis.]

Welp, you mofos have ruined Christmas. Xmas is off this year!

[Mizango]

Yall niggas, rofl.

[Brill Weave]

[Rhyis.]

Now we're talking.

[Brill Weave]

Only Santa gif I have. All the other gifs I have are all children getting hurt.

[Kiarax]

this threa is shit

[Brill Weave]

[Mizango]

this threa is shit

lol, indeed.

[Brill Weave]

I refuse to post a poop gif. Even I have standards lol

[Milkster]

What a classy lady you are. I'm sure your husband must enjoy your weekly (spontaneous) Freaky Friday sessions, which begin promptly at 7p.m.
How does it feel get wild and do it missionary, without the towel underneath you two?

[Mizango]

What a classy lady you are. I'm sure your husband must enjoy your weekly (spontaneous) Freaky Friday sessions, which begin promptly at 7p.m.
How does it feel get wild and do it missionary, without the towel underneath you two?

I knew a girl like that once. Needless to say that was a brief episode.

[Rhyis.]

I think we've all been there.

[Brill Weave]

I think we've all been there.

Everyone had a chick like that at least once. Mine was a legit Catholic schoolgirl lol. But then I also hit a chick with a phonebook during sex so w/e.

[Rhyis.]

That's fucking legit lol

[Brill Weave]

I think I posted that story on here ages ago. I was nowhere near as laid back as I am now back then.

[Brill Weave]

Found the thread. Have 3 stories on there on pages 3 & 4. All are fairly entertaining. The last one sucked from a personal stand point.

http://www.bluegartr.com/threads/588...8NSFW%29/page4

[Milkster]

Ok now for the last story. Which isn't so much embarassing as it is an exercise in my own personal shame. We've all had the rebound girl. This is that story. I had just broken up with my girlfriend Mary(not the one with the broken arm, a different one) and I was looking for some ass. So I called up this girl Heather who I always kind of fucked around with but never actually DID anything with. She wasn't exactly anything to write home about. Snaggletooth and not real pretty, but a decent useable body.

So I give her a buzz and ask if she wants to come over and watch a movie. Of course the answer is yes, so I immiediately begin my meticulous planning. Grab two champagne glasses and a bottle with a bucket of ice, and I wait for my booty call to arrive.

Heather shows up and we start watching a movie for about twenty minutes before we start making out pretty heavily. So I'm taking her pants off as she's going down on me and I'm just thinking, alright not a bad day. Take the panties off as she's mumbling fuck me in my ear. But of course you know the routine. Before you dive in you test the waters. So I test the waters. And my hand comes back smelling like something died on it.

My brain starts racing. Had I finally met my match? Did I finally run into the dreaded stinky pussy? Yes, I had. But I'm a trooper. So I continue on and try to push my way through it.

I'm laying on my back as she's going down on me. And all my mind is thinking about is the stench coming from my hand. I'm literally on one side of the bed with my arm stretched out on the other side.

Whole time I'm trying to devise ways to avoid it. Do I put my arm under a pillow? No, because then my pillow will smell like a dead rodent. Do I lay on top of it? No, because I will smell like a dead rodent. So the whole time she's doing her thing, I'm slowly losing my hard on. And then finally I pull out a classic.

She looks up and asks if I'm ok. I respond with the following.

"I'm sorry, I'm not ready yet. It's not you, it's me."

And I promptly tell her to get dressed and basically kick her out. Story over? No, not quite.

I go downstairs into my basement and I get that heavy duty industrial soap out. You know the kind that smells overwhelmingly of oranges and has the little chunks of grit in it? I douse my hand in it and scrub the living fuck out of it.

It doesn't work. Nothing works. My hand smelled for four days afterwards. The really sad thing is that I still kept stringing her along for another year in the hopes the stinky pussy went away. But everytime we started going at it, I broke it off because I was afraid of the smelly puss.

All right. I have a couple stories, but this one, I'm told, is the best one. This happened right after I had graduated high school. I started dating this girl who was one of the real prim and proper girls all through out high school. I had been spinning at raves for awhile and she wanted to go. So I took her to a couple of raves and she was shocked seeing all the stuff that happens there.

So she finally works up the courage to try x. No big deal, I snag her a couple and she rolls with them for awhile. By that time we had been seeing each other probably about three months and she was really docile in bed. Not that she wasn't good or anything, just not real adventurous.

At one rave we were both tripping balls and were still rolling when we made it back to my apartment. So we start going at it and she just comes out and says the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my life.

"I want you to hit me with a phonebook."

So of course I'm kind of like what do you mean. And she just repeats it.

"I want you to hit me with a phonebook."

So I run out into the living room and grab the Donnelly Directory and run back into the bedroom. I start getting her doggystyle and by that point she's actually yelling for me to hit her.

Down comes the phonebook on the small of her back. And again. And again. At this point she's going fucking crazy and all I can think about is the massive hollow sounding thud that comes out everytime I hit her.

This goes on for about ten minutes before I start coming back down. At that point I had the most disturbing moment of clarity and looked down. I was like what the fuck am I doing? All the while I'm still hitting her. I finish up and promptly leave my own apartment because I'm so freaked out over it.

The relationship ended because she wanted to keep doing things like that and then move into erotic asphxyiation. Which I'm not really up for. I have a few more stories if you really want to hear them.

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