So I work in retail, specifically the grocery section (college jobs suck, I know). We're a tight knit group, and we occasionally pull pranks/goof around. Even our lead manager will contribute in a few shenanigans.
Today we found a 4feet rag doll in one of the aisles. One of my co-workers brought it to the backroom and started randomly placing her in different areas/positions - my personal favorite was on top of a beer pallet with her legs spread open and with a sign saying "had one too many". Anywho, my co-worker Al asked me, "isn't your girlfriend like 5feet?" when I responded yes, they immediately proclaimed that this rag bitch was my new hussie. I laughed it off and went back to work. About an hour later I hear over the intercom, "Tano report to the backroom," so I did. As soon as I entered, I saw my newfounded girlfriend hanging off one of the steels with lipstick smothered all over her face. Her left arm was severed (most likely from a box cutter), and shoved in her mouth. When I approached closer, I heard from a distance, "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!", and then a sharp pain on the back of my skull.
They threw a cardboard shuriken at me.
the end