I'm not really sure how to work or format this thought, I'm not really good at writing, so bare with me, it might be a lengthy post.
Growing up, I've always had a pretty bad relationship with my father. I always felt that I wasn't "boyish" enough for him. I didn't play sports, never was phsyical or got into fights, never had a gf or anything, which is his idea of a boy. So from a very young age, I always felt like he was very disapporiving of me.
I was raised UPC Pentacostal, which to those of you who dont know all the denomanations of christianity, is the tongue talking, running the isle, woman dont cut hair or wear pants, no make up or "worldly music" kinda people.
About two years ago, church started becoming less important to me in life. I started casually going to bars with friends, went to clubs all that kinda deal. About a year later I moved out and a month later came out to my parents.
After a huge fight with my mother and father, mainly my father, I havent had much communication with them. This fight was pretty intense, after being told I was "going to hell, and dragging people there with me" and being called a "fucking faggot" it got physical which ended up with me leaving and my dad on the floor.
About two months ago, I got a DUI and all hell broke out. After lawyer fees and everything started to add up, I couldn't afford my housing anymore and my mother asked me to move back in. Now, my mother has always been really accepting of me, and I kept contact with her pretty much the whole time, so I'm absolutely ok with her.
Ofcourse, the housing situation is terrible, as I can only drive to work and back, so I have been around the family a lot, and had many many many discussions on my decision to live a "homosexual lifestyle" and about me "leaving the truth"
All of this has been very hard for me, because I know that me coming out, meant that I would pretty much never have a "normal" family life again. My parents dont want me to spend holidays with them (parents meaning my father) and pretty much him saying that once I move out again, dont expect to keep talking.
I have all these ideas in my head about how family is so important and that has really been stuck in me, much to my dismay. Realizing that in a few years, I wont really have the normal family to spend holidays with etc, it really gets me down because I feel so outcast. Most of my extended family is pretty close with one another so it seems so normal to have that to me.
So my questions come down to this, all of you who have minimal contact with your parents or family, does it ever bother you? Is it something that you have learned to cope with, or is it always kinda in the back of your mind? How do you think it affected your relationship with your children? Any other thoughts that you have to add?
sorry for how long this is, it's half to get some feedback, half just to get it out of my head, even if it is to a forum.