Brill Weave Versus the Wild Mustang

[Brill Weave]

Gather around my friends. The time has come once again to regale you with tales of yore involving your intrepid host. Recently I recited a most horrific tale concerning one Gentle Ben. Thankfully this adventure concerns him not at all.

You see, this would be a tale of discovery. But what type of discovery you ask? This, adventure nay saga, would be a clear example of Mother Nature's wonderous creatures of old.

This is the tale of the majestic wild mustang.

But before I get ahead of myself, a little backstory. You see I have toiled away all year with my stalwart collegues for the rare times that I may gain a temporary respite in the form of my one of my yearly vacations. Where did I go you ask? The Himalayas with my trusty sherpa guide, Sherpa? The majestic fields of Missouri to visit a long lost friend? Nothing so mundane. This would be my first trip to the Outer Banks.

As chance would befall us, my beloved wife Katy has a bastard half brother. This man is quite possibly the most irritating individual put here on God's green Earth. But a chance to stay in his girlfriend's beach house was too good to pass up.

Our trip down was uneventful. Our friends Dan and Kimberlee toting along their demon seed Annabelle in a rickety Volkswagon Passat, we made our way south. Stopping at every rest stop along the way. Was it because of the baby? Nay friends, it is because yours truly has a bladder the size of a thimble. Arriving in Newport News Virginia late in the evening we were greeted by an amazing menagerie of mother nature's creations.

You see Cindy, Irritating Greg's girlfriend, is part of a wildlife rescue league. All manner of creatures scurried about, rolling in their own fecal matter. Fauns, baby possums, several raccoons, baby squirrels(which are hideous little things), and even a one legged hawk. It was simply amazing that a woman this selfless could fall for a dolt of such monolithic proportions.

Irritating Gregory has a bad habit of being the one upper. Every story you recite, this man has something more insane and outlandish. Now my friends I realize that some of my stories may seem off kilter but Irritating Gregory takes things to a whole new level.

And that is why the choice was made that I would be riding with him in his Jeep to the beach. Anger assailed me. Had Gentle Ben set this up? Would he find my laptop I had securely hidden away from his perverted fingertips?

A three hour trip stetched to four hours, then five, then six as I contemplated throwing myself out of the Jeep which Irritating Greg had removed the doors from. Before I go further I must make clear to you, I am exceptionally pale. Years of competitive gaming and an overall fear of sunlight have given my skin a healthy white sheen that could only compare to Mizango's.

So with the doors removed from the Jeep within moments I was already turning pink. As Irritating Greg tried to impart useless knowledge to me I befuddled him with my disturbing knowledge regarding World War II. Silence reigned at last as we finally reached the end of the paved road. The rest of this trek would be made only in 4WD vehicles.

I won't lie friends. Driving on the beach was amazing fun though very slow going. Luckily we had made it before the tide came in. So we were able to ride down near the water on firmer sand. Watching children scatter like mexicans at an INS raid, we flew through the sand finally reaching our temporary palace.

It was a modest house compared to the palatial estates we had passed, but very nice overall. Irritating Greg and I immediately went about getting the quads out of the storage shed. I had been chomping at the bit to hop on one despite my penchant for severe injury on all vacations. Helmets? Ha, for swine and cowards maybe. I am neither.

So began my catastrophe of errors.

We rose early in the morning and to my amazement in the small watering hole outside our home, seven wild mustang grazed with nary a care in the world. Two small foals prancing about to the ooh's and aah's of the vagina toting members of our party. They barely looked up as a Jeep went careening past them, only one gazing at the driver with disdain. This would not be the last time I saw this look from this particular equine bastard.

Several days passed, thankfully Irritating Greg and Cindy departed for their home in Virginia whilst Dan and Kimberlee drove further south for a family getaway of their own. Noone left but I and my beloved wife. After an evening of passion filled slap and tickle, we decided to take a night ride on the quads. The beginning of a horrifying encounter.

We rode for close to an hour, passing many of the monstrous manors that decorated the beach. My friends why does a man need a tv large enough to see from the beach? Let alone large enough for me to make out Law and Order being played upon it? But I digress.

On and on we rode, bypassing the larger puddles of water, heading further away from the beach. Soon the lights were far behind us, the dim glow of the quads all the illumination that could be seen. My beloved signaled for me to stop. As she pulled up next to me we gazed at the stars on this amazingly clear night. Truly the perfect getaway.

That's when I heard him. A snort of derision announced his evil presence as we turned to our right. There before us was the same black horse we had seen earlier plotting the deaths of all enclosed in the passing Jeep. How bold this monster was. Only ten feet away from us, I recalled my polo instructions and told my wife to show no fear. Our role was to establish dominance over this Elmer's reject.

Not so. A hoof stomped the ground, pawing at us. A display of friendship? Could this horse have transcended equine intelligence and learned to communicate with it's human overlords? No. Not even close. As he charged, we moved as if sharing a mind, dropping the quads into gear. I had foolishly chosen the slower of the two vehicles, now regretting that decision immensely as I watched my "beloved" wife speed away.

I had the moves of Iceman and Slider, twisting my tiny F-14 away from this oncoming MIG. But there would be no Maverick and Goose coming to rescue. I had nobody to rely on but myself. Chancing a glance back, sure enough, he was right behind me. A horse galloping with a rider is a beautiful thing. A horse galloping in anger is a downright chilling experience.

Twisting and turning through the darkened paths, I finally lost him. I reached the house a few minutes later, my "beloved" wife already inside having a glass of wine.

The night passed into day as we rose from our slumber. Our last day of vacation. I decided to take one last ride before putting the quads away before our departure. Learning my lesson from the prior night, I chose the faster of the two and pulled out onto the sand. It was warm, but not so warm to be uncomfortable. The wind whipping through my hair, I joyously bounded over the dunes.

As I sped along, I noticed movement in the bushes. No doubt the wind, I sped along. As I reached the shrubbery, out burst the black horse as he forever burned himself into my memory. Surely this could not be the same animal as last night I wondered aloud. My hopes were dashed as he proceeded to collide full force into the side of the quad, knocking me through the air. And square into a patch of poison ivy. Poison ivy...at the beach.....Real fear gripped me. I truly thought my ride had finished and I would shortly be joining my ancestors at the campfire. This bastard horse proceeded to ignore me completely and focus his white hot burning rage upon the poor defenseless quad. Up and down his hooves came. Smashing the enforced plastic molding into a million pieces. Moving around to the front of the quad, the horse lined up and unleashed a devasting double back kick upon the grill.

Watching in horrifying rapture I sat. Waiting for my chance to even the odds with a well placed blow to the solar plexus. That chance would not come. As suddenly as the vicious attack began, it ended. The horse trotting back to it's den of evil obviously attempting to lure me into a false sense of security. Putting self preservation over thoughts of bravado I raced to the quad and was amazed to see it still ran. Albeit painfully. It sputtered and groaned, it shimmied and shook as I made my way home. The rest of the day passed without incident as I kept a watchful eye on the brush surrounding the house.

My nights are haunted by this demon steed. The sound of hooves stomping waking me at every turn. Or it could be the massive amount of poison ivy that I have on my legs and ankles. The lesson my friends? All horses should be avoided at all cost. For they are tempestuous bitches of Mother Nature put on Earth to exact revenge upon mankind for his replacement by machines.



Long story short this horse was fucking crazy and had no fear of man or vehicle. My entire right side is a giant bruise from how hard I got tossed off this fucking quad and I am now covered in poison ivy. Who the fuck gets poison ivy at the beach. THE FUCKING BEACH. IT'S A BEACH!!!

[Abandon]

YAY

[Punices9]

10/10

Would read again.

Fuck that horse.

[Brill Weave]

Honestly I'm moderately amused by the horse. I'm NOT amused at the fact I'm now bruised and even less amused by the fact that I now have a fuckload of poison ivy on me.

[Militant]

Another riveting tale.

[Ksandra]

A horse near a beach. Trying to kill all humans. The dolphins have made contact.

Also, 10/10

[Zhais]

Years of competitive gaming and an overall fear of sunlight have given my skin a healthy white sheen that could only compare to Mizango's.

yahahaha

[Max™]

Half expected to get fresh prince'D, happy I read on anyways.

GIDDY-YAP!

[Plow]

Just for future knowledge, your first move should have been to jump in the water and wash off the poison ivy oil.

Or, at the very least, gotten in the shower ASAP when you got back. If you're lucky you can prevent much of a rash as long as you wash it off within 30 mins or so.

[Max™]

If there is no water handy, find a stiff breeze, and piss into it.

[Qalbert]

Introduce Gentle Ben to Wild Mustang.

[Zhais]

tags are win btw

[Abandon]

The Mizango reference absolutely killed me.

[Serif]

Also, next time you encounter such a crazy horse. Head for unstable ground, they no likey.

[Rakiel]

10/10

Would read again.

Agreed...always loved Uncle Weave's thrilling tales!

[Mizango]

The Mizango reference absolutely killed me.

HAHAHA, as soon as I saw that on my FB wall I had to come read it.

Weave ilu 10 out of 10 times.

[Fievel]

For they are tempestuous bitches of Mother Nature put on Earth to exact revenge upon mankind for his replacement by machines.

^ fucking LOL

10/10 would read again, amazing story hahaha

[Silenka]

A horse near a beach. Trying to kill all humans. The dolphins have made contact.

Also, 10/10

My thoughts exactly.

[Zilong]

This would not have happened if you had a gun

[Max™]

That's what you get for riding an ATV in a warzone?