Escalating terrible birthday gifts to a friend

[Tyche]

So my best friend and I have been exchanging bad birthday gifts for a few years now. It all started with her getting me a cake that said "fuck you, go cats", a reference to Kentucky Wildcats, a team I hate. I flower that up with getting her a gallon of milk and some ice cream (she's lactose intolerant). It continued to progress, and last year I got her a life sized Joe Biden cutout. Then, I brought it to her place of employment (a hospital) at the start of her shift, so she had to keep that thing around all day. Last month, she had me a pillow made...



So, I have 1 month to retaliate. I've been racking my brain. Initial idea was a billboard. Then I thought about trying to run a Facebook ad that somehow targets our social circle, but I don't know how to do that. Any other ideas?

[Anoat]

You could buy her a Cameo video from a celebrity she hates and tell them she is their biggest fan

Or

Buy a Cameo video from a celebrity she loves and have them say mean and hurtful things to/about her

[Melena]

I'd second the cameo route. I've seen some wrestler ones, especially Mick Foley and Big E and they give you their money's worth

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[Emphasis]

Another gift option is you could also purchase a watch from a company that does engravings, and put something clever; like this Timex: https://www.timex.com/waterbury-40/T...atches#start=1.

If you ever want to up the spending ante, there's the option of engraving the movement of a nice mechanical watch, such as this: https://www.stowa.de/en/Antea+Klassik+365.htm

[Xno Kappa]

Get her a bread maker.

[Xno Kappa]

It has three speeds.

[Emphasis]

You could tell her when she dies, you hope her s**t gets sorted out, and then give her this book; https://www.amazon.com/Sorry-Your-Lo.../dp/1072908786.

It would be meaning well for her in an unconventional way. That book should be useful for pretty much anyone.

[6souls]

How about a 55 gallon drum of lube?

https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes...dp/B005MR3IVO/

[mallister]

Get her the Eren Yaeger towel rack.

[Salodin]

How about a 55 gallon drum of lube?

https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes...dp/B005MR3IVO/

If this wasn't $2000 I'd say do this

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[6souls]

If this wasn't $2000 I'd say do this

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I only suggested it because he was considering renting a billboard.

[kuronosan]

Get her a framed picture of Casey White with a written inscription on the back and a link to a RickRoll.

[Daydreamer]

If this wasn't $2000 I'd say do this

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Hell I'd donate to this on the condition there is a reaction video.

[Byrd]

If this wasn't $2000 I'd say do this

I'll chip in $20. Also, the Amazon Customer Q&A / Customer Reviews on the 55 gallon drum of lube are worth a read. There's even a video on how to tap it properly.

Alternative idea: Does Planned Parenthood do gift certificates? Maybe throw in a home made "Buy 4 Abortions, get 1 Free" punch card. Have a hole punch made in the shape of a coat hanger and punch out the first four.

[Salodin]

I'll chip in $20. Also, the Amazon Customer Q&A / Customer Reviews on the 55 gallon drum of lube are worth a read. There's even a video on how to tap it properly.

Alternative idea: Does Planned Parenthood do gift certificates? Maybe throw in a home made "Buy 4 Abortions, get 1 Free" punch card. Have a hole punch made in the shape of a coat hanger and punch out the first four.

Oh! Oh!

Throw a baby shower for her birthday!

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[arus2001]

I mean, if you're going the lube route, just get the most hideous Bad Dragon dildo or something.

[Qalbert]

moby huge (nsfw)

[Salodin]

I mean, if you're going the lube route, just get the most hideous Bad Dragon dildo or something.

IDC how cool a wife is, she's not cool with you giving sex toys to a girl friend

55 gallons of lube is cool tho

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[mallister]

no takers for the towel rack?

https://weareanimecollectors.com/col...-banana-studio