THE NOOBS' GUIDE TO BG
Introduction to the Introduction: Welcome, dear reader, to the Noobs’ Guide to BG. This guide, while by no means comprehensive, will, when followed, greatly aid the noob (as you are so categorized) in tasks including, but not limited to: acting like you know, not being new, probably not getting banned (unlikely), knowing how to shot, completing your CPM (Certified Public Mathologist), and generally being a better poster, where the subjective ‘better’ depends upon your ability to implement the above.
Introduction, Previously Introduced: How, you no doubt wonder, can a guide help me to Act Like I Know? The simple answer is this: fear. The more complicated answer, or rather, the one with more words, is the fear that deviating from the guidelines listed below will result in unspeakable horror, the depths of which no one can speak of, which makes sense considering they’re unspeakable, the horror of which being so horrible that the depths don’t seem quite so bad in comparison. We recommend that while reading this guide the reader keeps in mind ‘unspeakable horror’, that this flavor-text might be digested with its full, intended impact, which, as mentioned, is the whole ‘fear and unspeakable horror’ thing.
Conclusion to the Introduction: We are sure the reader has tired of ambling through this preamble, and thus would wish to commence with the revelation of guidelines that will enable him, or her, or what have you, to Act Like He or Her or What Have You Knows, and thus we will conclude our introduction, with the hopes that it has introduced, as is its purpose, the following Noobs’ Guide to BG.
Addendum to the Introduction: The following guidelines are presented in order of occurrence, i.e., in the order in which they occurred to us, and are not listed in order of emphasis; thus, when reading, do not assume that the first guideline takes precedence over the second. In addition to this addendum, it should be noted once more that these guidelines cannot hope to encompass every aspect of guiding one so designated as a noob, as while the administrative staff of BG are like unto gods, they simply wish to ensure that capricious banning of noobs is still an option available to them, and thus are not inclined to list out every point that would make noobs less bannable.
Post-Script to the Addendum: Just ensuring the reader is still with us. Who knows, we could have included ancient, hoary knowledge here, which while we did not, it behooves the reader to check, you know, just in case.
The Noobs’ Guide to BG
• Do not post spoilers and NSFW content outside of a NSFW thread without using the spoiler tag: [ spoiler ] [ /spoiler ], without spaces.
• Do not post spiders.
• Use BG Bucket instead of shittastic photobucket/imageshack. The link to access BG Bucket is at the very top of the forums right next to the Random Image thread link.
• In case of doubt as to where to post something: ASK. Moderators have their user names in blue, Administrators in red. If you are worried about ‘bothering’ one of us, consider that being bothered with a question is much preferable to being bothered about banning you when you do something retarded. Which leads to:
• Don't piss off mods, admins or LS members.
• You will be banned without reason. Part of the unspeakable horror clause. Actually, this might be better said as “without explanation”. The rules, and now this guideline, are available to everyone.
• Use the search function. If you don’t get an immediate result, try the Advanced Search options to narrow down your query.
• If search fails, you can use Google like this, for example: random image site:bluegartr.com, which will link you to the Random Image thread. All of them.
• You can switch to the superior dark forum skin in the General Settings tab.
• You can change the number of posts displayed per page and caring about which setting is better is categorically retarded.
• Guests, or users who are not logged in, won't see avatar or signatures but will see ads.
• Lurkers with 0 posts will be nuked every now and then. There is a new member posting thread, which allows you to get ONE freebie post.
• Signatures have a max height of 1 standard Isladar-sig.
• Don’t break tables with large images or cause an infini-scrollbar without spoiler tags.
• We have a BG Forums Issues forum if something is broken. It’s usually just you, though.
• You cannot post URLs with less than 10 posts; either obfuscate it or ask a mod. Spamming your postcount to 10 is a very quick way to piss off Isladar.
• The current time, for various timezones, are located at the bottom of every page.
• There are far too many stickies. However, in some forums, reading and utilizing these stickies will help save you from said unspeakable horror.
• We use google-analytics.com for our stats.
• You can access the forum with an iPhone/Android/BB using Tapatalk. Try to turn off the autosig, otherwise “HEY I’M PHONE POSTAN” will be added to all of your posts.
• We try to repost the important drama on Twitter and Facebook.
• It's a secret: The Spamometer.
• The YarnBall is a lie and MsJans too.
• Backups in the early morning will lag you out (6-7AM EST).
• If you are contacting a member of the staff outside of BG (via AIM or whatnot), it better be important. Your server drama thread is not important and Sonomaa already hates you.
• Auntie Isladar is a big softie COPYWRITER WAS BANNED FOR THIS GUIDELINE.
Preliminary Conclusion: We hope this guide will be an aid to the noob in their quest to denoobificate themselves. Even the more experienced noob should have found information previously unknown to them, as much knowledge is tucked in the darkest recesses of Ragns' darkness, for Ragns is He Who Speaks the Unspeakable Horror in Men's Souls, and doesn't have time for your shenanigans.
Regular-Kind Conclusion: And with that we say adieu, dear reader, for having come to the end it becomes clear that this guide is over, until we ninja-edit in more information without warning or notification, thus leaving you to check this page obsessively, day after day, until you become embittered and hateful, and thus ready to post in General Discussion.
Brought to you by the BG Administration Committee for Less Noobs, More Banning, RagnsCorp., ltd., this cup of coffee, and the Isladar FlavorText Generator. All rights reserved, all wrongs intentional. Offer not valid in Quebec. Tabarnak.