Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[Melena]

Woman attacks girlfriend with a strapon (possibly related to Cream Soda)

http://unicornbooty.com/2011/08/woma...with-strap-on/

Jantavia Taylor (21) has a felony domestic violence charge on her hands for threatening, chasing and attempting to beat her partner Tamara Cadet…with a “strap on penis.”
Cadet told police that during an argument Taylor had grabbed a knife and chased her out of the couple’s home. Cadet ran for her life down the street, eventually outpacing Taylor.
Taylor claimed the knife story simply wasn’t true. Instead, she offered up this gem


But when Taylor spoke to a Bradenton Police Department officer, she denied chasing Cadet with knife in hand, instead noting that “the only thing that she threw at Ms. Cadet trying to strike her was a female sex toy (Strap on Penis).”

Sure enough, police found the sex toy in question across the street in a neighbor’s yard.


Taylor, a Popeye’s employee, is being held currently without bond at Florida’s Manatee County Jail.

[wop]

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/872732-...old-s-election

Located in Forney, Texas, 'Justin Bieber Way' went up on Tuesday and naturally caused quite a stir with fans of the American superstar.
As the winner of her local town's 'be a mayor for the day' competition Caroline made it her first priority to get drivers bopping along to smash hits like 'Never say Never' and 'Baby'.

Bieber priority: 11-year-old Caroline Gonzalez poses next to the street sign she dedicated to teen heart-throb Justin Bieber (Picture: AP)
Luckily for those community members who aren't a 'belieber' the sign was only temporary and was taken down after the ceremony took place.
The tween's act will also please the town's penny counters with the $20US sign costing less than a ticket to one of Bieber's sold-out mega shows.
Council officials did say they had tried to invite the 17-year-old, however he failed to show in the all-American town, 15 miles east of Dallas.
When asked why she ordered the sign Caroline told E! News: 'Because I really like Justin Bieber,I like his music and I like him.
'I thought, why not have a street in my hometown named after my favourite singer?’

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08...92_304x456.jpg

[Melena]

Someone shop that arm to Pedobear please. All I see is a guy trying to catch a feel up her skirt.

[wop]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...hing-line.html

John Goldfinch, 61, was fishing for mackerel on the beach at Budleigh Salterton, Devon, with mates Colin and Alan Ashley when he felt a huge bite.
The thrilled lifelong angler had to fight to reel in the catch as he looked forward to netting a massive fish.
But his excitement turned to shock when his hook surfaced about 15 metres offshore to reveal the hapless frogman.
To add insult to injury the struggling diver had been hooked between his legs.
Mr Goldfinch, of Exmouth, said: "My mates were falling about laughing. I said 'sorry mate, I didn't see you there' and he just said it was very murky down there.
"The funniest thing was that his girlfriend then surfaced, helped him remove my tackle from his tackle and nonchalantly handed the hook back to me and apologised.
"Despite seeing the funny side of the freak incident he said there was a serious message to be taken on board.
"I didn't see the diver because he didn~t have a safety buoy, which they~re supposed to have when they~re moving underwater," said Mr Goldfinch.
"My brother-in-law's a diver and he said it served the bloke right - at the end of the day he could have ruined his kit or even worse."
Mr Goldfinch is now enjoying telling and retelling the tallest of fishermen's tales.
"One of my friends was on his first fishing trip and he asked if it happened very often - I told him it was a once in a lifetime thing," he said.
"When I went home and told my wife, she just said she was glad I didn~t bring him home as she couldn~t have eaten a whole one."

[Guitarman]

lmfao

http://www.kgw.com/news/Person-found...128151163.html

YAMHILL, Ore. -- A man who caught fire and was severely burned while he tried to "inject fire into gopher holes" in Yamhill County died Sunday, according to Capt. Ken Summers with the Yamhill County Sheriff's Office.
Firefighters called to respond to smoke in a Willamette Valley field found Streeter Roy, 80, of Carlton, lying in the grass and suffering from burns.
He was rushed in a LifeFlight helicopter to Legacy Emanuel Hospital in Portland, where he later died.
Every fire department in Yamhill and Washington counties responded to the four-alarm fire and had it under control by 2:45 p.m. Saturday.
Roy farmed on the land which is owned by a neighbor.
"It appears that Mr. Roy was injecting fire into gopher holes with a torch when something went wrong and he became engulfed in flames,” explained Yamhill County Sheriff Jack Crabtree.
State and local investigators were investigating.

[Qalbert]

http://gopherdance.com/img/gofer3.gif

[wop]

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/872701-w...est-woman-ever
http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08...36_466x602.jpg

Susanne aims to balloon from 330kg (52st) to a record 730kg (115st) – and beyond – by gorging on 20,000 calories a day.
The 32-year-old, who is a hit among fans of ‘super size big beautiful women’, said: ‘The bigger I get, the better I feel. I feel more confident and sexy. Why shouldn’t I push the limits and see how fat I can get and stay healthy? I’d love to find out if it’s humanly possible to reach a tonne.’
The single mother of two, from Arizona, aims to hit her target weight in ten years.
She visits the supermarket once a month with sons Gabriel,16, and Brendin, 12, and spends up to eight hours filling six trollies.
'It's like a full day's work,' she said.
She uses a motorised scooter, but astonishingly believes she can stay healthy.
'If I was to get sick, I've arranged for my sister to take care of my kids,' she said.
'I haven't gone near the danger zones yet though.'
She was ‘playing Russian roulette with her life’, said GP Dr Patrick Flite.
But her medical checks showed no current problems, he added.

[Fievel]

Disgusting

[Milkster]

I wonder if you push her on back, like an insect, would she eventually die?

[wop]

I find her smile pretty frightening -_-

[Kerberoz]

I find her smile pretty frightening -_-

[kuronosan]

Um. Stupid doctor is stupid.

[Gadritan]

Yeah. I like the part where not being able to walk still = healthy.

[wop]

http://gawker.com/5833790/sex+crazed...als-800-vagina

http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/as.../adultmart.jpg

Felonious, hypersexual people just can't stop crashing into the AdultMart of Brownhelm Township, Ohio to steal sex toys! In the latest incident involving theft at the popular sex-stablishment, a man stole a semi and crashed it into the place, making off with a $800 "life-like masturbator complete with female genitalia with legs and buttocks."

According to WOIO newsman Harry Boomer, whose name is perfect for the occasion of reporting this story, the thief seemed to have had the exxxpensive toy precisely in mind when he crashed his red stolen semi into the AdultMart at around 2 AM on Monday morning. He only got about a quarter-mile from the 'Mart when police caught up to him, still in the truck—but with the sex toy missing. Somehow he made a quick getaway on foot, and now local authorities are looking for him and the toy, which he probably just left with his dad or something.

This is not the first time someone's crashed into the AdultMart to steal sexxxy things: in 2009, a man crashed his car into the store to steal a similar toy, "albeit a far less costly model," reports the Chronicle-Telegram. Not so coincidentally, the population of women in Brownhelm Township, Ohio is zero.

"Drop a dime on this fool," says Harry Boomer, whose report describes the thief as a "sex-crazed loser," a "freak," a "pervert," and a "sexual deviant." Sounds like Mr. Boomer's ready for a promotion to the big leagues.

[wop]

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/new...-1226122086547

A LONDON woman is recovering after her breast implant was ruptured during a game of paintball - the first time such an injury is believed to have occurred in Britain.

The woman's bizarre injury, suffered last weekend, caused UK Paintball - which operates more than 50 facilities throughout the UK - to insist that women with breast enhancements now wear extra chest protection, the Croydon Guardian reported.

And the company's standard indemnity form now points out to customers that paintballs - capsules of dye fired from gas-powered guns in the game - can damage breast implants.

The 26-year-old was playing paintball at Whyteleafe, south London, when the incident took place.

A UK Paintball spokesman told the newspaper, "Part of the fun of paintball is that it hurts a bit when you get shot but in all the years we've been going we've never seen an incident like this.

"The incident has been a real wakeup call and nobody should ever feel worried for their safety during a game of paintball.

"But it's worth remembering that having bigger breasts will make you an easier target for your enemies."

http://cricketsoda.com/wp-content/up...lock-shirt.gif

[wop]

http://m24digital.com/en/2011/08/26/...ting-42-times/

A 16-year-old boy died after masturbating 42 times without stopping in Rubiato town, in Goiás region, Brazil.
His mother told a local newspaper that she already knew about his son’s addiction and that she planned to see the doctor, but the decision came too late.
The young man began to masturbate at midnight and spent the whole night to compulsively touch himself.
At school, his classmates commented on the boy’s problem and some said he asked them to connect to the webcam for being observed.
They further said that his attraction to women was extreme; he was attracted to all kind of women, regardless of texture physics, color and age.
In his room a great amount of pornography was found, including photographs and videos of nude women that were saved on his PC.

[Gokulo]

42? Damn, he's good.

[Cloudius]

A guy that can do it 42 times in a row can't find a women or at least be a porn star?

[wop]

Phew! I'm glad I only do 41 times a day

[Day]

The answer to life the universe and everything.