Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[Omniyoji]

The answer to life the universe and everything.

[FallingHigher]

the decision came too late.

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a1...9480973773.gif

[Brill Weave]

Back to the black chick that assaulted her lesbian partner with a strap on. Did none of you notice where she was currently being held?

Florida’s Manatee County Jail

You can't pay for comedy gold like that!! The fact I have to point it out ruins it. I'm so ashamed of you all

[wop]

http://news.cincinnati.com/article/2...text|FRONTPAGE

HAMILTON - A repeat public indecency offender has been arrested for allegedly engaging in "sexual activity" with a pink inflatable swimming pool raft, according to Hamilton police.

Edwin Charles Tobergta, 32, was arrested at his Harmon Avenue home early Sunday after he was spotted in the act in an alley in the 1800 block of Howell Avenue behind a residence, a police report shows.

A male witness, who owns the raft and lives in the home near the alley, told Hamilton Police Officer William Thacker he shouted at the suspect to stop.

Tobergta took the raft and fled, the report states.

When police caught up with him, he admitted to the crime and begged for help, according to police.

"Defendant advised officers that he was doing it but only because he has a problem and that he needs help and please don't send him to prison but send him somewhere to get help," the report reads.

Tobergta, who remains at the Hamilton city jail, had been arrested at least five times for similar offenses, most recently in 2008, Hamilton Municipal Court records state.

Tobergta’s grandmother, Linda Tobergta, cried as she explained to a reporter Wednesday how the family has tried to seek mental care for her grandson over the years, to no avail. He suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and has abused his medication in the past, she said.

http://cmsimg.cincinnati.com/apps/pb...able-pool-raft

[Draggy]

How do they know it was 42 times? Was someone counting?

[xopher]

How do they know it was 42 times? Was someone counting?

The number of stains.

[ronin sparthos]

Back to the black chick that assaulted her lesbian partner with a strap on. Did none of you notice where she was currently being held?



You can't pay for comedy gold like that!! The fact I have to point it out ruins it. I'm so ashamed of you all

It's more like:

Taylor, a Popeye’s employee, is being held currently without bond at Florida’s Manatee County Jail.

lol....

On the suicide masturbation:

They further said that his attraction to women was extreme; he was attracted to all kind of women, regardless of texture physics, color and age.

The bolded part made me laugh. It's just something about the way that's worded.

[Pikarya]

huehuehuehuehuehuahua

[Dimmauk]

Did a conehead write that death by fapping article?

[Byrd]

42?

It's the answer to life, the universe and everything.

EDIT: Damnit, I didn't see the original joke by Day. Now I have egg on my face. Wait, is that egg? Ew.

[LinktheDeme]

so what exactly does one die from masturbating 42 times in a row? Malnutrition?

[Vuitton]

dehydration perhaps, or exhaustion. heart stops

[Omniyoji]

so what exactly does one die from masturbating 42 times in a row? Malnutrition?

Maybe he had a bad heart even though he was 16?

[Day]

It's the answer to life, the universe and everything.

EDIT: Damnit, I didn't see the original joke by Day. Now I have egg on my face. Wait, is that egg? Ew.

S'all good holmes. I was surprised someone didn't say it before me.

[Xno Kappa]

I think we need some research on it.

Spoiler: show

[Deadgye]

I recommend playing Monster Girl Quest. Just continue playing after you finish, and you'll find you just end up starting again.

[Kerberoz]

dem nagas and harpies

hnngg

[Ragnus]

Police called after man butchers cow in his driveway

OGDEN -- Charges may ensue for an Ogden man who startled the neighbors by butchering a cow in his driveway over the weekend.

Police were called to the scene at 1:44 p.m. Sunday after the cow's owner began harvesting the animal. A patrolman was responding to a caller who saw a cow being trailered to the home in the 2700 block of Gramercy Avenue.

The caller then reported hearing the cow's audible mooing, followed by what sounded like a gunshot, said Police Lt. Troy Burnett. Then the mooing stopped.

The patrolman's report said when he arrived at the scene a half-block above Monroe Boulevard, "the cow was in the process of losing its head," Burnett said.

The man sawing at the animal's neck, the owner of the beef, denied shooting the cow on the premises, telling the officer the animal had been dispatched outside the city limits.

The officer took the information and filed a report that will be screened by the city attorney's office for possible charges, Burnett said.

"I assume the patrolman had them make arrangements to do the butchering out of plain view," he said.

"It boggles my mind," Burnett said. "It's not illegal, but it's absurd that people would think slaughtering a cow in their driveway is OK. Maybe on the west side of the county on one of the farms. But in the middle of a high density residential area?"

If evidence confirms the person shot the cow on-site, a charge could be filed of discharging a firearm within the city limits, he said.

Other possible violations could include disorderly conduct or health code violations, he said, the latter question which will be referred to the Weber-Morgan Health Department.

The family reporting the unusual bovine demise called their children indoors before calling police, suspecting something unusual taking place, Burnett said.

If any children had witnessed the butchering, and become upset, that could possibly constitute disorderly conduct, said Burnett and Mike Junk, Ogden city's senior prosecutor.

Junk said disorderly conduct includes language of behavior creating "public inconvenience, annoyance or alarm."

Junk said he hadn't been forwarded the case yet as of Tuesday, but said his review would also include the state's animal cruelty statute. "There are a lot of possibilities."

Lori Buttars, spokeswoman for Weber-Morgan Health Department, said the department had not yet been contacted by police about the cow case.

"We have not started that process," she said. "But we'll work with police as needed." The department had received at least three media calls about the case, she said.

The health department would likely be involved if the meat of the animal was sold without the proper permit, or if complaints surfaced about debris from the slaughter left out to decompose, she said.

Disposal of the carcass would be under the jurisdiction of the state Department of Agriculture, Buttars said.

Kids might become upset? Hell, I plan on telling my kids that what they're eating are dead animals as soon as they're old enough to understand it. The total disconnect from what we eat really bothers me. I'm willing to bet that they went home and had something with meat in it with their families when they got home that night.

[clobetasol]

Woman allegedly called man 65,000 times in a year

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44439564...ws-weird_news/

[wop]

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/874842-...c-speed-camera

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2011/09...01_636x300.jpg

Speed demon Deng Jialin was so distracted by his groping antics that he forgot to check his speed - and was clocked driving at 92kmph (57mph) in an 80kmph (50mph) limit.
Deng appears to be casually holding the steering wheel of his silver Nissan X-Trail with his left hand and reaching across to caress the right boob of his female passenger.
He does seem to be keeping his eyes on the road, at least.
The incident happened while the pair were travelling along a stretch of highway in China.
The resulting image was later released to the local media by an unknown source, possibly working at the Mianyang traffic bureau.
After discovering the embarrassing image online, Deng contacted his local newspaper - claiming the image had been doctored using a computer and denied there was ever a female passenger present in the car.
It's not known whether Deng will be charged over the incident - however, we assume he won't be speeding, touching his passenger or picking his nose along that stretch of road anytime soon.