Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[Qeomash]

As if someone wanted to see if it was somehow possible for terrorists to hate America any more than they already do, someone suggests Madonna make our national anthem.

If she did it Lady Gaga would just redo it in a few years anyway.

[wop]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...d-big-day.html

A woman desperate to become the world's biggest bride has embarked upon a 30,000 calorie a day diet in order to achieve her dream.
Susanne Eman, 33, weighs in at a staggering 520lbs - but says she needs to fatten up for her wedding day.
Unlike most figure-conscious brides-to-be, in preparation for her final wedding dress fitting, Susanne feasted on an enormous breakfast of pancakes, Belgian waffles, hash browns, sausage links, steak, and a giant 12-egg omelette.

On the day of her appointment with the seamstress, Susanne and her sister Cassie, who will be Susanne's maid-of-honour when she marries her chef boyfriend, Parker Clack, 35, later this year, made a pit stop for snacks, arriving at the dressmaker's with a spread of three guacamole bacon cheeseburgers, two orders of chili cheese fries, nine tacos, a chocolate shake and a large Coke.
The monumental challenge of making a dress to fit the bride's XXXXXXXXXL figure was given to dressmaker Judee Goff, who calculated after measuring Susanne that she would need 45ft of fabric to complete the dress.
Now Judee has designed the world's largest wedding gown for her larger than life client, using endless billowing lengths of chiffon and lace to cover Susanne's colossal curves.
The one-off gown is so large it takes three people to carry it, and half an hour to lace up at the back.
Seamstress Judee, from Paradise Fabrics in Phoenix, Arizona, said: 'Right now, it just fits snugly, and if she gains weight it will lace up looser in the back.
'We've never made a dress like this before. There are no dress patterns this large.'
Susanne said: 'When I tried the dress on, it was amazing, I felt like a bride.

Susanne's sister Cassie said: 'I think she looks really beautiful in it. The dress turned out amazing.'
She said: 'I've never been married before and this is the first time I've tried on a wedding dress.
'Parker hasn't seen me in it, but he's seen photos and says I look beautiful.
'He hasn't formally proposed with a ring yet, as he wants to surprise me. But we've agreed we're getting married, and he's just waiting for the right moment.'
Susanne, who has given herself ten years to eat her way into the Guinness Book of Records, had believed until recently that she weighed nearly 800lbs after spending a year gorging on fast food, cakes, pasta, pizza, crisps and fatty snacks.

But after recently being weighed on special obesity scales, Susanne discovered to her disappointment that her weight was actually 520lbs - almost 1,000lbs short of her goal weight of 1,600lbs.
Now Susanne has her own goal for the big day: to put on weight. In order to ekep gaining the pounds, Susanne must eat 30,000 calories a day, which she gets from meals cooked for her by her husband-to-be.
Susanne's doctor is opposed to his patient's morbid mission - but Susanne believes she can reach her target weight without endangering her life.
Susanne says she wants to try to 'break the stigma that being fat is bad'.
'It's helped me to find love, so what's wrong with that?' she said.
Now that she has her wedding gown in her sights, Susanne is hoping her chef boyfriend Parker will formally propose so they can start planning their big day.

'It's amazing to have something designed especially for me. Normally I just buy my clothes from plus-size stores online.
'I talked over designs with the dressmaker and she came up with a dress I've always dreamed of.
After having the girth of her 9ft waist measured, Susanne tried on veils and head pieces, talking excitedly about her expectations for the wedding.
'I'm feeling like a bride. I can't wait,' she gushed. 'I like an off-whitish, not completely white. Because if I wear completely white, I guarantee I'm going to spill something on it.'
'I can't wait for Parker to buy me a ring so we can start planning a wedding date, and things like the flowers, venue, and the cake.'
Susanne, who earns a living by posting photographs for male fans online, met Parker over the internet last year.
After sharing emails and phone calls, the couple began dating, and Parker moved in to Susanne's apartment a few months later.
Now the couple are inseparable, and Parker, who is currently looking for work, spends his days making delicious dishes, including his signature spaghetti bolognese, for Susanne.
He said: 'Susanne looked beautiful in her dress. I love big women, but I do worry about her health and I try to make sure she eats some salad and does her exercises.
While details of the catering menu for the big event is not known, the couple insist that despite the gargantuan quantity of food consumed by Susanne, she likes to eat healthily.
Mr Clack has said of her ambition: 'I support her because it makes her happy, and I love big women.
'I do worry about her health of course, but I try to make sure she eats some healthy food like salad, and I make sure she does exercises. She's taken up swimming since we met and we love to swim together.'
'I want her to be around for a long time after our wedding.'
Susanne, who has two sons, Gabriel, 16, and Brendin, 12, added: 'I'd love to have a nice wedding somewhere local, not too big and not too small, but with all my family and friends around me.'

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/...01_634x362.jpg
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/...97_634x421.jpg


More pics in the link

[Fievel]

Disgusting

I feel like puking all day if I eat 3k calories..but to eat 30k? Wtf

[Kerberoz]

I hope they save enough flour for her honeymoon.

[wop]

someone needs to photoshop that 2nd pic with a funny tagline

[Qalbert]

it's like ksandra and elphaba did the fusion dance

[Tricen]

Holy shit lol.

[Omniyoji]

it's like ksandra and elphaba did the fusion dance

shots fired

[Pirian]

good enough?

[Qalbert]

shots fired

I am like 2 ksandras, I think I can make fat jokes

[Omniyoji]

I am like 2 ksandras, I think I can make fat jokes

You fat? No. You're more... husky

Spoiler: show

pumpkin boy <3

[Dimmauk]

it's like ksandra and elphaba did the fusion dance

Amazing.

[Cail]

again, could be own thread or here...so here it is

It sounds like a science-fiction fantasy, but the company Mars One says it's for real—and that it will really establish a settlement on the planet Mars by 2023.

The privately financed Dutch company has a plan. All it needs is a lot of cash, equipment and four Mars-bound astronauts who are willing to take a one-way trip to the red planet.

The idea is to first send rovers, which will stake out a good site for a settlement and then build out living units. In 2022, the crew will take a "transit habitat" for the seven-month trip to Mars and settle in to their new home. The intention is that the crew will live on the planet for the rest of their lives. Every two years after that, another group will join the settlement to populate the colony.

Mars One co-founder Bas Lansdorp has a very modern approach to funding the project: media exposure. "We will finance this mission by creating the biggest media event ever around it." He said in a company video, adding, "Everybody in the world can see everything that will happen in the preparations and on Mars."

Think of it as a "Big Brother" for outer space. Already, the other-worldly idea has intrigued the Web. The Mars One video has received over 232,000 views on YouTube since it launched less than a week ago.

Beyond entertainment, some scientists certainly seem intrigued by the possibility of interplanetary travel. Theoretical physicist and Nobel Prize winner Gerard 't Hooft, a "mission ambassador" for Mars One, endorses the plan. He says, "This project seems to be the only way to fulfill humanity's dream to explore outer space. It's going to be an exciting experiment."

Next year, according to its website, the company will begin an astronaut selection process. Those who have the right stuff will then undergo a decade of preparation. And, we assume, the Mars travelers will be ready for their out-of-this-world close-up.

[Fievel]

Oh shit! Would be pretty cool, lol

Could you imagine going on a one way trip to another planet with just three other people? Fuck that!

[Celeste]

Mars sounds nice.

[Churchill]

Laughed at the fat jokes

I would go to Mars forevers if I could take a proper sex mate/new people brought sweet video games. I'm thinking that they'd need to bring every video game/book possible because it would be boring as fuck, but I'd do it np

[wop]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...cremation.html

It just keeps coming....

Dead obese woman had so much body fat she set the building on fire during her cremation


Crematorium oven reached 300C and set alight to the filter
Black smoke billowed into the building
Firefighters battled the blaze in special breathing kit, but got covered in burnt grease
Officials call for weight limit on bodies to be cremated

Austrian crematorium officials have blamed a deceased woman's obesity for causing a blaze which had to be tackled by firefighters.
Firemen in the southern city of Graz were covered in thick sticky soot as they tried to prevent the blaze from taking hold of the building.
The case has been widely reported in Austrian media, including in the ORF - the country's equivalent of our BBC - and has ignited calls for a weight limit on bodies to protect against future fires.
Some countries such as Switzerland and the UK already have facilities which cater for extra large bodies, in line with the growing trend of expanding waistlines.
Speaking to the Daily Mail online, funeral director Christea Bogdan, of Gillman Undertakers, Tooting, south London, said he had never before in his career heard of such an event.
'I have never come across such a case,' he said.
An expert report on the Austria fire has revealed that the woman being cremated weighed more than 200kg - or 31st 7lbs - and her size had caused the oven to overheat.

The press reports state that the filter temperature reached 300C and officials realised there was a problem when thick black smoke started billowing into the building.
The device was immediately switched off but by then there was already a fire in the filter.

Firemen whose clothing was left covered with a layer of greasy black soot were snapped as they tackled the difficult to extinguish blaze in special breathing gear to avoid breathing in the fumes.
In the end they had to bring the fire under control by sending a blast of water in through the vents used to clear the filter. Repair work took several days during which time the crematorium was out of action.
Firemen said that after reports of similar problems at other cemeteries not only in Austria but also in Switzerland, officials were now are considering a ban on larger bodies.
London-based Bogdan said: 'We do have large bodies that we have to deal with, which weigh 30+ stone, but not very often.
'We follow the same procedures as usual for large bodies. We have to check the size in the crematorium to check the person in the coffin will fit in the crematorium.'
Mr Bogdan said most crematoriums dealt with a standard 36ins outside measurement of a coffin. However there were some facilities, such as the City of London Crematorium, which now catered for larger, 50-55ins coffin circumferences.
Graz-based fireman Otto Widetschek said: 'Crematorium officials need to be more responsible and not just automatically put everybody in to be cremated.'
He said that in Switzerland there were moves now to make sure that XXL bodies were routinely shipped to a special crematorium able to deal with the extra heat caused by larger bodies.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/...94_468x477.jpg

Remnants of the woman on the firefighter's uniform lol.

[Karbuncle]

more than 200kg - or 31st 7lbs

How much did she weigh in AMERICAN?

Dumb it down for me

[Ragnus]

441lbs...

[Eurell]

440lbs?