Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[hey]

I'd go to mars, but then probably regret it when i realized just how long it took to load bg.

[Dimmauk]

Mars topic and no total recall jokes? I am dissapoint.

[Eurell]

It's a sore subject for people what with the remake and all

[Guitarman]

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Authorities say something that looks like lungs have been found on a sidewalk in south Los Angeles County.
Sheriff's Sgt. Robert Dean tells the Los Angeles Times ( http://lat.ms/LkBEdZ ) that a citizen called Sunday evening to report organs on the sidewalk on Avalon Boulevard in an unincorporated area.
He says he doesn't know what they are but deputies turned them over to coroner's officials.
Coroner's spokesman Ed Winter says a doctor has not looked at what was found yet. He says an examination will be conducted Monday or Tuesday

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories...RTAINMENT.html

[Ragnus]

http://gawker.com/5917482/fines-for-...achusetts-town

The southern Massachusetts town of Middleborough is so goddamn tired of people cursing in public that it is mulling the institution of a penalty for profanity a la Demolition Man.

Okay, so we might be some ways away from a Big Brother-esque bot auto-issuing citations for repeated violations of the Verbal Morality Statute — and hopefully even farther away from replacing toilet paper with three seashells — but if the residents of Middleborough approve a measure decriminalizing the town's decades-old bylaw prohibiting public profanity, police officers could begin fining people up to $20 per fleeting expletive.

Proponents defended the proposal, telling the Associated Press it "isn't meant to censor casual or private conversations, but instead crack down on loud profanity in downtown areas and public parks."

Still, even if the new law is abused, it won't be that bad: At least you'll have a reliable source of toiler paper for when those damn seashells take over.

[Acturus]

http://gawker.com/5917482/fines-for-...achusetts-town

So, right now, it's a criminal offense to curse in public, and this town wants to decriminalize it in order to institute a fine instead.

Ergo, police officers have better things to do than arrest people for swearing, but somehow they don't have better things to do than to write up citations.

Having never received a citation beyond traffic stops, if this is anything like a speeding ticket, it's still a decent waste of time on the part of law enforcement.

[Ragnus]

Pretty much.

[Melena]

Town only has 23000 people there according to the 2010 census, so it's not like it's a busy city. You typically see those ridiculous laws in small ass crack towns like that.

[wop]

http://edition.cnn.com/2012/06/09/wo...ies/index.html

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/ass...-story-top.jpg

(CNN) -- The United States offers millions for information leading to the capture of the world's most wanted terrorists.
A Somali militant group has purportedly countered with an offer of camels for U.S. officials.
Al-Shabaab has placed a bounty of 10 camels for President Barack Obama and two camels for information on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
An audio statement posted on jihadist websites purportedly from Al-Shabaab jeered news that the United States is offering millions of dollars for information on seven key members of al-Shabaab through its Rewards for Justice program.

The man on the audio claimed to be Fuad Mohamed Khalaf, considered by the State Department to be Al-Shabaab's leading fundraiser. The United States has offered $5 million for information of his whereabouts.
"Whoever brings the mujahidin information about the whereabouts of infidel Obama and the lady of Bill Clinton, the woman named Hillary Clinton, I will give a reward," the man said.
A study by Galkayo University, which looked at the effects of drought on livestock, said the average cost of a camel in Somalia is $700.
CNN can not independently verify the authenticity of the audio recording, which was purportedly made by Khalaf during a speech to followers in the southern port city of Merca.
The U.S. State Department's Rewards for Justice program is offering $7 million for information on the location of Ahmed Abdi Aw-Mohamed, the founder of the Islamist group in Somalia.
This year, he and al Qaeda's leader, Ayman al-Zawahiri, released a joint video formally announcing a merger between the terror groups.
In announcing the bounties on Mohamed and his key associates Thursday, the State Department called al-Shabaab "a threat to the stability of East Africa and to the national security interests of the United States."
The State Department said it is also offering up to $5 million each for information leading to the location of four of Aw-Mohamed's associates, including Khalaf. In addition, it is offering up to $3 million each for two of the terror group's other leaders.

[Ragnus]

Way to fuel American stereotypes guys. hahahaha

[Kerberoz]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...ar-tumour.html

Face discovered in testicular tumour

[Howie Roary]

what a dickhead

[Kuya]

what a dickhead

[Guitarman]

TROUTDALE -- A flash mob targeted a Troutdale store last weekend and investigators are trying to identify the suspects.
Investigators said as many as 40 kids entered the Albertsons store at 25691 SE Stark Street at the same time late Saturday night and started stealing things.
Raw video: Flash robbery
Security officers chased the thieves out, but no one was captured. They also left employees pretty shaken up, including one woman who was in tears after getting terrorized by the robbers.
Investigators have not said exactly how many items were taken.
"Basically it looks like they went in, just to cause chaos, which they accomplished," said Sgt. Steve Bevens with the Troutdale Police Department.
Investigators believe the suspects ranged in age from 13 to 15. They could be seen on surveillance video, roaming from aisle to aisle.
Customers said the store employees were overwhelmed and outnumbered.
"They [thieves] were bragging and laughing about how much stuff they stole and what they did in the store," one witness told KGW.
If caught, the suspects could face several charges including rioting, disorderly conduct and criminal mischief.
This was one of several flash mob-style robberies being investigated in the Portland Metro area over past months.

http://www.kgw.com/news/Flash-mob-ta...159463245.html

Absolutely disgusting.

[Clash Perez]

The squid was partially cooked -- of course it was hot and bothered. A woman in Seoul, Korea was eating semi-boiled squid when the cephalopod injected its sperm bag into her tongue, according to research published in February.
The unidentified woman reportedly experienced a "pricking and foreign-body sensation" while she chewed and spat the squid out. She had to go to the hospital when she felt severe pain and several "small, squirming" creepy crawlies in her mouth.
Doctors found that the squid had left "twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms" in the mucous membranes of her tongue and cheek.
Indeed, the woman's mouth had been essentially inseminated.
Researchers think that the squid's sperm bags came out while the woman chewed her food. Squids have "sperm bags," which are ejaculatory apparatuses that attach themselves to a female's body before slowly secreting sperm, according to Fairfax New Zealand News.
It's not the first time a squid has tried to fertilize a human mouth. There have been several incidents in Japan where people have complained of oral stings by their food, the news site reported.
When consuming raw squid, diners should remove their internal organs, or boil the tasty treat long enough to kill its sperm bags, researchers warned.
The research was published by the American Society of Parasitologists in the Journal of Parasitology.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/0....html#s=800154

Apparently swallowing wasn't her style.

[Gadritan]

Brain-Speared Florida Teen Making ‘Miraculous Recovery’

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headline...lous-recovery/

[TheDangerousDave]

http://www.kgw.com/news/Flash-mob-ta...159463245.html

Absolutely disgusting.

I see black people

[Xno Kappa]

I wonder what's the legality of hulk smashing a bunch of 13-15 year olds trying "flash rob" a store.

[Celeste]

I wonder what's the legality of hulk smashing a bunch of 13-15 year olds trying "flash rob" a store.

I would like to see a flash mob at my store. I am a retail slave and it would be interesting.

[BaneTheBrawler]

It must be blissfully simple being a chav.