Miss Piggy's Grocery Store Checkout Headlines

[Odin'sLaw]

Sounds like someone is one step away from a cult.

Fievel speak thy truth brill!

Born again Christians are the fucking worst "oh I've lived in sin for xx years of my life but god has forgiven me" did he? bitch i want a signed piece of paper and photographic evidence god came to you and went "sup you want forgiveness? i'm cool with that"

edit: i know brill means the crazy ass hat from 2 1/2 men

[Guitarman]

China's party paper falls for Onion joke about Kim

BEIJING (AP) -- The online version of China's Communist Party newspaper has hailed a report by The Onion naming North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un as the "Sexiest Man Alive" -- not realizing it is satire.
The People's Daily on Tuesday ran a 55-page photo spread on its website in a tribute to the round-faced leader, under the headline "North Korea's top leader named The Onion's Sexiest Man Alive for 2012."
Quoting The Onion's spoof report, the Chinese newspaper wrote, `'With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman's dream come true."
"Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper's editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile," the People's Daily cited The Onion as saying.
The photos the People's Daily selected include Kim on horseback squinting into the light and Kim waving toward a military parade. In other photos, he is wearing sunglasses and smiling, or touring a facility with his wife.
People's Daily could not immediately be reached for comment. A man who answered the phone at the newspaper's duty office said he did not know anything about the report and requested queries be directed to their newsroom on Wednesday morning.
It is not the first time a state-run Chinese newspaper has fallen for a fictional report by the just-for-laughs The Onion.
In 2002, the Beijing Evening News, one of the capital city's biggest tabloids at the time, published as news the fictional account that the U.S. Congress wanted a new building and that it might leave Washington. The Onion article was a spoof of the way sports teams threaten to leave cities in order to get new stadiums.
Two months ago, Iran's semiofficial Fars news agency reprinted a story from The Onion about a supposed survey showing that most rural white Americans would rather vote for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than President Barack Obama. It included a quote from a fictional West Virginia resident saying he'd rather go to a baseball game with Ahmadinejad because "he takes national defense seriously."

http://www.kgw.com/news/world/181010611.html


China is fucking retarded.

[Fievel]

You know the Onion is so damn proud of themselves when other countries do this shit, lol.

[Epysian]

Husband of 425-pound woman sues over wife's death

1:17PM EST November 27. 2012 - A Bronx man says he plans to sue Delta, KLM and Lufthansa for a total $6 million after his 425-pound wife was denied a seat on all three airlines and then died in Europe soon after.

The woman, 56-year-old Vilma Soltesz, died Oct. 24 after all three airlines say they were unable to accommodate her on a return itinerary flight to New York.

Vilma, along with husband Janos, first flew to Budapest on a connecting Delta/KLM itinerary "without incident" on Sept. 17, according to the New York Post. Vilma (photos) purchased two seats for herself on those flights.

They had planned to return home after three weeks in Hungary — where they were born and have a vacation home — so that Vilma could resume treatment for diabetes and kidney disease, according to CBS News.

Her problems began when she tried to board their scheduled return, an Oct. 15 KLM flight from Budapest that was to connect to New York via Amsterdam.

"She was first waiting in the airport for five hours, they then told her they wouldn't accept her on the plane but that she should drive to Prague," Holly Ronai, the lawyer representing Janos Soltesz, tells CBS New York. "She drove to Prague and they put her on the seat and they couldn't belt her in so the captain came out of the cockpit and made her get off."

The couple also tried to catch a flight in Frankfurt — it was not immediately clear from the current media reports if they drove there as well — but they were denied access there by Lufthansa.

CBS says "she was not allowed on the flight when she didn't fit in a three-seat gap," with Lufthansa expressing safety concerns given the woman's lack of mobility, according to Radar Online.

As for KLM, spokeswoman Ellen van Ginkel tells Radar Online: "It appeared on the passenger's return that it was not physically possible for her to board the aircraft, despite every effort made by KLM to this end. A seat or belt extender did not offer a solution, either."

And, on Delta's end, spokesman Russel Cason tells ABC News the carrier simply was "physically unable to board her … despite a determined good-faith effort."

But by the time the Soltesz's found a flight home — nine days later, according to attorney Ronai's account — Vilma died from her illness.

"(Husband Jonas) wants to know why his wife had to die because the airlines simply didn't want to be inconvenienced," Ronai tells the Post.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/todayi...-wife/1729307/

The shit I come across when I'm doing research for work.

[Kerberoz]

Didn't they learn anything from ?

[-Zer0-]

Because goddamnit, if Danny Glover can do it, so can you!

[Tajin]

3 seat accomodation. Daaamn...

[Krazy]

Was there no room in the cargo hold?

[BaneTheBrawler]

nah, captain solo hogged it all

[Belragga]

They had planned to return home after three weeks in Hungary — where they were born and have a vacation home

I laughed.

[The Stig]

Was there no room in the cargo hold?

Oh god I bursted at this lol

[Dimmauk]

I laughed.

Me too.

[myreality]

Did not know where to put this so. Not exactly news though, but guns.
http://www.popsci.com/technology/art...l-perfect-shot
'Intelligent' Rifle Lets You Pre-Tag Your

Taking the "sport" out of "sport shooting" and the "man" out of "marksman," a company called TrackingPoint has developed what it calls “Intelligent Digital Tracking Scopes” for use on its “Precision Guided Firearms.” The latter is something of a misnomer, as neither the munition itself nor the firearm is guided, but the shooter is--sort of. TrackingPoint’s technology allows a shaky shooter to digitally tag a target through the optic, which then won’t let the firearm discharge until it is lined up perfectly on the target.
In other words, once you tag the target with the scope you can’t miss. At least that’s the claim. Technologically speaking, there seems to be little reason that claim doesn’t hold up if it indeed works as advertised (see video below). The company is developing three rifles with integrated intelligent scopes, two for tactical use and one hunting model.
That ratio seems to fit; while it’s true that tapping an onboard computer to ensure every shot is on target is somewhat unsporting for the average hunter or (especially) sports shooter, there are plenty of situations that arise in law enforcement and military operations where the ability to double-check one’s trigger pull is a highly-attractive, potentially life-saving feature. The rifles go into production next year.

[Byrthnoth]

You'll note that the blow the fuck out of all their targets so badly that you can't actually tell where the hell they hit them, and then they follow it up by cutting away and not showing the damage post-shot. Also, it's doubtlessly tracking a location in space rather than a target, so tagging something like an animal is going to be a waste of time if it moves.

[Krazy]

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012...cials-say?lite

The attack occurred before 9 a.m. (7 a.m. ET) at the physical science center, said Rich Fujita, a spokesman for the college.

Police told NBC station KCWY of Casper that two of the bodies were found on campus. One was a male faculty member, and the other appeared to be of "student age," Fujita said. At least one of them had been stabbed with a "bow and arrow type" weapon, police said.

The third body was found about 2 miles off campus, police said; no cause of death was reported.

The suspected attacker was among those killed, police said at a news conference Wednesday afternoon. The suspect, who apparently committed suicide, wasn't a current student at Casper College, and the incident doesn't appear to be school-related, police said.

The campus was locked down temporarily while police checked for other suspects, but the lockdown was later lifted. An alert on the community college's website said that all classes and activities had been canceled and that counselors were being provided for the colleges faculty, students and staff.

New in this version: Suspect among those killed, police say

Updated at 3:37 p.m. ET: Three people were killed Friday in an attack involving a bow and arrow-type weapon at Casper College in Casper, Wyo., police and college officials said.



Must have been tough killing yourself with a bow and arrow.

[Odin'sLaw]

jam an arrow through your throat and bleed to death?

[Zeb]

http://www.businessinsider.com/chine...m-home-2012-11

For 20 years, Mr Shen had been practising kung fu, teaching himself Bruce Lee's system in his courtyard home in Bazhou, Hebei province.

Working in a local gym as a fitness coach, he is also the holder of a world record, at least according to an association in Hong Kong, for the most press-ups in a minute using a roller. "I am now training to break the record for most press-ups on a balance beam," he said.

At the end of October, Mr Shen was able to put his kung fu into action. For six months, a property developer had been trying to get his hands on Mr Shen's house.

"They called it a remodelling project, to turn our village into a town," he said.

"They wanted to tear down the whole street, and promised we would get a new house of the same size in two years, as well as rent to cover the interim.

But I heard of people in a neighbouring village getting a much better deal, so we refused to sign."

At first, the property company stuck up posters warning of dire consequences for any families who held out. Then, Mr Shen said, when 70 of the 100 households had left, the threats escalated.

"This mob of thugs would block the street most days. They would pick on the women, threatening to kill their kids. Then people started tossing bricks through windows and letting off fireworks at night. Some people got beaten on the street."

On October 29, as Mr Shen went to work and his wife popped out for a packet of instant noodles, a mob of "30 to 50 men" materialised at their front door.

"My wife tried to close the door, but they pushed it back and she tripped over. That is how the fight started," said Mr Shen.

With a flurry of kicks and punches, he and his 18-year-old son, a fellow kung fu devotee, set about the attackers, rendering seven of them near unconscious in the hallway.

"It was self defence. I really cannot remember what kung fu skills I used.

It was quite messy. Only seven people were injured because the rest were scared and stayed outside. Some of them ran away," he said.

When the police arrived, however, they were little help, insisting that since the thugs were unarmed, it was Mr Shen and his family who were in the wrong. They urged the family to sign the contract.

Instead, the Shens posted their homemade video online, where it has gone viral as a rare David versus Goliath moment in the bleak fight against China's avaricious property barons.

They then fled, on the evening of November 21, to Beijing. Upon arriving in the capital, however, Mr Shen's son was arrested by the police, who said they would charge him with assault.

"I do not regret the fight, but I am worried about my son," said Mr Shen.

"I think they are trying to fit up him up with some crime. I am concerned that my actions will end up hurting him," he said, acknowledging that officials may try to emotionally blackmail him into signing over his lease.

As the Telegraph interviewed Mr Shen, however, his phone rang. It was, he said, a man named Zhou Jin, who claimed to be a member of the Central Military Commission, which oversees the People's Liberation Army.

"He said he had seen my plight and was outraged. He said I should not give any interviews to the media and he would come and collect me in his car this afternoon," said Mr Shen.

An attempt to contact Mr Zhou on the number he provided failed, but perhaps Mr Shen's bravura has won him a powerful ally.

[Cail]

inb4 he disappears forever

[Kerberoz]

brave | stupid

[Kuishen]

That is almost literally the plot to Kung Fu Hustle. rofl