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  1. #1
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    NFL Week 10 - Tyven's Betting Advice Thread

    It’s the time of the year where I have to pick up some serious slack in these threads. I do not play the odds and do not know where to look for them. However, if you would like any betting information on any of the games this week, please ask Tyven for his professional advice.

    Oakland at San Diego – Carson Palmer returns to San Diego for some fine wine and bitches. San Diego does not have fine wine and bitches, but Palmer is there for them anyways. Last time Palmer was in San Diego, he put on a clinic with the Fore-Headed One. Look for some obscure Raiders wideout and Quentin Jammer to each have a career high number of receptions.

    Arizona at Philadelphia – I watched most of Monday nights game on the edge of my seat as I needed Brent Celek to go off. Brent Celek did not go off because Mike Vick hates white people and dogs. As long as Mike Vick is the QB, the great white hope will never reach his full potential. Kevin Kobb may not play, or he may play. Idk, but the dude is awful. I’m sure if he was on the Eagles still, he’d throw it to Brent Celek. Arizona pulls off the upset, starting their long winning streak that will put them in the playoffs over the Atlanta Falcons.

    Jacksonville at Indianapolis - [Insert pictures of Peyton Mannings face]

    Denver at Kansas City – who cares.

    Pittsburgh at Cincinnati – GAME OF THE WEEK

    Pacman Jones, Rey Maualuga, and Jermaine Gresham are all returning from injuries this week, just in time to rape some chicks at the bar Steelers. Haters want say that the Bengals haven’t beaten anyone yet, and the real test is the Steelers. Bengals, in their six victories this season, have beaten teams with a combined records of 16-33, whereas the Steelers, the TEAM TO BEAT IN THE AFC have beaten teams with a combined record of 15-34, while losing twice the Joe Fucking Flacco and Matt Schaub.

    Bengals gonna sting dey asses.

    Buffalo at Dallas – Brains vs Subaverage athletic ability and mild retardation. Brains win. BILLS

    New Orleans at Atlanta – Moss would try to have you believe that Matt Ryan is a good quarterback. I’ve told him for years that Mike Smith is the white Marvin Lewis. The Falcons are the Bengals of the NFC, except the Bengals have a good defense and quarterback. How does it feel to give up the future for the 2nd best wide receiver in the 2011 draft?

    St. Louis at Cleveland - Nothing can stop Steven Jackson at this point. Not even Phil Taylor from Baylor. Bregor will like this pick, as it brings them closer to being in a position to draft Trent Richardson.

    Too bad they’re drafting Landry Jones.

    Washington at Miami – Matt Moore is getting hot, and that’s bad news for Mike Shanananahdhfns shitty team. Can he pick a running back? This is ridiculous. They’re going to suck no matter who starts, but at least be consistent for fantasy’s sake.

    You dick.

    Tennessee at Carolina – Andy Dalton > Cam Juice.

    Houston at Tampa Bay – Houston has quietly been winning games by starting Arian Foster over the superior Ben Tate. Maybe if Ben Tate has enough 100 yard games off the bench they’ll wise up and become the dominant force they should be. Houston is handcuffed by Arian Foster’s ability to stay healthy. Get injured you dick. Tampa wins the upset, Arian foster blows 4 hammys.

    Baltimore at Seattle - After last week’s emotional win over the Steelers, the Ravens travel out west to face the Seahawks. Seahawks are a different beast at home, and Joe Flacco is certainly flappable. Seattle is 0-3 so far against AFC North teams, which means Baltimore is going to severely underperform once again. Seattle’s rookie CB said AJ Green is the most overrated receiver in the 2011 draft, and runs poor routes. Wait until he has to cover Torrey Smith, who can only one run route.

    Detroit at Chicago – This would be a good game if it weren’t for Jay Cutler’s diabetes. I swear it ruins the most perfect Sunday afternoon. The Lions could disappoint after the bye week, but they won’t. My fantasy team says so.


    New York Giants at San Francisco – [insert pictures of Eli Mannings face]

    New England at New York Jets – New England finally got the fat monkey off its back. The Bills really provided the blueprint on how to beat the Patriots. Tip passes and make them sign over the hill, underperforming has-beens. Ochocinco’s days are numbered until he’s a Raider or until he’s got his own fall lineup on VH1. He’s the black Tyler Perry.

    Minnesota at Green Bay – Aaron Rodgers is the only quarterback with a career passer rating of over 100 who cannot complete a third and six. Minnesota is awful and Green Bay is the hottest team playing at home. Aaron Rodgers shouldn’t have to convert many third and six’s so there’s no problem there. Just don’t expect Green Bay to cover.

  2. #2
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    NFL Week 10 - Heady picks his fantasy team

  3. #3
    The Anti Miz
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    thread of the year all years. fucking third and 6

  4. #4
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    Pacman Jones, Rey Maualuga, and Jermaine Gresham are all returning from injuries this week, just in time to rape some chicks at the bar Steelers. Haters want say that the Bengals haven’t beaten anyone yet, and the real test is the Steelers. Bengals, in their six victories this season, have beaten teams with a combined records of 16-33, whereas the Steelers, the TEAM TO BEAT IN THE AFC have beaten teams with a combined record of 15-34, while losing twice the Joe Fucking Flacco and Matt Schaub.
    I laughed pretty hard at this.

    Also at third and 6.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flarega View Post
    NFL Week 10 - Heady picks his fantasy team
    Might as well.

    None of these other pussy ass teams are worth picking.

  6. #6
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    Pittsburgh at Cincinnati – GAME OF THE WEEK

    Pacman Jones, Rey Maualuga, and Jermaine Gresham are all returning from injuries this week, just in time to rape some chicks at the bar Steelers. Haters want say that the Bengals haven’t beaten anyone yet, and the real test is the Steelers. Bengals, in their six victories this season, have beaten teams with a combined records of 16-33, whereas the Steelers, the TEAM TO BEAT IN THE AFC have beaten teams with a combined record of 15-34, while losing twice the Joe Fucking Flacco and Matt Schaub.

    Bengals gonna sting dey asses.
    This man speaks the truth.

  7. #7
    I would prefer not to.
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    youre not invited to my birthday party

  8. #8
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    How is denver/KC irrelevant but STL/CLE gets a comment, dumb football fan.

  9. #9
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    You picked just like Tyche! Good work, dumb picks lol

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tajin View Post
    How is denver/KC irrelevant but STL/CLE gets a comment, dumb football fan.
    Because Sjax is on his team.

    Dumb FF fan.

  11. #11
    The Anti Miz
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    some people just don't know dick

  12. #12
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    Well excuse me for trying to have a happy football trash-talk in the football thread while you nigs talk about FF.

    Implying there's not a perfectly fine FF thread going.

  13. #13
    THIS IS BREGOR'S STORY
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    Thread of the year of the week.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tajin View Post
    How is denver/KC irrelevant but STL/CLE gets a comment, dumb football fan.
    Hey fuck you buddy.

    TANK FOR TRENT

  14. #14
    A Magic Ham Sandwich
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    Cleveland Streps

  15. #15
    C A P S UNLEASH THE FURY
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flarega View Post
    NFL Week 10 - Heady picks his fantasy team
    More like "Heady picks games in such a way that will get the Bengals to the playoffs"

  16. #16
    THIS IS BREGOR'S STORY
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flarega View Post
    Cleveland Streps
    Kwanzaa Konnection

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xajii View Post
    More like "Heady picks games in such a way that will get the Bengals to the playoffs"

    Implying they aren't already on the path to glory.

  18. #18
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    Why did you misspell Tryven

  19. #19
    THIS IS BREGOR'S STORY
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    Fucking Dallas, can't even cover against shitty Seattle in the Jerry Dome. If it weren't for them I would be over .500 ATS for the first time all season. Never fucking picking those bastards to cover again.

    On a happier note, Miami, Carolina and Cleveland are all home favorites. Who can overcome the odds and LOSE FOR LANDRY or TANK FOR TRENT or BOTCH FOR BARKLEY. Because let's be honest, either Indy is getting Luck, or St. Louis is trading down for a king's ransom (or roughly two Carson Palmers.)

    Last week
    Pick: 8-6
    ATS: 11-3

    Overall
    Pick: 86-44
    ATS: 63-63-4

    THU, NOV 10

    Oakland at San Diego (-7) - With Darren McFadden reportedly out at least another week, Carson Palmer coming off a three interception game, and the run defense getting gashed for 299 rushing yards on 7.9 per carry (!) against Denver, there aren't many positives for Oakland to focus on heading into this crucial division game. Add in a short week of practice (fuck Thursday games) and they better hope for a miracle, or someone who can cover Vincent Jackson. That miracle might be Phil "I lead the NFL in turnovers" Rivers, who still can't eat a Double Whopper. Turnovers and big plays will make it interesting, but I don't see San Diego losing this one at home. Chargers win, Raiders cover.

    SUN, NOV 13

    Buffalo at Dallas (-5.5) - For the first time all season, the Bills were held under 20 points last week, and also turned the ball over three times. Is the secret out on their offense? Or is their soft early schedule catching up with them? Whatever the case, they need a win to keep pace with the winner of Pats/Jets. As for the Cowboys' playoff hopes, they're two back of the resilient Giants, and somehow only a game behind Chicago and Atlanta for the last wild card spot. But in a lackluster division, I don't feel the sense of urgency. In fact I haven't felt Dallas had a sense of urgency since the mid-90s. Fred Jackson won't go full Shady, but the Bills should be able to move the ball against an average defense. And without Smilin' Miles, Dallas won't be at full strength to keep pace. Still, Dez and Murray are good to go, and they should get Felix Jones back, whatever that's worth. But Marcell Dareus loves injuring quarterbacks from Texas teams, so I expect we'll see Jon Kitna at some point. I'd take the over in a heartbeat, but something tells me Buffalo isn't quite done yet. Bills win in the upset.

    New Orleans at Atlanta (PK) - GAME OF THE WEEK NUMBER ONE. Maybe I was spoiled by N'awlins and their über-offense, because I looked at Brees and his 258-2-1 line last week and was disappointed. I would murder an entire litter of puppies for Colt McCoy to do that every week. But an interesting wrinkle for the Saints was their success running the ball with Pierre Thomas and Chris Ivory, to the tune of 195 total team yards rushing. If they maintain that balance, they are very tough to beat. Dear Mike Smith and Matt Ryan, PROTIP: Get the Goddamn ball to Julio Jones. Love, Breggie. Yes, it was the Colts, and they were coming off a bye, but Atlanta did everything they wanted to do last week. Can they keep it going? I'm gonna say "probably not." Saints win in a squeaker.

    Houston at Tampa Bay (+3) - Soft schedule, thy name is the 6-win AFC teams. Houston has yet to stand up to a real test, as their best win has come against Pittsburgh. See OP re: Pittsburgh's wins. With a bye coming up after this week, the Texans may hold Andre Johnson back yet again, which means a healthy dose of Foster and Tate. There's nothing I can really say about the Bucs right now other than "average." I picked them to be a playoff team, for the Big Three of Freeman, Blount and Williams to continue to develop, and for Raheem Morris to win coach of the year. No, no, and no. Their defense isn't helping them out any, as they rank in the bottom half of the league in nearly every major defensive category, and downright dreadful in total yards allowed per game and sacks. I usually like home dogs, especially when a team has as much talent as Tampa Bay, but I feel like this one will slip away from them. Texans win and cover.

    St. Louis at Cleveland (-2.5) - There's been so many power outages in Cleveland, it's time to call FEMA. Hillis has already been ruled out for this game, along with Hardesty, and things are so grim that I think someone called William Green. Offensively, only Josh Cribbs has shown any decent playmaking skills, and the defense which had been stout all year was torn asunder by the Houston running game. Coming off a surprise upset of the Saints, and heading into overtime against Arizona, it seemed like the Rams would have the ball right where they wanted it -- in John Skelton's hands. But Patrick Peterson flipped the story on them, and 2nd place in the division was gone with it. Fun fact: the Rams have been outscored by 111 points this season, the most out of any team that has played 8 games. So how do they take this one? By feeding Steven Jackson for three straight hours. Rams win on the road.

    Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (+3) - GAME OF THE WEEK NUMBER TWO. I don't know what to make of the Steelers. They allowed Unibrow Flacco and the Godddamn Ravens to put up 58 points in two games. Just imagine what A.J. Green is gonna do to them. To all the people who think Heady is crazy, a word of warning; Cincy's defense is legit. They're 4th in scoring defense, 4th in yards allowed, 2nd in rushing yards allowed, tied for 2nd in forced fumbles and tied for 3rd in defensive TDs. And that's all without Maualuga for the last three games. Never discount Marvin Lewis's ability to lose games they should win, but I'm loving the matchups for Cincy, and the fact that they're home dogs just makes it that much sweeter. Bengals get the win.

    Washington at Miami (-3.5) - Shanny says, "fgsfds"
    http://static.foxsports.com/content/...82_660_320.JPG
    Miami wins and covers.

    Tennessee at Carolina (-3) - I'm ready to write off Tennessee, which always seems to be right at the same time they come up with a huge win. Carolina has allowed over 133 rushing yards per game and a league-high 11 rushing TDs, so it's pretty much now or never for a Chris Johnson breakout. Hasselbeck continues to play well, despite the lack of a running game and playmakers on defense. The Panthers, fresh off their bye, should be ready to execute at home, and Cam and company should put up a lot of points. Even though this feels like a trap bet, I'm going with my initial reaction of Carolina wins and covers.

    Arizona at Philadelphia (-14) - This spread opened at 14 and has been taken down on every major site I checked. Insert your own DREAM TEAM joke as you see fit. Eagles win, Cardinals cover.

    Denver at Kansas City (-3) - Denver won last week with Rip Van McGahee breaking off huge runs and Jesus H. Tebow taking care of the football. Who wants to bet that happens again? After two huge wins against division rivals Oakland and San Diego, it seems the Chiefs took a week off. Maybe they just hated the idea of Luck going to Miami. Whatever the case, they'll get back on track this week. Chiefs win and cover.

    Jacksonville at Indianapolis (+3) -
    http://i54.tinypic.com/c1fy8.gif
    Jaguars win and cover.

    Baltimore at Seattle (+6.5) - For those of you who have never experienced the Baltimore accent, consider yourselves lucky. It has all the annoyance of New Jersey with the nasal quality of the northern Great Plains. "Beest creyab ceeks in teyown!" What I'm trying to say is, fuck Baltimore. I wish I could find something I liked enough about Seattle to say Bal'more will lose this game, but the closest I came up with was they were home dogs to Atlanta and covered. So in the spirit of Matt Ryan = Joe Flacco = pure excrement, I'm taking Ravens to win, Seahawks to cover.

    NY Giants at San Francisco (-3) - San Francisco has not allowed a rushing TD all season. Cue Jacobs trucking into the end zone. Looking at New York's schedule, their two losses are puzzling, giving up 28 points to Sexy Rexy and the 'Skins, and 36 to Seattle at home. Yeesh. Outside of that, they've been pretty much rock solid, despite being left for dead due to preseason injuries. The 49ers have definted rock solid, however, playing an old school, ball control game. Gore is running well, and if they ever unleash Alex Smith, it looks to me like Braylon, Crabtree and Vernon are all ready to contribute big time. But why mess with a winning formula? Expect more of the same from San Fran, tough running from Gore and tougher defense. 49ers win and cover.

    Detroit at Chicago (-2.5) - GAME OF THE WEEK NUMBER THREE. Alas! poor Rhinox. I knew him, Dimmauk; a fellow of infinite slurs, of most excellent trolling; he hath borne me on his threads a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my forum it is! my gorge rises at it. BEARS win and cover.

    New England at NY Jets (-1) - GAME OF THE oh you get the point, there are lots of good games this week. I know it's rare for Belichick to lose back-to-back games. So when's the last time he lost three straight in a single regular season? Try 2002, in which he lost four straight en route to 9-7 and missing the playoffs. Does the same fate await the 2011 Pats? Not likely. Insert your own Fat Albert joke as you see fit. The Jets have won three straight, giving them just enough of their confidence and swagger back for Rex Ryan to lose his shit when they throw this game away. PROTIP: Shonn Greene sucks. Patriots win on the road.

    MON, NOV 14

    Minnesota at Green Bay (-13.5) -

    Packers win, Vikings cover.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bregor View Post
    Detroit at Chicago (-2.5) - GAME OF THE WEEK NUMBER THREE. Alas! poor Rhinox. I knew him, Dimmauk; a fellow of infinite slurs, of most excellent trolling; he hath borne me on his threads a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my forum it is! my gorge rises at it. BEARS win and cover.
    Nigga please, didn't we go over this a few weeks ago? Chicago will lose to Detroit again. Cutler is a punk bitch who rides exercise bikes on the sideline during NFC Championship games while his team falls apart. GTFO

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