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  1. #1
    THIS IS BREGOR'S STORY
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    NFL Week 16: Unto us a Tebow-child is born

    Last week
    Pick: 7-9
    ATS: 7-8-1

    Overall
    Pick: 144-80
    ATS: 114-104-6

    THU, DEC 22

    Houston at Indianapolis (+6) - Something odd happened last Sunday. Houston lost, and Indy won. And in this space, I posted a picture of Steve Slaton, thus dooming the Texans, just as I had doomed my fantasy teams of old. And perhaps I went to the "Manning death stare gif" well one too many times. No matter, it's retired now. The Colts did something revolutionary when you have a terrible and/or injured quarterback situation -- they ran the ball. And they ran it well. They'll probably try to turn the trick again, but I don't have much faith in Donald Brown or their offensive line. Houston gave away their game thanks to losing the turnover margin three to none. And with Andre Johnson still out, I'm guessing they pull in the reigns on T.J. Yates and get back to basics. This has all the makings of another Thursday night shitfest. Texans win and cover.

    SAT, DEC 24

    Arizona at Cincinnati (-4) - The Cards came storming back from a 10-point halftime deficit against... oh, nevermind. Doesn't seem that impressive anymore. Neither does John Skelton, but he's 4-1 as a starter, and also won against San Fran after one series from Kolb. Suddenly 'Zona is 7-7, along with Seattle, bringing an air of respectability to the NFC West. But this is a must-win game for the Bengals. Week 17 is a huge game against Baltimore, but only if they take care of business here. They'll get it done the boring Marvin Lewis way, with defense and the ground game. A.J. Green is supposed to play, which is huge for them. There's nothing like having the second most talented rookie receiver on the field. Bengals win and cover.

    NY Giants at NY Jets (-3) - I watched Eli derp away a completely winnable game at home against the Goddamn Redskins last week. I didn't watch Sanchez derp away a mildly tougher road game in Philly, but I'm sure it was just as pathetic. So who loses this game will depend a lot on who derps the hardest, and I have way more faith in Eli than Sanchez. This just in -- the Jets are missing the playoffs.
    http://gif.mocksession.com/wp-conten...0/THATSFBS.gif
    Sorry, Rex, but it's true. Deal with it. Giants in the upset.

    Jacksonville at Tennessee (-7.5) - Whoa boy. That's a hard one to swallow. With a chance to get to 8-6 and keep pace with the Jets and the Bengals for the last wild card spot, Tennessee lost. To previously winless Indianapolis. Quarterbacked by Dan Orlovsky. By 14 points. Tough football, indeed. Jacksonville is somehow keeping MJD productive, which is all anyone really cares about. Titans win, Jags with the points.

    Miami at New England (-10) - The Matt Moore/Reggie Bush offensive juggernaut marches on after steamrolling the Bills, and now they are coming dangerously close to costing themselves a shot at one of the big time quarterbacks in the draft. Stupid Dolphins, they can't even lose right. New England thumped the Broncos, so maybe now the national Tebow talk will stop. Whenever these two teams get together, I have the wrong gut feeling. Week 1 I thought Miami could hang around, and they lost by 14. I think the 'Fins are a lot better than they were then, and they should keep it close. So of course New England will win by 30. History be damned, I'm going with the gut again. Pats win, Dolphins with the points.

    Cleveland at Baltimore (-13) - I really fucking hate the Ravens. Joe Flacco is vastly overrated. Their defense of murderers is getting older by the second. And their coaching is terrible. Cameron and Har-BAW can go fuck themselves. I mean look at this clown:

    I rest my case. If my boy Ray Rice wasn't on the team, I might drive up there and go full Virginia Tech on their asses. The last four weeks have been glorious for Cleveland. They've made some plays on offense and defense, evaluated their talent (spoiler alert: they don't have any) and been just terrible enough to TANK FOR TRENT. 127 days until the draft. Ravens win, Browns with the points.

    Oakland at Kansas City (-1.5) - Listen, Hue Jackson, I'm no football expert, and I know Rolando McClain is a boss middle linebacker and all. But do you really want him covering Calvin Johnson? You did? Really? Protip: You don't have to run Tampa 2 every down. Enough about the Raiders, in Orton we trust. How amazing is it going to be to see Kansas City rattle off the next three of four division titles while Denver flounders as teams figure out how to stop Tebow. Oh man, I just had a vision of Jamaal Charles and Orton lining up together. I'm very aroused. Chiefs win and cover.

    Minnesota at Washington (-6.5) - What a solid performance by Shanahan and the Redskins last week. They managed to not lose a game that Eli REALLY wanted to lose. With spirits high in DC, it's just about time for a terrible loss, and with Adrian Peterson back, Minnesota is just the team to deliver it. Vikes in the upset.

    Tampa Bay at Carolina (-7.5) -
    http://nbcprofootballtalk.files.word...pg?w=250&h=185
    Panthers win and cover.

    Denver at Buffalo (+2) - Oh, Fitz. I was driving your bandwagon back in October. But I tuck-and-rolled out of that motherfucker a long time ago. It's really going to be hard for me to watch you and the Bills bested by fucking Tim Tebow. I'll just keep remembering the good times, like you shredding the Pats. I think Denver wins this game, but I'm picking Buffalo, because a. I love home dogs, and b. I need Denver to lose here so Orton can crush their dreams week 17. BILLS.

    St. Louis at Pittsburgh (-17) - I always thought Kellen Clemens was black. True story. Steelers win, Rams with the points.

    San Diego at Detroit (-1.5) - This game might bring about the implosion of BG football threads. Our most reviled quarterback against everyone's favorite to tank out of the NFC playoffs. I think the Chargers win this game, and next week's as well, because opportunities to troll this hard are few and far between. For Detroit, I think they would have been best served by being terrible for another year or two. They have four or five difference makers on their team, and they can scratch out 8-10 wins a year, which is just good enough to consistently keep out of the elite portion of the draft. As it stands, they're destined to play second fiddle to the Pack for the next decade or so. And if Calvin Johnson leaves or gets hurt for a full season, they will just about be back to square one. GO CHARGERS GO.

    Philadelphia at Dallas (-1.5) - I trust our Philly fans. They claim that somehow the Eagles will play well enough to save Andy Reid's job. I'm inclined to believe them. Also:

    Eagles in the upset.

    San Francisco at Seattle (+1.5) - San Fran is going to the NFC title game. And they will make return visits for the better part of the next decade. How come? I'm getting a serious early McNabb-era Eagles vibe from them. Sorry, Flarega. 49ers win and cover.

    SUN, DEC 25

    Chicago at Green Bay (-13) - The BEARS, tired of Caleb Hanie's shit, are turning to Josh fucking McCown. Yes, that Josh McCown. His career stats look like a who's who of pitiful teams of the aughties. Jay Cutler still does not give a single fuck, he's getting paid and Kristin is looking pretty good these days. The Packers won't miss a beat with Greg Jennings out, they're rolling along to a perfect seas- oh wait no that's not right at all. Out of sync for the first time all year, I was hoping McCarthy would go full Tebow 'tard with Rodgers and just make him do read options all game. It's better than watching Finley drop every Goddamn pass. They really should have used top receiver Jordy Nelson more. If there's a defense that can give up some points to Chicago's healthy offensive players, it's this one. BEARS in the upset.

    MON, DEC 26

    Atlanta at New Orleans (-7) - This is tough. I realize that the Saints are as good a bet anyone to put up 40 points at home and crush anyone in the league. On the other hand, Julio. Mother. Fucking. Jones. You Roddy White owners out there should be thanking Julio for drawing all the coverage and letting White rip off 135 and 2 against the Jags. I think the Falcons offense can keep it going, but too much Brees will be the story here.

    Sorry, Marino. Saints win, Falcons with the points.

  2. #2
    GATTACA!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bregor View Post
    Tennessee lost. To previously winless Indianapolis. Quarterbacked by Dan Orlovsky. By 14 points. Tough football, indeed.
    Amazing.

  3. #3
    Banned.

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    By the start of the season I was kinda hoping we would have a bunch of /giveafuck games by week 14+, alas that is not the case and we can enjoy lulz, math and teams Plaxicoing all over the place (looking at you Jets, Giants, Cowboys, etc, etc)

    But why only 1 game on sunday? :/

  4. #4
    THIS IS BREGOR'S STORY
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tajin View Post
    But why only 1 game on sunday? :/
    Because Tebow Jesus was born like a million years ago.

  5. #5
    THIS IS BREGOR'S STORY
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    Also it's a shame no one in Cincy is seeing the Bungles meteoric rise to the playoffs:

    As of Saturday, the Bengals will have played seven regular-season home games. And six of them will have been blacked out.

    The Bengals quietly announced on Tuesday that, when the Cardinals come to town, the stadium will be as quiet as it has been for every home game except the one against the Steelers.

    According to Jamison Hensley of ESPN.com, only 41,202 fans showed up for the Week 14 game between the Texans and Bengals. Three times this year, fewer people attended a Bengals regular-season home game than attended the game played at Paul Brown Stadium between the University of Cincinnati and West Virginia, which drew 48,152.

    The Bengals finish the season on New Year’s Day with a visit from the Ravens, which could have a playoff berth hinging on the outcome. Which raises an obvious question: How bad would the attendance have been this year if the team wasn’t 8-6?

    The Broncos-Bills game also has been blacked out for Saturday. No games will be played in any of the other 2011 blackout hot spots (i.e., San Diego, Tampa, Miami, Jacksonville, St. Louis, Minnesota).
    http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com...ackout-coming/

    Six of seven home games blacked out, holy shit lol.

  6. #6
    GATTACA!
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    Sucks for Jesus that he was born on xmas.

  7. #7
    I would prefer not to.
    Moms Spaghetti
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    Giants in the upset.
    dead to me

  8. #8
    Straight Ca$h Homie
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    we makin moves man

  9. #9
    BG's worst Rangers fan
    Fleury 2; Lundqvist 0
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deejay View Post
    we makin moves man
    farther and farther down the standings.

  10. #10
    The Anti Miz
    The Anti Miz of the House of Weave

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    I AM ALSO TAKING THE GIANTS + POINTS

  11. #11
    Death by snoo snoo
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    The only home game that sold out was the Pittsburgh game. And that stadium was filled with black and yellow

  12. #12
    Death by snoo snoo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bregor View Post
    . There's nothing like having the second most talented rookie receiver on the field.
    I know man. We could've had Torrey Smith in the second

  13. #13
    Fuck It, I'm Goin Deep Fan Club President
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    another tebow title? this thread sucks

  14. #14
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    Where the hell is Tyche

  15. #15
    Brown Recluse
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  16. #16
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Headspace View Post
    The only home game that sold out was the Pittsburgh game. And that stadium was filled with black and yellow
    Asians go to football games?

    Spoiler: show
    j/k

  17. #17
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    t(''t)

  18. #18
    Death by snoo snoo
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    It's a miracle we let tweek and his vagina post as much as we do

  19. #19
    I am by far the worst poster in most threads, including Olroy and Mazmaz. I go from 0 to Mad in 0.6 seconds. Also, 8==============D
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    not sure what's more surprising at this point your shit posts or your shit sigs

  20. #20
    Death by snoo snoo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tweek View Post
    shit sigs
    WHAT

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