Random Fail: First World Problems

[Xantavia]

That's because most of the population are dunces. The problem is that even when you prove to them that you know what you are talking about, they still treat you like you don't know what a computer is...

This is part of the reason I hate dealing with our "tech" at my job. They do software upgrades on our digital projectors and things start going to crap. Templates that we've been using for the past year start having problems. Call the tech, his answer is "You're doing it wrong" Tell him I haven't changed anything in my process, and its not working. His response is "These things don't just suddenly stop working. You're doing it wrong". Have this happening over several days, other people using the templates and not working, so we all just suddenly got dumb I guess.

Finally our District manager gets involved and tells us to start doing it right, since he believes the tech when he blames us for everything that goes wrong. I write out a step-by-step guide of what we have been doing, send it to the district manager, to our tech, and to our techs boss. Tech is finally forced to come out and look at the problem in person, since all he had done prior was use a remote connection which told him everything worked. Turns out that the template that "we were doing it wrong", had gotten corrupted during the update and was missing some files. No apology, no I'm sorry, he just re-copies the files and we are back in business.

I hate the fucking guy, and dread whenever anything goes down that I cannot attempt to fix (don't have the computer passwords, or the keys, or anything dealing with electrical wiring). It always turns into 20 questions, which I have already tried and determined it is not that, before he comes in to address the problem. And when he does come in, it seems like 75% of the time he has no idea what the problem is either and has to call his supervisor to try and talk him through a fix.

[LittleSlurpee]

So.. this is something that goes pretty far back in my life when I was like 8, and it was memorable and funny enough that I feel like it's worth sharing.

Anyway, my dad was cutting up jalapenos for a salsa or something of that sort, and my oldest sister (was about 16 at the time) comes into the kitchen..

She picks one up and asks: "Are these hot?"
Dad: "Well, yeah."
Her: "No, they're not. You're lying to me."
Dad: "Well go ahead and take a bite and see."
She hesitates, says: "They're not hot.." and slowly takes a large bite of one, expecting him to stop her, I suppose.
She's chewing away and goes "they're not hot.." and a few seconds later she's spitting them into the sink, hanging her head under the faucet and doing anything she can to put out the fire in her mouth. Then she goes to the freezer, opens the door and takes a big lick of frost off the door.. getting her tongue stuck.

Nothing more satisfying than seeing your oldest sibling, who has tormented you for years, getting her tongue frozen to the freezer door while it's also burning from a jalapeno.

[Apelila]

That's a first world win not a first world problem. :D

[LittleSlurpee]

Good and true point, lol. Her fail my win. >D

[Qalbert]

when we moved into our current house my brother was maybe 7 or 8. there was a garden in the backyard with jalapenos or some sort of spicy pepper. he went out and manually took all the seeds out of several peppers and then brought them inside and was like look now you can make more. a couple minutes later he started screaming that his hands were on fire. shit sucked.

[LittleSlurpee]

Oh, they can certainly burn the hell out of ya if you're not careful. I worked at a Mexican restaurant for a couple years and got habinero salsa or atomic (jalapeno) salsa in my eyes more than once. One splash or accidental eye rub is all it takes.

Feel bad for any little kids who accidentally get it on them, though.

A side note; a good way to take revenge on customers I hated when I worked there was to put habinero salsa in their red salsa. Bwuahaha. The soda wont help you~!

[NynJa]

when we moved into our current house my brother was maybe 7 or 8. there was a garden in the backyard with jalapenos or some sort of spicy pepper. he went out and manually took all the seeds out of several peppers and then brought them inside and was like look now you can make more. a couple minutes later he started screaming that his hands were on fire. shit sucked.

Kinda same story...me and some friends were being stupid 15 year olds, eating jalapenos with humus. The humus made them actually edible on a constant basis. One of my friends goes to the bathroom to take a piss, and this is all you hear:
"HOLY SHIT MY DICK IS ON FIRE WHY DID I GRAB IT"

[Djghost454]

Work at a hospitals IT Dept, today a ticket comes in from our server group saying mcafee found a virus on a computer. Look at the ticket before it gets assigned to a tech, it is on a co-workers computer, and is not a virus, but a tool the server group gave us.

I'm just watching it now hoping it goes to the tech that has it on his computer so I can watch him try to explain this to our server group.

[LittleSlurpee]

"HOLY SHIT MY DICK IS ON FIRE WHY DID I GRAB IT"

ROFLMAO.

[altwight]

Since we're on the subject of hot shit.

My birthday was not too long ago and I got a mysterious box in the mail filled with tons of goodies.

I opened it and sifted through all the stuff and came across these "red balls of fire" and they looked like hot tamales I used to eat cept they had this brown shit on em. They smelled like wet moldy feet. Anyway I thought to myself "whatever" took one out and popped it in my mouth. Got instagib'd by ghostpepper extract covering the outside of the candy (that brown shit) and was drooling and snotting over the sink for a good 15minutes just from like 20 seconds in my mouth.

Afterwards I went to put them away and didn't think about touching them and was itching my face and nose and ogod ensued.

[pohibaba]

I think your first world problem was eating mysterious things you got in the mail.

[altwight]

ogod read a walmart fail and have to reply.

Other day my gf and I went to WM to get 3 things "In and out don't wanna be here forever."

We grab our shit and go to the 20item speed checkout line and as I'm approaching woman infront of me leaves line and goes and grabs something four isles down. I'm like "is she coming back?" in my head as I enter the line. She comes back to me and says "Oh um can I get back in line I just went to grab something." I'm thinking "whatever" so I say "yea sure!"

She gets back infront of us and turns to me and says "you're so sweet." I'm like "yea it's fine I saw you leave before I got here." and she says "yea you're really sweet." so I'm thinkin "you just said that." but I said "yea."

She turns around awkwardly before turning around one more time and says "yea I never meet any sweet people anymore" (she was like torn up trailer trash from AL (im from AL)) so I'm thinking "stfu plz" and I just say "yea." Finally she got the point and stopped talking to me.

FAIL INC

She goes to checkout and is using a coupon for something and the cashier is like "Um we can't use these anymore" or some bullshit and next words made me eat my own fucking grits. The lady I let back in line replies with "uhh well um I used this last week, bring a manager please." I'm like UHGAUHFUSDIAHFUAGHUGHUGB FUCKING WHORE! Stood there for a good 5-6minutes cause I'm picky about certain shit and ugh fuck her. Hate people who just CARE about every little thing instead of just saying "oh okay *hands money instead*".

[jmc]

Kinda same story...me and some friends were being stupid 15 year olds, eating jalapenos with humus. The humus made them actually edible on a constant basis. One of my friends goes to the bathroom to take a piss, and this is all you hear:
"HOLY SHIT MY DICK IS ON FIRE WHY DID I GRAB IT"

We had a guy at work do that, after discharging some OC spray earlier in the day. Was hilarious watching him tell the EMTs the problem.

[Aksannyi]

We had a guy at work do that, after discharging some OC spray earlier in the day. Was hilarious watching him tell the EMTs the problem.

We had one of our guys do that, he went to the bathroom without getting decontaminated first then got his dick in a pickle. When he told me about it, I laughed so hard and told him please, for the love of god, do not go fuck your wife tonight.

[Purrrfect]

I have a good one... so I work in a lab where we take orders over the phone from the same people every day. One of our accounts has a notoriously retarded woman working there... she calls me up and the conversation goes:

Me: "thank you for calling blah blah blah"
Her: "Hi...... (long pause)...... is it.... today?"
Me: "Yes"
Her: "Thanks."

click.

This was a fucking winner! A+

[Denchi]

Ah Tech Support.....

Had a lady who was having trouble sending picture messages on her phone. She couldn't send any, none.
So I tested it out, tried sending me a picture and herself a picture just to you know....troubleshoot.

Me: So I've been trying a few things out and I was able to successfully send and receive a picture message from your phone. I just tried sending it to you phone and that DID work, so we can try a few more th-....
Her: Wait....why the FUCK would I want to send myself a picture........are you stupid?
Me: ..........(unkind words ensue)

She did leave happy, which is good, but seriously fuck irrational Russian bitches.

[Brill Weave]

Call Center for AAA

22 year old guy calls in shrieking, literally shrieking because he filed a complaint on the 2nd. He says the garage took too long getting out to change his tire and he wants to know what we're doing about it. Guy gets transferred to me. I listen to him shriek and ask him what would he like me to do. He says he wants me to look into the problem. I tell him no, there's already a formal inquiry into it and someone should be getting back to him within the next week.

Kid starts screaming even louder. I ask him to stop screaming and he starts up again. I hang up. Five minutes later the kid calls back. He asks if I hung up on him, I state that I did and explain why. He starts calling me every name in the book. At this point I'm chuckling because he called me a single cell amoeba amongst several colorful expletives(the amoeba stood out lol.) I tell him that since he is so dissatisfied with our service that I am cancelling his membership that his mother paid for and he can change his own tire like he should have done to start. He gets really quiet and asks me if his mother is going to find out that I'm cancelling him and that he was screaming at me. I tell him it's common practice to send out a letter to any primary member when an associate is cancelled by the company. He then starts begging me, voice cracking, to not cancel him. Pretty sure he was crying at the end. I am amused.

[Thuronn]

Girlfriend bitches that there is "no soap at my house". What she means by this is that I've almost used up my bar of soaps and I have the 2/3 smallers pieces assembled as a massive 'combo' soap.

If it's not big and just opened, it apparently isn't real soap to her.

[Brill Weave]

lol combo soap. I remember those days.

[Xantavia]

Are you sure its not just because its bar soap? All the females in my family feel that if its not a body wash you can put on a loofah, its not real soap. And Frankenstein soap bars rock.