Random Fail: First World Problems

[Guitarman]

bitch please I'm classy, I hook up at Nordstrom's in the handicapped stall

We talked about it a bit and long story short, I'm at "proceed with caution." I understand why he is the way he is (just got out of a very long relationship and needs his independence) but while I can respect that, it's not something I can handle in my dating life. So we'll see if he can work on it a bit or not. If not, no hard feelings, but I told him point-blank that would be reason for me to bow out.

But that's the thing, man. It's been 2 dates, if you even want to call them that. He doesn't deserve "proceed with caution". It's drop and move on. I'm not trying to be mean, but it sounds like you're really desperate for love. Being single sucks sometimes, I get it; I really do. I'm the king of flying solo. But you've gotta get it into your head that you're worth more than this. You don't need the bullshit you're dealing with. If he's at a point where he needs independence, and you don't, then you're not compatible, end of story. You might be down the road, but not now.

I took a lot of emotional bruises learning this lesson with the women i've dated. I'd hate to see you keep beating yourself up over this too.

[Abandon]

bitch please I'm classy, I hook up at Nordstrom's in the handicapped stall

We talked about it a bit and long story short, I'm at "proceed with caution." I understand why he is the way he is (just got out of a very long relationship and needs his independence) but while I can respect that, it's not something I can handle in my dating life. So we'll see if he can work on it a bit or not. If not, no hard feelings, but I told him point-blank that would be reason for me to bow out.

get over yourself. you're that clingy person nobody wants to date

[Zetanio]

get over yourself. you're that clingy person nobody wants to date

Yep. P sure we told you this last time.

[Yuri-G]

To Zet and Abandon, I've spent my whole life believing that shit. I spent my entire childhood being told I was worthless. I spent my adult life echoing that message back to myself, and I lost decades - fucking decades - of my life to that self-loathing bullshit. I eventually began to wake up, though - to wake up to the fact that I am an incredible guy. A guy with issues? Yeah. But a guy who has fucking amazing potential, a heart full of love, and who a) may someday make the right partner happy as hell but b) more importantly, am learning to make myself happy as hell. I am working as hard as I can to be a better person, a more confident person, and I am slowly but surely succeeding at that. Posts like this, talking it through with people who already have that confidence and can inspire it in me, that helps, which is why I do it. I will not give up; I deserve intimacy just as much as the next guy. I deserve happiness, I deserve confidence, I deserve the goddamn world motherfucker.

But look. I know this is just a message board and we're all just randos on the internet. But you have to be a real bully, a real piece of shit human being to try and talk down to me like that. I mean Jesus Christ, that was the meanest thing I think I've seen on BG since I started posting, and I've been here for years. You need to check the shit out of yourself if you think that's an acceptable way to talk to another human being no matter how much you dislike them, no matter what you think of them.

You are wrong. I know better. I am worthy. And whether you believe that or not is immaterial. Yeah, I'm responding to you directly, which is a sign you got to me a bit. But motherfucker, that deserved a response.

Fuck. You. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out from under. I have listened to people like you for decades, and that's why I became this clingy piece of shit in the first place. I will not, under any circumstances, listen to that shit going forward. Because I am more important than the opinions of assholes like you who get off from pushing people like me down. I really, really am.

Honestly, in a weird sense? Thank you. I needed someone to light that fire in me today. Good job. Now get the fuck out until you learn how to behave like a decent human being, the both of you.

But that's the thing, man. It's been 2 dates, if you even want to call them that. He doesn't deserve "proceed with caution". It's drop and move on. I'm not trying to be mean, but it sounds like you're really desperate for love. Being single sucks sometimes, I get it; I really do. I'm the king of flying solo. But you've gotta get it into your head that you're worth more than this. You don't need the bullshit you're dealing with. If he's at a point where he needs independence, and you don't, then you're not compatible, end of story. You might be down the road, but not now.

I took a lot of emotional bruises learning this lesson with the women i've dated. I'd hate to see you keep beating yourself up over this too.

I am really beginning to like you, and I cannot tell you enough how much I have appreciated your posts from time to time. Thank you. This is the shit I will listen to. This is the person I am building going forward.

[mallister]

http://shop.neilmed.com/Products/Sinus-Rinse

Buy that.

Wash the bottle p regularly and you can use regular salt and water if you want. It's p great.

Got one last night. I concur. Thank you based BG.

[Boyiee]

To Zet and Abandon, I've spent my whole life believing that shit. I spent my entire childhood being told I was worthless. I spent my adult life echoing that message back to myself, and I lost decades - fucking decades - of my life to that self-loathing bullshit. I eventually began to wake up, though - to wake up to the fact that I am an incredible guy. A guy with issues? Yeah. But a guy who has fucking amazing potential, a heart full of love, and who a) may someday make the right partner happy as hell but b) more importantly, am learning to make myself happy as hell. I am working as hard as I can to be a better person, a more confident person, and I am slowly but surely succeeding at that. Posts like this, talking it through with people who already have that confidence and can inspire it in me, that helps, which is why I do it. I will not give up; I deserve intimacy just as much as the next guy. I deserve happiness, I deserve confidence, I deserve the goddamn world motherfucker.

But look. I know this is just a message board and we're all just randos on the internet. But you have to be a real bully, a real piece of shit human being to try and talk down to me like that. I mean Jesus Christ, that was the meanest thing I think I've seen on BG since I started posting, and I've been here for years. You need to check the shit out of yourself if you think that's an acceptable way to talk to another human being no matter how much you dislike them, no matter what you think of them.

You are wrong. I know better. I am worthy. And whether you believe that or not is immaterial. Yeah, I'm responding to you directly, which is a sign you got to me a bit. But motherfucker, that deserved a response.

Fuck. You. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out from under. I have listened to people like you for decades, and that's why I became this clingy piece of shit in the first place. I will not, under any circumstances, listen to that shit going forward. Because I am more important than the opinions of assholes like you who get off from pushing people like me down. I really, really am.

Honestly, in a weird sense? Thank you. I needed someone to light that fire in me today. Good job. Now get the fuck out until you learn how to behave like a decent human being, the both of you.



I am really beginning to like you, and I cannot tell you enough how much I have appreciated your posts from time to time. Thank you. This is the shit I will listen to. This is the person I am building going forward.

Yoooooooo no one called you a piece of trash or anything like that homie, you were just told the factual fact that you are clingy and it scares people away. People don't want to see that the first few dates. People don't want to be invited on vacations the first few months of a relationship. People want to see your social skills, how you interact with others, whether you are jealous and freak out over other people being around your date, and whether you are just a cool chill person to be around.

If my wife and I didn't go out for a drink or to a party early on, I wouldn't know how she interacts with the people closest and most important to me or whether she freaks out if I get a 3rd drink instead of stopping at two. Legit had a girl make our friend throw out a $10 beer we just bought him at a football game once, later crazy. Don't be that. People wanna find that out early on. People don't want to just Netflix and chill and get their rocks off which might just be the impression you're giving off. Maybe that Bro wants a relationship and commitment too and not just to get off but you tried to invite him over for perhaps just that what does he know and he's like nah Bro let's see how you deal with splitting a check at the bar.

[Anoat]

More red flags than a game of Minesweeper.

[Brill Weave]

Well. That escalated.

[Abandon]

rofl. Ease up on your self-importance, bro. Nobody here said you were a worthless piece of shit. If I wanted to, I would have. On the second date, you're expecting people to bend their entire plans around you; what about you seeing it from their point of view? In no world am I ultra serious about a second date; PARTICULARLY with someone who is mysteriously going on a ton of first/second dates only to call it quits because something the other person does is not EXACTLY what you wanted. You'd be better off pulling a CS and dating/fucking your pillows, because at least those will do exactly as you wish with no objections or changes in plans. God forbid something comes up and plans change, rofl, holy shit.

[kuronosan]

Yuri, all other things aside you need to learn to slow down dude.

[Abandon]

hi, my name is yuri MEET MY PARENTS WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH WEDDING PLANNER

[Buffy]

Had a girl fly here for the weekend and like a one-night stand, I just want her to leave. No its not Airenn.

This is why prostitutes are superior. Remember, if the police ask, you aren't paying for sex, you're paying for her to leave.

[Zetanio]

hi, my name is yuri MEET MY PARENTS WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH WEDDING PLANNER

Yep.

[Zetanio]

I'm not leaving btw. I love Tyrath too much.

[Yuri-G]

Eyyyyy I'm back. Here are some thoughts.

First, dude was the one who made these plans, not me. He then switched the same plans that he made, twice in a row, when we had just begun dating. Maybe that's not sketchy to you; it's a bit sketchy to me. Not apocalyptic, just sketchy. Given that I haven't dated much in the past, and given my tendency toward anxiety (more on that in a sec), I wasn't sure how to interpret this.

Second, I regret nothing. Making that post felt good, and I'm sure it was at least mildly entertaining to some people.

Third, if you are interested in why I blew up, here's the deal. I suffer from a combination of generalized anxiety disorder, mild-to-moderate depression, and (most significantly) PTSD. I'm saying this knowing full well that some of you won't believe me, that you think PTSD is only for army vets, but hey - do your research, it's a much broader condition than you might think, and to be blunt: I trust my doctor's diagnosis, who is LICSW at a minimum and probably has a few more letters after her name, more than I trust you. PTSD, to sum it up very succinctly, is a condition whereby the brain reacts to current stimuli with a level of aggressiveness that is completely inappropriate; generally speaking this is because your brain is reacting to something that just happened using something from your past as the actual barometer. The army vet example is the most obvious; hear a loud noise and freak the fuck out because your brain is convinced a bomb just went off and your life is in danger. My PTSD is tied to abandonment; hence the clinginess.

I know plenty of people on here either don't believe me, won't care, or think I'm exaggerating. That's fine, I don't control your perception. But I'm talking about this because I know some of you either will understand, or at least will be intrigued enough to think about it from my perspective, and that is valuable to me.

What it comes down to, and why I reacted so strongly, is this: My brain is fucking broken you guys. PTSD is treatable, thankfully. But it takes a very long time and a hell of a lot of effort, and mostly what you have to do is to directly expose yourself to the things that trigger your anxiety the most - this is why even though dating absolutely fucking terrifies me, I'm doing it anyway. And when people say things like "get over yourself" or make jokes about how clingy I am, it's ignorant at best and downright insensitive and mean-spirited at the worst. Telling me to just get over it is like telling someone with a broken leg to just get better. It takes time, it takes healing. I am grateful that my particular mental illnesses are ones that are treatable, but it's not easy, and as I said before - I spent decades of my life believing this is who I am, that I was incapable of change. I have only learned over the past few years that this is untrue; that I can indeed overcome this, that the brain can rewire itself with enough time and work (and believe me, it's hard work - therapy for me is not just "go talk about how you feel." I work on it. I get homework, I have to learn techniques to manage my thought processes, in short I basically have to fight my own brain every step of the way. It's worth it, but it's not easy). And I will never, ever get that lost time back. Such is life; we all have struggles, and I am not in any way shape or form looking for pity (PLEASE don't). Better to start the healing process now than never.

So when you say "get over yourself," you're saying the very thing that I have been told for years on end - the very thing I told myself - that kept me thinking I was broken - not just broken, but inherently broken, untreatable. That because I couldn't "just get over it," I was going to be that way forever. I'm happier than I've ever been now that I'm learning how to get over it, but - and I'm repeating myself here but it's important - it is not something I "just" do. It is a long, complicated, and painful process to rewire this fucked-up shit that goes on in my head. It helps when I talk to people and get a healthier perspective because I am sometimes literally incapable of seeing things from that angle. I physically cannot do it; my brain is incapable of forming those connections. But when people can hear what I have to say and reflect it back from their own, more "normal" perspective - that is invaluable. When people hear what I have to say and they just mock me for it, that is not helpful at all. It's cruel and unnecessary and I find it pretty sad that some people think this is a joke, or that it's funny.

Mental illness is not something you just get over. It's something you live with, and - if you're lucky and have the right help, and depending on the particular condition - you eventually learn to cope with and maybe even get better. But it's not, I repeat, NOT something you just "get over."

So for every person on this board who understands, who suffers from depression or anxiety or something else, for every person who has been told to "just stop worrying about it," "just stop being clingy," "just cheer up, it's not a big deal" - for every person who has had people make jokes about how screwed up in the head you are like Abandon did just now by poking fun at me wanting to get married on the second date - you are not alone. I am speaking up for myself, but I'm also doing it so you can hear that "just get over it" is bullshit - because you've probably heard it before, and you'll probably hear it again, and it's not ok for people to say that to you. It really isn't. I got your back, fam. I understand.

Last, but certainly not least: To the people who, whether they understand or not, at least tried to help in a kind and respectful manner: Thank you.

[thetruepandagod]

Everything about you is random first world fail.

[Yuri-G]

Everything about you is random first world fail.

I know plenty of people on here either don't believe me, won't care, or think I'm exaggerating. That's fine, I don't control your perception.

'nuff said.

[kuronosan]

Eyyyyy I'm back. Here are some thoughts.

First, dude was the one who made these plans, not me. He then switched the same plans that he made, twice in a row, when we had just begun dating. Maybe that's not sketchy to you; it's a bit sketchy to me. Not apocalyptic, just sketchy. Given that I haven't dated much in the past, and given my tendency toward anxiety (more on that in a sec), I wasn't sure how to interpret this.

Second, I regret nothing. Making that post felt good, and I'm sure it was at least mildly entertaining to some people.

Third, if you are interested in why I blew up, here's the deal. I suffer from a combination of generalized anxiety disorder, mild-to-moderate depression, and (most significantly) PTSD. I'm saying this knowing full well that some of you won't believe me, that you think PTSD is only for army vets, but hey - do your research, it's a much broader condition than you might think, and to be blunt: I trust my doctor's diagnosis, who is LICSW at a minimum and probably has a few more letters after her name, more than I trust you. PTSD, to sum it up very succinctly, is a condition whereby the brain reacts to current stimuli with a level of aggressiveness that is completely inappropriate; generally speaking this is because your brain is reacting to something that just happened using something from your past as the actual barometer. The army vet example is the most obvious; hear a loud noise and freak the fuck out because your brain is convinced a bomb just went off and your life is in danger. My PTSD is tied to abandonment; hence the clinginess.

I know plenty of people on here either don't believe me, won't care, or think I'm exaggerating. That's fine, I don't control your perception. But I'm talking about this because I know some of you either will understand, or at least will be intrigued enough to think about it from my perspective, and that is valuable to me.

What it comes down to, and why I reacted so strongly, is this: My brain is fucking broken you guys. PTSD is treatable, thankfully. But it takes a very long time and a hell of a lot of effort, and mostly what you have to do is to directly expose yourself to the things that trigger your anxiety the most - this is why even though dating absolutely fucking terrifies me, I'm doing it anyway. And when people say things like "get over yourself" or make jokes about how clingy I am, it's ignorant at best and downright insensitive and mean-spirited at the worst. Telling me to just get over it is like telling someone with a broken leg to just get better. It takes time, it takes healing. I am grateful that my particular mental illnesses are ones that are treatable, but it's not easy, and as I said before - I spent decades of my life believing this is who I am, that I was incapable of change. I have only learned over the past few years that this is untrue; that I can indeed overcome this, that the brain can rewire itself with enough time and work (and believe me, it's hard work - therapy for me is not just "go talk about how you feel." I work on it. I get homework, I have to learn techniques to manage my thought processes, in short I basically have to fight my own brain every step of the way. It's worth it, but it's not easy). And I will never, ever get that lost time back. Such is life; we all have struggles, and I am not in any way shape or form looking for pity (PLEASE don't). Better to start the healing process now than never.

So when you say "get over yourself," you're saying the very thing that I have been told for years on end - the very thing I told myself - that kept me thinking I was broken - not just broken, but inherently broken, untreatable. That because I couldn't "just get over it," I was going to be that way forever. I'm happier than I've ever been now that I'm learning how to get over it, but - and I'm repeating myself here but it's important - it is not something I "just" do. It is a long, complicated, and painful process to rewire this fucked-up shit that goes on in my head. It helps when I talk to people and get a healthier perspective because I am sometimes literally incapable of seeing things from that angle. I physically cannot do it; my brain is incapable of forming those connections. But when people can hear what I have to say and reflect it back from their own, more "normal" perspective - that is invaluable. When people hear what I have to say and they just mock me for it, that is not helpful at all. It's cruel and unnecessary and I find it pretty sad that some people think this is a joke, or that it's funny.

Mental illness is not something you just get over. It's something you live with, and - if you're lucky and have the right help, and depending on the particular condition - you eventually learn to cope with and maybe even get better. But it's not, I repeat, NOT something you just "get over."

So for every person on this board who understands, who suffers from depression or anxiety or something else, for every person who has been told to "just stop worrying about it," "just stop being clingy," "just cheer up, it's not a big deal" - for every person who has had people make jokes about how screwed up in the head you are like Abandon did just now by poking fun at me wanting to get married on the second date - you are not alone. I am speaking up for myself, but I'm also doing it so you can hear that "just get over it" is bullshit - because you've probably heard it before, and you'll probably hear it again, and it's not ok for people to say that to you. It really isn't. I got your back, fam. I understand.

Last, but certainly not least: To the people who, whether they understand or not, at least tried to help in a kind and respectful manner: Thank you.

A social worker?

Dude I know about mental health. You don't need to fling it around like a torch.

What you need to do is get a hang on your anxiety because I'm willing to bet there's more to this than "Oh they made the plans and then broke them".

[Greatguardian]

People are not terribly sympathetic to highly functional adults with mental illness because pretty much everyone over the age of 18 is a highly functional adult with some combination of mental illnesses.

[tyven]

God bless anyone who reads a post that long