Brill what movie is that from? I must've missed out on watching it growing up
Silence of the Lambs. DON'T YOU HURT MY DOG.
Yes and no. Severe mental illness is in a category all of its own. All people have their day-to-day struggles and when they encounter someone with several mental illness they tend to project their struggles onto that person and think "Well I could handle that, this person is just being self-indulgent, get over it." And you know, the more I fight this and the stronger I get the more I'm able to say "Alright, you go ahead and believe that."
But again, you don't have to believe me. Most people don't. I opened up about this not because I thought it would make people sympathetic to my experience; rather, I opened up so that people who would already be inclined toward sympathy might be able to connect with my experience a bit better, and so that people who struggle with similar levels of mental and emotional dysfunction might see a bit of themselves in my experiences and not feel so alone. And I have had at least one person talk to me in private about this stuff, which makes it all worth while (you know who you are and you know I think you are amazeballs, secret person!)
To put it another way, if you put my mental illness on a bell curve, it would be nowhere near the fucking middle. Mental illness is not a one-size-fits-all label. If you know about it, then you know that. That doesn't mean I'm deserving of any more or less sympathy or consideration than anyone else; it does give people who are interested a basis for understanding my behavior a bit better.
Well first off I'm not flinging it around like a torch. I'm trying to explain why "just get a hold of yourself" doesn't work, and is frankly insulting. However, we can disagree, and that's fine. I do understand why it would come off that way, but it's not my intention at all.
Second, I agree that I need to get a hang on my anxiety. But I made it quite clear that getting a hang on my anxiety is not something that is done simply or quickly. It takes a great deal of time and practice.
Take today, for example. I have been feeling hopelessly depressed all day because I haven't heard from him. Like, absolutely beside myself. I know that's only my anxiety speaking, so I haven't texted him because that would be a bad idea. A year ago, I couldn't have done that - I would have clung so hard and he would have ditched me already. I am getting better. But it's not a quick or easy process. You have no idea - no idea! - how hard it is for me to just sit back and let him come to me, if he wants to. But I can do it, and I'm succeeding at it today, and that makes today a good fucking day no matter how much it hurts.
If people have more thoughts, keep 'em coming. If people have more jokes and bullshit, keep that coming too. I knew what I was getting into when I opened up like this, and I knew what type of reaction I would get.
And for the record, once I calm down a bit, I'm going to find that Silence of the Lambs bit funny. Not yet, I need a nap first.
Yes. I do have an idea.
Last few pages summed up in wrestling .gifs because I am a sweaty dick punching enthusiast:
...ok that made me laugh. I will admit it.
once I get over my defensiveness I mean, shit, I understand why you would all react the way you do. it's fucking ridiculous. I KNOW THIS
for the record, this will come up again, and next time i'm just going to say:
BG. HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED. MY REACTION: CRAZY Y/N
Post of the year.
see? if you guys didn't have my crazy to bounce off of, we wouldn't have gotten here.
When you say you have severe mental illness, you mean you have serious functional impairment? You're incapable of interacting with the world around you in a safe or healthy way without significant treatment? You're schizophrenic and on medication? Bipolar and on medication?
I get mental illness. I started out as an inclusion teacher, which means I was specially trained in mental illness and developmental disorders and exclusively worked with kids with SMI and/or learning disabilities. Not Goth-punk Susie wearing long sleeves to cover her cut marks, but 18 year olds who couldn't read, 16 year old abuse victims who got panic attacks and would cry under my desk for hours, and 15 year olds with Asperger's and other disorders on the autism spectrum.
Even if you are only minimally to moderately functional and afflicted with PTSD, throwing yourself a pity party is not particularly healthy and honestly ain't no one else got time for that shit. You have a steady job. You go out on dates. You don't have a caretaker changing your diapers. I'd say you're in pretty fucking good shape, personally. Grab that silver lining, yo.