Major Depressive Episode - Have you had one? What did you do?

[Yuri-G]

thanks for the advice and for sharing your experiences. I'll be on meds by the end of the week most likely... although most medications take a long time to kick in (months) so that kinda sucks lol. I'm half hoping for some valium or something just for the absolute worst moments... but then again that's probably way too habit-forming to be a good idea. plus I've just escaped a long period of using weed to regulate my moods, which is part (but not all) of the problem.

really I just need to reach the point where I have enough motivation to do the things I need to do in order to feel better. right now I know there are a lot of things that make me feel better - exercise, writing, meditation, etc. - but the worse you feel, the harder it is to do those things. mind over matter I guess... if only it were so easy.

Can't really give any advice. I usually just try to keep busy at work and not let my mind wander back to self destructive thoughts. It's harder when I have a day off work or when I'm home, because I usually have nothing I need to do so I start thinking and over analyzing things.

I sleep around 3-4 hours a night, waking up about 2-3 times each night.

Sorry I can't be of much help, but I understand what you mean.

ain't it the truth. I have reached the point where I hate days off. if I can get myself up and active it's not bad, but if I can't... hell on earth. I volunteered to help my parents move some shit from my great-aunt's house last weekend (she's a hoarder and we're helping her clean up) just because I wanted something to do. they didn't even have to ask... bet that shocked them lol.

and it helps just knowing that other people have experienced this. although it sucks too, I'd rather you didn't understand what I mean if that makes sense. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Probably the oddest part is having an active recognition of what is happening, telling yourself to snap the hell out of it, and that not happening for whatever reason.

I resonated with a lot of what you said, but especially this. it's so weird. I know I'm going to be fine, that what I'm going through now is temporary, but I simply cannot make myself believe it. that is what finally convinced me to talk to my doctor; when I reached the point where what I felt was both terrifying and irrational to the point of frustration. sorry that it recurs for you, and the job loss is a bitch... I'm lucky to be where I am right now, they're pretty laid back (but I won't be in this job much longer and that's part of the problem). I'm glad you're finding ways to deal with it and I hope you are successful, it sounds like you're doing alright.

Depression is my best friend! I've had three serious incidents that required I be hospitalized. Once in 2005, once in 2007, and once in 2009. What is sad is that I reached out to family and friends, and they didn't care. Which I eventually adapted to.

sorry you had to go through that. I can honestly say I don't know if I would be here without my dad. I reached the point where I didn't care about my life one iota, but he said if I was gone it would destroy him. so I was literally living for his sake. I'm glad you got through it anyway, though.

Non-Troll question, but how much sunlight/exercise are you getting?

not much of either. I stay in my room all day if I'm not working. I know I should get out but it's a catch-22; the worse I feel the more I need to get out and the less I want to. just gotta get past that mental hurdle I guess. easier said than done though.

when I do exercise it helps a lot... if I can get myself to exercise. part of the problem is having no energy to exercise because I can't eat (sometimes literally, when it's really bad my gag reflex basically says "no food for you!")

[RKenshin]

I don't believe I've ever hit a stage that serious, but I've had some major low points over the past couple of years between losing friends/family, previous job being torture, among other tl;dr stuff.

Figure I might add my two cents on the off chance it may help.

One simple thing in particular that helped keep me in better spirits during those times was the recognition of how even through the worst of times, far more people had it way worse than I did. It's basic and most people have heard it drilled into their head at one time or another, but if you really think about it and are aware of world news/events the reality of the sentiment hits home harder. So many people in poor health, and/or malnourished/starving (1/7 people in the world), and/or living under oppression/being tortured/dieing/etc (imagine being the Syrian teenager in one of the videos with his jaw blown off sitting in a sham of a clinic with no help)... it sounds a tad cheesy but, it makes it really hard to feel bad about oneself and life in general. And it helps you focus on and appreciate the good in your life more.

Good luck on recovery.

[Naggi]

Yuri-G, your initial post resonates with me quite strongly. You're not alone.

[Darkmagi]

Been there, used FFXI as a means to escape from reality/regulate my moods pretty much. Shit sucks, but it gets better eventually if you seek help/put your mind to it.

[tyven]

i once planned to go to vegas blow all my money drink myself to death. then something got in the way. thinking back i honestly dont know what it was but im glad it did LOL

[Yuri-G]

Yuri-G, your initial post resonates with me quite strongly. You're not alone.

honestly, this simple post brought tears to my eyes. thank you.

[hey]

right now I know there are a lot of things that make me feel better - exercise, writing, meditation, etc. - but the worse you feel, the harder it is to do those things. mind over matter I guess... if only it were so easy.

Doing anything at all would help. The problem of course being that that can be completely impossible, no matter how much you want to.

[Yuri-G]

you are right though. being passive only makes it worse - so much worse. being active, no matter what, forces the mind to focus on something and steals some of the focus, however little, away from the obsessive/hopeless thoughts. sometimes doing anything at all is one hell of a steep hill to climb though.

[Lordender]

Depression is powerful once turned into an ally, I lost 191lbs from being pissed off and depressed. Walking 10 miles a day in the height of a Louisiana Summer is no joke, It took me around two years, I'm still not done though. I find myself at my best when I'm depressed, I'm more pissed off and it makes me focused, more motivated, stronger and more determined than ever.

[Stumblingdrunk]

I find myself at my best when I'm depressed, I'm more focused, more motivated, stronger and more determined than ever.

Hmmmm....

[hey]

I find myself at my best when I'm depressed, I'm more pissed off and it makes me focused, more motivated, stronger and more determined than ever.

Then you've never experienced the kind of depression that this thread is about. If it isn't nearly impossible to do anything other than sleep, lie around, and cry, then you've just got the blues.

[Milkster]

I had these major depression episodes throughout the majority of puberty, from 5th-10th grade my GPA fell from a 4.0 to a 0.8-1.5. My family didn't think anything was wrong with me, didn't believe me when I said I wanted to off myself. I attempted to kill myself I think like 5~7 times throughout that time period. Eventually, I got into sports and just began to get over it. I never saw anyone specifically but talked to good friends a lot. It's really something I still deal with that likes to creep back up into my mind every now and then. Turns out I'm borderline Manic Depressive (Bi-polar).

[Xno Kappa]

I had one after I came back from my first deployment back in '04. Lost a lot of close friends, had trouble sleeping, nightmares out the ass, and became a huge alcoholic because of it. Something I still struggle with from time to time with all the stupid shit I deal with. Luckily I have a wife whose family is something straight out of TGIF whose helped me with a lot. And fuck what anyone says, it's a lot harder to seek help then to "man up" and hold it in.

[Stromgarde]

I've been there. The problem I ran into when trying to deal with it was that its symptoms made trying to combat it a real uphill battle. It's not 'being sad', it's being sucked into a death spiral of despair as you feel your life collapsing around you, sometimes with no readily identifiable trigger.

And fuck what anyone says, it's a lot harder to seek help then to "man up" and hold it in.

This is the fucking truth right here. It wasn't until I got threatened with a court marshal if I didn't go to therapy after certain behavior following a certain assignment that I actually got the help I needed, albeit much against my will.

As hard as it is going to be, the best thing you can do for yourself is get out of the house. Find a hobby; I took up running myself. Hang out with your friends and try to make new ones. Please, please don't fall into the trap of convincing yourself you are imposing on them by calling to see if they want to spend time with you. The most important thing in my experience is having people you can talk to, even if it's only to get enough motivation to crawl out of bed in the morning.

[Kalmado]

thanks for the advice and for sharing your experiences. I'll be on meds by the end of the week most likely... although most medications take a long time to kick in (months) so that kinda sucks lol.

I'm on the generic for Celexa(anti depression/anxiety), and for me, it started working in the first week.

I had a really bad 2010-now. I couldn't hold a job due to anxiety. Every time anything negative or adverse happened I'd freak out and feel like I had to vomit or I knew I'd start balling my eyes out. I've sort of always had this issue, but for some reason, at the age of 29, it got out of control. I went almost an entire year w/out work while my then girlfriend, now wife, held the pieces together. During my unemployment I started having fits of depression where I'd go from sad to angry to feeling like the most worthless piece of crap on the planet. After quitting job #4 due to having another freak out session I was so angry at myself I went to the doctor.

As stated, I felt the effects in the first week, but it took around 3 weeks for my wife to say I took a 180 degree turn in attitude. Now, roughly 8 months later and still taking the drug daily, I look at it as the best thing I could do for myself. It's helped me control angry/depressing/sad/anxious thoughts. I can actually handle any problem small or big without blowing my stack. Hell, just two weeks ago my engine in my car I still owe money on blew up after I just spent $2200 in suspension/tires/brakes. Sure I was upset, but I was cool about it. A year ago and I probably would've raged for at least two days.

Hang in there. Try and keep positive thoughts. If you have time and are up for it, maybe even volunteer for some community service.

[Toshiko]

I feel like this is what I'm going through right now. I broke up with my fiance about a month agao (mutual thing) but its been really hard. I dont make enough money to be out on my own so I'm living at a friend's house. It's very dirty and cluttered compared to what my standards are so it's even stressful to be 'home', but I can't afford anything pretty much on my income right now. I felt so depressed I started skipping school and now I've failed my class this semester. And now I recently found out that one of my best friends I play FFXI with (and skype with) had a pretty bad accident involving a chemical burn so he's unable to play and in a lot of pain.

I feel so helpless sometimes and like people have been saying mentally I keep telling myself to stop crying and "be awesome" but I just can't help it. I don't think ive gone more then 12 hours without crying in like the last month.

[Naggi]

honestly, this simple post brought tears to my eyes. thank you.

Oh sweetheart I want to give you a really big hug right now.
I've had problems with chronic anxiety my entire life, and depression on and off for 4 years now. For me, anxiety is usually the trigger for depression. I often feel stupid because to me it feels like my whole world is falling down around me, even though I'm aware that the situation isn't as sad and desperate as it could be. When I wake up, I can wake up and feel disappointed that I'm still alive. During those times, I feel like I have no power, no control, and no self-worth to believe I can actually cope.

[Darkmagi]

I'm exactly the same, it's usually the anxiety that triggers the depression for me. I'm entirely conscious of how my behavior is completely irrational to the situation, yet my anxiety will paralyze me. It can put me in quite the state of apathy, and it really sucks.

[Rhyis.]

Get laid. Endorphins and such.

[Mojo]

I went through mostly everything you covered in your OP. I had lost about 15 pounds before I sought help. I got put on Zoloft for a while. The difference was night and day. It really helps stem that negative feedback cycle that makes getting up in the morning so difficult. I made some strides afterwards and did a bit better. However, I kind of puttered out, failed to commit to my goals, and I'm essentially entering the cycle again. It's been about a year since then, although now it's not as bad as the first time. The first experience left me with better control over my emotions. Even though I feel depressed constantly right now, I don't feel like I'm at the complete mercy of my depression like I was before. One thing that's been helpful is my ability to identify triggering conditions for one of those feedback loops you can get into. The time I spent in therapy helped with this. If you're able to stop and convince yourself that it's not as bad as your inner critic makes it seem, then sometimes you can stem that cycle before you get into a really shitty state of mind. I'll be on medication again in a month or so, and I feel like I'll probably do a lot better this time around too.