2012-13 NFL Week 14: The NFC East is very exciting! (read: terrible)

[Bregor]

Last week
M/L: 10-6
ATS: 10-5-1

Overall
M/L: 122-69-1
ATS: 93-91-8


Finally over .500 against the spread!

Spoiler: show

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 6TH

8:20pm EST

Denver at Oakland (+10) - I kind of feel bad for the Raiders at this point. They should have beat San Diego in their opener, and at least had overtime in Atlanta. If they had those two games, they would have been 5-2, and maybe wouldn't have gotten rolled in five straight games since week 8. Amid all the coverage of the NFC East, the Jets non-QB situation, and the CancerColts, Denver has been flying under the radar a bit. People seem ready to give the Tyrannical Touchdown Tosser every major award, but no one's talking about the team being a Super Bowl contender. They've clinched the West, are fourth in the league in point differential, and their three losses are to quality teams. Factor in their soft remaining schedule (this game plus CLE and KC to go along with a tough @BAL) and they could be in for a first-round bye. And no one wants to travel to Denver to see TTT and Von Miller in the playoffs. As for this game, two of my three fantasy playoff teams have Demaryius Thomas, so of course Decker will get 25 targets. Broncos win and cover.


SUNDAY, DECEMBER 9TH

1:00pm EST

Dallas at Cincinnati (-3) - Sure, Dallas is 6-6 and only a game back of New York. But two of their wins came against Philly, and there aren't any easy wins left on their schedule. I hope they're sitting at 7-8 when Bob Triple crushes any and all hope of a playoff spot. Don't look now, but Cincy's won four straight as their defense has stepped up. The thought of Pacman on Dez has me all twitterpated. This seems like a trap game, but I just can't imagine the 'Boys coming up big needing a win to stay in the hunt. Bengals win and cover.

St. Louis at Buffalo (-3) - St. Louis is perfecting its reputation at the '9er killer, going 1-0-1 against them. Unfortunately, they're 4-6 against the rest of the league, with two of those wins coming against Arizona. Bradford is still taking a ton of sacks, but he's only turned it over 10 times in 12 games, so there's that. Buffalo's finally settled in on both sides of the ball, and their matchup with Seattle next week looks interesting. This week, I don't think the Rams on the road have an answer for Spiller and Fred Fivehead. Bills win and cover.

Philadelphia at Tampa Bay (-7.5) - I like Greg Schiano, but his kneel-down defense needs to STAHP. A better kneel-down defense is to play defense before the last possession, as Tampa ranks 30th in yardage allowed. What can I say about the Eagles that already hasn't been said about Afghanistan? Bucs win, Eagles with the points.

Atlanta at Carolina (+3.5) - Mattural Ice has been pretty mediocre lately, with only two TD passes in his last three games. Hey, fucko, throw it to JULIO and he will score because he is fucking JULIO. The Panthers lost the Torrey Smith gambit KC pulled on them last week, and for a team with four running backs (one under center) they rank 16th in rushing. God only knows where they go from here, but you don't need a Football Outsiders account to know that Atlanta is winning games and Carolina is not. Falcons win, Panthers with the points.

Chicago at Minnesota (+3) - Minnesota is a home dog to a gimpy Chicago team? That seems tasty, as the concensus seems to be that the tough Bears defense will shut Adrian Peterson down. But when you look at the numbers, the Bears are giving up 4.5 yards per carry and 103.5 yards per game, so I'm keeping Peterson in my fantasy lineups. Plus, as overrated as Urlacher has become, he will still be missed in the middle of that unit. I'd actually love to pick the upset here, but Christian Ponder is playing so bad, Rex Ryan would start him. Bears win, Vikings with the points.

NY Jets at Jacksonville (+2.5) - Oh boy, here we are. The single worst NFL game in the history of ever. Butt fumbles and evangelical H-backs aside, the Jets are just plain bad. The Jags are better than they were to start the season, which still has them in God-awful territory. I wish I could make a conditional wager, as I would definitely pick New York if they sit Sanchez down again, for only Greg "All He Does is Win" McElroy can lead them to the promised land. Eh, fuck it, I'll pick them anyway. Jets win and cover.

Tennessee at Indianapolis (-5.5) - When talking about the two franchise quarterbacks in Indy and Washington, keep this in mind: Luck has 21 turnovers, Bob Triple has 6. Luck deserves credit though, I picked Indy to upset Detroit last week, checked my phone and saw they were down two scores with four minutes left, and thought, "Man I hope that neckbeard kid does it." Sure enough, he did, but it's mostly just a testament to how fucking terrible Jim Schwartz is. "2:30 left and a first down basically wins the game? Time for three runs and a punt!" Tennessee is an enigma for me. Is Locker the answer? Can anyone on the defense make a play? How much more ice can CJ get in his grill? Colts win, Titans with the points.

San Diego at Pittsburgh (???) -

http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/...underpants.jpg

?????????

Edit: I ended up taking the Steelers in Pick'em, but the line closed at PIT -7.5, where I would have taken San Diego.

Kansas City at Cleveland (-6.5) - ROMEO AND BRADY QUINN AND HILLIS COME BACK TO CLELAND FER REVENGE! HOLY SHIT HOW IS THIS NOT THE NUMBER ONE STORY ON ESPN? FUCK YOU MARK SANCHEZ! Browns win, Chiefs with the points.

Baltimore at Washington (-2.5) - The Redskins, who have lost to St. Louis and Carolina, are favorites against Baltimore? Really? I thought the Bob Triple Kool-Aid was only being quaffed by DC residents and ESPN. Washington still can't stop anybody consistently, and Ray-Ray and Torrey Smith should go nuts. Well, we better donk off one of Torrey's family members, just in case. Ravens in the easiest upset call ever.

4:05pm EST

Miami at San Francisco (-10) - Attention: I am officially down on the 49ers.

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/15...arbaughlol.gif

For your inability to beat the fucking Rams. For having the most vanilla quarterback controversy of all-time. For not forcing the ball to CLICK CLACK like you clearly should. Still, Miami's best player just went down, and Smiths Aldon and Justin should have a field day without Jake Long on the field. 49ers win, Dolphins with the points.

4:25pm EST

Arizona at Seattle (-10.5) - Resident West Coast expert Tweek has informed me that the Seahawks play mediocre on the road. Just sit back and wait for the Pulitzers to roll in, man. Luckily, Seattle is at home this week, and speaking of journalism, the Cardinals are still placing ads in the Arizona Republic that read, "SEEKING 6'2" OR TALLER MALE WITH ONE FUNCTIONING ARM TO PLAY QUARTERBACK FOR LEAGUE MINIMUM. NO EXPERIENCE NEED. SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED." Seahawks win and cover.

New Orleans at NY Giants (-5) - Are there "Fire Coughlin" grumblings yet? Good, then Eli will go Wolvie berserk style on New Orleans' pathetic defense. Giants win and cover.

8:20pm EST

Detroit at Green Bay (-6.5) - Last year's trip to the playoffs was probably the worst thing that could have happened to the Lions. It will keep Jim Schwartz in town for an extra two or three years beyond when it's obvious he is an awful head coach. Enjoy your purgatory, Detroit. Green Bay seems to have an excellent record in games where the opposing team's quarterback throws footballs right at their secondary. Good job, Pack. I'm not convinced either of these teams will put on a prime time-worthy show, but I am confident in Schwartz's ability to lose. Packers win, Lions with the points.


MONDAY, DECEMBER 10TH

8:30pm EST

Houston at New England (-3.5) - Another monster of a Monday night game. Who will Jon Gruden describe as "this guy" the most? I'm going with Schaub. The Patriots might have two more losses than Houston, but they lead the league in net points at +170 (!) and they're excelling at all facets of the game. Also, Aaron Hernandez will be a monster in fantasy playoffs with Gronk out. Houston is no slouch either at net +130, but I've been predicting gloom and doom for them for a while now, and I think it starts with this game. Patriots win and cover.

[Cail]

packers have resigned ryan grant

[archibaldcrane]

Jesus christ, James Starks out for the season with a knee injury? What is going on?

[tyven]

SHIT HOW YOU GONNA CONVERT THIRD DOWNS NOW?

[Tweek]

packers have resigned ryan grant

damn i thought he was older than 29

[Boyiee]

Hope your right about Monday night, but I have baaaaaad feelings.

Chat Johnson (ochocinco) was on First Take and is getting torn apart by fans for everything, I actually feel bad for him. He made a comment for the chiefs guy to RIP and fans ripped him for it lol. Guy can't win.

[Sol-Blackguy]

Pending Suggs' bicep examination, the Skins game could go either way. If the Ravens lose, they'll beat themselves.

[archibaldcrane]

Nick Perry (starting OLB)
Desmond Bishop (starting ILB)
Derrick Sherrod / Brian Bulaga (starting OTs)
Cedric Benson (starting RB)
DJ Smith (backup ILB turned starter)
James Starks / Brandon Saine (backup RBs)
Andrew Quarless (backup TE)
Sean Richardson (backup S)

all out for the year

That's on top of Greg Jennings missing 8 games, Charles Woodson missing 7 and counting, Clay Matthews missing 3 and counting, and now Jordy Nelson being out for at least a game or two...

insane.

[Melena]

Chad Johnson talking about a guy who shot and killed his gf was probably the biggest mistake he's made this year considering what he did to his now x wife.

[Tweek]

Sanchez to remain starter for JETS, fucking lol.

[Bregor]

@ProFootballTalk

Rex tells Jax media Tebow will be No. 2 if healthy http://wp.me/p14QSB-6Bep

Rex Ryan is the NFL version of the guy who drafts his whole fantasy team off a magazine's rankings, then clings to them for the entire season even when it's obvious his team sucks ass.

[Cail]

Rex Ryan is the NFL version of the guy who drafts his whole fantasy team off a magazine's rankings, then clings to them for the entire season even when it's obvious his team sucks ass.

RIVERS

[Bregor]

RIVERS

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/1565891/riversmad.gif

[Headspace]

Rex Ryan is the NFL version of the guy who drafts his whole fantasy team off a magazine's rankings, then clings to them for the entire season even when it's obvious his team sucks ass.

<

[Xajii]

Nick Perry (starting OLB)
Desmond Bishop (starting ILB)
Derrick Sherrod / Brian Bulaga (starting OTs)
Cedric Benson (starting RB)
DJ Smith (backup ILB turned starter)
James Starks / Brandon Saine (backup RBs)
Andrew Quarless (backup TE)
Sean Richardson (backup S)

all out for the year

That's on top of Greg Jennings missing 8 games, Charles Woodson missing 7 and counting, Clay Matthews missing 3 and counting, and now Jordy Nelson being out for at least a game or two...

insane.

Wild card Superbowl run incoming.

The redskins are favored because every non Baltimore sports fan loves to hate the ravens because they are perennial contenders with injuries to every significant defensive player and have therefore underperformed

[Tweek]

The redskins are favored because every non Baltimore sports fan loves to hate the ravens because they are perennial contenders with injuries to every significant defensive player and have therefore underperformed

or cause people remember WAS just beat NYG and BAL lost to Charlie Batch (and almost SD)

[Xajii]

or cause people remember WAS just beat NYG and BAL lost to Charlie Batch (and almost SD)

Have the redskins beat anyone in a fashion other than an "almost" loss?

[Bregor]

I love the NFL

Probably the only sport in the world were you go from ridiculous over reaction highs from one week during a win to ridiculous overreaction lows the next with a loss

^

Ballmurr is better than Washington, period. COME AT ME BRO(VEN)

[Dimmauk]

Can't wait for Suh to Suhplex Rodgers to concussion land.

[Tweek]

Have the redskins beat anyone in a fashion other than an "almost" loss?

idunno but you know how the fucking EAST is it's just as Rhino said but probably multiplied x times if the team is in the EAST, I'm just saying that's how people react to it. Also BAL has been struggling for a while now it's crazy how they kept winning I think the SD game is when a lot more people started to notice it. Sucks you guys have had so many injuries, it's amazing to me how BAL and GB keep finding ways to win with as many injuries they have even if they aren't the prettiest wins they're still winning