Why hello there, oh Bluest of Gartrs.
I'm here to announce the megaprize. But before that, you must be educated of my evening last night. Go get a lighter, a broom, some lube, and a nice glass of paint thinner so I can regale the antics of my past to you. Don't worry, the story has a point. Once fully understanding this epoch, great technical xtradition will be achieved..
Last night I had quite the evening, and in the end I learned quite the lesson. I met a female at a bar, who was quite the looker. I placed her at about 25, single(completely ignoring the ring on her finger), and she had that look. I called over to the bartender and had a few sugar cubes sent to her, as the mating rituals of horse gods dictate. The bartender began to prepare a napkin with these delicacies of my people.
Once prepared, the sugar cubes were delivered post haste. The woman looked at the bartender with a look of disgust and curiosity but still accepted the gift. It is just my luck that she was drinking an old fashioned, for her drink was too bitter. She simply just put a cube or two into the drink to make it more palatable for her beautiful tongue.
Fifteen minutes pass, I have the bartender prepare two more of these beautiful beverage known as the old fashioned and gives them to me. I walk up to her and simply say, "Could I partake in your cubed sugar?" handing her an old fashioned and beginning to sit next to her. She responds in the acceptance of my invitation in the ritualistic horsegodeth ceremonial sexual evening one nighteth fuckfest invitation with, "Kind horsegod, are you worth a Today Sponge?"
That instant, I realize something. Today Sponge? What is this, 1990? This woman is not 25. Ordinarily this would be a red flag but... you know what? I must have her. tonight, age is just a number. We have a few more sugar cubes then I offer her a ride home, which I kindly inform her that she will be staying with me tonight. She begrudgingly accepts my invitation and we proceed back to my place for a night of sweet sweet copulation.
I won't go into too much details, but lets just say she was quite the squirter. She had a lot of power under the hood.
After a night of blissful lovemaking, the horsegod must ingest his finest french pressed Kona Mountain Coffee to refuel and bring forth the caffeine. The coffee was prepared by my hands, thus it was perfect. I prepare two to-go cups and give this woman hers while she is exiting my humble townhouse.
As she is leaving, I ask her age.. Her response?
48. Got Dayum. How can a majestic woman such as this have this age? I attempt to say something, "
0..." and she puts her finger on my lips as to shush me, and walks off. Never to be heard from again.
You know what, BG? Water bottles that have been sitting on the shelf a little bit are just as good as the new ones. They hit just as hard.