2013-14 NFL Week 13: DALLAS SUPER BOWL WEEK

[Bregor]

Before we get into it, I'd like to make sure everyone is aware of this thread and this link as BG lost one of our kindest, smartest, and most thoughtful posters last week, Woozie. Please feel free to share remembrances, offer condolences, and if you have some extra scratch lying around, please donate. Most of BG only knew him from his posts, but he touched so many of us with his words and his friendship that his loss is being felt by the entire community. Rest easy, Woozie.


And now, on with the silliness of the NFL thread.

Spoiler: show

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Everyone's favorite Thanksgiving tradition is here -- Buck / Aikman derpface and Cowboys delusions of grandeur. I'll be out of town on Thursday, but rest assured I'll be thinking, "Heh, heh, lolboys" pretty much all day.


Last week
M/L: 7-6-1
ATS: 7-7

Overall
M/L: 108-67-1
ATS: 83-86-7


TURKEYSDAY, NOVEMBER 28TH

12:30pm EST, FOX

Green Bay at Detroit (-6) - For all the joking we've done about the NFC East, the North is really trying hard to supplant them at the shittiest division in football. Matt Flynn, discarded by Seattle, Oakland, and Buffalo, is now Green Bay's only hope in a must-win game since Aaron Rodgers hasn't had time to heal and practice properly in a short week. The Lions can also point to an obvious reason for their recent struggles, but instead of a superstar injured it's just Matt Stafford's neck fat and Jim Schwartz's derpy gaze. Detroit has lost nine straight Thanksgiving day games, with their last victory back in 2003 against... Green Bay. Five Jason Hanson field goals and a Shawn Bryson (!) rushing TD, not to mention three Brett Favre picks, helped them win ten years ago. But the history you'll hear about a lot is from New Year's Day 2012, when Flynn went 31-for-44 for 480 yards and 6 TDs in the Frozen Tundra. Fun fact: Detroit was favored by 6.5 in that game. Just to keep the North interesting, and since there will be no sign of John Madden's turducken or Jason Hanson's kicking skills, I'll go with the Packers in the upset.

4:30pm EST, CBS

Oakland at Dallas (-9.5) - If not for two missed field goals by Seabass last week, Oakland could be in the mix for a wild card. Such as it is, they'll have to settle for getting Darren McFadden back in time for a game on national TV. Matt McGloin has played about as well as anyone could expect, and he'll be battling Mike Glennon for the title of "most unassuming starting NFL quarterback" until Terrelle Pryor is back under center. See, Oakland has no real hopes of winning this season, so they're sticking with their workmanlike backup as not to risk something catastrophic happening with the future of their franchise. TAKE NOTES, WASHINGTON. Dallas, on the other hand, has every reason to go balls out right now. They lead a weak division, and failing that they're only a game back of the wild card. Once again Sean Lee will probably sit, and the defense is still suspect. But Oakland isn't exactly going to test them. Cowboys win, Raiders with the points.

8:30pm EST, NBC

Pittsburgh at Baltimore (-3) - At 2-4, Steelers Nation tried to convince itself Pittsburgh was a playoff contender. Then they lost to Oakland. Now, at 5-6, they're trying to do it again, and based on archi's awesome Football Outsiders posts they actually have a pretty decent shot. Baltimore, also in the wild card hunt, can't afford another loss if they want to leapfrog Pittsburgh and the four other 5-6 teams. Pittsburgh is coming off a three-game win streak, thanks in part to the hapless Browns after knocking Jason Candle out of commission (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU) while the Ravens avoided a third straight overtime game by suffocating the Jets. The problem is I still don't see much of anything from Baltimore offensively, and at least Big Ben is playing for his trade / free agent value right now. Steelers in the upset.


SUNDAY, DECEMBER 1ST

1:00pm EST, CBS

Jacksonville at Cleveland (-7) - Jacksonville, who has two wins in three weeks, is still working at -182 point differential on the season and has the 4th worst DVOA through eleven team games ever. So don't get gun-shy, Eliminator players! Surely Brandon Weeden can carve them up! Who gives a shit, at least Josh Gordon will get his fantasy points. Browns win and cover.

Tennessee at Indianapolis (-4) - Of all six AFC teams currently sitting at 5-6, I'm pulling for Tennessee to get that last playoff spot. Baltimore and Pittsburgh... nope. Rex Ryan... nope. PRIVS... nope. So it really comes down to Miami and Tennessee, and I kind of want to see the Dolphins fall apart. Plus, a playoff team with a loss to Jacksonville would just be hilarious. If this wasn't DALLAS SUPER BOWL WEEK I'd name the thread something along the lines of, "There Are No Good Teams Anymore" and my exhibit A would be Indianapolis. It's not that they lost to Arizona last week, it's that they looked so Goddamn helpless; 4.3 yards per play, fifteen 1st downs, and a 60.1 passer rating from Luck is just plain bad, while the Cards racked up 410 yards and 40 points on them. Oh yeah and TRENT had 7 carries for 15 yards. The defense isn't winning anything on its own, so as Luck goes, so goes the Colts. I'll chalk up his recent play to a mere slump and bet he bounces back against a tough secondary. Colts win, Titans with the points.

Miami at NY Jets (-1.5) - Maybe it's because I'm a fan of an AFC North team, but while the PIT/BAL game seems at least mildly interesting, these two 5-6 teams are just plain boring. Miami jumped out to a 16-3 lead against Carolina before fading in the 2nd half. An important thing to note is Ryan Tannehill played well under pressure despite the loss. Will all the teams currently at a crossroads with a young, ineffective quarterback, Miami is not one of them. Going into their bye week at 5-4, the Jets have pancaked the last two weeks. Coming back to The Big Apple North Jersey should be good for them, and I think they sho--

hahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHHHH oh lord

Dolphins in the upset.

New England at Houston (+7.5) -



Patriots win and cover.

1:00pm EST, FOX

Chicago at Minnesota (-1) - GODDAMN IT CUTTY IS OUT AGAIN who cares this game is stupid and so is your face I didn't want to play anyway stop it I'm telling mom. In an age of elite quarterbacks and throwing 50 times a game, the Bears are giving up almost 150 yards per game rushing (!) and have allowed 309 points in 11 games, more than they allowed in all of 2012. Minnesota had an amazing game last week, going toe-to-toe on the road with a division rival, getting a huge moral victory, and not jeopardizing their draft spot too badly. They hope to continue their good-enough-to-lose-gracefully tour here, but I have a feeling Adrian "AP" Deterson is going to forget all that and have a monster game. Vikings win and cover.

Arizona at Philadelphia (-3.5) - Arizona is a team you should probably take seriously. Their four losses are all against quality opponents (depending on how you feel about week 1 at St. Louis) and they have some good wins on their résumé too. Bruce Arians, an offensive-minded coach, has relied on his defense and coordinator Todd Bowles to keep them in games. Even Carson Palmer has played well over the last four games. If they keep this up, they should lock up a wild card spot over the sluggish 49ers. Much like Arians, Chip Kelly is all about offense, but Philly's defense is also playing well recently. They still give up tons of yards, but that's a byproduct of the pace at which Kelly likes to play. Coming off a bye, they should be ready for Palmer and company. Still, I like Arizona's unit better, and they should slow down Foleserin' Time. Cardinals in the upset.

Tampa Bay at Carolina (-8.5) - Three-game win streak for the SCHIANO MEN?

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The Panthers didn't play their best football last week, but still scraped together a win thanks to the versatile playmaking of Cam and a hungry defense. That makes seven wins in a row now, but with both games against the Saints ahead, there's still a lot to prove for Carolina. This is the classic upset special-type game, and if the Cats are thinking too much about prime time in N'awlins next week, the SCHIANO MEN will trip them up. Either that or they will just tear Cam's ACL as he lines up for victory formation. Panthers win, Bucs with the points.

4:05pm EST, FOX

Atlanta at Buffalo (-3.5) - When you sign up to play in the National Football League, they make you play sixteen games. Otherwise, this wouldn't be a thing. But it is. THANKS GOODELL. I would talk about the Falcons but I don't wanna be mean to Moss. Buffalo is coming off a bye and all their weapons should be healthy. Bills win and cover.

St. Louis at San Francisco (-8.5) - The Rams ran for 258 yards against Chicago, something they will absolutely not replicate in San Fran. Getting a lead and then unleashing Robert Quinn and Chris Long is a good strategy, but that first part is the real trick, isn't it? Who knows if the 49ers are back on track, or if Washington is just that bad, or both. I do know that the Kraepper looked sharp in the 2nd half, and the defense can still be scary good. Hopefully they'll get hot right now, because Arizona is breathing down their necks. 49ers win, Rams with the points.

4:25pm EST, CBS

Denver at Kansas City (+4.5) - I'm gonna go ahead and give Denver a mulligan on the New England game. Forces higher than any earthly quarterback or weather front were at work. Kansas City, on the other hand, picked a hell of a time for its defense to shit the bed. 491 yards and 41 points at the hands of PRIVS and company is just embarrassing. But somewhere, a Chiefs fan is shitting on Alex Smith. C'est la vie. Was it just an outlier, or a team collapsing under pressure? I'll bet the former and say KC keeps this one close. Still, gotta thing the Tyrannical Touchdown Tosser gets back on track. Also the weather should be cloudy and low 50s. Broncos win, Chiefs with the points.

Cincinnati at San Diego (-1.5) - The Bengals had a week off to see Pittsburgh and Baltimore both climb to within two games of them, so there's a little pressure to get a win here. With everyone fresh I think they'll put up some points here. San Diego lit up the KC defense but I think Cincy's front should fare better. Bengals in the upset.

8:30pm EST, NBC

NY Giants at Washington (+1) -



versus

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Should be a hoot. Giants win and cover.


MONDAY, DECEMBER 2ND

8:30pm EST, ESPN

New Orleans at Seattle (-5.5) - I dunno if I can stomach all the "DIS GUY RIGHT HERE, MIKE, DREW BREES" and "WOULDYA HEAR THE 12TH MAN? LISTEN TA DIS CROWD!" and everything else coming out of Jon Gruden's mouth. Someone please give him a coaching job already. Seahawks win, Saints with the points.

[Moss]

first

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[archibaldcrane]

omg

the vikings are favored against the bears this week

oh boy

[Mertron]

pretty sure the 12th man in seattle is adderall

[Mertron]

or the pharmacist. maybe I should have went with that

the moral of the story is fuck you

[Rhinox]

omg

the vikings are favored against the bears this week

oh boy

I suspect that line will change. No way Joshy football loses this game.


AP can run for 300 yards but thats basically it.

[Serra]

Giants at Washington is the Sunday night game..? Why???

[Krandor]

Because America's Team is playing the Super Bowl on Thursday so who cares about the rest of the season after that?

[Xajii]

Bregor you make me sick

[wipers]

or the pharmacist. maybe I should have went with that

the moral of the story is fuck you

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[Tajin]

Bregor you should know better than to pick bungles over PRIVS.

[notorious bum]

I can't find this story anywhere on ESPN that just aired about the lineman who found out he had 3 biological children in Africa? Apparently not interesting enough to put on their website. Didn't find it on the Outside the Lines page either.

[wipers]

I can't find this story anywhere on ESPN that just aired about the lineman who found out he had 3 biological children in Africa? Apparently not interesting enough to put on their website. Didn't find it on the Outside the Lines page either.

[notorious bum]

Thanks!!

haha, I caught the end of it and heard "biological match" and had no idea where that came from. Makes alot more sense now. Awesome dude and awesome wife.

[Moss]

yeah that was a cool story

[Rhinox]

Bro

[Cail]

Giants at Washington is the Sunday night game..? Why???

cuz theres no other games to flex to besides DN-KC and they just moved it

[wipers]

Happy Thanksgiving all. Hopefully the games will be a nice distraction from family you don't want to talk to... well some of them.

[Krandor]

Family I'm spending the day with are Lions fans, will be interesting.

[Arvin]

Family I'm spending the day with are Lions fans, will be interesting.

Thanksgiving is always special for us in a lions household. You're in for a treat