As promised...
And the subsequent nightmare fuel:
Spoiler: show
"YISS!! BATMAN!! WAOOOOO!!"
"Hey, guy who already caught the ball. Bat it down, guy. Hey. Bat it. Hey. Guy. Welp."
PRIVS auditions for Sling Blade.
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/31...ISBACKBABY.gif
"I CAN KICK! PAWNCH! AND GLOVE! I'M FIFTY! FIFTY YEARS OLD!"
http://cdn0.sbnation.com/assets/3226691/riverslol.gif
Doubles as a DRAM TRAM gif.
This man has seven children.
http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__...tick_Right.pnghttp://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__..._Stick_QCF.png + http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__...tton_Punch.png, http://static1.wikia.nocookie.net/__...utton_Kick.png, http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__...tton_Punch.png
:c
A BOLO TIE, Y'ALL
"Okay Phil, you got this, just throw it awa--GAW FIDDLESTICKS"
"Hey, you wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? EEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"
Just a special moment between two foreheads. Also, PRIVS is Satan.
"how do i blocked chief"
Someone just told Phil they drafted Manti Te'o.
Those eyebrows are a national treasure.
And of course, the quintessential PRIVS gif:
http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_as...ers_medium.gif
Aw, c'mon PRIVS, it's a great day!
Last week
M/L: 14-2
ATS: 10-6
Overall
M/L: 164-91-1
ATS: 129-119-8
SATURDAY, JANUARY 4TH
4:35pm EST, NBC
Kansas City at Indianapolis (-2.5) - After sixteen games, I'm still not quite sure what to think of the Andy Reid Chiefs. Going 11-5 is always impressive, but looking at their résumé reveals some troubling things. They're 1-5 against playoff teams, the lone win being the Eagles way back in week 3. They were swept by the Broncos and Chargers, and also lost to these same Colts just two weeks ago. Still, you have to figure they took the wind out of the sails when they realized catching Denver wasn't going to happen, and the combination of a punishing defense and Jamaal Charles certainly makes for a potent football team. Ironically enough, Football Outsiders had them as the best special teams unit in the league, despite Ryan Succop's shank that cost the Steelers a playoff spot. Andy Reid had good playoff success in Philly early on, winning at least one game in his first seven trips to the postseason, so I think he knows what to expect. So does Alex Smith, who also won his first playoff game in a crazy 4th quarter that saw him trade touchdown drives with Drew Brees before Vernon Davis's tearful catch and celebration. On the other sideline, Andrew Luck's first playoff game didn't go so well, as he went 28-for-54 with no touchdowns, a pick, and three sacks against Baltimore last year. And that was with a healthy Reggie Wayne. Of course, this is TRENT's first playoff game, which will make his 10 carries for 25 yards all the more heartbreaking. Too bad Indy gives up 4.5 yards per carry, and I fully expect Charles to have a great day here. And if KC can neutralize Robert Mathis, they should have no problem moving the ball. I wish I had more to say about the Colts, but they are just average in all phases of the game, and any turnovers or other mistakes could sink them in a hurry. Chiefs in the upset.
8:10pm EST, NBC
New Orleans at Philadelphia (-2.5) - The forecast for Saturday is 31°F with clear skies and calm winds, which is important for how Drew Brees fares out-of-doors at Lincoln Financial Field. I was really down on New Orleans during their lost season, and expected them to take a while to reassert themselves as a Super Bowl contender. Then they went 11-5, thanks in large part to greatly improving their defense in Rob Ryan's first year. But even though they seem back to their old selves, a 3-5 road record and a sluggish run game paints a different picture. They're better than the Eagles, but they are certainly vulnerable. As far as improvement is concerned, Philly exceeded even N'awlins, jumping up six wins from last season and winning the division (such as it is). Chip Kelly's offense with Nick Foles under center has been every bit as good as advertised. Unfortunately they also seem like a Pac-12 defense, giving up the most passing yards in the league, which obviously plays into the strengths of Brees and company. This should be a fun game (over 53.5 looks tasty) but I'll go with the hive mind and say Brees outside of the dome spells disaster. Eagles win and cover.
SUNDAY, JANUARY 5TH
1:05pm EST, CBS
San Diego at Cincinnati (-7) - PHILIP RIVERS Y'ALL. Seriously though, Ryan Mathews has put together a quietly good season, and the balance on offense helped contribute to a 5-1 run at the end of the year to catapult them into the playoffs. Unfortunately, much like the Eagles, San Diego's defense could be a bit of a problem. And with all the weapons on Cincy, I don't like their chances. I really enjoyed not seeing AJ Green too much on Hard Knocks, meaning that he's not the prima donna wide receiver, he just quietly goes about his business of being excellent and putting up a 1400 yard, 11 touchdown season. And I know y'all love GIODUDE. They lost Geno Atkins, but it seems like they don't miss him too much, continuing to put up excellent metrics in every facet of defense. I think they'll eat PRIVS alive. But Dalton's made some bad decisions recently, and it's a big hurdle to get that first playoff win, so I think it should be close. Bengals win, Chargers with the points.
4:40pm EST, FOX
San Francisco at Green Bay (+3) - "Colin Kaepernick sucks, he almost never throws for 300 yards!" is something you might say if you hate football. Truth is, despite running into Seattle's brick wall, the last six games have been exceptional for the Kaeper. Passer ratings in the 100s, QBR in the 70-90 range, and most importantly San Fran has six straight wins. At 12-4, it sucks they have to even play this weekend, much less travel to Green Bay. Pretty good system, NFL. Maybe they should go with the BCS instead. If I had to guess at what the AP rankings would be in the NFL, I'd guess Seattle/Denver would be a close 1/2, then probably New England on brand value, and Carolina would get snubbed and disrespected. Anywho, the Pack are probably one of the best 8-win playoff teams ever, they were 5-2 to start the season, 2-5-1 without Aaron Rodgers, and had to win in Chicago just to get here. With AR12, Lacy, and all three receivers healthy, I'd like that offense against almost anybody. But San Fran is just too good. If you're going to this game, bundle up. It's supposed to be a high of 0°F (!) with a 20% chance of snow. Even in bad weather, I like Kaeper and Gore to get it done on the ground. 49ers win and cover.