First things first, I've been clinically diagnosed with high anxiety, PTSD, and mild depression. I also have what some would call "abandonment issues". The reason I'm saying this first is to let you know to at least some degree, I "get it", where you're coming from that is. I'm writing this with the hopes you will read it with an open mind and think about some possibilities on how to work towards a brighter mental future. With that out of the way let's get to what matters.
Both bolded statements go hand in hand. In my opinion, a huge issue you're having is with the first bold statement. You've already determined you'll always be hurt by something. This is major because you do not need to continue with that mindset. Yes I understand it's very hard to change it and it will take a ton of hard work and a lot of time, but you can do it. When I would have some similar thoughts I used to right down why I felt that way and examine it. Like, really think hard about why my brain is saying such a thing. And then I'd formulate a plan to try and change that. For instance, I had major acne from 23-27. My girlfriend of five years broke up with me at 27 and I felt I was so unattractive that I'd never date again. I had to teach myself how to look beyond the outer appearance for the time being and focus on what I could control and work on fixing the acne issue (Accutane is a life saver even with a few weird side effects). I'd right down what I felt were my winning qualities and answer honestly what my poor qualities were so I could work to become a better person. And not a better person for others but for myself. Always remember, YOU are #1 and you must always take care of yourself first and foremost.
I'd like to suggest a few books to read if you're up for it. These books greatly helped me become a better person and really helped me change from a borderline hermit that hated the world to a sociable person who tries new things whenever I can and for the most part I have a positive outlook on life.
The second bold statement tells me you are somewhat aware of your emotions, thoughts, and how it affects yourself. Keep working at it and you will see results. Remind yourself that this is a daily task that can be worked on and just because one day isn't the greatest doesn't mean the next won't be possibly your happiest day ever.
Prices are for used. If you're a Kindle person, I believe some of these titles can be had cheaper. And if anyone else that's reading this has any suggestions for good literature, please post!
The Secret - $5.22
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's All Small Stuff - $4.99 *Also, many other spin offs of this series*
How to Make Friends and Influence People - $7-$8