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  1. #9241
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalmado View Post
    First things first, I've been clinically diagnosed with high anxiety, PTSD, and mild depression. I also have what some would call "abandonment issues". The reason I'm saying this first is to let you know to at least some degree, I "get it", where you're coming from that is. I'm writing this with the hopes you will read it with an open mind and think about some possibilities on how to work towards a brighter mental future. With that out of the way let's get to what matters.

    Both bolded statements go hand in hand. In my opinion, a huge issue you're having is with the first bold statement. You've already determined you'll always be hurt by something. This is major because you do not need to continue with that mindset. Yes I understand it's very hard to change it and it will take a ton of hard work and a lot of time, but you can do it. When I would have some similar thoughts I used to right down why I felt that way and examine it. Like, really think hard about why my brain is saying such a thing. And then I'd formulate a plan to try and change that. For instance, I had major acne from 23-27. My girlfriend of five years broke up with me at 27 and I felt I was so unattractive that I'd never date again. I had to teach myself how to look beyond the outer appearance for the time being and focus on what I could control and work on fixing the acne issue (Accutane is a life saver even with a few weird side effects). I'd right down what I felt were my winning qualities and answer honestly what my poor qualities were so I could work to become a better person. And not a better person for others but for myself. Always remember, YOU are #1 and you must always take care of yourself first and foremost.

    I'd like to suggest a few books to read if you're up for it. These books greatly helped me become a better person and really helped me change from a borderline hermit that hated the world to a sociable person who tries new things whenever I can and for the most part I have a positive outlook on life.

    The second bold statement tells me you are somewhat aware of your emotions, thoughts, and how it affects yourself. Keep working at it and you will see results. Remind yourself that this is a daily task that can be worked on and just because one day isn't the greatest doesn't mean the next won't be possibly your happiest day ever.

    Prices are for used. If you're a Kindle person, I believe some of these titles can be had cheaper. And if anyone else that's reading this has any suggestions for good literature, please post!

    The Secret - $5.22

    Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's All Small Stuff - $4.99 *Also, many other spin offs of this series*

    How to Make Friends and Influence People - $7-$8
    I really appreciate your feedback. Abandonment issues are exactly what sit at the core of my dysfunction - and I can tell from what you said that you do, indeed, "get it."


    I suppose I never considered the possibility that I'll get over this stuff entirely. I know I'm getting better, I can say that much. I'm sure it doesn't always come across in my posts, but I truly am. It takes a lot of time and effort, like you said, but the change does come. That's why when people say "just get over yourself" or "stop worrying" I can only laugh. I do not have direct control over the way my brain responds to shit; I do, however, have the ability to slowly rewire that response and make it work right - and I certainly control how I behave, if not how I feel.


    Most of what you said describes exactly what I'm doing. I love how you talk about stepping back and questioning your own brain. I do that ALL the time. I had typed up an example but it's just so hard to explain, but - trust me, I get it. It takes practice, but I'm learning how to recognize the difference between depressive/PTSD-induced thoughts/feelings and thoughts/feelings that are part of my true self, the person I was born to be. And yeah, that last line is going to make a few posters puke - I hope it does!


    Of course, that's just step one. You have to take that shit and put it into practice, which is where I'm at right now. For example, I don't like the fact that I'm so clingy - I don't like it for myself, and I also can tell that people don't respond well to it - so I'm working on that with this guy I've been seeing. People make silly assumptions when I talk about this, like that I want a relationship with him - oh, I do, but that's not the point. Unless his behavior changes dramatically (it won't), we couldn't be together right now anyway. The point is that when this ends I will be a better person for the experience - that's it. That is the only thing that matters here. If he and I end up together (we won't) that's fine, or if we even just maintain a nice friendship (we will) with some potential benefits (possible) that's even better, but it's still beside the point. The only thing that matters here is what I gain from the experience. How I use this experience to reroute my neural pathways and bury that PTSD in the past. And I can tell you, even just having known him a few months - it's working. I think I'm ready for a break from all the PTSD work, shit's exhausting, but the work was well worth it and will continue again soon.


    I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm still in the process, but I am definitely in it nonetheless. Like you said, I'm aware of my shit and I'm working through it. This is why I posted last night; I was so excited that I was able to handle a FWB/dating situation that could have been absurdly awkward, even though it did trigger a hell of a lot of feelings in me. People can focus on those feelings if they want, but I'm going to focus on the results, on what I did right and how much better I felt about myself afterward.


    I really love that you said "Always remember, YOU are #1 and you must always take care of yourself first and foremost." I think with abandomment people this is almost always a sticking point. Intimacy compounds that problem; it can be so easy to lose yourself in someone else if your self-worth and identity are not strong enough. I probably took on a little bit more than I was ready for, but that's how we learn. No regrets.

    I'm going to take your reading suggestions when I have the time. I'm also going to offer one of my own if you're interested, altough no harm no foul if you're not. This book has really changed the way I view myself. It is primarily oriented around changing behaviors that are based in abandonment trauma to facilitate a healthy, happy existence.


    https://www.amazon.com/Taming-Your-O...ur+outer+child


    Thank you, truly, for your feedback. It is appreciated.

  2. #9242
    2600klub
    I donated 5 bucks and all I got was this shitty title from Zet

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    Yuri, not to be a dick, but ... after reading some of your posts about guys, don't I remember you saying at some point you have AIDS? Like, did you mean literal AIDS? I wasn't sure when I read it if you were serious or just being a drama queen.

    If you literally do have AIDS, do these guys know this?

  3. #9243
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arkanna View Post
    Yuri, not to be a dick, but ... after reading some of your posts about guys, don't I remember you saying at some point you have AIDS? Like, did you mean literal AIDS? I wasn't sure when I read it if you were serious or just being a drama queen.

    If you literally do have AIDS, do these guys know this?
    AIDS is a joke I make for dramatic effect. HIV is real, however, and yes I tell everyone I have sex with. And you're not being a dick by asking! Totally cool.

  4. #9244
    Black Guy from Predator.
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    wait, did i miss something?

  5. #9245
    Conejita's Jolly
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    Trigger warning: Fuck your feelings.

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    AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

    Just checked my grades: 3 A's and 1 B (signals, systems, and transforms). Probably the toughest semester in my life so far (ALL EE's + aerospace club + full time biz). Idk mang, I feel gr8. Tomorrow we gunna get fucking wasted.

  6. #9246

    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

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    Quote Originally Posted by Yuri-G View Post
    AIDS is a joke I make for dramatic effect. HIV is real, however, and yes I tell everyone I have sex with. And you're not being a dick by asking! Totally cool.
    Have you considered asking Magic Johnson for a $180k loan to cure your AIDS

  7. #9247
    The Shitlord
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    also, how often do you use the "I'm not just sure, I'm HIV positive." line?

  8. #9248
    Ridill
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yuri-G View Post
    Not trying to be a dick, but what part of me treating the FWB like a FWB and overcoming all the broken feels I posses did you miss?


    Believe me, I've got agency. Just because my feels are fucked doesn't mean I have to be. That's the point, and that's the win. Anyway, the feels catch up with the actions over time - I'm caring less and less, whether that comes across on here or not.
    Kal already covered it a bit but a lot of it was the I'll always feel this way thing. Accepting that kind of defeats the rest

  9. #9249
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    gf not feeling well so decide to just get some pizza from round table since it's close and good. Decide on one of their specials because hey it's one of their premium large pizzas at the cost of one of their like medium or smalls. Like 10 minutes later they tell me they don't have the special ingredients for it... so I order my favorite which she said would be $10 more because not a special but because of the mix up to be nice they offering it at the same price.

  10. #9250

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    Got tired of paying $60 a month for 10/MBPS from Comcast which should be goddamn criminal in 2017. Called with the intent to nerd rage at whatever Pakistani answered the phone, but it was actually a white woman who got me a deal which is actually paying $65 a month but now my speed is this:

    Oh, I'm happy with this turn of events.

  11. #9251
    Because She's the woman Blue Gartr deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anoat View Post
    Got tired of paying $60 a month for 10/MBPS from Comcast which should be goddamn criminal in 2017. Called with the intent to nerd rage at whatever Pakistani answered the phone, but it was actually a white woman who got me a deal which is actually paying $65 a month but now my speed is this:

    Oh, I'm happy with this turn of events.
    My husband just negotiated a similar deal , definitely can't complain

  12. #9252
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    I hate getting those calls because im in video repair so I literally don't have access to those deals, and im not allowed to even offer to get people to the department that does unless the customer specifically says they want to cancel right there on that call.


    on the one hand I agree with the policy because barring massive service issues, the price is the price is the price is a good business approach. but on the other hand, the industry has so conditioned the market to ask about deals that people just keep wasting my time with that shit instead of actual service issues, and it would be nice to just give them a cookie and make them go away.

  13. #9253
    Ridill
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    Quote Originally Posted by BaneTheBrawler View Post

    on the one hand I agree with the policy because barring massive service issues, the price is the price is the price is a good business approach. but on the other hand, the industry has so conditioned the market to ask about deals that people just keep wasting my time with that shit instead of actual service issues, and it would be nice to just give them a cookie and make them go away.
    Yeah but this is Comcast. This is same company that lured me in with Tales of $70 month which after the fees and such they didn't mention was really more like $85 that after the deal wore off immediately went to $120 and then they have been adding $1-2 a month every month so until I went and told them I was going to cancel was at $175 a month for basic cable, internet and phone. They literally play the game of seeing how much they can get you to pay before you get fed up and demand a reasonable price

  14. #9254
    Because She's the woman Blue Gartr deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dasva View Post
    Yeah but this is Comcast. This is same company that lured me in with Tales of $70 month which after the fees and such they didn't mention was really more like $85 that after the deal wore off immediately went to $120 and then they have been adding $1-2 a month every month so until I went and told them I was going to cancel was at $175 a month for basic cable, internet and phone. They literally play the game of seeing how much they can get you to pay before you get fed up and demand a reasonable price
    Exactly fucking this. So Comcast can go fuck itself , I'm sorry Bane I get it but it's ridiculous.

  15. #9255
    Atheist Douchebag.
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    Y'all motherfuckers need upload speed. Goddamn.

  16. #9256
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    oh yeah absolutely. i don't work for Comcast tho so my customers don't have that problem but still want discounts. because of exactly the shit you describe.

  17. #9257
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    Oh should add the person I called actually told me I need to call and get a new promotional pricing when the promotion/contract I signed up for wears off. I'm convinced they've already anticipated the give me a deal crowd and so their promotions are actually the real price and after that is just pricing to see how much they can get/convince you the real price is a deal

  18. #9258
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    your current deal is 65 for, what, 200 down 30 up?

    that's a pretty solid deal. ~65 is our normal rate for 60/10 (iirc, not my department) which is our lowest offered speed.

  19. #9259

    Quote Originally Posted by Zetanio View Post
    Y'all motherfuckers need upload speed. Goddamn.
    Your "average user" doesn't even really need 10, really, so it's not surprising companies are generally keeping it low. In terms of legit uses, those who stream or do the youtube thing have a case for wanting more, though cable companies obviously aren't going to get behind the pirates to make tor-rent uploads that much faster. If it turns out ones need more for work purposes, well, that's why they tend to have business packages, too. A solo user probably isn't gonna wanna pay those prices, however.

  20. #9260
    Ridill
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    Quote Originally Posted by BaneTheBrawler View Post
    your current deal is 65 for, what, 200 down 30 up?

    that's a pretty solid deal. ~65 is our normal rate for 60/10 (iirc, not my department) which is our lowest offered speed.
    Right now after renegotiating I'm at ~85 for "200" down and no real given numbers for upload speeds but I semi consistently test at 100/10 though that might go up with new modem they sent me. Note it would actually be more expensive for me to get just internet at half the speed because no promotion

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