+ Reply to Thread
Page 465 of 465 FirstFirst ... 415 455 463 464 465
Results 9,281 to 9,293 of 9293
  1. #9281
    Pens win! Pens Win!!! PENS WIN!!!!!
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    7,059
    BG Level
    8
    FFXI Server
    Odin

    Quote Originally Posted by dasva View Post
    care less
    Save yourself the therapy. This is the advice for you.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  2. #9282
    Ridill
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    17,511
    BG Level
    9
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuri-G View Post
    Oh shit, is that the solution? Why didn't I think of that earlier??? Yeah let me just go ahead and flip that switch!


    I acted as I would with any FWB, regardless of how I feel. I acted as though I care a lot less than I do, and my feelings will eventually follow. I don't for the life of me understand why people can't grasp that concept, but luckily enough, they don't need to. Only I do.


    Seriously, as someone who has hinted himself at dealing with mental issues, are you really so dense as to tell a person with massive anxiety to just "care less"? Do you tell a person with horrible depression to just "stop being sad?" You should know better.
    Pretty sure I'm outright stated a few. But yes I am going to suggest that you assume at least some small measure of agency and try to actually overcome your problems because at the end of the day it is up to you. All the counseling in the world wont fix anyone. Now sure it can help them realize such or how to do it or better identify the problems but at the end of the day it's up to you. And yes shit is hard and there are set backs and it's something that takes literally a lifetime of work and yeah a lot of it will be going thru the motions until they sink in. But you don't have to nor should you have to accept you will always be like you are now. Also on a side note someone did at some point pretty tell me to stop being sad because they couldn't handle it and there own sad. Oddly it sort of worked... ish


    Now for a win. Called Comcast about to tell them to change me to lower internet only... only to have them tell me that I can keep exactly my current service for even less and that I should call each time the promotion offer expires to get a new one. Cut my bill in half without changing anything lol. Also seems that the modem I have thru them is too old and that's why my internet acts funny sometimes so shipping me a new one yays

  3. #9283
    Queen of the Pity Party
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    7,474
    BG Level
    8

    Quote Originally Posted by dasva View Post
    Pretty sure I'm outright stated a few. But yes I am going to suggest that you assume at least some small measure of agency and try to actually overcome your problems because at the end of the day it is up to you. All the counseling in the world wont fix anyone. Now sure it can help them realize such or how to do it or better identify the problems but at the end of the day it's up to you. And yes shit is hard and there are set backs and it's something that takes literally a lifetime of work and yeah a lot of it will be going thru the motions until they sink in. But you don't have to nor should you have to accept you will always be like you are now. Also on a side note someone did at some point pretty tell me to stop being sad because they couldn't handle it and there own sad. Oddly it sort of worked... ish
    Not trying to be a dick, but what part of me treating the FWB like a FWB and overcoming all the broken feels I posses did you miss?


    Believe me, I've got agency. Just because my feels are fucked doesn't mean I have to be. That's the point, and that's the win. Anyway, the feels catch up with the actions over time - I'm caring less and less, whether that comes across on here or not.

  4. #9284
    Special at 11:30 or w/e
    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    5,785
    BG Level
    8
    FFXIV Character
    Kalmado Espiritu
    FFXIV Server
    Gilgamesh
    FFXI Server
    Shiva

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuri-G View Post
    I've been going to counseling for ages and will continue to go.

    I will always be hurt by things like this. I don't control that. That's part of my disorder. But what I'm learning is how to act separately from that hurt, to not allow it to control me.

    My whole life I've been told I need to stop feeling the way I do, and it's only now that I'm beginning to realize - it doesn't work that way. What can happen, however, is for me to change how I act, and as I do so my feelings eventually begin to follow. And how I acted last night was exactly in line with what I should have done, with what I want out of this situation. Counseling: successful. That's why it was a win for me.

    And yeah, I realize that's confusing. What I want here is not what I feel. I can't really explain it better than that though. Feelings don't need to drive what we aim for in life.
    First things first, I've been clinically diagnosed with high anxiety, PTSD, and mild depression. I also have what some would call "abandonment issues". The reason I'm saying this first is to let you know to at least some degree, I "get it", where you're coming from that is. I'm writing this with the hopes you will read it with an open mind and think about some possibilities on how to work towards a brighter mental future. With that out of the way let's get to what matters.

    Both bolded statements go hand in hand. In my opinion, a huge issue you're having is with the first bold statement. You've already determined you'll always be hurt by something. This is major because you do not need to continue with that mindset. Yes I understand it's very hard to change it and it will take a ton of hard work and a lot of time, but you can do it. When I would have some similar thoughts I used to right down why I felt that way and examine it. Like, really think hard about why my brain is saying such a thing. And then I'd formulate a plan to try and change that. For instance, I had major acne from 23-27. My girlfriend of five years broke up with me at 27 and I felt I was so unattractive that I'd never date again. I had to teach myself how to look beyond the outer appearance for the time being and focus on what I could control and work on fixing the acne issue (Accutane is a life saver even with a few weird side effects). I'd right down what I felt were my winning qualities and answer honestly what my poor qualities were so I could work to become a better person. And not a better person for others but for myself. Always remember, YOU are #1 and you must always take care of yourself first and foremost.

    I'd like to suggest a few books to read if you're up for it. These books greatly helped me become a better person and really helped me change from a borderline hermit that hated the world to a sociable person who tries new things whenever I can and for the most part I have a positive outlook on life.

    The second bold statement tells me you are somewhat aware of your emotions, thoughts, and how it affects yourself. Keep working at it and you will see results. Remind yourself that this is a daily task that can be worked on and just because one day isn't the greatest doesn't mean the next won't be possibly your happiest day ever.

    Prices are for used. If you're a Kindle person, I believe some of these titles can be had cheaper. And if anyone else that's reading this has any suggestions for good literature, please post!

    The Secret - $5.22

    Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's All Small Stuff - $4.99 *Also, many other spin offs of this series*

    How to Make Friends and Influence People - $7-$8

  5. #9285
    Queen of the Pity Party
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    7,474
    BG Level
    8

    Quote Originally Posted by Kalmado View Post
    First things first, I've been clinically diagnosed with high anxiety, PTSD, and mild depression. I also have what some would call "abandonment issues". The reason I'm saying this first is to let you know to at least some degree, I "get it", where you're coming from that is. I'm writing this with the hopes you will read it with an open mind and think about some possibilities on how to work towards a brighter mental future. With that out of the way let's get to what matters.

    Both bolded statements go hand in hand. In my opinion, a huge issue you're having is with the first bold statement. You've already determined you'll always be hurt by something. This is major because you do not need to continue with that mindset. Yes I understand it's very hard to change it and it will take a ton of hard work and a lot of time, but you can do it. When I would have some similar thoughts I used to right down why I felt that way and examine it. Like, really think hard about why my brain is saying such a thing. And then I'd formulate a plan to try and change that. For instance, I had major acne from 23-27. My girlfriend of five years broke up with me at 27 and I felt I was so unattractive that I'd never date again. I had to teach myself how to look beyond the outer appearance for the time being and focus on what I could control and work on fixing the acne issue (Accutane is a life saver even with a few weird side effects). I'd right down what I felt were my winning qualities and answer honestly what my poor qualities were so I could work to become a better person. And not a better person for others but for myself. Always remember, YOU are #1 and you must always take care of yourself first and foremost.

    I'd like to suggest a few books to read if you're up for it. These books greatly helped me become a better person and really helped me change from a borderline hermit that hated the world to a sociable person who tries new things whenever I can and for the most part I have a positive outlook on life.

    The second bold statement tells me you are somewhat aware of your emotions, thoughts, and how it affects yourself. Keep working at it and you will see results. Remind yourself that this is a daily task that can be worked on and just because one day isn't the greatest doesn't mean the next won't be possibly your happiest day ever.

    Prices are for used. If you're a Kindle person, I believe some of these titles can be had cheaper. And if anyone else that's reading this has any suggestions for good literature, please post!

    The Secret - $5.22

    Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's All Small Stuff - $4.99 *Also, many other spin offs of this series*

    How to Make Friends and Influence People - $7-$8
    I really appreciate your feedback. Abandonment issues are exactly what sit at the core of my dysfunction - and I can tell from what you said that you do, indeed, "get it."


    I suppose I never considered the possibility that I'll get over this stuff entirely. I know I'm getting better, I can say that much. I'm sure it doesn't always come across in my posts, but I truly am. It takes a lot of time and effort, like you said, but the change does come. That's why when people say "just get over yourself" or "stop worrying" I can only laugh. I do not have direct control over the way my brain responds to shit; I do, however, have the ability to slowly rewire that response and make it work right - and I certainly control how I behave, if not how I feel.


    Most of what you said describes exactly what I'm doing. I love how you talk about stepping back and questioning your own brain. I do that ALL the time. I had typed up an example but it's just so hard to explain, but - trust me, I get it. It takes practice, but I'm learning how to recognize the difference between depressive/PTSD-induced thoughts/feelings and thoughts/feelings that are part of my true self, the person I was born to be. And yeah, that last line is going to make a few posters puke - I hope it does!


    Of course, that's just step one. You have to take that shit and put it into practice, which is where I'm at right now. For example, I don't like the fact that I'm so clingy - I don't like it for myself, and I also can tell that people don't respond well to it - so I'm working on that with this guy I've been seeing. People make silly assumptions when I talk about this, like that I want a relationship with him - oh, I do, but that's not the point. Unless his behavior changes dramatically (it won't), we couldn't be together right now anyway. The point is that when this ends I will be a better person for the experience - that's it. That is the only thing that matters here. If he and I end up together (we won't) that's fine, or if we even just maintain a nice friendship (we will) with some potential benefits (possible) that's even better, but it's still beside the point. The only thing that matters here is what I gain from the experience. How I use this experience to reroute my neural pathways and bury that PTSD in the past. And I can tell you, even just having known him a few months - it's working. I think I'm ready for a break from all the PTSD work, shit's exhausting, but the work was well worth it and will continue again soon.


    I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm still in the process, but I am definitely in it nonetheless. Like you said, I'm aware of my shit and I'm working through it. This is why I posted last night; I was so excited that I was able to handle a FWB/dating situation that could have been absurdly awkward, even though it did trigger a hell of a lot of feelings in me. People can focus on those feelings if they want, but I'm going to focus on the results, on what I did right and how much better I felt about myself afterward.


    I really love that you said "Always remember, YOU are #1 and you must always take care of yourself first and foremost." I think with abandomment people this is almost always a sticking point. Intimacy compounds that problem; it can be so easy to lose yourself in someone else if your self-worth and identity are not strong enough. I probably took on a little bit more than I was ready for, but that's how we learn. No regrets.

    I'm going to take your reading suggestions when I have the time. I'm also going to offer one of my own if you're interested, altough no harm no foul if you're not. This book has really changed the way I view myself. It is primarily oriented around changing behaviors that are based in abandonment trauma to facilitate a healthy, happy existence.


    https://www.amazon.com/Taming-Your-O...ur+outer+child


    Thank you, truly, for your feedback. It is appreciated.

  6. #9286
    2600klub
    I donated 5 bucks and all I got was this shitty title from Zet

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    2,471
    BG Level
    7
    FFXI Server
    Lakshmi

    Yuri, not to be a dick, but ... after reading some of your posts about guys, don't I remember you saying at some point you have AIDS? Like, did you mean literal AIDS? I wasn't sure when I read it if you were serious or just being a drama queen.

    If you literally do have AIDS, do these guys know this?

  7. #9287
    Queen of the Pity Party
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    7,474
    BG Level
    8

    Quote Originally Posted by Arkanna View Post
    Yuri, not to be a dick, but ... after reading some of your posts about guys, don't I remember you saying at some point you have AIDS? Like, did you mean literal AIDS? I wasn't sure when I read it if you were serious or just being a drama queen.

    If you literally do have AIDS, do these guys know this?
    AIDS is a joke I make for dramatic effect. HIV is real, however, and yes I tell everyone I have sex with. And you're not being a dick by asking! Totally cool.

  8. #9288
    Black Guy from Predator.
    Uppity Negro
    Secret Admin

    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    14,637
    BG Level
    9

    wait, did i miss something?

  9. #9289
    Conejita's Jolly
    Chaparrita's Dulce
    Trigger warning: Fuck your feelings.

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    6,502
    BG Level
    8

    AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

    Just checked my grades: 3 A's and 1 B (signals, systems, and transforms). Probably the toughest semester in my life so far (ALL EE's + aerospace club + full time biz). Idk mang, I feel gr8. Tomorrow we gunna get fucking wasted.

  10. #9290

    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    9,423
    BG Level
    8
    FFXI Server
    Quetzalcoatl

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuri-G View Post
    AIDS is a joke I make for dramatic effect. HIV is real, however, and yes I tell everyone I have sex with. And you're not being a dick by asking! Totally cool.
    Have you considered asking Magic Johnson for a $180k loan to cure your AIDS

  11. #9291
    The Shitlord
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    9,867
    BG Level
    8
    FFXIV Character
    Kharo Hadakkus
    FFXIV Server
    Hyperion
    FFXI Server
    Sylph
    WoW Realm
    Rivendare

    also, how often do you use the "I'm not just sure, I'm HIV positive." line?

  12. #9292
    Ridill
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    17,511
    BG Level
    9
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuri-G View Post
    Not trying to be a dick, but what part of me treating the FWB like a FWB and overcoming all the broken feels I posses did you miss?


    Believe me, I've got agency. Just because my feels are fucked doesn't mean I have to be. That's the point, and that's the win. Anyway, the feels catch up with the actions over time - I'm caring less and less, whether that comes across on here or not.
    Kal already covered it a bit but a lot of it was the I'll always feel this way thing. Accepting that kind of defeats the rest

  13. #9293
    Ridill
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    17,511
    BG Level
    9
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut

    gf not feeling well so decide to just get some pizza from round table since it's close and good. Decide on one of their specials because hey it's one of their premium large pizzas at the cost of one of their like medium or smalls. Like 10 minutes later they tell me they don't have the special ingredients for it... so I order my favorite which she said would be $10 more because not a special but because of the mix up to be nice they offering it at the same price.

Similar Threads

  1. the real "lolVista cracked" thread
    By Zigma in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 2007-03-05, 01:30
  2. Psychic wins the Lottery!
    By Gares in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 2007-01-24, 11:46
  3. The "Bash that country" thread.
    By Senoska in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 2006-12-19, 13:49
  4. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK???
    By Avvesione in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 62
    Last Post: 2006-12-08, 07:46
  5. The Never Ending Story Thread
    By Eddie in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 74
    Last Post: 2006-10-04, 06:48
  6. The Official Wilford Brimley Thread
    By JoOeetheplatypuS in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 2006-09-27, 13:29