Making friends

[Astylla]

I don't mind some women, but a lot of the typically "girly" things I have no interest in, like makeup, fashion, and celebrity gossip (this might not be typically girly but I hate it nonetheless). All things a lot of the women I know yak on about incessantly.

This is me in a nutshell. I don't get along with those either and they seem everywhere. I never got along with girls growing up or as an adult typically. The select few I do don't enjoy those things and typically are more into the gamer side of things which is where I find my best discussions from. I know the people I work with are pretty much the same or have kids and frankly..I can't relate to that as I have none nor any desire to. Speaking of which that is what complicates things more as I get older. Discussions seem to center on their family which is all fine and good but it's definitely a one sided conversation at that point. My best friend is actually pregnant currently and honestly I know that I'll rarely get to see her from now on and the things we used to do won't be possible but I care about her so I'm happy for her , but it's a harsh reality that I get along better long term with those without kids. Luckily I have some online/long distance female friends who feel the way I do and are cool as hell but again..that distance thing.

I always had male friends growing up. I was always considered "one of the guys" , a tomboy forever it seems. But every now and again O admittedly get jealous of seeing my other friends online have girls night or even just going out for drinks or catching a local show , etc. Part of it for me is I feel guilt about not having more of my own friends and feel like my husband needs more space from me. Not that he has ever made me feel that way but it comes from previous relationships where boyfriends basically asked me every week "Why don't you make friends of your own" - so in my mind I still feel like I need to live up to some ideal that isn't necessarily valid.

I'm complicated as fuck , this I know which makes it that much harder to get to know people.

[Abandon]

it seems to me the ones that spend a lot of their time playing vidya have a hard time meeting people? *gasp*

[Anoat]

it seems to me the ones that spend a lot of their time playing vidya have a hard time meeting people? *gasp*

I can't begin to describe the amount of regret I have for all those times during college a friend asked me to go out to a bar or club or something and I declined because my LS was doing an Ouryu run or some other shit. Damn that vidya.

[Aksannyi]

Back when I played FFXI that might have been true but my main friend also played so we'd hang out together ... and play FFXI.

Now that I play WoW, I basically play whenever, I don't live my life around Dynamis and when Tiamat's gonna pop anymore.

[Cream Soda]

lol back in the day I wouldn't even go out with people when there was an official ballista match going on. Would only miss those for school or work; but nothing else with no exceptions (would set my alarm for 3am if I had to)

[Aksannyi]

I skipped class for Nidhogg camps when I was up for Dalm. I'd nap between intervals if the camps were late night.

[Abandon]

this refusal to go out back when you were younger most likely has everything to do with your lack of social skills.

[Aksannyi]

Could have been, but I wasn't that young - late 20s at that point.

[Abandon]

and before that, you were military, no? and before you try the whole "but i met people all the time there," that shit was forced and you know it. you HAVE to get to know people to get the job done. so I go back to my prior statement.

[Aksannyi]

Yeah it was forced, I think that's why I was so protective of my free time after I got out. Plus I had kids which are the great isolators, and after the kids went to live with their grandparents I was depressed (even though it was my choice, long story) and I got sucked into FFXI way too hard. Living through my character is part of what kept me living on this earth, and I'm not ashamed to look back on that now. Depression is very isolating, and I still struggle with it - to much less of an extent now, but yes. It's hard for me to open up and trust people because I'm so susceptible to falling back into that if I'm not careful.

Which of course, makes the whole thing a lot harder.

But I'll never for the life of me understand why, as a single soldier living in the barracks, I had to go to FRG meetings. They had nothing to do with me. Fucking mandatory fun. (Well, "fun.")

[Abandon]

you had to go to those? lol.

[Aksannyi]

Yeah, they made us all go for some apparent reason. I'm not sure how my family readiness was affected seeing as my parents were over in PA while I was in Hanau, Germany.

We did get to meet the Captain's huge wife though, fucking dependapottamus if I ever saw one.

[Astylla]

it seems to me the ones that spend a lot of their time playing vidya have a hard time meeting people? *gasp*

This is a valid point - for me at least but isn't the only factor obviously.

I was actually a very active kid and I was a serious junior bowler for about 7 years so I obviously made bonds there socially until I was about 12 when my parents decided to get out of the bad area we lived in which just so happened to be across the state. Jumping into a new junior high school knowing absolutely no one mid-year definitely played a role in my now lack of social skills. It became a downward spiral once we moved. I met one girl who I was actually friends with about 15 years until she turned psycho after doing too many drugs.

I have social anxiety brought on by myself due to self destruction I did with food and overeating. Yup I'm the fat girl and still am but currently trying to change that because it sucks having people you like to hang out with and unable to keep up with them physically.

In a way video games and the online community in general were the best and worst thing that have happened to me. It brought me into MMO's and social situations I NEVER would have gone to and it allowed me to meet my husband so those are awesome points. However , online became a crutch for me as it was easier to take rejection online versus real life. It's like anything I suppose and I definitely fell into that group that spent way more time on video games than my life , so now I am playing catch up.

For me self confidence plays a huge role in my ability to even talk to people at all. I will say though since taking better care of myself physically and mentally I have noticed people seem to want to talk to me now and it gives me hope I'm not a lost cause lol.

[wipers]

Wait a minute video games cause lack of social skills ? So sitting alone playing FFXI makes you socially awkward makes sense.

Less time on BG more time in real world might help you out.

[arus2001]

Blaming games for people not having friends is pretty much the same idiot tier of correlating them to causing murderous rampages. Luck and environment are huge factors. Heck, I'd even imply work encourages us NOT to be social depending on hours, pay, transit, and then tending to personal needs like sleep, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. on top of it all. It's great if some of you guys are surrounded by chill people, live in an awesome neighborhood, or whatever... but not everyone's so lucky. Not being one of the stereotypical guys/gals doesn't help, either.

[Brill Weave]

Go outside. Make friends. The end.

[Manako]

I get along fine with other like-minded women, and fortunately for me there are a lot of them where I work. Growing up I thought that I was weird and had few female friends for a reason, but its still just a matter of finding people who have similar hobbies to you. Back then there were few women who gamed and now I am in an environment where they are more frequent.

I have problems with having close relationships outside of work, most of my friends are either also my coworkers or live 2+ hours away. I've been having a really bad time with my current project and really have noone to turn to in terms of listening to me where it won't get back to my coworkers -- aside from my husband but its like he's the one hearing the brunt of everything 24/7. If I was better socially I think I'd either have better local friends or keep in touch with my long distance friends.

I think in my case alot of the issue is caused by my relationship, I normally am content to just hang out with my husband and its more societal pressure and rare cases where I lose confidence that I feel like I should be better about maintaining friendships.

[Abandon]

Blaming games for people not having friends is pretty much the same idiot tier of correlating them to causing murderous rampages. Luck and environment are huge factors. Heck, I'd even imply work encourages us NOT to be social depending on hours, pay, transit, and then tending to personal needs like sleep, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. on top of it all. It's great if some of you guys are surrounded by chill people, live in an awesome neighborhood, or whatever... but not everyone's so lucky. Not being one of the stereotypical guys/gals doesn't help, either.

I didn't blame the games themselves. We all played like madmen back in the day. But when you choose vidya over possible social interactions, then wanna lament because you don't know how to relate to people IRL? I don't know how there ISN'T an automatic correlation.

tl;dr: stop being bad

[Charismatic]

tbh Aks there's two big reasons I'd love to be your friend. Sup?

[Abandon]

lol