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  1. #1
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    2014-15 NFL Week 13: COWBOYS SUPER BOWL WEEK MARK MMXIV (and HEE-HAW RIDES AGAIN!)

    Well, I thought we saw peak Dallas in week 6 when they went into CenturyLink Field and stunned the defending Super Bowl champion Seattle Seahawks. We had this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Chun Liroy View Post
    and surprisingly enough, that's still pretty accurate. This is the week I usually just post Joe Buck's ugly mug but I'm still buying the Cowboys as a Super Bowl contender. I know, I know, it's not December yet, there's still plenty of time for a collapse. But DeMarco Murray is still carrying this team to the playoffs (along with his offensive line) and the patchwork defense is at least competent enough to keep them in games. Sure, DMM already has 308 touches on the year, but resting him would be a mistake. First of all, the team really needs him to minimize the amount of time the defense is on the field. And regardless, I'm not a fan of resting guys with the anticipation of an injury. He has a good weekly routine right now, and altering that might cause the injury you're trying to prevent. With seven teams in the NFC with at least seven wins, and one playoff spot going to the four-way Jimmy-Timmy battle that is the NFC South, a spot in football's big dance will be hard to come by. They play Philly twice in three weeks, which will probably decide the NFC East, but their other games against Chicago, Indy, and Washington are all very winnable. Are we ready for a Dallas team that doesn't fold up like a cheap card table?


    Last week:

    M/L: 14-1
    ATS: 6-9

    Overall:

    M/L: 114-61-1
    ATS: 84-90-2


    Bye week: NONE! It's over! Yay!


    THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27TH

    12:30pm EST, CBS

    Chicago at Detroit (-7) - So in back-to-back weeks, the Bears have faced inferior competition and haven't exactly lit up the stat sheets, winning both games by a score of 21-13. Two weeks ago they dominated Minnesota but two interceptions, a missed field goal, and a turnover on downs at the goal line kept the score close. Last week they were out-gained by Tampa 367-204 but forced four turnovers to secure the win. That shit doesn't fly against good teams, and Chicago is entering another tough part of its schedule. I swear, if they ever got Cutty, Forte, GMarsh, Jeffery, and Black Unicorn all playing well at the same time, they'd steamroll the NFC. Thanks to Arvin for bringing us this:



    I'm not a big Matt Stafford fan, but you can't really put the two-game losing streak at his feet. Based on what I saw of the New England game, a lot of his receivers had a case of the dropsies. Their normally stout defense had a lot of trouble getting to Tom Brady as well. What is all adds up to is Detroit going from a first-round bye to out of the playoffs in two weeks. In this post-Schwartz era, it's tough to tell how the team will react to adversity. I think they bounce back with a nice effort here. Lions win and cover.

    4:30pm EST, FOX

    Philadelphia at Dallas (-3) - If there's one thing I love about a Chip Kelly team, it's betting the over. Win or lose, their games have gone over 50 points in eight of their eleven games. When you run an offensive play ever 18 seconds, not only do you score a lot but you also give the other team the ball pretty quickly. Another thing that gives the opposition the ball back is scoring on return TDs, and Philly leads the league with 10 scores this year (2 kickoffs, 2 punts, 2 interceptions, 2 fumble recoveries, and 2 blocked punt returns). Mark Sanchez is still playing pretty well, which defies all logic. I don't expect that to continue. For all the nice things I have to say about Dallas, see above. Instead, have Joe Buck's stubbly face:



    Cowboys win and cover.

    8:30pm EST, NBC

    Seattle at San Francisco (-1) - I wish this was a shitty game so I could submit to my turkey-induced coma early, but I'll probably stay up until midnight watching round one of Swaggy Pete versus the Witch King of Candlestick. Seattle got some home cookin' in a dominant win against Arizona. It was the classic Seahawks game, with suffocating defense complimenting a slow, methodical attack. And Doug Baldwin and "Hold My" Dick Sherman's antics today tell me that the locker room is loose and unified. I have my doubts about the offense holding up through a playoff run, especially if they don't catch Arizona and get home field, but it would be a mistake to dismiss their chance at a Super Bowl repeat. San Fran is 7-4 despite only being +3 in point differential. Despite three turnovers, they squeaked by Washington on a late Carlos Hyde touchdown last week. In 2013, you got the feeling the 49ers were dictating the flow of most of their games. This year, it seems like every week is a coin flip. The rumors of trouble in their locker room persist, and we might see another Harbaugh "jive turkey gobblers" moment. In the week 1 thread, one of my HOT TAKES was that both Harbaughs would miss the playoffs. And while Baltimore has been a lot better than I anticipated, I think San Fran gets left out in the cold. Looking forward, I still love Kaepernick's talent, especially if Harbaugh leaves and he works with an offensive coach who can open up his potential. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Seahawks in the upset.


    SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30TH

    1:00pm EST, CBS

    Cleveland at Buffalo probably (-2.5) - Ice Bowl Mark MMXIV? Buffalo is preparing to host this game as scheduled, so we'll see. Cleland almost completed a 4th quarter collapse in Atlanta, but Brian Football went 4-for-5 for 61 yards in 38 seconds to get them into field goal range for the win. Former Georgia Bulldog and Alabama State Hornet great Isaiah Crowell has a huge day with 88 yards and 2 TDs on just 12 carries. The undrafted free agent's emergence led the team to cut bait with Ben Tate. With Josh Gordon back and leading the team in targets, and Jordan CAM'RON set to return, the Browns have a nice collection of offensive weaponry for Brian Football to utilize. Also check rookie guard Joel Bitonio run down Devin fucking Hester:



    The Bills took to their "home" stadium of Ford Field pretty well, going to Robert Woods early and often. They even churned out 116 yards on the ground against the Jets' tough run defense. Buffalo's next two games are in Denver and against Green Bay, so they really need a win here to stay alive in the playoff hunt. Given the match-ups and the elements, I like under-41. And orange-colored glasses aside, I think Josh Gordon is the difference here. Browns in the upset.

    Tennessee at Houston (-6.5) - Well that didn't last. Rookies Zach Mettenberger and Bishop Sankey showed flashes of effectiveness against Pittsburgh, but they had a pretty rough day in Philly last week. Z-Metts did throw fo 345 yards, but he only had a 51% completion percentage and a lot of those yards came after the game was out of hand. Now their offensive line is banged up and they're dead last in the NFL against the run. Running is what Houston does well and will try to do all afternoon considering Ryan Mallett is done for the year. The Texans dominated Tennessee in their first game, rushing for 212 yards and rolling out a 27-3 lead by midway through the 3rd quarter. After last week's game, Cincy tackle Andrew Whitworth said Watt's style of defense creates a "feast or famine," which makes him sound like the defensive version of Jay Cutler instead of the best player in football (which he is). I don't know if Foster will suit up here (he's battling a groin injury) but they shouldn't really need him. Texans win and cover.

    San Diego at Baltimore (-5.5) - Jeff the Giant Slayer almost felled another one in San Diego, but a 4th quarter touchdown from Felipe Rios to Keenan Allen and a Marcus Gilchrist interception in the end zone sealed the deal for the Chargers. Philip, your thoughts:

    Thanks, Philip. With Allen and Ryan Mathews getting back into the offensive groove, I think San Diego could make a late playoff push. But Jesus H. Christ, that schedule. They'll probably be dogs in all five remaining games, and all their opponents have good pass rushers. Keeping Rios upright is pretty much their only shot. For all the teams jockeying for position in the AFC, Baltimore might have the best balance. Justin Forsett has become a legit weapon on the ground, and Smiths Torrey and Steve Senior are giving Flacco nice targets down the field. They did everything right against the Saints (except covering Joseph Morgan on two big plays) and look poised to take the AFC North, especially if Cincy and Pittsburgh split their two remaining games. Can they make another deep run in the playoffs a la 2013?



    Ravens win, Chargers with the points.

    Cincinnati at Tampa Bay (+4) - Another 1pm start should be another solid win for Cincy. Outside of their national TV struggles, they've really developed offensively. With two steady running backs and two big targets in the passing game, the only thing that can stop them is Andy Dalton. Speaking of inconsistent QBs, Josh McCown threw for 341 yards in Chicago, but only hit Vincent Jackson and Mike Evans for 8 completions on 20 targets and also threw 2 picks in the loss. Football Outsiders has Tampa as 32nd in Total DVOA and Weighted DVOA, and 31st in Offense DVOA. Who says Lovie Smith isn't making an impact? Also, how is this only a 4-point spread? Bengals win and cover.

    Oakland at St. Louis (-7) - The Raiders won a game! Second-year back Latavius Murray was well on his way to a monster game when a concussion sidelined him after just four carries. So it was on Derek Carr to engineer a comeback, and boy howdy did he ever. A seven-minute, 18-play drive in the 4th quarter was capped by a James Jones touchdown catch. But the real stars of the game were Sio Moore and Khalil Mack celebrating a sack even though KC still had another play to run. Seriously click this link, it's amazing (and has sound):

    link

    Shaun Hill replaced Austin Davis as the Rams starting QB for his veteran presence and decision-making, but a bonehead interception in the end zone when a field goal would have forced overtime in San Diego looks pretty bad on him. Once again, maybe Jeff the Giant Slayer should stick to coaching defense. At least they don't have to deal with a juggernaut this week, and Tre Mason should have good success on Oakland's run defense (and take the pressure off Hill). Rams win and cover.

    1:00pm EST, FOX

    Washington at Indianapolis (-9.5) - Despite has-been local radio jagoffs The Sports Junkies banishing Robert Griffin to the CFL or Arena League (link) I'm still pretty high on him long-term. The talent he displayed didn't just evaporate, and all it takes is a skilled offensive coach to clean up his footwork and make his reads easier. Of course, with Jay Gruden in town, "skilled offensive coach" necessitates a change of scenery for Bobert Triple the Third. Just to put the icing on the shit sandwich, Gruden is going with COLT FUCKING MCCOY in this game. Good luck with that. Indy toyed around with Jacksonville last week but got rolling in the 2nd half. Andrew Luck leads the league in passing, making that SI cover reasonably true through 11 games, and TY Hilton is third in receiving. They'll need to keep up the attack to make up for a pedestrian defense. A lot is probably going to be made of the top two picks of the 2012 Draft's teams facing off, and what would have happened had they switched places. That's dumb. A much better argument would be what happens to Andrew Luck if he suffers all the injuries RGIII's had to deal with. My guess is he wouldn't be leading the league in passing. Anyway, the Redskins stink. Colts win and cover.

    NY Giants at Jacksonville (+2.5) - Ladies and gentlemen, ODB Junior:



    Ladies and gentlemen, the rest of the Giants' season:



    Aside from their gift-wrapped victory over Cleland, there hasn't been much to like about Jacksonville's season. Chris Clemons had three sacks last week, a nice reminder of his dominant form in Seattle. In line for a top draft pick, it will be interesting to see what Gus Bradley and the Jags brass decide to do. My guess is trade down and stockpile mid-round picks to get some offensive line and secondary help, but honestly they need help everywhere. This game will be ugly and I wouldn't put any money on it, but Eli is a vet and should be able to put up some points. Giants win and cover.

    New Orleans at Pittsburgh (-3.5) - New Orleans was 4-4 and in good position in the NFC South before a three-game home losing streak left them... in good position in the NFC South. Breesus is putting up good numbers but the amount of turnovers is troubling. There's a lot of noise about Brees having "no help" because Jimmy Graham isn't 100% but he has plenty of weapons and a surprisingly good run game. It's the defense that's the problem, and they just lost nose tackle Brodrick Bunkley to a torn quad. The Steelers hae won four of their last five and are coming off their bye. Ben, Bell, and Bryant are still great triplets, but I just don't know how their secondary will hold up. Still, they're the better team and at home. Steelers win and cover.

    Carolina at Minnesota (-2.5) - Carolina is also coming off their bye, and they really needed the rest. Losers of five straight, they're still in control of their own destiny since they face the Saints and Falcons in the last five weeks. If Cam Newton's non-injury rib injury has healed to the point he can regain his accuracy, I think they can steal a few wins. They have the personnel on defense to make a difference, more so than Atlanta or New Orleans, they just haven't performed yet. The Vikings have dropped two tough games in a row to division rivals, coming within three points of Green Bay but they were unable to get the ball back in the final three minutes. Teddy Throwsevelt is getting better every game, and the defense just held Aaron Rodgers to 209 yards passing. They'll need to repeat that success, especially Bridgewater's ability to find any receiver. The last two weeks it's been Charles Johnson (the fifth Charles Johnson in NFL history) but he's also working Kyle Rudolph back into the offense. Game time temperature is forecast to be a balmy 11 degrees, so I'm not expecting much offense. Vikings win and cover.

    4:05pm EST, FOX

    Arizona at Atlanta (+2.5) - Welp, that sucked. Just as Arizona was beginning to enjoy life at the top, they witnessed the power of this fully armed and operational Drew Stanton offense. Sure, going to Seattle is tough on anybody, but I bringing in Michael Bush to jazz up the run game reeks of desperation. At least they can still lean on their defense, and JULIO goes from Joe Haden to Patrick Peterson. Sorry, brah. Atlanta's been playing a lot better the last four games but has just two wins to show for it. And honestly beating Carolina and Tampa doesn't impress me much. That line is pretty small, Vegas is probably gun-shy about Arizona's offense. But Stanton should be fine in the long run. Cardinals win and cover.

    4:25pm EST, CBS

    New England at Green Bay (-3) - Aaron Rodgers said today that this game isn't about him versus Brady, and he's right, so of course everyone will talk about Rodgers versus Brady. You know both of these teams already, so I won't bore you. But I am looking forward to Jordy and Cobb against Browner and Revis in the cold. The difference in this one could be New England's run game, if Jonas Gray doesn't oversleep again. Patriots in the upset.

    8:30pm EST, NBC

    Denver at Kansas City (+1.5) - Something's up with the Broncos. They should be an improved team over last season's vintage, but the last two weeks have been shaky. They needed 22 points in the 4th quarter to beat Miami last week, giving up 36 to Miami isn't a day the defense would like to remember. They're also breaking in a new kicker as they dropped Brandon McManus for veteran free agent Connor Barth. The good news is CJ Anderson looks like a keeper at tailback, even when everyone is healthy. He showed a great burst up the middle and the ability to get to the second level. The chiefs defense will need to stop him and Peyton, and all without safety Eric Berry who was sadly diagnosed with a chest mass which is likely cancerous lymphoma. KC's offensive isn't lighting it up either, to the point where they needed to sign Jason Avant off waivers. Losing to Oakland was obviously an outlier, and I think the Chiefs have a decent shot at home here. But without Berry, I don't like their odds of slowing down Peyton and DEMARYIUS. Broncos win and cover.


    MONDAY, DECEMBER 1ST

    8:30pm EST, ESPN

    Miami at NY Jets (+5.5) - Will I watch this game after traveling all day with a six-month old?



    Dolphins win and cover.
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  2. #2
    Ironing this Thread
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    Wow, you scared me. Seeing you post the football thread made me think it was Friday already.
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  3. #3
    Piece of shit Bruins fan

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    Salt.

    Because it's not banned in this thread.

    Okay I'm done.
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  4. #4
    Fuck It, I'm Goin Deep Fan Club President
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    Vick benched. Geno back in
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  5. #5
    Mr. Bananagrabber
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cail View Post
    Vick benched. Geno back in
    Oh hi Eliminator
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  6. #6
    I would prefer not to.
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    posting to mark le thread, happy thanksgiving football bros

    except leroy

    dram tram
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  7. #7
    I would prefer not to.
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    salt
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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bregor
    Witch King of Candlestick
    I don't know if you came up with this or not, but I love it. And next year he can become the Necromancer of Ann Arbor.
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  9. #9
    Fuck It, I'm Goin Deep Fan Club President
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krandor View Post
    Oh hi Eliminator
    That's what I'm leaning
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  10. #10
    BG's worst Rangers fan
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    RG3 being done couldn't have happened to a better team.

    Fuck the Redskins
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  11. #11
    I'll change yer fuckin rate you derivative piece of shit
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    RG3 can't run anymore.

    He's done.
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  12. #12
    can't shot spam
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    Just because he's a black QB doesn't mean he has to be able to run, that's racist archie
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  13. #13
    I'll change yer fuckin rate you derivative piece of shit
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    Yes it does.
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  14. #14
    I'll change yer fuckin rate you derivative piece of shit
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    Started as a joke, now we're here - trying to find a black qb who hasn't rushed for 200 yards in a season in his career (something Brees/Brady/Peyton have never done) and I'm coming up blank. Checked a bunch of obvious candidates (Culpepper, Moon, McNabb, Doug Williams) anyone got anyone?
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  15. #15
    The Anti Miz
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    Bridgewater won't
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  16. #16
    Death by snoo snoo
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    Andy Dalton ran 183 last season and he's the whitest of white. 200 may be a low bar to set.
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  17. #17
    The Anti Miz
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    I can't believe Brees has never Broken the 200 mark
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  18. #18
    Mr. Bananagrabber
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    The greatest QB of all time (on 1st and 2nd down anyways) has been over 200 yards rushing every year except for when he was injured.

    And he's white.
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  19. #19
    I'll change yer fuckin rate you derivative piece of shit
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    Since none of you rose to the challenge, allow me to present

    "THE MASTER LIST OF BLACK QBS THROUGH 2013 WITH AT LEAST 4 CAREER STARTS AND NO SEASONS OF AT LEAST 200 YARDS RUSHING"

    In chronological order, oldest to newest, number of starts in career (number of starts in season with most starts)
    Andre Ware 6 (3)
    Ray Lucas 15 (9)
    Anthony Wright 19 (7)
    Cleo Lemon 8 (7)
    Byron Leftwich 50 (14)
    Seneca Wallace 22 (8)
    Quinn Gray 4 (4)
    JaMarcus Russell 25 (15)
    Troy Smith 8 (6)
    Josh Johnson 5 (4)
    Thad Lewis 6 (5)
    EJ Manuel 10 (10)

    Note that only 3 of them even had a season with 10+ starts, and none had a season where they started all 16 games.

    The best of them is Byron Leftwich (not-ironically best known for playing on a broken leg) and the rest are basically trash.
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  20. #20
    I'll change yer fuckin rate you derivative piece of shit
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    Quote Originally Posted by tyven View Post
    Bridgewater won't
    129 rushing through 8 starts extrapolates to over 200 for a full season, and as we see almost without exception "not playing a full season" is pretty much the only way a black qb doesn't rush for 200+ at some point in his career.
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