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  1. #21
    Ridill
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    Putting it bluntly because it's me:

    You have kids now. That should be all that matters. I've read your posts for months now about how you are floating around essentially homeless and borderline unemployed on both fronts. You cannot do that. Just, honestly, wake up. You cannot do that.

    Your mom will at least ensure that no matter what else is going on, your kids have a roof over their head and a school to go to where they can build relationships without being uprooted once a year. Want to fuck up your kids for life? That's a pretty solid way to do it, keep them from ever being able to form meaningful attachments to peers from a young age. A+.

    Swallow your pride. Tell your husband to swallow his pride. Do what is best for your kids and hope it works out for the two of you with respect to your careers eventually. Not the other way around. You are parents, you don't get to do what is best for you and hope your kids don't get fucked up in the process.

    Shit. Can't believe you even consider this a difficult choice. Painful to make as it means giving up the life you may have envisioned for your family? Sure. But difficult like you can't decide which is the right choice? Fuck outta here with that shit.

    I know a lot of people here are parents and may kneejerk react to "drop everything for your kids" cuz like obviously I don't mean once you have kids your own life stops, that would be silly. But if you have kids and are basically traveling vagrants and are being offered a way out at the expense of your fairy tale future? Yeah, fuck the fairy tale.

  2. #22
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    Could you do Teach for America? They don't seem to have very rigorous requirements and the 2016 application season is about to open. I remember them harassing me with e-mails when I was a junior in college, and I wasn't in the education department so there must not be a certificate requirement. Perhaps you could use the time you'd spend in the program to get certified in some state?
    https://www.teachforamerica.org/teac...-prerequisites

    You could potentially regroup in CT while looking for jobs like that. Obviously TFA is not going to put you in the happy-go-lucky private school sector, but it would get you teaching hours and they do pay you.

  3. #23
    I like to eat food
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    I like how both Sath and Salodin said very similar things, but had the total opposite answers in whether to stay or leave.

    You need a job more than anything right now by the sounds of it. You're doing part time teaching work? What is your husband doing? Have either of you applied for any kind of part time position (other than the sub teaching which I'm sure is slow as fuck in summer) just to have some form of income? If not, go apply for some shitty retail job like every other person in teh same situation. Will it be permanent? Hopefully not, but you need cash coming in.

    I worked at Macy's in the women's department until a year and change after graduating with a Civil Engineering degree before I got a job. Macy's was half the pay, but fuck me if I say I didn't need the money. I had $30 in my checking account before I got that job. My fiancee hates her job, but still goes because we need to make money and she applies to jobs when she finds new postings.

    TLDR; get a part-time something now, immediately, right the fuck now to have cash coming in. Both of you. Continue applying to other jobs while working that part-time job.

  4. #24
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    Going to second that. The worst thing to have on your resume is unemployment. It's going to be easier for you to explain than your husband, but it's going to hurt both of you.

    Even if you are moving to CT, you should pick up a job somewhere doing almost anything when you arrive.

  5. #25
    The Anti Miz
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    you guys should work at gamestop. video games are so fun

  6. #26
    Old Merits
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ksandra View Post
    I know I made need a different career, but I don't know what. I can't imagine being happy doing anything else.
    You'd be surprised at what you may enjoy doing. If you'd asked me when I graduated if I would enjoy electrical engineering, I'd have said absolutely not. And yet that's what I'm doing and I actually enjoy it.

    Echoing the advice to get a job/income asap. That should be first priority to stabilize the situation. Moving across the country should be a backup plan (even if the family members are better there).

  7. #27
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    Everything I've read about Teach for America is that it's kind of terrible for people who actually want to teach as a career. It's more marketed (and utilized) as a nice line on a resume for people who want to network and have careers in politics.

    I'm going to echo pretty much what Sath said. Do what is going to be the best situation for your kids. How many years would it take in CA to get both of your careers to the point where you would be able to have a house there? Everybody says that CT is boring, and it is, and that the weather sucks, and it does, but how realistic is your future in CA if it might be years before you have a stable housing arrangement there?

    Also, this might not be an easy thing to think about but do you want to be closer to your mother as she gets older and might need more help being taken care of? If you get along with your mother that's something you might want to consider too.

    Only you really know what is going to be the best choice, but I'd say go with your gut on what will be the best decision for your family.

  8. #28
    I like to eat food
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    Apply to part time jobs in both locations and see what you can get in response.

    You're talking about looking for an apartment? Hopefully they ask about your employment on any application if neither of you have a job.

    Your kids leaving their friends will suck if you move, sure. Kids deal with it. My family moved when I was 5. I still remember those friends, but am I a lesser person because we moved away from them? Hell no, I was 5. Your oldest is 3. Even less chance of her remembering them down the line.

    Dealing with in laws is going to happen in either location, so that's a wash. Mother/Father in Law getting stressed out now because you were staying with them in their house, or a Brother in law that does not live with you? Which is worse?

    Make new friends. Find some kind of activity that takes place in the area that you could go to or look online for clubs/activities. You can do this for yourself and your kids. Daughter wants to be the best ballerina this side of the country? Maybe you'll hit it off with another mom bringer her 3/4 year old. Youngest wants to play football? Maybe your husband will hit it off with another dad.

    I don't know where in CT you're going, but I'd be willing to bet you could get to a train to go into NYC. Start out early, take a day trip with the kids to see the various museums, parks, etc. Or if you want to spend a little money you could find a show to go to.

    Nobody wants to move back to their hometown. A lot of times you have a negative view of where you grew up for various reasons. I get it. I don't want to move back home either and my cousin just moved clear across the country because he was tired of our hometown too. But if you're able to have a place to live, rather than be homeless and couch surfing, help your mother, be closer to at least some of your family, and have a place for your kids maybe your dream career will need to wait for the benefit of those depending on you.

  9. #29
    Hackey Thread Lurker since 2010
    I could have bought an 11 pull and have 1000 gems left over, but all I got was this silly title.

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    I guess my question is what parts of CA would you be willing to relocate to if it means being able to land a full teaching job? I know teaching and nursing are like apples to oranges, but would a relocation to somewhere like Bakersfield (yes people commute from Bakersfield to LA. I heard stories of it) or Palmdale/Lancaster (an hour NE from the metro LA area) or Apple Valley & Victorville/Riverside/San Bernadino be possible while keeping the options open for the husband's career opportunities and get you to use your teaching cert now? Also not limiting just those areas, but anywhere in the central valley is a cheaper housing-wise.

    I only speak from what I have seen from former coworkers who had a heck of a time trying to get an entry level nursing job in LA. There were very few positions open in the LA area but a lot more opportunities elsewhere in the state that were probably not the most desirable places to live. Bakersfield was a sure bet when it came to nursing openings just to get experience. It would mean sacrificing being close to the coast (a luxury that should be the least of your worries), but if it means using your teaching cert now, it may be another option to try those areas. It would offer a good opportunity to get some sort of stability to your finances.

    Housing is a bit more affordable away from LA/SD. Sure it gets hot inland, but renting a 4 bed 2.5 bath house in those areas is about the equivalent to renting a 2 bed 2 bath 1000 sq ft. apartment the metro LA area.

  10. #30
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    Thanks for the posts no matter how harsh toy think you are being, it is helpful.


    To clarify on job situations, I don't think I can work minimum wage and pay for daycare. It Ida super expensive here and neither of my kids are school aged. We do have income with unemployment and my subbing. It isn't great, but it is income.

    As to the careers being just about us, that is not true. Yes I love teaching. So part of it is definitely about me, but it is also about my kids. My parents were teachers. Having them on my schedule growing up was amazing. In a perfect world I would stay at home to be there for my kids. Since I can't, I want to be on their schedule. Don't forget, careers are what helps pay for what the kids want and College and such. We need the careers to afford it. My "dream" that toy guys are referring to is to be with my kids.


    I do fully agree we need to be more stable for their friends in like two years. Right now we still do paydates with their friends. None of that has changed from where we have moved. It will become an issue once my daughter actually starts school.

  11. #31
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    Quote Originally Posted by synistar View Post
    I guess my question is what parts of CA would you be willing to relocate to if it means being able to land a full teaching job? I know teaching and nursing are like apples to oranges, but would a relocation to somewhere like Bakersfield (yes people commute from Bakersfield to LA. I heard stories of it) or Palmdale/Lancaster (an hour NE from the metro LA area) or Apple Valley & Victorville/Riverside/San Bernadino be possible while keeping the options open for the husband's career opportunities and get you to use your teaching cert now? Also not limiting just those areas, but anywhere in the central valley is a cheaper housing-wise.

    I only speak from what I have seen from former coworkers who had a heck of a time trying to get an entry level nursing job in LA. There were very few positions open in the LA area but a lot more opportunities elsewhere in the state that were probably not the most desirable places to live. Bakersfield was a sure bet when it came to nursing openings just to get experience. It would mean sacrificing being close to the coast (a luxury that should be the least of your worries), but if it means using your teaching cert now, it may be another option to try those areas. It would offer a good opportunity to get some sort of stability to your finances.

    Housing is a bit more affordable away from LA/SD. Sure it gets hot inland, but renting a 4 bed 2.5 bath house in those areas is about the equivalent to renting a 2 bed 2 bath 1000 sq ft. apartment the metro LA area.

    I actually don't mind if it is a means to an end. It is something I need to try and find now that my husband is out work.

  12. #32
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    Phone keeps wanting to make "you" into "toy". Sorry.

  13. #33
    The Fucking Voice of Actually
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ksandra View Post
    I do fully agree we need to be more stable for their friends in like two years.
    Also, don't forget that the times are a changin'. While it may not matter right now, in the future if you move, your kids may not even have to give up their old friends anymore.
    http://www.penny-arcade.com/news/pos.../csi-minecraft
    (Ok, a weird example to link, but you know what I'm getting at.)

  14. #34
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    Lol I get what you are saying, but she does need friends that she can run around with. She does have those. We still drive up to LA to be with friends n such. And she has a lot of cousins around her age.

    I really don't want people thinking we haven't been letting her keep her friends

  15. #35
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    Move someplace better. People need to stop using the "Its my dream job" excuse, more often than not people end up hating what they though was going to be their dream job. Man up and move wherever stable employment can be found, CA is probably not that state.

    Kids move on quickly, they, and you will make new friends. Why limit yourselves to just CA and CT? Look up the requirements for teaching in the state that I live in, Indiana. I currently coach for one of the school systems and have been asked if i would consider being a teacher or at the least a sub. Why stay in such a volatile market?

  16. #36
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    CTfag here, this place sucks. Don't come back imo.

  17. #37
    The Shitlord
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    Could you expand your teaching into higher ed, as well as k-12? That could open up more employment options.

  18. #38
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    CT is the best! I was raised in Wilton in Fairfield County (basically the "tail" part of CT) and loved it. Depends where you live, but most suburban CT towns are pretty solid spots for raising a family; stay away from Hartford and New Haven though. RIP Hartford Whalers

  19. #39
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    Maybe the others know something I don't about your situation, but I don't see how moving across the country will help. Even if it's not worked out so far in the fields you want, at least you have professional relationships with people and know the area; moving will lose all of that. It also makes the only piece of paper you have that can give you a career and not a part time job useless unless you want to recert in another state (my gf is a 2nd grade teacher, I know all about certificate nonsense). I don't know your husband's situation, but moving to ct will make it hard for an animator to keep a steady job. He could always get something that's not animation, but he could also do that in CA with out ruining his wife's prospects and moving to an unfamiliar place. I won't pry and ask if he's tried, but if he hasn't then maybe it's time you both had "the talk" together.

    There's always the argument for "make a new life somewhere new", but imo the grass is always greener where you water it. Make an attitude change, swallow the red pill, and make it work.

  20. #40
    green jellybean
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    Two very difficult options, I dont think you would be wrong to go either way. I think if it were me having my own personal space would be my priority. You get along with your mother? Would she be able to handle caring for the kids on occasion? I don't think I would make your sister factor into the decision, kids will find friends when they go to school.

    If you can get a job in your field in RI, I would say that would be a strong way to go. CT is very close to New York and Boston, so there is lots of opportunity to go there to get away. 4 seasons vs always summer is personal preference, I couldn't live without the changing seasons. Your husband could look for a job in boston, nyc, or do contract work? I'm not sure what kind of animator your husband is and if that limits his ability to work in advertising or games.

    versus what exactly is your current option? Stay in California where you have a job, he will theoretically find another similar job.. either apologize to your inlaws and live there or find a cheap apartment? If returning to your inlaws isn't an option can you afford housing/calling 211 and seeing how that goes. How big a drop in your quality of life will it be if you have to move out, may be worth trying to work things out.

    Whichever decision you make, I think you just have to run with it, I don't think there is a wrong choice.. its just a difficult decision to make because it will be a huge change regardless. Kids are resilient so if that means moving across country, rubbing 2 pennies together, or being stuck with grandpa they will work through it.

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