*UPDATE* Weigh the pros and cons of two different jobs

[Kalmado]

Just wanted to add about your husband and his job. I get it he wants to do the animation thing. But if he's not getting anywhere with it and food needs to be put on the table (or a roof over the family's head) then a change needs to be made. I'm starting a new job on Monday selling home security systems for DirecTV. Did I envision this is what I'd be doing at 34? Hell no! But circumstances happened and this is the best current opportunity while I finish my degree. Sometimes you need to take a few steps backwards to move forward in the future.

[Minions]

Don't forget to factor in the costs associated with moving. If you have any possessions (and don't plan to sell them off and rebuy when after you move) you are looking at some hefty moving costs. A friend just moved house from Houston to Cali and it cost around $4-5k between the gas, moving truck etc.

[Cantih]

I can't really weigh on CT or CA.

But on CA itself, I can't take the advice personally because of reasons, and your husband may have similar, but you might consider extending your housing search to these regions.
http://www.metrolinktrains.com/routes/
http://www.amtrak.com/pacific-surfliner-train

The cost of monthly passes are NOT cheap, and the commute time blows, but it may let him stay in industry while you can teach wherever kids are (in CA).

[Ksandra]

Our current plan is looking like this:

Expanding my search area to all of CA for teaching. Hubby can watch the kids while on unemployment so it doesn't matter where we live. If I get a job he will take some online courses in some sort of computer program. At least to get him started as a decent back up. He can Stoll keep applying to animation jobs, but unless it seems like a solid stable position he may need to give that up.

If I can get the three years teaching under my belt, we can possibly still go to CT if I were to get a job offer there.

Put our names on a bunch of low income apartments. On their waitlist at least. After a few days, we are going to talk to in-laws to see if we can work something out until an apartment opens up.


Telling my mom this and hearing the disappointment in her voice is really killing me. But one of us at least needs a solid career.

[BaneTheBrawler]

it really bothers my mom that she's too far away to play grandma more often. or great-grandma, now. bothers me, too. i like being an uncle. all smiles and giggles and no diapers.


but my parents and i have lives here. my sister and niece and nephew have lives there. none of us is so selfish as to expect one or the other to drop that life to move. so as disappointing as it is sometimes to be limited to facebook (never been much for phone calls in our family) we all understand why it is the way it is. Just gotta enjoy the time you get. If you weren't so strapped for cash i'd say try to make it at least a yearly thing to go visit grandma.

[Uzor]

My advice would be to look for jobs in other cities or seven states that you could potentially live in. Your certificate won't be valid, but your husband could work, while you work with something outside of your field while getting your certificate renewed.

While your kids are important; if you feel neither option is ideal, think of a third one. Your kids are kids; they'll have a remarkably easy time adjusting to a new city. Probably more-so than the two of you will. They'll complain at first, as kids do, but they'll get used to it quickly. Your job as a parent is to do what's best for your kids - not what your kids want. And whether that's staying, moving to your mother, or a third option is up to the two of you to decide. And maybe that does require sacrifices like having to deal with your sister or having to work outside of your field, but sadly that might be something you will have to deal with if you feel it's what's best for your kids.

That being said; you don't have to give up ALL of your lives for your kids. Still have to take in to consideration what the two of you want to do and what's best for your relationship, which is why I suggested there might be a third option for you. Life is all about compromises.

[vagus]

If you're both working and never get to see the kid. What's the point.

Are your parents supportive? As in helping out with the kids baby sitting and such? If so, I would move home and attempt to find a job.

However if your family isn't supportive or your ego is getting in the way of your child's well being, tough it out in Cali. I'm sure there are support groups.

[Kiehl]

Ksan, read your damn PM's.

[Melena]

If you're both working and never get to see the kid. What's the point.

Are your parents supportive? As in helping out with the kids baby sitting and such? If so, I would move home and attempt to find a job.

However if your family isn't supportive or your ego is getting in the way of your child's well being, tough it out in Cali. I'm sure there are support groups.

On the whole not seeing your kids part, it really all hinges on the rest of the family. From ages 5 to I believe 6 or 7, my dad worked the graveyard shift with the Sheriff's department and my mother worked days with another city's PD. I was essentially woken up at 5am on Monday's, dropped off at the restaurant my grandmother worked at, ate breakfast and got a ride to elementary school, then lived at her house until Friday evening, then spent the weekend with my parents. During summer months my mother was able to adjust her schedule slightly so I wasn't always at my grandmothers, but my parents did what was necessary to keep a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes to wear. And video games, of course video games. Was it ideal? Hell no, but I loved my time with my grandmother, and her house was only two blocks from the elementary school, so it didn't affect my early education.

[tyven]

Why is Connecticut ghetto I thought it was for old money rich white people who took long ass commutes to NYC

[thetruepandagod]

Why is Connecticut ghetto I thought it was for old money rich white people who took long ass commutes to NYC

If someone is old money rich why are they commuting to NYC and not just makin calls. This ain't addin up at all.

[tyven]

Well i meant old money OR rich white people that commute to NYC. They commute cuz they have to and live in CT cuz they want yards. Wow i've got it all figured out. Who let the poors into connecticut? I seriously thought its only use was as a suburb for manhattan

[Ksandra]

I know next to no one on my side of the state that commutes to NYC.

CT used to make a ton of money through industry. Especially textiles. Then all the industry moved south for cheaper rent and better weather. Then they all moved to China.

CT had been desperately holding onto this with old money, but it is slowly crashing downward. Only thing that is keeping them alive are the pill manufacturers and EB.

[Byrthnoth]

Connecticut isn't that bad really, as long as you don't live in Hartford. It mostly has a self-perpetuating service economy, which is pretty common in the US these days.

I have some friends who recently moved there. They say there are a bunch of free summer programs for their kids, school is great, etc. It's probable that they moved into the rich part of town, but I don't know where your mom lives.

[pohibaba]

Why are CT and CA the only two options you guys seem to be considering? Why don't both of you apply to literally every job in the United States (possibly even abroad? Can you get one of those "teach English in X-country" jobs with a family?) that you're even remotely qualified for and the first one who lands a job you move there?

[Salodin]

Because it takes money to move an entire family to a random location, and if they had money they wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. CA and CT have family they can stay with, so those are the two options.

[Ksandra]

Because it takes money to move an entire family to a random location, and if they had money they wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. CA and CT have family they can stay with, so those are the two options.

This and on a personal level I want my kids to be with family. Family is great for supporting one another, I want them to grow up with that and have strong family connections.

I want to also stress our lives are not as bad as some feel. Yes, we need to figure out some solid careers for our futures and kids' futures, but we are not so desperate for money that we need to go to another country or anything extreme like that.

We have money saved up from when my husband was working. We are still getting income. I have a job, not great, but a job. My husband was laid off one month ago. It takes time. People get laid off. This is not unique. Yes we need more stability, I don't want you to think I don't take ownership of that. But it is not like both of us have been sitting on our assess on welfare for years or some shit. We work and work hard.

There is a town near us that is developing like crazy. They have a bunch of newer apartments we could afford that is low income. Only thing is they are on wait lists. So at minimum we have to tough it out until then.

[Tokitoki]

CT had been desperately holding onto this with old money, but it is slowly crashing downward. Only thing that is keeping them alive are the pill manufacturers and EB.

And Bic and Sikorsky and Pepsi and....

[AidenCarby]

Why is Connecticut ghetto I thought it was for old money rich white people who took long ass commutes to NYC

CT is a giant fucking shithole barring a few places where that old money resides. Places like New Haven, Hartford etc are crime heavy...murder rate is incredible here.

[tyven]

wow thats crazy, is it all poor white people? I refuse to believe you guys have more than like 6 blax