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  1. #1
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    *UPDATE* Weigh the pros and cons of two different jobs

    Update: See page two about jerb offers.


    For those that may not read the random fail thread, here is the backstory:

    Quote Originally Posted by Ksandra View Post
    When it rains it pours. Situation at the in-laws exploded today. As I mentioned earlier, we all had the flu. My daughter has had no appetite since she's been sick. We have been trying to feed her whatever we can. I think her tastebuds are off because food she normally likes, she doesn't like. It is not that she hasn't eaten ANYTHING, just not as much as normal. Last night she did tell me she was hungry, and I made her a pbj sandwich (her favorite), but she fell asleep. Tried to get her to stay awake to eat it, she wouldn't keep her eyes open. So, I let her rest.

    This morning she only wanted some rolls for breakfast, tried to get her to eat eggs or cereal, but she just wanted the rolls. So I let her. FiL starts going off about how we didn't feed her last night and how the rolls aren't nutritious. This is the guy, mind you, that would feed them crackers and fortune cookies all day if he had his way. When we explained she wouldn't eat, he wouldn't believe us and saying we needed to force her. Sorta exploded from there into a big argument with my husband and I and FiL and MiL into all sorts of things.

    Needless to say, we are at BiL's atm trying to find a place to stay until we can find something more stable. We are essentially homeless.

    My brain doesn't want to process how we got to this point. I fail as a mom so hard atm.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ksandra View Post
    It is just so unbelievably frustrating the way our life has gone. I worked my ass off like crazy when I had that long term sub position. I barely had time for my kids at all. When my husband worked he was doing like 60+ hours a week and only got to see the kids on weekends. Now, I am technically just on vacation. Vacation from a crappy paying job, (day to day sub) but a vacation nonetheless. I want to spend it with my kids. My husband, while it off work, is also trying to make up for lost time. This doesn't mean we haven't been looking for jobs. We are. But it's all online n such. So I think part of the problem is they see us do all these fun activities with the kids and assume we are just being lazy and irresponsible.

    I don't want to put it all on them, though. Part of it is simply they want they house to not change. We were four people coming in and now toys are taking up space. It is hard to change when your get older. They shouldn't have to change their lifestyle because of us.

    With that said, my kids need a home. I cannot just let them not have a home over adult arguments. I should have found a way to make it work.

    We are trying to look into affordable housing but that does nothing to solve short term issues as waitlists are one to two years. My mom wants us to move back to CT and have the upstairs of the house (can do dual family as there are 2 kitchens, 2 living rooms, etc.), but doing so would officially put the nail in the coffin of both our careers. We aleady have tickets to go there in August, so we will see. Friends have offered us to stay with them, but I don't think that can last until we got housing.

    I want us to go camping for the weekend at least since it would be fun for the kids and cheaper than a hotel.

    Trying to think of other options. I have to figure out what we are fucking doing with our lives. Preferably before we are eighty.

    My mom's offer is definitely tempting, but this is where I am at right now:

    Pro's:

    Would have a home we would never need to leave (my mom has been desperate for forever to get us back near her), she has no desire to sell it, and apparently the market is so bad, she can't really sell it anyway. I do not doubt at all we could live in that house as long as we wanted.

    It would be our own space. To explain in more detail than what was described above, the house is a two story raised ranch. There are three bedrooms upstairs with a living room, dining room, kitchen, with a huge porch. The downstairs has a tv room, 1 bedroom, laundry area, kitchen and living room. What happened is when we were young my parents had the downstairs extended to add the kitchen and living area. They were going to convert the ones upstairs into something else, but could never decide what to convert it to, so never changed it. Uncle and mom would live downstairs and we would live upstairs. She wants to build a door in the stairway so we can feel like it is truly our space. Stairway as an outdoor exit. We technically would only need the downstairs to do our laundry.

    It's on an acre of land. You'd be a multimillionaire to have something like that in California. Cats could actually go outside (they are actually there atm, because of our housing upheaval). Kids could have tons of yard to play in.

    Could help my mom out. My dad passed away last year. My uncle moved in with my mom so she wouldn't be alone, but his health is not all that great either. My sister wouldn't be able to take her once she gets really old, and I don't know how well she'd do on her own with CT weather.


    Cons:

    Kill our careers. There is one ONE animation company in Ct, and it is two hours away from where my mom lives. My certification is only valid in california. To extend it to CT I would have to work as a teacher in CA for three years. While I apply like crazy, that hasn't happened yet. I know my husband will not be satisfied working outside his field. I know I won't be either. I really want my hours to match up with my kid's school time.

    It's CT. Nothing to do. Shitty ass weather. Everything is falling apart from shitty ass weather.

    Most of my friends no longer live in the area. The few that do don't have kids (not a requirement, but for my kids' sake means really trying to find people that we can do playdates with).

    My sister sucks. Outside of my mom and uncle, my sister is really the only other family out there. My kids have tons of relatives in CA they love to play with. I would have to stomach and have them play with my sister's kids (who I love), but that means dealing with my sister and her asshole husband.



    Anything you guys may offer as advice would be helpful. Part of this is also just getting this stuff written down so I can reflect on it.

  2. #2
    Special at 11:30 or w/e
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    That's a really hard call. I'm not a parent so I have no idea how decision making plays into these type things. I would think though, if getting jobs in your area of CA is so difficult it may just be time to move on (at least for the time being). Reading all of the pros, it sounds like they heavily outweigh the cons. The only real con I see is regarding the job situation. A lot of people say Michigan (especially Detroit) sucks but it's what you make it (I personally love it). I understand how the weather can be rough so that's definitely a personal thing. New friends can be made. Regarding your sister, I hear you loud and clear there, but it shouldn't deter you from potentially having a greater living situation for your family. If there is something you can figure out regarding careers I would heavily lean towards CT as it sounds your quality of life would improve incredibly.

  3. #3
    The Shitlord
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ksandra View Post
    My sister sucks. Outside of my mom and uncle, my sister is really the only other family out there. My kids have tons of relatives in CA they love to play with. I would have to stomach and have them play with my sister's kids (who I love), but that means dealing with my sister and her asshole husband.
    You fool! Cater to your audience. You've offered us more Uncle Brill-esque stories in exchange for specific advice!

    Jokes aside, is there a third option? Could you perhaps move to a different state entirely? Or maybe there's a way to mitigate some of the career-killing of CT? Online employment maybe?

  4. #4
    Relic Horn
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    Call 211for all the information you will need. Find out if you have a worksource nearby, I live in Seattlebut they are the go to place for those in need and are looking for help. They will give you your resources. My mother was homeless for a time with me and my sister and she sent us too our grandparents to live for a time. we had a blast while our mother got back on her feet. A stable home in my opinion is paramount for a child. Depending on how young they are you can send them by themselves as you and your husband work something out.

    I would also like to stress the ability to have a chance to take time and relax if you move back, get your ducks in a row and find out your options while thinking clearly.

    I have a co-worker who commutes 2 hours to work where I am, they hate it but they have a means to an end. saving everything they can to move closer and buy a house.


    I have a bit more info but I'm on my phone. Will be back to update. Good luck!

  5. #5
    Burninate all the things.
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    I'm assuming when you're talking about certification you mean teaching certification, so ignore the following if that's not the case.

    I'm not particularly familiar with the rules in CA or CT, but in TX we have what's called an "Alternative Certification" which allows teachers to take some combination of night/weekend/internet classes during their first year teaching with a probationary certification and get certified in the state at the end of the year. It's the route a lot of the STEM teachers I know took since the demand is so high and the desire to teach tends to come on suddenly (typically after being laid off from a job that paid twice as much, hnng). Alt Cert programs are all independently run, so there's a pretty large variety in terms of classes, scheduling, quality, requirements, etc.

    The potential downsides to going this route are that it may be rather difficult to find a program whose deadline hasn't passed already for the 2015-2016 school year, and it will definitely be tough to find a full time teaching job on such short notice. Outside of, like, STEM positions in low income neighborhoods where hazard pay is a thing, most schools around here finished most of their hiring in late June. I'm also not sure if it's possible to complete an alternative certification while substitute teaching since some of the requirements for certification are substituted by classroom hours (I think? I'm not too sure on this point).

    Probably not the most helpful of posts. Best of luck, though.

  6. #6
    The Anti Miz
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    Are your kids happy in Cali with the current setup?

  7. #7

    CT's a great place to raise kids, lots of great schooling options. And I don't know where your mother lives obviously, but a good portion of the state is beautiful and within driving distance of NY and the New England states so plenty to do. Lots of culture and great food; not sure what's wrong with the state (other than the weather if you dislike cold).

    I'm planning on making it back sometime soon.

  8. #8
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    Lots to respond to, and I am on my phone, so doing it big by bit.

    Quote Originally Posted by BaneTheBrawler View Post
    You fool! Cater to your audience. You've offered us more Uncle Brill-esque stories in exchange for specific advice!

    Jokes aside, is there a third option? Could you perhaps move to a different state entirely? Or maybe there's a way to mitigate some of the career-killing of CT? Online employment maybe?
    Stories aren't really brill-esque. He tried to strangle my cat to death once, and the first day we meet him he screamed his head off when my dad politely asked to turn the music down.

    I don't knew a third option yet, trying to figure one out.

    Quote Originally Posted by myreality View Post
    Call 211for all the information you will need. Find out if you have a worksource nearby, I live in Seattlebut they are the go to place for those in need and are looking for help. They will give you your resources. My mother was homeless for a time with me and my sister and she sent us too our grandparents to live for a time. we had a blast while our mother got back on her feet. A stable home in my opinion is paramount for a child. Depending on how young they are you can send them by themselves as you and your husband work something out.

    I would also like to stress the ability to have a chance to take time and relax if you move back, get your ducks in a row and find out your options while thinking clearly.

    I have a co-worker who commutes 2 hours to work where I am, they hate it but they have a means to an end. saving everything they can to move closer and buy a house.


    I have a bit more info but I'm on my phone. Will be back to update. Good luck!
    I will look into 211. Don't want to send the kids away. The oldest is three and the youngest is 16 months, so can't start school yet.

    I looked into CT and the three years teaching is required no masher what. RI is possible though and that is not far from my mom's.


    Will respond to more later.

  9. #9

    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

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    After factoring in your children;

    Keep in mind CT is incredibly expensive and depending on the area...incredibly dangerous. Try to stay away from Hartford/New Haven and you should be ok, biggest issue is most of the cheaper housing is in shitty areas. However, being a teacher...they tend to be pretty well taken care of and if you -do- have to live there, it shouldn't be long.

  10. #10
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    I don't have a lot of experience, in relationships, and I have a hard time contemplating even having kids, when I'm in my mid-30s, let alone being responsible for them....

    That being said, I've had a lot of opportunity to watch the people in my life. One of the hardest things a parent can do, is to give up their own hopes/dreams in order to help fulfill their children's hopes/dreams, or at least give them the best opportunity to do so. My gut feeling tells me that you aren't going to find a way to do so if you stay in your current situation.

    I understand that CT is a fundamental change, from CA ( that sounds like where you live, atm), but it doesn't sound like you can move forward where you are now. Maybe CT is short term, or, maybe it's long term, but if you have the opportunity, to start over, with the willing help of family, then it's worth giving it a shot.

    In the end, I think what matters most is what is really best, for your kids. If you stay, where you are, will you be in an environment where you can properly decide what the hard choices are, to help your family move forward? Yes, if you move to CT, your personal career's may suffer, and obviously, if you could have both the satisfying career, in your chosen field, and a happy family life, you would chose both, but can you make that decision where you are now?

    It may be that, if you make the decision, to follow a different path, then the one you've been walking, you'll be are able to see things, in a different perspective. It may be that, if you decide to make career choices, which would coincide, to a happy family life, then you'd also find that your new career choices become the satisfying career you were always looking for. You'd have to be willing to make a change, and perhaps moving to CT would help you see what that change might be.

  11. #11
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    Quote Originally Posted by tyven View Post
    Are your kids happy in Cali with the current setup?
    Quote Originally Posted by Berdysh View Post
    CT's a great place to raise kids, lots of great schooling options. And I don't know where your mother lives obviously, but a good portion of the state is beautiful and within driving distance of NY and the New England states so plenty to do. Lots of culture and great food; not sure what's wrong with the state (other than the weather if you dislike cold).

    I'm planning on making it back sometime soon.
    Quote Originally Posted by AidenCarby View Post
    After factoring in your children;

    Keep in mind CT is incredibly expensive and depending on the area...incredibly dangerous. Try to stay away from Hartford/New Haven and you should be ok, biggest issue is most of the cheaper housing is in shitty areas. However, being a teacher...they tend to be pretty well taken care of and if you -do- have to live there, it shouldn't be long.
    To start, I grew up in my mom's home. The town is very small but nice. The reason the housing market is so low is there are no jobs in that town, and many are leaving the surrounding areas. Many of my childhood classmates who still live there are either teachers or work in retail, our still live with their parents. The area is completely safe.

    As to why I don't like it: I grew up there. Snow is fun for kids, shitty to drive in. The town is often the last to get plowed. They even made news headlines last winter when light and power forgot to service them during one of the major blackouts. Town doesn't even have its own grocery store. Here in Cali we don't have to deal with that shit, but you can still go to the mountains on a weekend in the winter so your kids can play in the snow. Not only that, originally the idea was once my mom retires she would come here to stay with us in the winter. That weather is rough on old age. When my father had his first heart attack it was during a blizzard. It took the ambulance four hours to get him to Yale for treatment. A year before he passed he took a fall on ice. I don't want that for my mom. I didn't want that for him either. I definitely don't want to be old in New England for myself.

    Cali also beats CT on things to do. They have everything we would do in CT and then some. Parks, camping, etc. We have annual passes to Disneyland. Legoland is around the corner. Hell, my daughter's stomach becomes a black hole when we go to Korean bbq. There is one Korean bbq place in all of CT, and it is in Hartford, which would be far from us.

    Don't get me wrong. If we lived in CT we could make it work. It is not like they are some backwater yokels or anything. You get to grow up around history n shit. And my mom is the bomb, I know my kids would love being with her. I miss being with my mom soooo much, too. But knowing what is was like growing up there compared to what my kids are experiencing here is no contest on what had more to offer them.

    We had such high hopes off making it all work out here. I think I still want it to work out here, but that realistically we could be drowning forever here, but could be settled there.

    Ugh. Teporters. We need teleporters.

  12. #12
    Tekki's Bitch
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    Pros: Depends on the area
    Cons: Lack of burritos

    Quote Originally Posted by Ksandra View Post
    Hell, my daughter's stomach becomes a black hole when we go to Korean bbq.
    I think this would fall under pro's unless you are raising a sumo wrestler.

  13. #13
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    211 is an information hub for those in desperate need so please give them a call.

    If you remember this from way back, the sites are all still working. Can't believe its been 3 years already.

    http://www.bluegartr.com/threads/112...-including-Wop


    Especially this link.

    http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/

  14. #14
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    Quote Originally Posted by thetruepandagod View Post
    Pros: Depends on the area
    Cons: Lack of burritos


    I think this would fall under pro's unless you are raising a sumo wrestler.
    In laws would still say she is too skinny.

  15. #15
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    Quote Originally Posted by myreality View Post
    211 is an information hub for those in desperate need so please give them a call.

    If you remember this from way back, the sites are all still working. Can't believe its been 3 years already.

    http://www.bluegartr.com/threads/112...-including-Wop


    Especially this link.

    http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/

    My BiL is letting us stay the night and on the weekend. We are going apt hunting tomorrow to see if we can get anything. Worst case we will look into this. Thank you for the info!

  16. #16
    Relic Horn
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ksandra View Post
    My BiL is letting us stay the night and on the weekend. We are going apt hunting tomorrow to see if we can get anything. Worst case we will look into this. Thank you for the info!
    I wish you the best of luck!


    Spoiler: show




  17. #17
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    Honestly it may be time to look into different career fields. I remember you saying that when your husband is working, it is crazy hours, and it is never permanent. Not only that, but you have had shit luck finding a school that will hire you full time. Dont you only have so long before your cert expires if you don't find full time work? Don't get hung up on the whole my degree is in x field so I have to work in that one field. Branch out and do something else.

    Plus I think over all CA is one of the more expensive states to live in.

  18. #18
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    Be selfish. If neither of you are happy to move and feel you're miserably abandoning your dreams, you will probably not be happy after you move either. If you move out to bumblefuck and it sucks, you might get depressed and your kids will suffer. In that case, the move wouldn't even be good for them.

    Instead of giving up on your dreams, have you considered doubling down? Teachers are needed everywhere (but there isn't funding to hire them everywhere), so you're really only geographically limited by job availability and certification requirements. Has your husband ever considered another career trajectory? Would he be interested in freelance animation? If he was willing to leave the corporate bastions of animation, you'd no longer be quite as bound to CA. If he picks a career trajectory that lets him work remotely, you could move to bumble-wherever-you-can-get-a-teaching-job in the countryside and you could teach while he rebrands himself.

  19. #19
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
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    My cert expires in 2017 if I don better get a job, but I can apply for an extension.

    I know I made need a different career, but I don't know what. I can't imagine being happy doing anything else. I worked so hard to get to this point. Fucking popped out a baby while student teaching. It is everything I have wanted. When I did this past position I was so fucking happy. And I was amazing at the job imo. I just need someone to give me the chance.

  20. #20
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    I don't know why you're considering moving so far away if it kills what little career prospects you both have as it is. Think finding a job is hard now? Good luck with out a teaching certificate for the state you're in. Your husband having a hard time keeping a job in a field that turns over people a lot? Good luck in a state with even fewer opportunities.

    You both need to realize that, unless some one gets a call back, one or both of you will not be living the dream or having the career you always wanted. If you're ok with that (nothing wrong with that if having a family when you're younger is what you prioritized), then why don't you just stay in cali and move careers where you at least know more people and areas; not to mention where your kids are more comfortable. You had a tissy with your family, don't overreact and move across the country because you don't get along with your in-laws(hint: most of us dont and you're crazy if you think the same won't happen overtime living in ct).

    I know I'm coming off as brash, but you need a strong dose of perspective; your in-laws have every right to be pissy when their son and daughter in law are living under their roof with how many kids now? One can't hold a job, one can't find a job, and the mouths to feed are only getting bigger. The living space is only feeling smaller but no one is having "the talk" that what you guys need now is income, even if it isn't in the field you always hoped for. The longer you wait, the harder it'll be not just for your immediate family but extended too. I'll give you credit since you at least know that your children need stability, and hopefully your in-laws recognize this because it's admirable, but I absolutely don't agree with how you're thinking about giving it to them. You criticize them for their "advice" on caring for your children, but disregard how stressed they must be with you and your husband (not to mention probably fed up since I know the job woe posts have been coming for awhile), only to see their precious grand children so ill on top of it. Cut them some slack, like they've cut you both sooo much slack up til now too.

    Tldr: Don't move, make it work. Having an easy time at your mom's house might be what's best for you personally, but your income is the problem not your in-laws. How does moving to ct fix that? Cause from here it looks to only make the problem worse.

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