2015-16 NFL Week 3: Rutherford Nights: The Ballad of Brandon GMARSH

[Bregor]

I know it's only two games, but so far the New York Jets have the second best point differential in the NFL. The combination of Ryan FitzMAGIC!, Eric Decker, and Grandon Marshall have proved to lift the Jets from their offensive woes (28th in points scored in 2014-15) to a potent aerial attack that just beat the press's AFC darlings on Monday night.

@Tyven No chance the Jets win the East; like zero chance

Sorry, Wulfy, but say hello to your new AFC East overlords!

https://twitter.com/NFL/status/646160872092504064

Meanwhile, the team with the worst point differential? The Chicago Bears.




Last week:

M/L: 7-9
ATS: 10-6

Overall:

M/L: 16-16
ATS: 18-13-1


THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24TH

8:25pm EDT, CBS/NFL Network

Washington at NY Giants (-4) - So I was at the beach last week and didn't have access to RedZone, so I can't really explain how the Redskins succeeded where the Seahawks failed. Quick-release Cousins only took two sacks on the day, and rookie running back Matt Jones exploded for 146 yards from scrimmage and two touchdowns. The Rams offense isn't really built for coming from behind, but credit Washington's defense for remaining tight all game. I'm not buying them just yet, but it's encouraging to see them form an identity with their former franchise quarterback in street clothes on the sidelines every week. The Giants also have an identity, but unfortunately that's blowing 4th quarter leads. They could easily be 2-0 right now, but them's the breaks. They're also banged up a little bit, and the short week won't help get Victor Cruz, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, or Ereck Flowers on the field. But with the size and personnel the Redskins have in the secondary, Odell Beckham should get about 20 targets in this game. And the last time KC1 played the Giants, he threw four interceptions. And besides, both these teams being 1-2 just means more breathing room for WEEDEN. Giants win, Redskins with the points.


SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27TH

1:00pm EDT, CBS

Oakland at Cleveland (-3.5) -





Raiders in the upset.

Indianapolis at Tennessee (+3.5) - The Indianapolis Colts are the Hillary Clinton of the NFL. Before anything actually started, everyone in the media declared them the pick to go to the big dance. Now, there's plenty of time to recover, especially in the meager AFC South. Chuck Pagano is walking back his criticism of Andrew Luck and general manager Ryan Grigson, probably because he knows he's about to be fired unless they win some games quickly. Luckily they travel to Nashville, where the Titans have crashed back to earth after a disheartening loss in Cleveland. Marcus Mariota had a decent day passing the ball, but he lost two fumbles and failed to convert 3rd downs. By halftime it was 21-0 and the memory of their 42-point outburst against the Bucs seemed like ancient history. They won't be a doormat this season, but there will be growing pains for sure. Colts win, Titans with the points.

Cincinnati at Baltimore (-2.5) - Cincy might be the quietest 2-0 team in the league, and while no one was surprised they cruised to a victory against Oakland, taking down Phil "The Thrill" Rivers and Keenan Allen last week was satisfying. Jeremy Hill lost two fumbles and might be in the doghouse, but GIODUDE was right there to the tune of 20 carries for 123 yards. Just like in Washington, watch out for the fantasy-killing RB share here. Meanwhile, Baltimore is in trouble after losing to those same Raiders that Cincy throttled, letting Cooper and Crabtree have their way with the secondary. Much more worrisome is the lack of pressure on the quarterback, as David Carr was sacked only once while he put up a 100.9 passer rating. I don't think things get any easier for the Ravens in a tough AFC North, as daytime Dalton, AJ Green, and Tyler Eifert present more of the same for the Baltimore defense. Bengals in the upset.

Jacksonville at New England (-13.5) -

The Jags actually didn't look over-matched by Carolina, but 3-for-12 on 3rd down and two Bortles picks doomed them to a loss. I still think they'll be one of the more improved teams in the AFC.

Still holds true. The Jags still weren't great on 3rd down (5-for-14 against Miami) but took care of the football and shocked the Dolphins with a win. Second-year receiver Allen Robinson might be the best receiver no one has watched play, even though a parade of smart guys will say they have him on their fantasy team. Yeah, I'm sure you all scout the Jags in your spare time. But New England is out for blood and had Buffalo dead to rights, leading 37-13 heading into the 4th quarter. Some vintage Tyrod Taylor magic and a Jerry Hughes strip-sack on Brady made it close, but Brady dropped back to pass 61 times and had a passer rating of 105.6 so I think I can safely say this is a "FUCK YOU DAD GOODELL" season. I'm not sure if the Pats defense will be good enough for a 5th Super Bowl ring, but they should be just fine for the immediate future. Patriots win, Jaguars with the points.

San Diego at Minnesota (-2.5) - Melvin Gordon looks pretty decent so far, and Felipe Rios tried his best to dink-and-dunk his way to a win over Cincy last week, but they came up short. And that's the problem with San Diego, what do they do really well? Every player and unit they have ranges from "meh" to "pretty good" and their record shows it. They've finished between 7-9 and 9-7 for five straight years. That level of mediocrity is pretty impressive in the post-Tomlinson era. After pancaking in week 1, the Vikings actually executed their gameplan and let Adrian Beathisson loose for 29 carries and 134 yards on the ground. They also held the Lions playmakers in check, giving away nothing on the ground and keeping Fatt Stafford to 5.4 yards per pass attempt. With how bad some NFC teams have looked early on, a Wild Card isn't out of the question for Minny, especially if offensive coordinator Norv Turner can add some new wrinkles like getting Cordarrelle Patterson the dang ball already. Vikings win and cover.

Pittsburgh at St. Louis (+1) - I must say, the Steelers survived Le'Veon Bell's suspension much better than I expected. DeAngelo Williams, who we all know was just getting in top five back Jonathan Stewart's way in Carolina, has looked quite good behind a questionable Pittsburgh offensive line. And Large Ben has run the offense perfectly, even turning Darrius Heyward-Bey into a useful piece of the puzzle. The Rams collapsed in DC last week, failing to generate any sustained offense while Washington ran around and through their excellent pass rushing defensive line. I expect Bell to do more of the same. Offensively they need a jolt, and rookie tailback Todd Gurley could supply it, but who knows if he'll be ready to go. I feel like St. Louis gets a lot of juice from playing at home, and that defense is looking to rebound. They'll need to slow down Antonio Brown to do it, but I like the Rams in the upset.

1:00pm EDT, FOX

Atlanta at Dallas (+1.5) - The Leroy Curse continues apace with Dez and Romo down for a while and Jason Witten pretty banged up. Randy Gregory isn't quite ready to come back, reserve defensive lineman Terrell McClain is done for the year, and there are still two more games until Greg Hardy is eligible to return. Every team deals with injuries, but holy hell, that's rough. You might think the Falcons starting 2-0 is surprising until you realize they played two NFC East teams. They get a third one here, and at just the right time to feast on WEEDEN. Furthermore:



JULIO. Falcons win and cover.

New Orleans at Carolina (-3) - No non-Chicago team has looked quite as bad as the Saints in the early going. Their defense is getting shredded and Drew Brees now has a bruised rotator cuff. If Brees is out, expect this line to jump up to about CAR-7, so get in while you can, fellow degenerates. Now that I've moved to North Carolina, I'm seeing Luke KEEKLEE everywhere. He's pitching fast food, home security systems, and I think I even saw him spinning one of those furniture sale signs on the side of the road. Unfortunately that might be the only job he can get after his brain turns into warm potato salad. I actually think the NFL's concussion rules make it easier to minimize head injuries because coaches can just say, "He's in the protocol" over and over without really addressing the medical needs of the individual. Oh well, at least it's better than the old policy of "rub some dirt on it, you'll be fine." As for this game, the Panthers defense should feast on a Brees-less Saints offense. Panthers win and cover.

Philadelphia at NY Jets (-2.5) - SUPER BOWL PREVIEW

haha no but seriously folks

If there's any team with high expectations that's looked as bad as the Saints, it's the Eagles. 34 points in two games was not what we were promised, Chip! I'm beginning to think that Sam Bradford isn't a very good or mobile quarterback! Watch him trade DeMarco Murray and a 1st for Marcus Mariota. DO IT, CHIP. For all things New York, I will hand it over to Jets Fan Emeritus, Professor Celeras, and of course Broven who has a doctorate in GMARSH. Jets win and cover.

Tampa Bay at Houston (-6.5) - Crablegs Winston threw for a touchdown and ran for another in Tampa's win in New Orleans, proving once again that Rob Ryan is terrible at his job. Mike Evans still isn't 100% and now the Bucs have lost ASJ for at least a month. Houston hasn't looked great either, but falling behind and asking Ryan Mallett to throw it almost 60 times isn't going to work. Arian Foster is day-to-day and could suit up here, but even if he doesn't I like Houston's defense to maul the Bucs up front. Texans win and cover.

4:05pm EDT, FOX

San Francisco at Arizona (-6.5) - I don't think San Fran is as good as they appeared week 1 against the Vikes, nor as bad as they looked in Pittsburgh. The good news is Colin Kaeper7TORM is taking care of the football, and if they can get Carlos Hyde involved early like they did in the opener, I actually like their offense a bit. I think Arizona took the foot off the gas a little against Chicago. It might seem weird to say when they won by 25, but they only had 300 yards of total offense. They fucked around with CJ0K for too long, and I think rookie David Johnson will get more involved after touchdowns in back-to-back games. They just hope that Carson Palmer stays intact. Cardinals win, 49ers with the points.

4:25pm EDT, CBS

Buffalo at Miami (-3) - Rex Ryan has an obsession. No, not the gross foot thing, another obsession. He can't stop talking about Bill Belichick. We get it, Rex. Tyrod Taylor looked like his old Hokie self throwing three picks on Sunday, but he regrouped in the 4th quarter and made the game interesting. I think there's still a lot to like in Buffalo. If you happen to be waiting on the Dolphins, you might be disappointed by barely beating the Redskins and losing to the Jags. Even more worrisome is Lamar Miller's 23 carries for 67 yards through two games. Maybe they should have #FreeINCOGNITO back to help with the run blocking. I wonder how many slurs Richie will use when talking to his former teammates. Over/under: 12.5, place your bets here. Bills in the upset.

Chicago at Seattle (-14.5) - The Bears defense has given up 79 points so far, and now Jimmy Clausen is under center. Yikes. Seattle gets Kam Chancellor to end his holdout this week. I know 0-2 looks back, but it's not like they lost to chumps. With the way the schedule lines up, they could easily go 6-2 or 7-1 over their next stretch and reclaim the top spot in the NFC. Seahawks win and cover.

8:30pm EDT, NBC

Denver at Detroit (+3) - For seven quarters, haters of Peyton Manning were circling the skies like vultures, waiting for him to collapse to the ground so they might feast upon his decrepit corpse. Then he did Peyton Manning-like things and now the Broncos are 2-0. Oh yeah, that defense is the heat too. They draw a Lions offense that has looked pretty bad, and Fatt Stafford is nursing a rib injury. Outside of Abdullah, Megatron, and Ebron, I don't like a lot of what the Lions have to offer offensively. On defense, losing Donkey Kong Suh to the Dolphins and DeAndre Levy to a hip injury has really hurt them. Jim Caldwell and Teryl Austin really have their work cut out for them to get Detroit back on track. Broncos win and cover.


MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 28TH

8:30pm EDT, ESPN

Kansas City at Green Bay (-6.5) - If not for three lost fumbles, the Chiefs probably would have put Denver away long before Peyton had a chance for any heroics last Thursday night. But Alex Smith looked shaky, and maybe it was just the short week to prepare but you have to be concerned about the passing game. Kelce and Maclin are great targets and he needs to find them in space. The worst part about Green Bay playing Monday night is going to be Jon Gruden's stream of consciousness talking up Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, he's great and all, and I can understand the love affair when Gruden's main quarterbacks in Tampa were Brad Johnson, Brian Griese, and Jeff Garcia. Anyway, just mute the TV and enjoy what should be a good game. Packers win, Chiefs with the points.

[Cail]

Title should have just been GMARSH

[Cutriss]

Brady dropped back to pass 61 times and had a passer rating of 105.6 so I think I can safely say this is a "FUCK YOU DAD GOODELL" season.

Too bad it wasn't better than Big Ben's 155.

[Dimmauk]

Seattle breaks 60 against the Bears.

[Rhyis.]

Russell's gonna get me all the points. It'll be glorious.

[Cail]

DeMarco Murray left practice today with a hamstring injury

[Aelfinn]

DeMarco Murray left practice today with a hamstring injury

http://cbssports.com/images//blogs/d...-staredown.jpg

[BadKarma]

DeMarco Murray left practice today with a hamstring injury

DMM injured? So surprised.

[tyven]

WHAT A GREAT THREAD GOOD WORK BREGS

[Bregor]

WHAT A GREAT THREAD GOOD WORK BREGS

http://a.video.nfl.com/films/2015/NF...9189_3200k.mp4

[Chun Liroy]

Weeden is the best Brandon.

[Cail]

Ladarius Green limited in practice. 2nd concussion in a month

[Churchill]

Seattle breaks 60 against the Bears.

I'm expecting Lynch to actually kill a guy.

[Churchill]

I'm also scared of SF@AZ because for some reason the Cards always play them like shit.

[Cutriss]

So apparently someone at SBNation thinks today should be Tom Brady Day because today's the 14th anniversary of his first NFL snap?

http://www.patspulpit.com/2015/9/23/...-tom-brady-day

[Melena]

I'm actually disappointed about the lack of eliminator getting fucked up in Bregor's opening post/thread title.

[Adajer]

yep

[Cail]

I CANT WAIT FOR FELIPE TO RAIN TDS ALL OVER THE VIKINGS THIS WEEK BECAUSE THEY SUCK

Oh yea!!!!!

[Arvin]

Weeden is the best Brandon.

bannable offense right here

[Bregor]