2016-17 NFL Week 3: I work too much

[Bregor]

Last week:

M/L: 8-8
ATS: 7-9

Season:

M/L: 17-15
ATS: 13-19



Lost a bunch of games by a point or two, as well as in college last week. Turns out spending much less time reading about football leads to not knowing which teams to bet on!


THURSDAY, SETPEMBER 22ND

8:25pm EDT, CBS

Houston at New England (+1) - Bill Belichick is a home dog? Sign me the fuck up. Patriots in the upset.


SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25TH

1:00pm EDT, CBS

Cleveland at Miami (-9.5) - Cody Kessler has a chance to follow in the footsteps of USC greats Matt Leinart, Mark Sanchez, and Matt Barkley by being a fucking terrible NFL quarterback. How Carson Palmer avoided ending up on the scrapheap like his fellow Trojans is beyond me. I'd say this was an easy cover for Miami but I'm not convinced they can score 10 points themselves unless it's garbage time. Dolphins win, Browns with the points.

Oakland at Tennessee (-1.5) - I feel like both of these teams' results last week were kinda fluky. Good value here, Raiders in the upset.

Baltimore at Jacksonville (+1) - See above. Jaguars in the upset.

Denver at Cincinnati (-3) - This seems like a trap game. Without looking at the sheet, I would have guessed this would be a pick'em or even have Denver favored by a point or two. I'm not sure if Vegas isn't buying Trevor Siemian yet (I'm not really either) or if they overvalue Cincy. Either way, Broncos in the upset.

1:00pm EDT, FOX

Arizona at Buffalo (+4) - Twenty-five years ago, the Bills were in the midst of winning 49 games in four years. Since then it's been a rough quarter-century in Buffalo. They haven't been to the playoffs since this was the number one single in America:



Yikes. Cardinals win and cover.

Detroit at Green Bay (-7.5) - Despite getting Jordy Nelson back, Green Bay has looked pretty mortal despite being BG's perennial favorite bet to win the NFC. On the other hand Detroit just lost to the fucking Titans. Packers win, Lions with the points.

Minnesota at Carolina (-7) - I thought people would expect a blowout after Adrian Deterson blew out his knee, but there's lots of action on the Vikes here. Both defenses are legit and under-43 seems like the move here. But I'll take the Panthers to win and cover.

Washington at NY Giants (-4.5) - I hope Ol' Dirty Beckham and Josh Norman just fuck and get it over with. Giants win and cover.

4:05pm EDT, FOX

Los Angeles at Tampa Bay (-5.5) - The Rams offense is bad. They also gave Tavon Austin $17 million guaranteed. He hasn't had a 100-yard game since November 2013 and has a grand total of one receiving touchdown since week 9 of last season. Fading them until further notice. Buccaneers win and cover.

San Francisco at Seattle (-9.5) - Fifteen points in two games for the mighty Seahawks is pretty disappointing. The line opened at SEA-11, so likely for this reason there's been money on San Fran. I'll go the other way and predict an offensive outburst for Seattle at home. Seahawks win and cover.

4:25pm EDT, CBS

NY Jets at Kansas City (-3) -



Jets in the upset.

San Diego at Indianapolis (-3) - Both of these teams have dumb, dopey quarterbacks, but PRIVS is the lovable one and Luck is the media-darling-but-actually-terrible one. I'll take Melvin Gordon and Travis Benjamin to move the needle here. Chargers in the upset.

Pittsburgh at Philadelphia (+3.5) - The Battle of Wentzylvania will go down in history (remember me for centuries). All I know is Antonio Brown gon' sting dey ass. Steelers win and cover.

8:30pm EDT, NBC

Chicago at Dallas (-7) - Vegas isn't giving HOYER THE DESTROYER much of a chance, but covering a full touchdown is difficult for any NFC East team, even with the Dak Attack. Cowboys win, Bears with the points.


MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 26TH

8:30pm EDT, ESPN

Atlanta at New Orleans (-3) - The Saints are gonna do some stupid fucking ceremony about the ten year anniversary of a blocked punt after a rainstorm. Then we'll hear Jon Gruden say like fifteen words or so about something other than football. I'm gonna guess, "The people of New Orleans needed a moment like that, Mike. It was special." And then it will be back to verbally fellating Drew Brees. Saints win and cover.

[Mertron]

i am excited for the eagles to win, followed by "no leveon bell, no martavis bryant, they were at home, they're still not that good"

[Cail]

There's been a serious lack of PRIVS gifs this year

[Chun Liroy]

Sorry spags.... But the bears and browns might be the worst 2 teams in the NFL. Granted it wasn't close and you can only play your opponents but still. Iggles unfortunately doing better than what was anticipated.

[Krandor]

Antonio Brown has stated that he will keep any further TD celebrations limited to 2 pumps.

[Rhyis.]

subdued gyrations

[Krandor]

THE PATS HAVE A DUAL THREAT QB

[Krandor]

Holy shit

[Roranora]

QB controversy in NE in two weeks

[Xno Kappa]

He scored his first NSL touchdown.

[Krandor]

Better get ready

https://mobile.twitter.com/michaelir...69339184508928

[Xno Kappa]

Man, get your shit together Houston lol.

[Krandor]

Are we sure the Texans aren't the one starting the 3rd stringer?

[Bregor]

Shoulda stuck with

W

E

E

D

E

N

[wipers]

I'm late to the game tonight. Are the Texans really this terrible ?

[Xno Kappa]

Welp. I'm going to bed.

[Moss]

I'm late to the game tonight. Are the Texans really this terrible ?

Osweiler and Texans oline are mediocre and they have fumbled twice.

More of the Patriots being talented and well-coached imo

[Krandor]

The Texans have looked pretty good the first two weeks. This just affirms that Belichick is a goddamn wizard.

[Rhyis.]

Bill could start a chihuahua on the squad and still find a way to win. Shit makes no sense.

[Krandor]

With Brady suspended for the first 4 this was the rest of the AFC Easts chance.

Instead we watch the Pats beat the Cardinals with their 2nd string QB, and fucking shut out the Texans with their rookie 3rd string with only 3 days of prep.

Granted he honestly deserves it every year, but fuck, give Belichick coach of the year just for the fucking wizardry he's pulled off in these first 3 games.