Originally Posted by
TheDirtyHobo
I was raised in a relatively strict Mormon household. I had my first doubts about religion around 9 or 10 years old in what I consider to be a pretty funny, albeit nerdy, story. I had just gotten Grandia for Christmas that year and was absolutely loving it (it's still probably a top 3 favorite game ever), and I was too young to really know what it was at the time but I definitely had a little crush on Feena. A few months later, we learned in sunday school about the story of Samson and Delilah, and the teacher explained to us (in innocent and childish terms) the concept of lust, and I came to the conclusion that I was lusting after Feena. Then she brought out some verse in Matthew, iirc, about how "looking at a woman with lust is the same is committing adultery in your heart" and then went on to describe how big of a sin that was. Coupled with the previous revelation, I realized that according to their rules, I had committed adultery, one of the absolute worst sins imaginable, at 10 years old, with a fictional character. That sort of haunting guilt and shame stuck with me for a few more years until I realized just how stupid the rules were and just gave up with it entirely.
I fought my parents on it, but they went with the classic "my house, my rules, you're going to church until you move out" approach. So I did, and I was eagerly awaiting HS graduation and college when I could be done with it forever. Except I didn't get into the college I actually wanted, but I did get accepted to BYU, which I was forced to submit a completely half-assed application to. If anyone ever finds themselves in a similar position, I strongly, strongly recommend not doing it. It was probably the most miserable point of my life. Chronic (up to that point) undiagnosed depression mixed with an environment where everyone is trying to mormon-shame each other by out-mormoning everyone else is a recipe for disaster. I lasted about a semester and a half before I tried to kill myself and got kicked out for the suicide attempt. It took quite a while to recover from that and get my life back on track.
That all being said, I don't hate or harbour any ill will towards religions. I actually really enjoy analyzing them, but I try to separate their mythology from their doctrine. If you filter out the stories about "do this because God said so" and just look at them more as a philosophy of "this is how we suggest you should try to live your life," then almost any religion is great. I think this is one of the most overlooked things by atheists, they get caught up in trying to disprove the mythology side of it instead of looking at the part that actually matters about how you should live; any discrepancy of mythology can be hand-waved away with "well science doesn't know enough to prove that this is impossible" but pointing out the contradictions or problems while just operating in the space created by their own rules tends to be much more important discussion. My personal stance on the mythology part is that I think it's nearly impossible to argue for the typical representation of the Abrahamic God, one that's loving, all-powerful, created us in his image, etc., but I don't deny the possibility of some more neutral universal creator that isn't particularly invested in human life.
This is probably a very offensive comparison, but I find very religious people to be fascinating in the same way that armpit fetishists or conspiracy theorists are. I absolutely don't understand their viewpoints, I really enjoy watching them and psychoanalyzing them to figure out what makes them think the way that they think, what are the signals that people like them find attractive. I like trying to understand their culture without actively participating in it.