AA, Substance Abuse and all other related discussion

[Xno Kappa]

I stopped going to my behavioral therapist six months ago. At the time I was feeling amazing and felt it was no longer necessary. I was also on naltrexone and antabuse for a long time there. But yeah, shit is always there to creep back on you. Think I'm going to hit up AA meetings again.

Get back into boxing

My local gym closed down. Next decent gym is 40 minutes away from me and fuck that noise.

[Xno Kappa]

I was also on ambien for awhile there but that shit made me once chill on the toilet for hours with no recollection on my phone. Fuck that lol.

[Melena]

Ambien is the devils drug. When I had my second surgery, my doctor prescribed it to help me sleep. My body got so damn addicted to it, when it was time to come off workers comp, we had to extend it about 2 weeks so I could quit it cold turkey. Got maybe 3 hours sleep over the next 72 hours before I finally slept somewhat normally, so don't blame you for not wanting to take that again.

As for triggers towards addiction, it could be anything. For me when I quit smoking, boredom was a huge trigger. I know you mentioned your old boxing gym closed down. Have you looked at maybe converting a room or part of your garage into your own personal gym? That way if you get the urge to crack open a bottle of jack, you can just walk into the other room, put the gloves on and start working out instead?

[Psion]

it might be that you felt like a hero, doing something important, protecting your country, and now you're back home and feeling aimless, maybe having sneaking suspicions that you're somehow dead weight now? (not that this is the case, but since when were humans perfectly rational beings?) it might be that you need a new sense of purpose, a new goal where you feel like you're making a difference in peoples lives. maybe you should try your hand at creating something. or perhaps you should try a job where you're helping the next generation grow up better than the last, such as a teaching job.

gods know that the typical 9 to 5 grind is miserable for most of us as it is. repeating the same actions over like a robot, only worse, wondering if you're even making the world a better place or just trying to keep food on the table. for someone who's actually made a difference, coming back and having to face something like that would be a nightmare for anyone.

[kuronosan]

AA very good idea. Ambien probably not. Melatonin? Tried that?

Hang in there man. It's tough, I know.

[Kalmado]

Was debating opening a new thread but I think my recent findings in a way tie into substance abuse. As suggested in the fail thread I bought The Body Keeps The Score and am 75 pages in. I read it every day on my lunch since I must take an hour and have no idea what else to do. In the last two weeks I've recognized the exact reasons behind troubles I've had literally my entire working life with male supervisors. If anyone wants to, we can chat PM because it's a lot and I'm not going to fill this thread up with specific personal stuff.

Today marks one month into my new job. I've only had one "bad" call out of around we'll guess 500 calls so % wise that's pretty good. My mind and body keeps trying to convince me this will all turn to shit so the fight is very real. Out of the past month I've went either four or six days without drinking. Some days I only have a few drinks compared to my norm of blackout drunk just about every night. I did get that special medical card those of us in Michigan can get and have been 100% off of SSRI meds for almost two months now. I take 25MG CBD in the morning and have a "different" mint before work. There have been times I have a second mint during work. Like right now as I type this I already have that sort of ball in throat feeling because I need to get ready in 10 minutes.

This is going to sound very basic but I firmly believe this after the reading I've done thus far. For some of us we basically build a bunch of defense mechanisms because of bad things that happen to us or have affected us. Basically, trauma. After time and also severity of certain events, parts of the brain cannot distinguish what we'll just call actual "very bad stuff" vs trivial stuff so when "a thing" occurs all of our defense mechanisms activate. For me it's basically been nothing good will ever happen because eventually it will get ruined or taken away from me. I wrote on the blog section how I was unsure if I actually like gaming anymore because it seems I do not enjoy anything. After reading what I have so far it makes perfect sense now why I feel this way about something I used to be pretty passionate about.

So what to do about it now? For me, more reading. The book is supposed to get into "rewiring your brain" in regards to those false flags triggering your defenses. I have a lot of "new" happening right now and while it's "just a job change" it's been very hard so far with a lot of ups and downs internally.

[Salodin]

Have you tried smoking pot? Much better than alcohol imo.

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[Tokitoki]

Can't with a gov't job. Especially his.

[AoE]

Was debating opening a new thread but I think my recent findings in a way tie into substance abuse. As suggested in the fail thread I bought The Body Keeps The Score and am 75 pages in. I read it every day on my lunch since I must take an hour and have no idea what else to do. In the last two weeks I've recognized the exact reasons behind troubles I've had literally my entire working life with male supervisors. If anyone wants to, we can chat PM because it's a lot and I'm not going to fill this thread up with specific personal stuff.

Today marks one month into my new job. I've only had one "bad" call out of around we'll guess 500 calls so % wise that's pretty good. My mind and body keeps trying to convince me this will all turn to shit so the fight is very real. Out of the past month I've went either four or six days without drinking. Some days I only have a few drinks compared to my norm of blackout drunk just about every night. I did get that special medical card those of us in Michigan can get and have been 100% off of SSRI meds for almost two months now. I take 25MG CBD in the morning and have a "different" mint before work. There have been times I have a second mint during work. Like right now as I type this I already have that sort of ball in throat feeling because I need to get ready in 10 minutes.

This is going to sound very basic but I firmly believe this after the reading I've done thus far. For some of us we basically build a bunch of defense mechanisms because of bad things that happen to us or have affected us. Basically, trauma. After time and also severity of certain events, parts of the brain cannot distinguish what we'll just call actual "very bad stuff" vs trivial stuff so when "a thing" occurs all of our defense mechanisms activate. For me it's basically been nothing good will ever happen because eventually it will get ruined or taken away from me. I wrote on the blog section how I was unsure if I actually like gaming anymore because it seems I do not enjoy anything. After reading what I have so far it makes perfect sense now why I feel this way about something I used to be pretty passionate about.

So what to do about it now? For me, more reading. The book is supposed to get into "rewiring your brain" in regards to those false flags triggering your defenses. I have a lot of "new" happening right now and while it's "just a job change" it's been very hard so far with a lot of ups and downs internally.

You have an Amazon link to this book? Seems like multiple books.

[Kalmado]

Have you tried smoking pot? Much better than alcohol imo.

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I was actually given some freebies when I bought my mints! We've discussed elsewhere about this and it's still true. I just don't like smoking. A few times leaving the new gig I'd have a mint on the way home. Helped quite a bit. It's just remembering to do it.

You have an Amazon link to this book? Seems like multiple books.

The book I bought.

[AoE]

Thank you. Just ordered it.

[Rooney]

My counselor wanted me to read these:

Lost Connections (mainly depression related) I liked, useful for multiple things
The road less traveled (general self-help? still getting through it) I don't like

[Cantih]

I stopped going to my behavioral therapist six months ago. At the time I was feeling amazing and felt it was no longer necessary.

Have you started back up again?

[Psion]

you might also want to look into syrian rue, or peganum harmala (latin name) if you ever feel the need for antidepressants. it's not an SSRI, but an RIMA, which is similar but much shorter duration (think several hours to a day instead of weeks.) unlike SSRIs you don't need to be nearly as careful with food interactions, though a minor amount of people may get things like headaches from eating tryptamine rich foods or the like with it. most people it's totally fine though. i've eaten cheese, jerky, and chocolate all after taking rue before and didn't notice a thing. still gotta watch the medicine interactions list though - it can potentiate it just like SSRIs, with potentially deadly results in some cases. and go easy on the caffeine >_> it pretty much doubles the effect. probably enhances the effect of alcohol too, though i don't drink so don't know - i'd be cautious about mixing the two.

it doesn't have much side effects that i've ever noticed, other than nausea and a bit of a laxative effect. not surprising since i was taking it to stop my muscles from constantly tensing up, particularly around my back. don't take it if pregnant though. most of the nastiest effects actually occur the first several days taking it, and then it slowly goes down over time as your body adjusts. i puked the first few times i took it but after a week i no longer did, and after a few weeks i barely would feel a twinge of nausea. you tend to need less over time less often too. there's also harmine/harmaline extracts which get rid of the nastier compounds that cause the nausea and other stuff (take too much and you'll get tracers and intense vertigo for instance...don't take too much. i did once, NEVER AGAIN OH GOD.) 2-3 grams of the ground up seeds is enough for a full dose, i only dosed once per day. better to start lower than higher unless you enjoy puking. for a couple hours. for the harmine extract i think it's around 150-200 mg. it's even doable to extract it yourself using vinegar and washing soda, though a bit of work.

obviously this is only if you need it and want an alternative to SSRIs that's less...nasty. the nausea bit sucks but that's really the only side effect i've ever noticed, other than my muscles feeling a bit relaxed and heavy at first...which was a good thing because the problem was they were tensing too much. i no longer need it though - after a few months of taking the stuff my muscles no longer tense up. extract is a heck of a lot easier on the gut than the raw seeds.

as an added bonus the stuffs dirt cheap. you can find a pound of seeds for 20-30 bucks usually on ebay or various botanical websites, which is a few months worth supply if you take it daily. on the downside... it smells and tastes like coffee from the ninth layer of hell. encapsulate/extract it, and chase it with something sweet like soda to mask the taste of the inevitable burp or three that will follow.

[Kalmado]

Been over two months off meds and I'm sabotaging myself at my new job. Not drinking as much as before, in fact went 3 days in a row without but day 4 around noon was BAD. Tried other methods and it's just not working. After talking with my wife and she told me to go see the nurse practitioner at our doctor's office as that's her person she sees and she loves her.

Basically let it all out and had a great appointment. The plan we made is starting tomorrow I'll be taking Effexor for daily anxiety and depression. Yeah, I didn't even realize just how depressed I've become. I'll be taking Ativan daily to combat alcohol withdrawal. Follow up appointment next Wednesday.

I'm really pumped up. I have a solid plan where I can follow the directions and make things happen. As I said before, I never doubted I could quit drinking. It's the withdrawal stuff that terrifies me. Now I'm going to follow this plan and make it happen. Oh, and since I left my toxic job I've lost 10 pounds. Double oh, I'm killing it today at work and still have 4 hours to go.

[kuronosan]

Been over two months off meds and I'm sabotaging myself at my new job. Not drinking as much as before, in fact went 3 days in a row without but day 4 around noon was BAD. Tried other methods and it's just not working. After talking with my wife and she told me to go see the nurse practitioner at our doctor's office as that's her person she sees and she loves her.

Basically let it all out and had a great appointment. The plan we made is starting tomorrow I'll be taking Effexor for daily anxiety and depression. Yeah, I didn't even realize just how depressed I've become. I'll be taking Ativan daily to combat alcohol withdrawal. Follow up appointment next Wednesday.

I'm really pumped up. I have a solid plan where I can follow the directions and make things happen. As I said before, I never doubted I could quit drinking. It's the withdrawal stuff that terrifies me. Now I'm going to follow this plan and make it happen. Oh, and since I left my toxic job I've lost 10 pounds. Double oh, I'm killing it today at work and still have 4 hours to go.

Fantastic. Effexor is a pretty safe drug too.

[Astylla]

Been over two months off meds and I'm sabotaging myself at my new job. Not drinking as much as before, in fact went 3 days in a row without but day 4 around noon was BAD. Tried other methods and it's just not working. After talking with my wife and she told me to go see the nurse practitioner at our doctor's office as that's her person she sees and she loves her.

Basically let it all out and had a great appointment. The plan we made is starting tomorrow I'll be taking Effexor for daily anxiety and depression. Yeah, I didn't even realize just how depressed I've become. I'll be taking Ativan daily to combat alcohol withdrawal. Follow up appointment next Wednesday.

I'm really pumped up. I have a solid plan where I can follow the directions and make things happen. As I said before, I never doubted I could quit drinking. It's the withdrawal stuff that terrifies me. Now I'm going to follow this plan and make it happen. Oh, and since I left my toxic job I've lost 10 pounds. Double oh, I'm killing it today at work and still have 4 hours to go.

It's very obvious in your case the medication and sessions are beneficial to you and there's no shame in that. In a way I envy it so much because neither do a damn thing for me.

I've had "friends" alienate me because they feel I'm an alcoholic and sure I can be a social one so I can understand but it seriously doesn't impact my life negatively the way they claim or think. I've been stressed about work so I've been drinking more often but never alone and never just to drink, though did get more drunk recently than I expected. It's my worst vice I admit but it helps me for now.

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[Kaisha]

Fantastic. Effexor is a pretty safe drug too.

Hopefully the variant of it used nowadays is. The one I used to take eons ago was linked to suicidal thoughts, and it wasn't a pleasant time for me until moving off of them. Either case, different folks, different side effects.

In a way I envy it so much because neither do a damn thing for me.

Ditto here.

[Psion]

i hear you on how anxiety and depression can sneak up on you unawares. when i took harmalas for the first time i was like "holy shit i'm talking a lot more and feeling a lot better than normal here". after a few months of it i no longer seem to need it either - i don't know why... is it possible for you to slowly get depression then get stuck there even after the thing causing it is long gone, until something breaks the cycle? because i know for me my parents always stressed me out until i moved out.

glad to hear things are working out for you!

[Kalmado]

Thanks for the support y'all! I just woke up around 45 minutes ago. Wednesdays are my late nights and ain't gonna hide it, bought a super nice 4 pack of one of my favorite craft beers last night to savor it and then wave goodbye. Wife picked up the scripts before work (she works at the hospital where our scripts are filled) so while the coffee was brewing I read the ativan one. So, basically one with every meal and an absolute must to take Effexor with food. This will be tough because I don't eat breakfast every day. But, that's an easy fix. While reading something dawned on me. Now to be clear I'm saying this looking for opinions, not medical advice or w/e, but I thought maybe I get so agitated at work sometimes it's because my body is in the process of withdrawal and it hinders the mind's ability to handle stress properly? Thoughts?