Random Fail FWP Thread 2: Something, Something, Your Mother's a Whore.

[dasva]

So the harvest table event that sold out literally within 10 minutes of tickets going up on sale over a month ago just had some tickets open up today... and it's for this weekend. FFFFFF can't really do it now and not the for the restaurants we really wanted but still kind of a kick.

[Brill Weave]

I burned bacon. So I didn't get to eat it. And I can still smell the burned bacon. It's like a constant reminder that I didn't get to eat bacon.

[Melena]

Steam burned my finger on accident pulling my lunch out of the microwave. Shit still stings 2 hours later.

[Xantavia]

Got my work schedule for next week. One fucking day, because my average hours are too high for their liking.

[Fondue]

I see you updated your signature, at what point are you going to get a hooker

Also can you levitate and bend spoons with your mind yet

[Zetanio]

Wait what.

[Anoat]

The running joke on the Internet is that men who stay virgins until 40 (or is it 30?) become wizards.

[Zetanio]

No, I meant that he's still a virgin.

[dasva]

No, I meant that he's still a virgin.

Probably a reference to his sig?

[Astylla]

I hate these worthless voicemails :

“I’m checking on my civic, so call me back. “ or
“I had the issue with the backup camera , so call me back thanks.”

We are a fucking Honda dealership, your civic isn’t a special snowflake.
Motherfuckers leave me your fucking name at minimum or even better a phone number I can search for or call back. Not that you’ll check your messages anyway and just call back saying someone just called you. Which all outbound calls have the same number so calling back does nothing.

[Kalmado]

I hate these worthless voicemails :

“I’m checking on my civic, so call me back. “ or
“I had the issue with the backup camera , so call me back thanks.”

We are a fucking Honda dealership, your civic isn’t a special snowflake.
Motherfuckers leave me your fucking name at minimum or even better a phone number I can search for or call back. Not that you’ll check your messages anyway and just call back saying someone just called you. Which all outbound calls have the same number so calling back does nothing.

I get stuff like this all the time in VM or even calls. After I answer, "This is Karen." Ask last name: long groan/sigh/anger Karen Jones geez....

I took a payment from "This is James" today. Didn't even need to ask for his last name because A: has sort of a distinct voice and B: He will never be forgotten because when asking for his address he said, and I kid you not, "you mean my aaaiiirdress?" Yes, say it just like I typed it and that's what this guy said.

[Brill Weave]

Noah has begun getting Alexa to play Diamond King.........

[Twilight Sky]

I hate these worthless voicemails :

“I’m checking on my civic, so call me back. “ or
“I had the issue with the backup camera , so call me back thanks.”

We are a fucking Honda dealership, your civic isn’t a special snowflake.
Motherfuckers leave me your fucking name at minimum or even better a phone number I can search for or call back. Not that you’ll check your messages anyway and just call back saying someone just called you. Which all outbound calls have the same number so calling back does nothing.

Somewhat related, but while working for Kroger and working on Christmas(the only day of the year the stores are all closed to the public.. for the last 50 or so years), we'd get calls from people asking are we open..

[Kalmado]

This fail is more about the drug/meth/heroin issue in my city. My wife is a CNA and works recovery 3rd shift. Two nights ago they caught one of her patients cooking meth in a bathroom (probably shake method I'm assuming). She had another where he had a visitor and in front of my wife they discussed where they would get their next bag and the girl asked if she could steal any syringes from the hospital, right in front of my wife.

I know I bitch about what I do but never in a million years could I do what health professionals do.

[Xno Kappa]

My son was sleeping on my chest and woke himself up with a giant shit/fart lmao.

[Gokulo]

We cultured people call it a shart

[Cream Soda]

I just say "That fart was a gamble... and I got most of my money back"

[Kalmado]

Since my coworker announced she was pregnant she's been late or called off 75% or more of the time. My boss acknowledged yesterday that it's a problem (he won't do anything) and he's planning on her being gone by first snow. I get he's not going to be a dick because she's pregnant but it's clear abuse. Moving forward I'm taking it as a surprise if she shows up (and actually does anything) but expect it to be a two person show. Can't wait for her to be gone so I can have that back office.

[milez]

She gonna stay just to spite you....

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[Kalmado]

She gonna stay just to spite you....

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We've been friends for awhile. She's an awesome human and what not. But she's been mentally checked out for over a year (her words). Once she starts getting big she'll probably quit. Or the snow. She commutes 90 miles a day so I don't blame her. I wish her the best. I just hope it's sooner than later!