hello football
none of you picked the eagles to win the super bowl last year so you are all dumb football fans
i, the smartest football fan, who picks the eagles to win the super bowl every year, and was therefore right, and will continue to be right until proven otherwise, am here to give you your half-assed nfl preview because im busy and bregor is dead and no one really likes cail schefter
AFC EAST PREVIEW: fun game to play: name the best qb in this division for the past 20ish years not named tom brady. when you come up with favre and pennington, you will realize this division is dogshit, so congrats to the pats on winning it again
AFC NORTH PREVIEW: remember when the bengals were like, the favorite to win the super bowl two years ago until andy dalton broke his thumb or whatever. good times
AFC SOUTH PREVIEW: anyone can probably win this division, and yet, all of these teams are probably bad
AFC WEST PREVIEW: how will andy reid fuck this up this time, stay tuned sports fans
NFC EAST PREVIEW: the eagles won the super bowl
NFC NORTH PREVIEW: stay mad vikings fans
NFC SOUTH PREVIEW: stay mad alvin kamara
NFC WEST PREVIEW: do you guys remember all those times the redskins won the super bowl after spending a shit load of money on free agents/trading for players
ok thats enough, its time for predictions
AFC EAST: pats
AFC NORTH: t h e b e n g a l s
AFC SOUTH: texans
AFC WEST: chefs
WILDCARDS: chargers, ravens
NFC EAST: the eagles won the super bowl
NFC NORTH: vikings
NFC SOUTH: falcons
NFC WEST: rams
WILDCARDS: packers, saints
SUPERB OWL: eagles defeat the patriots again, unban ninjalotter
any wrong predictions are wrong on purpose, making them right
awards
MVP: a-a-ron
OPOY: leveon bell
DPOY: jj watt
OROY: barkley
DROY: chubb
Coach: b i l l o b r i e n
first coach fired: koetter
random musings:
hey giants fans i run into everywhere who say "hurr durr the eagles were lucky to win the super bowl hurr durr i wonder if i can fit this entire pair of scissors up my ass": yes the number one team in the nfc throughout basically the entire regular season, who had multiple injuries to key positions on the team, and yet still had the number 1 seed, dominated their nfc championship matchup and outplayed the pats in the super bowl were "lucky" to win the super bowl. and some other team that barely made the playoffs the last two times they made the super bowl and won on things like helmet catches and dropped interceptions and MY HUSBAND CANNOT THROW THE BALL AND CATCH THE BALL AT THE SAME TIME (lol) were not lucky at all, and hell, lets throw scott norwood here for good measure STAY SALTY MOTHERFUCKERS
other musings: all those teams people are saying are sleeper teams for the playoffs (browns, jets, bears, 9ers, etc) are dumb and you are dumb
heres a hot take for ya: Jason Garrett gets fired this year
k bye fuck off