2018 NFL Week 1: The Eagles won the Super Bowl, Trump is President, Our Pet's Heads are Falling Off

[Mertron]

hello football

none of you picked the eagles to win the super bowl last year so you are all dumb football fans

i, the smartest football fan, who picks the eagles to win the super bowl every year, and was therefore right, and will continue to be right until proven otherwise, am here to give you your half-assed nfl preview because im busy and bregor is dead and no one really likes cail schefter

AFC EAST PREVIEW: fun game to play: name the best qb in this division for the past 20ish years not named tom brady. when you come up with favre and pennington, you will realize this division is dogshit, so congrats to the pats on winning it again

AFC NORTH PREVIEW: remember when the bengals were like, the favorite to win the super bowl two years ago until andy dalton broke his thumb or whatever. good times

AFC SOUTH PREVIEW: anyone can probably win this division, and yet, all of these teams are probably bad

AFC WEST PREVIEW: how will andy reid fuck this up this time, stay tuned sports fans

NFC EAST PREVIEW: the eagles won the super bowl

NFC NORTH PREVIEW: stay mad vikings fans

NFC SOUTH PREVIEW: stay mad alvin kamara

NFC WEST PREVIEW: do you guys remember all those times the redskins won the super bowl after spending a shit load of money on free agents/trading for players

ok thats enough, its time for predictions

AFC EAST: pats
AFC NORTH: t h e b e n g a l s
AFC SOUTH: texans
AFC WEST: chefs
WILDCARDS: chargers, ravens


NFC EAST: the eagles won the super bowl
NFC NORTH: vikings
NFC SOUTH: falcons
NFC WEST: rams
WILDCARDS: packers, saints

SUPERB OWL: eagles defeat the patriots again, unban ninjalotter

any wrong predictions are wrong on purpose, making them right

awards
MVP: a-a-ron
OPOY: leveon bell
DPOY: jj watt
OROY: barkley
DROY: chubb
Coach: b i l l o b r i e n

first coach fired: koetter

random musings:

hey giants fans i run into everywhere who say "hurr durr the eagles were lucky to win the super bowl hurr durr i wonder if i can fit this entire pair of scissors up my ass": yes the number one team in the nfc throughout basically the entire regular season, who had multiple injuries to key positions on the team, and yet still had the number 1 seed, dominated their nfc championship matchup and outplayed the pats in the super bowl were "lucky" to win the super bowl. and some other team that barely made the playoffs the last two times they made the super bowl and won on things like helmet catches and dropped interceptions and MY HUSBAND CANNOT THROW THE BALL AND CATCH THE BALL AT THE SAME TIME (lol) were not lucky at all, and hell, lets throw scott norwood here for good measure STAY SALTY MOTHERFUCKERS

other musings: all those teams people are saying are sleeper teams for the playoffs (browns, jets, bears, 9ers, etc) are dumb and you are dumb

heres a hot take for ya: Jason Garrett gets fired this year

k bye fuck off

[Mertron]

do you guys remember that time the eagles won the super bowl

also sports betting is legal

[Mertron]

football

[Xno Kappa]

LET IT BE KNOWN THE PROPHECY OF 3LIII HAS BEEN FORETOLD!!!

Spoiler: show

[Xno Kappa]

NFC BEAST: The eagles were lucky to win the super bowl. Big Blue all day!
NFC West: Rams looking dangerous.
NFC North: If Aaron Rodgers clavicle holds up Packers maybe. Wait. The Bears got Khalil Mack right? RIP lol. Vikings.
NFC South: Saints.

AFC East: Congratulations Patriots.
AFC West: Probably the Chiefs.
AFC North: The only other good team in this dog shit conference, Steelers.
AFC South: Jags.

Super Bowl: Elite Manning, OBJ, and Saquads Barkley gonna run through everybody this year.

[Moss]

Looking forward to real games but my soul has been dead for a couple years now

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[Rhyis.]

I do actually believe the Giants will win the east.

AFC
Patriots
Steelers
Texans
Chargers
Ravens
Jaguars

NFC
Giants
Vikings
Falcons
Rams
Saints
Packers

Steelers/Chargers> Steelers
Rams/Falcons> Falcons

Falcons

[Moss]

Also how are there are any Bills fans left after they lost THREE SUPERBOWLS IN A ROW

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[Rhyis.]

Also the only thing I have to say about the Cowboys this year is

[Cail]

Hi friends. Is this where I football?

[Melena]

At least the Niners should be entertaining. Was bitching on Facebook over the Mack trade and my dad's wife said it was a good trade cause Mack wasn't that good last year. Still hoping Oakland tells the Raiders to fuck off next year and they got to play on some high school field instead for the 19-20 season.

[Dimmauk]

BEARS BEAT BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

I LOVE TO FOOTBALL WITH MY FRIENDS

[Cail]

Curtis Samuel had a small procedure to fix an irregular heartbeat.

[Buffy]

Also how are there are any Bills fans left after they lost THREE SUPERBOWLS IN A ROW

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They lost 4.

[tyven]

BEARS BEAT BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

I LOVE TO FOOTBALL WITH MY FRIENDS

YES BITCH

[Serra]

They lost 4.

Thought I was imagining an extra loss for a second..

[Rhyis.]

Bills pain is the NFC Easts gain.

[Moss]

They lost 4.

God you're right

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[Xno Kappa]

Bills pain is the NFC Easts gain.

Get REKT’d!

Too bad the eagles only got lucky once to win the super bowl last year.

[Deejay]

B E L I 3 V E