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  1. #1
    I would prefer not to.
    Moms Spaghetti
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    2019 NFL Week 1: I can’t wait to beat my girlfriend in fantasy football memorial thread

    greetings fellow dumb football fans, the time has come to prove how dumb we all are at footballing by making our annual terrible predictions. unfortunately i am at work and don’t feel like giffing, but have at you

    AFC EAST: the shitass PATRIOTS and their shitass qb won the super bowl, they continue to play in a terrible division which grants them a first round bye and at least one home playoff game, and the only thing that can stop them is our lord and savior nick foles, since eli will not be available

    AFC SOUTH: the division is all over the place: the colts qb retired, the texans are trading everything, no one goes to titans games, and our pets heads are falling off. with all this going on i like our lord and savior nick foles to take the JAGUARS to da promised land (or at least to win the division. yes i just picked the JAGS! to win the division please kill me)

    AFC NORTH: everyone is on the browns bandwagon even though they are a franchise mired in misery and despair; the perfect browns sucker punch to their fans would be for them to suck this year. besides knowing the bengals will probably be bad, you could convince me any of the other teams could win the division; ill pick the STEELERS because welt told me lamar jackson sucks

    AFC WEST: speaking of all our pets heads falling off: ladies and gentlemen, the chargers. the CHIEFS will beat everyone in this division worse than tyreek hill beats his kids (allegedly)

    AFC WILDCARDS: i feel like a lot of the divisions will cannibalize themselves, leading to a team that has a weak schedule, like playing the dolphins and bills twice, the giants and redskins, being able to squeak in. that’s right bitches, I picked the jags to win the division and J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF oh and i guess ill take the BROWNS too whatever give me all the laughable franchises

    NFC EAST: the eagles and cowboys get four games against the giants and redskins, and then you get to throw in the bills jets and actively tanking dolphins into the mix. both of these teams should get to 10+ wins, and whoever wins the division has a strong shot at at least a bye, if not the one seed. the cowboys beat the eagles in both games last year but both games went down to the last drive (including an overtime game) you know what fuck this i don’t have to justify shit, fuck the cowboys, all their fans, and the state of texas in general, EAGLES

    NFC SOUTH: fuck the saints too, bunch of god damn crybabies. jameis winston is still on the bucs and what’s left of cam newtons shoulder (and foot) is still on the panthers, so i guess ill be riding the hammerin julio train to FALCONS town

    NFC NORTH: looks like anyone can win this division...oh wait the lions play in this division. three teams can win this division. the bears have mitch trubisky and in theory they have a kicker on the roster, and the packers head coach tore his acl playing knockout. have you guys ever played knockout? my invalid grandmother could survive a game of knockout, granted she’s dead now, but if anyone has a shovel we can still test this hypothesis. gimme kork coupons leading the VIKINGS to the promised land, just in time to crash and burn in the playoffs.

    NFC WEST: crabtree gets signed by the cardinals just in time for talib and the RAMS to beat the shit out of him and steal his necklace. this is taking too long im done with this division

    NFC WILDCARDS: COWBOYS based on easy schedule, SEAHAWKS also based on relatively easy schedule

    I DO NOT FEEL LIKE DOING THE WHOLE PLAYOFFS THING SO HERE IS YOUR EVENTUAL SUPER BOWL CHAMPION: the eagles you fucking bitches. carson wentz gets his ring, the eagles get a second super bowl, and i no longer have to cry myself to sleep at night when people call wentz injury prone or xno says the eagles were lucky to win the super bowl

    to recap, also so you can copy and paste easier:

    AFC EAST: Patriots
    AFC SOUTH: Jaguars
    AFC NORTH: Steelers
    AFC WEST: Chiefs
    AFC WILDCARDS: Browns and Jets oh my god this hurts to type

    NFC EAST: Eagles
    NFC SOUTH: Falcons
    NFC NORTH: Vikings
    NFC WEST: Rams
    NFC WILDCARDS: Cowboys and Seahawks

    AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: who cares
    NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Eagles and who cares
    SUPER BOWL: Eagles

    MVP: Carson Wentz
    Offensive Player: Carson Wentz
    Defensive Player: Carson Wentz
    Offensive Rookie: Carson Wentz
    Defensive Rookie: Carson Wentz
    Comeback Player: Carson Wentz
    Coach: Doug Pederson, who has beaten the 2018 coach of the year (nagy), and is 2-0 against the 2017 coach of the year (mcvay), and has also beaten bellicheat in the playoffs, and has done so with a team that gets crippled every year. y’all put some respect on dougie fresh’s name
    First Coach Fired: Matt Rebecca. get it. he has a lady name.

    Bold Predictions: i already picked the jets to make the playoffs, what more do you want from me

  2. #2
    I would prefer not to.
    Moms Spaghetti
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    first double post of the season

  3. #3
    I would prefer not to.
    Moms Spaghetti
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    yeah buddy

  4. #4
    I'm almost as bad as Mazmaz
    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

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  5. #5
    Mr. Bananagrabber
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    Pats gonna win it all

  6. #6
    I would prefer not to.
    Moms Spaghetti
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krandor View Post
    Pats gonna win it all
    did you even read my post, i clearly already said the eagles are winning it all

  7. #7
    I'm almost as bad as Mazmaz
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    i already declared the iggles winning the superb owl. get your own pick mert


    AFC EAST: Patriots
    AFC SOUTH: Texans
    AFC NORTH: Steelers
    AFC WEST: Chiefs
    AFC WILDCARDS: Jags and Browns

    NFC EAST: Eagles
    NFC SOUTH: Panthers
    NFC NORTH: Packers
    NFC WEST: Seahawks
    NFC WILDCARDS: Cowboys and Saints

    AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Kansas
    NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Eagles
    SUPER BOWL: Eagles

  8. #8
    I'm almost as bad as Mazmaz
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    Josh McCown will be the superbowl mvp and mert will cry for varying reasons while wearing his wentz jersey

  9. #9
    The Anti Miz
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    Seems a lot of people are forgetting that the Bears will beat the Chiefs in the bowl

  10. #10
    Shimmy shimmy ya shimmy yam shimmy ya
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    AFC EAST: Congratulations Patriots on your 101st division title.
    AFC WEST: Chiefs with minor inconveniences from Felipe Rios and his crew.
    AFC NORTH: Steelers. Browns are all arrested after their coke party gets out of hand. Bengals still suck. Mert stole my black qb - welt joke with the Ravens.
    AFC SOUTH: Colts. Jacoby Brisket will take it all when everyone is reminded why Nick Foles is a backup QB.
    AFC WILDCARD: Chargers and Jaguars.

    NFC EAST: BIG BLUE BABY! Hear me out. Wentz stubs his toe by week 7. Zeke is suspended rest of the season after he slaps a random white chick. Redskins are still owned by Dan Snyder.



    NFC WEST: Rams.
    NFC NORTH: Kurt Coupons and the Vikings.
    NFC SOUTH: Saints come back super pissed off.
    NFC WILDCARD: Cowboys and Seahawks.

    SUPERBOWL: The 3LI Prophecy is fulfilled and finally ends the tyranny of Shit Ass Tom Brady.


  11. #11
    I would prefer not to.
    Moms Spaghetti
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    sir this is an arbys

  12. #12

    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

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    AFC EAST: Chargers
    AFC SOUTH: Chargers
    AFC NORTH: Chargers
    AFC WEST: Chargers
    AFC WILDCARDS: Chargers and Chargers

    NFC EAST: Chargers
    NFC SOUTH: Chargers
    NFC NORTH: Chargers
    NFC WEST: Chargers
    NFC WILDCARDS: Chargers and Chargers

    AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Chargers
    NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Chargers
    SUPER BOWL: Chargers

  13. #13
    I'm almost as bad as Mazmaz
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    the chargers in standard chargers fashion don't have knees. aint no winning going on there

  14. #14
    Black Guy from Predator.
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    LETS FUCKING DO THIS


    AFC EAST: Patriots
    AFC SOUTH: Titans
    AFC NORTH: Browns
    AFC WEST: Chahgahs
    AFC WILDCARDS: Steelers and Jags

    NFC EAST: Eagles
    NFC SOUTH: Saints
    NFC NORTH: Packers
    NFC WEST: Rams
    NFC WILDCARDS: Cowboys and Falcons

    AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Chahgahs
    NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Saints
    SUPER BOWL: Chahgahs

  15. #15
    Mr. Bananagrabber
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andalusian girls View Post
    AFC EAST: Chargers
    AFC SOUTH: Chargers
    AFC NORTH: Chargers
    AFC WEST: Chargers
    AFC WILDCARDS: Chargers and Chargers

    NFC EAST: Chargers
    NFC SOUTH: Chargers
    NFC NORTH: Chargers
    NFC WEST: Chargers
    NFC WILDCARDS: Chargers and Chargers

    AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Chargers
    NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Chargers
    SUPER BOWL: Chargers

  16. #16
    I would prefer not to.
    Moms Spaghetti
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    why did that video autoplay when i opened the thread

    fuck you right in the face

  17. #17
    Fuck It, I'm Goin Deep Fan Club President
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    I'm here for gifs and memes

  18. #18
    Member since 2006 and still can't think of a title.
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    AFC EAST: Patriots
    AFC SOUTH: Titans
    AFC NORTH: Browns
    AFC WEST: Chiefs
    AFC WILDCARDS: Chargers and Steelers

    NFC EAST: Eagles
    NFC SOUTH: Saints
    NFC NORTH: Packers
    NFC WEST: Rams
    NFC WILDCARDS: 49ers and Falcons

    AFC Champions: Chiefs
    NFC Champions: Packers

    Super bowl champs: Chiefs

  19. #19
    BG's favorite asshole
    I have a fairly serious medical question to ask, if I dont ask it, please ban me.

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    JAGS

  20. #20
    Black Guy from Predator.
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    SATH SIGHTING

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