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  1. #1
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    Moms Spaghetti
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    2022 NFL Wildcard Playoff Weekend: The End of Tegridy



    We did it folks! We beat Covid! It’s an absolute miracle, no NFL players will test positive the rest of the year!

    Anyway,

    Bengals (-5.5) vs Raiders: The first wildcard game is usually a dud, because it usually involves like the texans or…uh…the bengals, but this year the game is at least somewhat interesting! The raiders just barely made the playoffs by winning a bunch of close/overtime games this year, while the bengals somehow were the only afc north team to not completely shit themselves this year. The strain of all the extra play/shit that happened off the field for the raiders finally catches up to them as they can’t stop the bengals offense. Bengals win and cover (i kinda like the over 48.5 here)

    Bills (-4.5) vs Patriots: Mac Jones has not looked great the last few weeks, and their win earlier in the year over the Bills was more due to shit weather than anything else (and people act like that game was a blowout for some reason). McCorkle has also gone on record that he doesn’t like playing in the cold, so, have fun. The pats won’t be able to just run the ball here, and josh allen and the bills defense will do enough to win comfortably. Bills win and cover. (i kinda like the under 44 here)

    Eagles (+8.5) vs Bucs: Eagles lost to the Bucs by 6 (back door cover) earlier in the year when they were considerably worse, and the Bucs were considerably better. Eagles only real chance to win is to control the game with the run and hit brady, which has basically been the blueprint to beat any shitass bardy team ever. the eagles have the tools to do so, but they also have literally no answer for gronk, and their pass defense has been mostly atrocious. game is closer than people think but the refs bail out shitass at some point with a questionable roughing the passer penalty. Bucs win, eagles with the points.

    Cowboys (-3) vs. 49ers: only McCarthy can screw this up for the cowboys. Jimmy G is banged up, and the 49ers offense is limited to kittle and samuel against parsons and diggs. Cowboys are still fresh from playing their starters in the last week of the year and are a little healthier. surprisingly, the cowboys ended the year as the #1 team in DVOA, having a top 10 team on both offense and defense. i would like the line better if it was still at the original -3.5, but the cowboys are simply the better team playing at home. Cowboys win and cover.

    Chiefs (-12.5) over Steelers: this is apparently the largest spread in wildcard round history, and the previous three teams that were favored by 11 or more all won and covered. Put simply, when a shit team (the Steelers) goes against a good team (the chiefs) early in the playoffs, it ain’t pretty. The chiefs just beat the Steelers a few weeks ago by 26. Big Ben sucks. The chiefs will pull ahead early and coast. Chiefs win and cover.

    Rams (-3.5) over cardinals: late season collapses continues for kingsbury. cards did not look great playing their starters against the bad seahawks last week. rams defense is too talented, even if their offense is pedestrian; the cardinals defense will have problems with cupp, obj, et all. Rams win and cover.

    this is a fairly chalk group of picks by me, but whatever

    edit: copy/paste missed a game

  2. #2
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    Moms Spaghetti
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    there’s going to be upsets though, the question is where are they

    do the bengals bengals themselves and lose to the raiders (probably in overtime?)

    does bill have more devil magic up his sleeve or josh shits the bed?

    does shitass throw three picks like he did in the nfc championship game last year?

    does mccarthy fuck up the clock again?

    the chiefs aren’t losing

    does stafford throw two late picks and Murray runs around and stuff?

  3. #3
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    if the boys lose 'cause of greg zuerlein i'm gonna lose my shit 'cause that fucker has pissed me off since literally game 1 vs the bucs

  4. #4
    Shimmy shimmy ya shimmy yam shimmy ya
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    Bills gonna win the super bowl with Josh Allen becoming the face of viagra.

  5. #5
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    Moms Spaghetti
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    ah right, should’ve went with a “viagra makes you play harder” joke

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    Raiders @ Bengals: This game will be determined by the Raiders DLine vs. Bengals OLine. If the Raiders can't get pressure early and throughout, the Bengals will cruise by early 4th.
    Pats @ Bills: Josh Allen is the best player on the field for both teams, and he will be the difference.
    Eagles @ Bucs: My brain/wallet says Bucs, but my heart says Eagles. I think this is the most likely upset of the weekend.
    49ers @ Cowboys: I'd pick the home team in this match, so I'll go Cowboys. Too much of the money is going to the 49ers as the weekend upset, so that means the Boys win.
    Steelers @ Chiefs: 0.0001% chance the Steelers can win this. I don't think the Chiefs will lose until the 2022 pre-season.
    Cardinals @ Rams: Kyler is overrated and Hopkins has let this team down. The NFL wants to see the Rams advance.

    That gives us:

    Bengals @ Titans: Titans kicking woes suddenly return and cost them this one. Henry typically starts the season a bit slow, and this is essentially one for him. Don't think he will produce and Titans will face a lot of 3rd and 8-12. Titans don't match up well with speedy WR, so Chase should flourish. If the Titans win, it is because the DLine showed out.
    Bills @ Chiefs: Allen fucks up, Mahomes doesn't
    Cowboys @ Packers: Aaron Rodgers, not the Packers, is simply too much to beat before the NFC Championship, but I actually would be 0% surprised if the Boys win
    Bucs @ Rams: Bucs injuries will catch up to them here

    That gives us:

    Bengals @ Chiefs: Chiefs aren't losing
    Rams @ Packers: Packers finally finish one of these

    Superbowl 1 rematch: Chiefs aren't losing

  7. #7
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    im probably going to bet the eagles money line and promptly kick myself in the dick when barnett gets called for roughing the passer on 3rd and 18 in the fourth quarter when the eagles are up by 3

  8. #8
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    feel free to have that post ready for quoting

  9. #9
    Shimmy shimmy ya shimmy yam shimmy ya
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mertron View Post
    ah right, should’ve went with a “viagra makes you play harder” joke
    There’s rumors of Josh Allen being prescribed viagra to help with his blood flow cuz of his January/playoff record lol.

  10. #10
    Fuck It, I'm Goin Deep Fan Club President
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    I don't care who wins. I'd just prefer someone different than usual.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xno Kappa View Post
    There’s rumors of Josh Allen being prescribed viagra to help with his blood flow cuz of his January/playoff record lol.
    his playoff record is actually good for dudes under 30

    1. Patrick Mahomes - 6-2 (0.725)
    2. Jared Goff - 3-3 (0.500)
    3. Josh Allen - 2-2 (0.500)
    4a. Baker Mayfield - 1-1 (0.500)
    4b. Marcus Mariota - 1-1 (0.500)
    6a. Dak Prescott - 1-2 (0.333)
    6b. Deshaun Watson - 1-2 (0.333)
    8. Lamar Jackson - 1-3 (0.250)

    mahomes has just fucked up our perception of young qbs success in the playoffs

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cail View Post
    I don't care who wins. I'd just prefer someone different than usual.
    boys/titans, lets do this

  13. #13
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    I will take that, however unlikely lol

  14. #14
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    Rooting for the Steelers to get crushed and Big Rapist to have an embarrassing game

    Also Bengal

    Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk

  15. #15
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    Wildcard:
    Raiders @ Bengals
    Pats @ Bills
    Eagles @ Bucs
    49ers @ Cowboys
    Steelers @ Chiefs
    Cardinals @ Rams

    Divisional:
    Raiders(5) @ Titans(1):
    Bills(3) @ Chiefs(2)
    Cardinals(5) @ Packers(1)
    Cowboys(3) @ Bucs(2)

    Championship:
    Bills(3) @ Titans(1)
    Cowboys(3) @ Packers(1)

    Superb Owl:
    Bills vs Packers


    Quote Originally Posted by Weltall View Post
    Cowboys @ Packers: Aaron Rodgers, not the Packers, is simply too much to beat before the NFC Championship, but I actually would be 0% surprised if the Boys win
    Bucs @ Rams: Bucs injuries will catch up to them here
    I just noticed but your divisional round is fucked up. In your scenario the rams (4 seed) would face the pack (1 seed) and the boys (3 seed) would face the bucs (2 seed)

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhyis. View Post
    boys/titans, lets do this
    Titans? sure!

    Cowboys? fuck that

  17. #17
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    it's someone different than usual!

  18. #18
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    Mix of Hopeful/What I think will happen

    Chiefs
    Patriots
    Bengals

    Bucs
    Cowboys
    Cards

    Titans
    Chiefs

    Packers
    Bucs

    Titans
    Packers

    Titans

  19. #19
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    Chiefs
    Bills
    Raiders

    Bucs
    49ers
    Rams

    Bills
    Titans

    Packers
    Rams

    Bills
    Packers

    Packers

  20. #20
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    Moms Spaghetti
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    nobody actually wants the bucs to win, rude

    get in losers we’re going to the superb owl

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