2022 NFL Week 1 Thread: HANDBANANA NO!

[Mertron]

GENTLEMEN.

BEHOLD!

I…HAVE SUSPENDED DESAUN WATSON FOR ELEVEN GAMES!



o…oh. is…eleven a significant number, or something?



NO! I JUST WANTED TO LET THE PLAYERS ASSOCIATION KNOW I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT, WITH NO REASON BEHIND IT! I SPUN THIS WHEEL OVER HERE WHILE BLINDFOLDED AND LET IT DECIDE!



but uh, aren’t you at all concerned about public perception for this, especially given the inconsistent nature of suspensions like ray rice and big ben, and other types of violations of the player conduct policy like calvin ridley and josh gordon?







FOOTBALL!

folks, it’s week one, which means it’s time to beat the athf jokes into the ground again, the jets are already eliminated from the playoffs, someone on the chargers got hurt while i was typing this, we can’t even trust punters anymore, and the only words i know are foot…and ball…

…

… and rape

in our last episode, we saw a long suffering fanbase see their team lose in the superb owl (sorry heady if you are still alive) to another team that has no fans.

PREDICTIONS!

AFC EAST: Bills
AFC NORTH: Ravens
AFC SOUTH: Titans
AFC WEST: Chiefs
WILDCARDS: Chargers, Broncos…Dolphins!

NFC EAST: Cowboys
NFC NORTH: Vikings
NFC SOUTH: Bucs
NFC WEST: Rams
WILDCARDS: Eagles, Packers…Commanders!

Superb Owl: Bills over Bucs

Let’s get weird with some picks (but not mvp)

Offensive Rookie: George Pickens. That’s right, he’s gonna win with air trubisky
Defensive Rookie: Jordan Davis. That’s right, he’s gonna win as a DT.
DPOY: Micah Parsons
OPOY: Lamar Jackson. Contract year still.
Comeback Player: Christian McCaffrey probs. I don’t consider Henry to be “comeback” material
Coach of the Year: Mike McDaniel. Why am I doing this to myself
MVP: Josh Allen

First Coach Fired: Pete Carrol if walking away after three games of the geno smith show counts. a mutual firing/retiring situation, see how it gets labeled
First Pick 2023: DA BEARS

Random predictions:
jalen hurts develops and is above average at qb but not great, which means the eagles will sign him for 35mil+ per year then trade him to the seahawks for a wentz deal in the next 2 years
lions are better than people think and will compete for the playoffs
the bengals were very lucky last year and will come down quite a bit
the bears have a god awful roster and they are gonna be p bad
herbert comes down a bit as well. sorry i said it, nobody likes fun
the packers will not be very good but still make the playoffs
afc west is a bloodbath but you already know that. 3 playoff teams come from there, maybe swap chargers and raiders who knows
whatever im done

september is the cruellest month, breeding hope in dead fans,

[Mertron]

before you laugh at my picks, remember there is gonna be turnover from last year, weird shit happens, etc

football

[Krandor]

This is by far the best OP in the history of this forum

[Mertron]

oh and the bills play the rams tomorrow

enjoy

[Mertron]

i just looked at the gambling lines for this week and my goodness there are a lot of home dogs out there

[Rhyis.]

[Rhyis.]

AFC EAST: Bills
AFC NORTH: Ravens
AFC SOUTH: Colts
AFC WEST: Chiefs
WILDCARDS: Chargers, Bengals, Dolphins

NFC EAST: Eagles
NFC NORTH: Packers
NFC SOUTH: Bucs
NFC WEST: Rams
WILDCARDS: Cowboys, Saints, Vikings

Superb Owl: Chiefs over Pack

Offensive Rookie: Kenneth Walker - Penny will be hurt by week 3
Defensive Rookie: Aidan Hutchinson - a player that "slipped" in the draft and plays even remotely good will win
DPOY: Micah Parsons - I'm down for some homerism
OPOY: Justin Jefferson - Jefferson is gonna get 1800+ yards this year
Comeback Player: Christian McCaffrey - totally agree
Coach of the Year: Kevin O'Connell - Vikings getting in the playoffs will be enough
MVP: Lamar Jackson

First Coach Fired: Ron Rivera - RIP
First Pick 2023: Falcons... ATL is just terrible

[Mertron]

much to ponder

[Rhyis.]

What a mess

[6souls]

[Celeras]

How it started: https://twitter.com/BrianCoz/status/1566819490624675841

How it's going: https://twitter.com/BrianCoz/status/1567538885114085377

I was all for the Flacco revenge game, but week FOUR just hurts. Can't even make it to kickoff without hating everyone lol

[Tyche]

Trubs > Russ and Lamar

[Tyche]

Week 1

Rams > Bills
Ravens > Jets
Saints > Falcons
Dolphins > Patriots
Panthers > Browns
Bengals > Steelers
Niners > Bears
Lions > Eagles
Colts > Texans
Jags > Commanders
Cardinals > Chiefs
Chargers > Raiders
Vikings > Packers
Titans > Giants
Cowboys > Bucs
Broncos > Seahawks

[katajin]

much to ponder

As a Commanders fan and not being delusional about Carson Wentz, what the fuck is even going on with this? Trubisky over Russ? Goff, Minshew, and Jameis over Carr?! Geno Smith, Nick Mullens, Case Keenum, Colt McCoy over Wentz? Again, not delusional about him, he's an improvement over Heineke and he's definitely not going to ever be that MVP he was a few years ago ever again, but like, he's for sure better than a bunch of back ups, right?

[Rhyis.]

Lions > Eagles
Jags > Commanders
Titans > Giants
Cowboys > Bucs

[Rhyis.]

Trubs as the 12th best QB in the NFL is all you need to say about the list.

[Rhyis.]

more importantly i feel like they're too high on will grier

[Xno Kappa]

[Xno Kappa]

[Mertron]

there’s a lot to be said about that list but one of my favorites is nick foles much higher than matty 2 points