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  1. #1

    BG Advice Thread

    I need advice myself but this thread could be used for anyone who needs advice.

    My girlfriend of 1.5 years or so seems to want to break things off. During spring break which was about 2 weeks ago she went to Vancouver on an alternative spring break, volunteering with children, then spent a few extra days to tour the city. Before this trip she seemed fine but after coming back she became distant. She says she is "not sure if she wants to be in a relationship with me", "she wants time to figure things out" and claims stress is coming from school and her grandpa's health failing.

    She says it has nothing to do with me. I still love her and I want to try to work things through. She said she is going to take time to make sure she is making the right decision. My question is: what should I do? how long should I give her? should I try to patch things up? I feel that after 1.5 years to want to end it over some stress seems a bit far fetched and its most likely something I've done.

    So what should I do? Could it just be temp stress? PMSing? Something more serious?

    BG I need help.

  2. #2
    23 years old
    Rating: total douchebag

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    Kill her then hang yourself.

  3. #3
    Bagel
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    be a hero

  4. #4

    She said she was single.

  5. #5
    Chram
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    Re: BG Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Ushallbeasgods
    She said she is going to take time to make sure she is making the right decision. My question is: what should I do? how long should I give her? should I try to patch things up? I feel that after 1.5 years to want to end it over some stress seems a bit far fetched and its most likely something I've done.
    Try respecting her wishes. I think about a month sounds decent. She might be over it also, and you need to be prepared for that.

    Another thing is maybe something happened while you guys were on that trip that you dont know about yet.

  6. #6
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    She probably found someone else. Nothing breaks in one night, there may have been lots of shit that happened that weakened the relationship all this time.

    Anyway, be an hero is your best bet.

  7. #7

    Sudden unexplained distance?

    Only one thing causes that. She fucked someone else.

    Let me guess, she used to accuse you of cheating on her a lot in the last 1.5 years?

  8. #8
    Cake Bitch
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    Quote Originally Posted by Awoir
    be an hero

  9. #9
    Black Belt
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    Some weird shit right there.

  10. #10
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    "I have a lot of stress going on" == bad reason. In fact, you would think that she would need you more to help her through the rough time. My opinion is that perhaps on her trip she either met people who interested her, or that the time apart allowed her to reflect on what it is like to be without you.

    I would give her some space, and if things don't change within the month I would recommend you suggest taking a break. If you communicate well you may end up figuring out what the problem is, if it really is the stress you need to emphasize that you are there for her without being needy. But just because you are giving her space doesn't mean to ignore her, and you should try not to be too contemptuous if she wants her space, so try to have a positive attitude when she's around, so she'll be happy and she won't think that you are dependant on her.

    Sometimes I worry that one day down the road my boyfriend will get cold feet, mainly because I am his first girlfriend so that is kinda where my theory is coming from. If it ends up going bad for a month and you break up it isn't the end of the world. Two of my friends dated for over a year, broke up for 2 months, saw other people, realized they liked each other better, now they are getting married.

    If it turns out she did cheat on you though, you should definitely tell her exactly how you feel and not hold back, no use being nice to someone who disrespects people like that. >.> but be careful accusing her unless you are very sure...

  11. #11

    Ya, defiantly give her some space. The type of space that doesn't include you at all

    Seriously... why stick around with a chick who doesn't want you if someone better is around? Being second best isn't fun.

    There are like millions of women out there who won't do that.

    She just gives you the bullshit excuses because she likes you enough to not want to loose you in case it doesn't work out with the guy she wants to be with more.

    Fuck that bitch.

  12. #12

    Quote Originally Posted by Akiyama
    Quote Originally Posted by Awoir
    be an hero
    am I missing something? Or is there some internet/BG meme that changes 'a' to 'an' in front of hero?

  13. #13
    green jellybean
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    if she is acting bullshitty forget about her. I hate women that think they can dump their boyfriends but then still keep them wrapped around their pinky finger when they are pursuing other guys. THE WORST!

    edit: it is grammatically incorrect to use 'a' in front of vowels and the letter h, no clue why h is special like that. Or that other reason posted beneath me lol \|/

  14. #14
    Ridill
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  15. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by edgarfigaro
    Quote Originally Posted by Akiyama
    Quote Originally Posted by Awoir
    be an hero
    am I missing something? Or is there some internet/BG meme that changes 'a' to 'an' in front of hero?
    Yeah.. kid got his ipod stolen so he killed himself... his friends said he was 'an hero' and a meme was born.

    http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/An_hero

    http://img125.imageshack.us/img125/6323/anheroht7.jpg

  16. #16

    Quote Originally Posted by manako
    edit: it is grammatically incorrect to use 'a' in front of vowels and the letter h, no clue why h is special like that. Or that other reason posted beneath me lol \|/
    Only in specific circumstances, mainly when the h is silent, such as "hour". Doesn't apply for "hero"

    Ah, makes much more sense now. Thank you.

  17. #17
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    when your gf says she needs some time alone to think about the relationship, it usually means its over between you two. she just tries to soften the blow. theres no point to salvage the relationship really if there is any doubt. plus, she won't start falling in love with you again by "thinking about it". it happened to me once. my advice is not to wait. walk away and find someone better because there are plenty of fish in the sea.

    hope i didn't come off as too harsh.

  18. #18
    the whitest knight u' know
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    Coincidentally, I'm in this same exact situation, but change that 1.5 years into 7 years... shittiest time ever really.

    On one side, you want to respect her wishes and show her you trust her by giving her space and not suffocating her. On the other side, you want to show her that you won't give up and all you want to do is make her happy and all that by reminding her of everything that was awesome between you two. It's seriously the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life.

    Discussions and excitement about marraige, moving across country together, children, futures, careers over the course of 6+ years and all that just seems much too big to nullify in the course of a week over a stupid argument. I have had a lot of deep, sometimes slightly inebriated heart-to-hearts with a lot of friends lately, which has really helped the way I feel on a daily basis.

    I know my own situation has a bit to do with a scary transition of her graduating from college and going into a real career and financial situations coupled with a lot of the underlying problems in a relationship that we usually just gloss over and forget about because we live 300 miles apart and when we visit eachother, we don't want to ruin our good times with bad topics. Things just built up.

    Just imagine a having a girlfriend with whom you're all obnoxious and "lovey dovey" with for 6 years straight and talk to 2-3 times every day and everything is so fun all the time and then bam, your phonecalls, text messages, and emails are all completely ignored because she "needs some space to figure out what she wants and needs."

    One can't help but pour so much effort into trying to repair such a thing. But it's so painful when the one you want to repair things with doesn't want the attention, just time to herself. I can semi-understand it in my case because we've literally been together since highschool so she's never been single and been able to make decisions about her life that didn't factor anyone else in. A break for being selfish basically. In such a long relationship (even 1.5 years is decently long) you start to base everything you do, buy, eat, wear, et cetera based on your partner's tastes. Coming to that realization that you're not doing anything for yourself anymore is a scary situation for most. For me, I like the idea. Perhaps I've grown slightly codependant over the years, but I get enjoyment out of making decisions and progressing and putting in work for a specific goal in life, especially one that involves a smart, awesome, and beautiful woman whom I share seven years of the best memories of my young adult life.

  19. #19
    Cake Bitch
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    Quote Originally Posted by edgarfigaro
    Quote Originally Posted by manako
    edit: it is grammatically incorrect to use 'a' in front of vowels and the letter h, no clue why h is special like that. Or that other reason posted beneath me lol \|/
    Only in specific circumstances, mainly when the h is silent, such as "hour". Doesn't apply for "hero"

    Ah, makes much more sense now. Thank you.
    Yeah. I thought it was generally the case with certain words that sound as if they started with a vowel and what not. Hour is a good example. I didn't know about that meme for a while too until Seno showed me. Heh.

  20. #20
    THIS IS NOT LIVEJOURNAL DOT COM
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    God I hate Vancouver. Vancouver fucks with people and relationships.

    From a girl's point of view, sorry to say but she found someone better in her opinion. My guess is that he's still in Vancouver, and she's gonna try and work it out long distance. Which is stupid. But I'll be the first girl to tell you, women can be fucking crazy/retarded. Also, what that other guy said is a possibility. She's not quite letting you go incase her new endeavor doesn't work out.

    Dump the bitch. It sucks but it's going to suck a whole lot more if you let her lead you on any further.

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