need some pointers on writing my college(UC) essay..

[untouchable]

im having trouble starting out..need some help
i just want some basic tips.. like what do/dont's and what do the admissions people really look at, etc etc

* Respond to both prompts, using a maximum of 1,000 words total.
* You may allocate the word count as you wish. If you choose to respond to one prompt at greater length, we suggest your shorter answer be no less than 250 words.
* Stay within the word limit as closely as you can. A little over — 1,012 words, for example — is fine.

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)

Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Prompt #2 (all applicants)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

[Bartylby]

the tootsie roll method has always worked for writing any type of essay for me... but I've never written a college essay so i don't know how it works or the do's and don'ts exactly.

[untouchable]

tootsie roll method?

[Bartylby]

a paragraph stating your points, then the body explaining your points in depth, then an ending paragraph restating the points you made (but also differing from the same way you stated it at first. (think of the way a tootsie roll in the wrapper looks)

like i said i'm not sure it applies, but it's the rule i used when writing any essay since the middle of college till now

*edit*

picture of what i'm talking about

http://xs221.xs.to/xs221/07450/TREw45u45u.JPG

[Marsala]

Colleges let you in if you pay money. It's really that simple. Just be honest, there is no right and wrong answer in regards to you family history, life goals, etc. Use good grammar is the only rule.

[ciechi]

Prompt #1 is the same prompt i had to write about 2 years ago when i applied to University of Washington. You should be able to do that one easily.

I dunno if you should do the tootsie roll method because this application essay seems like it's more personal and a good way to gauge who you are, not just your writing skills. It's a great method for high school essays imo.

[Jefe]

Meh, it's the typical personal statement. Like others have mentioned, include your thesis statement somewhere in your introductory paragraph (although it can be placed anywhere). The thesis is the focal point of the essay, you may write it as direct or indirect. It goes liek:

I. Introduction (your main points). Liek the dude with the chart, you can begin with a general statement or background information, then your thesis, hence the pyramid look.

II. Supporting paragraphs (depends on how many words they want), which it's self explanatory.

III. Conclusion (summarize the main points). Additionally, for a personal statement, make sure to include why the university should accept you and what you can contribute.

SC usually wants the shit I told you, plus liek problems you've encountered and how you've surmounted 'em.

[Demosthenes11]

I go to a UC so I can help you out here :D
Mine was 3 prompts with max of 1k words total though, so it was harder D:

As previously stated, use your best editing skills, as well as others'. It's very important you show good grammar skills and word command (make sure you don't use synonyms that don't fit connotatively). Demonstrate different types of sentences as well, and even read your essays aloud to make sure it flows well.
Best advice though: Make the essays you. If you do not embellish your essays with who you are they most likely won't like it and can probably tell. Treat these different than your AP english class essays; don't be afraid to use humor and puns - as long as you don't suck at doing it. You can also use a few pop culture references too.
I was really happy with my paper by the time I finished editing (took 2 weeks total to get a finished product I liked), and it was also kinda fun to have high school down on paper (for me at least). Prompt #2 was on there last year, and I wrote about academic decathlon because that was what I was proud of and what really made me, not because it was a subject that I settled on.

If you would like, I could post mine from last year or I can PM it to you. I'm home for the weekend though so it won't be til Monday night

[untouchable]

thanks for all the help so far /bg/

and yeah i would like to read your essay demo, that would help a ton :D

[Obev]

http://xs221.xs.to/xs221/07450/TREw45u45u.JPG

Professor of mine from last year put it like this:

"You say what you're going to say. You say it. Then you say that you said it."

That's more of an academic style of writing however, specifically history in my case, where it's vital to cite sources and all that nonsense. This might not work for what appears to be a slightly less formal essay. Still, even though it might make you sound like an overly-intellectual twat, at least they'll know you can write an essay.

[Ramor]

mention a lot of entirely untrue things about you that they may or may not entirely be able to prove, perhaps you're a pianist who plays sold out concerts worldwide, you can benchlift a truck with your pinky, you're also a worldclass marathon runner, you divided by zero, you found a cure for cancer...etc

that's what i did, and i'm pretty sure no one read my essays because i got in everywhere when i wrote that kind of essay

[Ohemgee]

I still have my UF application essay that involves #2. I'll PM it to you.

[Wtfiku]

After you finish your essay, bring it to your English teacher and make them proof read. If you dont get in, you can blame them.

But overall, pick #2 if

1. you got raped, abuse, ect...
2. near death experience.
3. you are a good liar.


Pick #1 if you have none of those above.

[Ohemgee]

I read the third option as "You got laid."

D:

[Leeto]

I've yet to start mine (unfortunately...procrastinating) but I'm definitely using #2. I'm trying to find a way to sorta guilt my way in without making it apparent that I'm trying to do so, though I don't think I'll have much trouble with any UC either way. I'm more worried about private colleges but I've got an extra month for most of those.

[untouchable]

you have to do both prompts fyi

[Talus]

Just because it is a personal essay does not mean it is informal.

The advice so far is pretty good, but I'd add two things. Develop a marketing handle for yourself, and remember your audience.

When I say marketing handle, the easiest way to do it is look at your life, your accomplishments, and take a realistic look at yourself. What are your strengths, and what are your weaknesses? How would your friends and family describe you to someone who didn't know you? That's your handle. You should try to make it coherent throughout your essay. Try to limit any stream of consciousness for a final essay; by all means do it when you're brainstorming or doing a self-inventory about what to write, but edit, edit, and edit some more. Have a few different people read it. After you are done with your first draft, put it down and don't touch it for a week. Come back to it, take a look, and make any changes. Then have other people read it and make suggestions. Your handle should come through crystal clear and also differentiate you from the other applicants.

You also want to remember your audience. For the most part, two or three people max will look at your admissions file. Remember that most people that work in admissions are basically HR professionals (and predominantly women), meaning they are a personable, team playing, social bunch. You want to present yourself in a way that says, "I'd be a good fit and asset to State U." Just because they want your money doesn't mean they'll let any idiot in, people get rejected from colleges all the time, and it's not just because they were "reaches" to get accepted, but because they didn't seem like a good fit or had other issues.

Good luck.

[Remyo]

my best advice is never procrastinate on essays. I have one due on monday and I've only done like 2 paragraphs.

[CMMeast]

Requested advice, be concise and try to make your most important points early on in the essay. Even if the admissions office doesn't read all (more like none) of the essays they get, the sheer volume of reading means evaluators will be influenced more by the first few sentences they read. Brilliant writing to conclude your essay is pretty much a waste.

Real advice, UC essays are pretty useless. Bottom line is, unless your GPA and SAT scores aren't good and you're a borderline admit, they will most probably not read your essay. Countless friends and I bsed the essays and still got into Cal and UCLA. If you really need to be taking them seriously, you might be in trouble.

[Skyylya]

best thing to write about for the personal essay is some kind of hardship you had to face and you overcame it.

assuming that these actually do get read, they like to see that you can face challenges and come out on top. Exaggerate how difficult it was and how you were able to stay focused on your responsibilities without letting the hardship get the best of you.

creates sympathy and shows maturity and again if someone reads it, are two really good things in your favor.