Man vs Cat: War for the Bathroom

[Melchiah]

So, we have two cats here. My mother and younger brother are the cat people. Personally, I don't mind them, but I'm not cleaning up after them since I wouldn't be affected if they just disappeared one day. In any event, those two also refuse to clean up after their animals, more specifically, empty the litter box and freshen it up from time to time. As we all know, cats do not like to shit in places that are not, for the most part, pris-fucking-stine. Well, one of these cats has decided that since I keep my bathroom in such condition, that when his litter box is soiled, he will ninja-poo in my shower, usually at odd hours in the morning. I've been at a loss as to what to do about this situation, and I keep finding presents when I go to shower in the morning. The more quickwitted of you might suggest that I simply keep shut my bathroom door, however I assure you I have tried this and it doesn't work. You see, my brother doesn't give a shit that I have shit in my shower every morning. He uses our parent's shower to bathe, but he uses my bathroom to expel waste and brush his teeth. Don't ask me why, I don't know. However, this is the same guy I've been trying to break of the habit of spitting phlegm in my sink and not washing it down the drain for years now. He pees in the middle of the night and leaves the fucking door open for the ninja defecator who is always lying in wait. Therefore, I've been stuck with turds in my shower for months now. Every morning. This morning, as a matter of fact. I cleaned those up so I could get a shower before work. I get home today, and lo and behold, what do I find? Shower shits!

At this point BG, this concerned citizen has had enough of these shit shenanigans. Today I took matters into mine own manos! I caught the offending criminal dashing down the hall, no doubt fleeing what he could sense as pure malice emanating from my core. I seized him by the neck and deposited him in the bathroom with me and closed the door. I then proceeded to clean the foulness from my shower and flush it down the comode, and then clorox the remaining spots and rinse the tub clean. At this point, I felt the need to drop a deuce myself, so I plugged the drain and let the cold water run in the tub whilst I performed said duty in it's proper place. All this time, the condemned is caterwauling and clawing at his prison door, desperately seeking reprieve from the imminent reprisal. Upon completion of my toilet, I again seized the unrepentant offender and hoisted him about eye-level, and opened the bathroom door. I then hurled his furry ass into the bathtub filled with cold water, and proceeded to take in the lulz. And lulz there were. Multitudes of them.

As a preventive measure against further infractions, I have decided to leave an inch of water in the bottom of the tub before I go to bed from now on. Let's see that fucker shit when his feet get wet.

[Shuemue]

You're doing it all wrong. You don't blame the dumb animal, you blame the owner. Empty that litter tray into your brother's bed.

[Varg]

I agree. A few nights of having cat shit in his bed and he might get the point - feel free to mush it into the pillow or something for emphasis.

[Cheerios]

I've been at a loss as to what to do about this situation,

Clean his litter box yourself?

[Kurp]

As a preventive measure against further infractions, I have decided to leave an inch of water in the bottom of the tub before I go to bed from now on. Let's see that fucker shit when his feet get wet.

That might make it worse if the cat decides to shit on your floor instead.

[Day]

Fuck Cats. Awesome story.

[Spoony Bob]

Can't you teach cats to go in the toilet?

[Melchiah]

I've been at a loss as to what to do about this situation,

Clean his litter box yourself?

You must have missed this part:

Personally, I don't mind them, but I'm not cleaning up after them since I wouldn't be affected if they just disappeared one day. In any event, those two also refuse to clean up after their animals,

Not my cats, never my cats, I don't take responsibility for their well being. They can GTFO and I'd never shed a tear.

[zoobernut]

You're doing it all wrong. You don't blame the dumb animal, you blame the owner. Empty that litter tray into your brother's bed.

This is the correct answer! Deffinately work on something with your brother because leaving water in the bathtub will keep the cat from ninja-pooping in the shower but it will simply move the poop to another part of the house... not back to its litter box.

[Milamberxx]

A+ read, why don't you just let the cat out the back door so it can shit in the back yard, if its a house cat it will usually cry to come back in after its done its business, if it doesn't want to leave just throw that fucking thing out.

Or you could just take it to the pound or take it deep into the wood and kill it :bagel:

[Melchiah]

I wouldn't drown the animal for shitting in my bathtub. I am hard, but I am fair. Now, I suppose it would be equitable to shit where he takes a bath...

[zimzy]

buy -- locking -- doorknob

[Tricen]

Anal sex. This is the only answer.

[sb]

Move the litter into his room or the shit itself. It's not the fault of the cat that your brother is an ass. I mean when it comes down to it the cat is shitting in what is really the next best place. It could be much worse to clean off something that wasn't porcilin.

[guartz]

if they just disappeared one day.

I think you know what must be done next. Don't wait until the cat decides your bed is the new litter box.

THIS IS WAR MAN, WAR. ACT LIKE IT.

[Melchiah]

Move the litter into his room or the shit itself. It's not the fault of the cat that your brother is an ass. I mean when it comes down to it the cat is shitting in what is really the next best place. It could be much worse to clean off something that wasn't porcilin.

Perhaps the outcome I am hoping to produce is one in which the cat does in fact find another place to relieve himself. And perhaps he will do so in such a place as will prompt his "caretakers", which do not include *me*, to see that he has an appropriate place to defecate. It's not my fucking responsibility. Besides, all I did was to nurture a fear of the location he has been shitting.

[Vandole]

here's what you do. Shit in your brothers bed.

then try to explain it.

Just do it.

[Einherjar]

Sadly the cat isn't likely to change much, but the asshole that keeps opening your door will. Toss the shit into his room each time and while you're at it, spit a nice lugey on him while he sleeps and tell him that's for not rinsing.

[pirahna1]

Don't take it out on the cat, he knows no better. Instead, take that shitty ass litterbox that is full of cat shit, and dumb it on whoever is responsible's bed or shower if they have their own shower. If they ask how all this shitty/pissy litter got there, tell them that they should scoop their fucking litter more often and you're tired of scooping fucking litter out of your god damn bath tub every fucking morning.

Like I said, it's the owner's fault. The cat just needs to drop a deuce, he knows no better.

[archibaldcrane]

Pets know when they do things wrong, they shit in bathtubs and run away from people in shame afterwards.

Fuck that cat, soak his ass.

Also, place poop in brother's bed, etc.

How old are you and your brother?