Probably the wrong place to ask......

[Denchi]

Well my girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 1/2 years, which isn't a long time, but we're almost done with college and met at the right time. We've always talked about marriage and we feel very smart about it (as in..... we're not delusional, but we think we'd get married unless something big came up, but whatever). Anyways, she started dating me like 2 weeks after she stopped dating her best friend over the summer. They had been high school friends, and after 3 years of college they finally hooked up over the summer. What he didn't tell her is that he was still dating his girlfriend in Iowa (where he goes to college) and had no intention of dating her seriously.

So I started dating her because she genuinely liked me and her and I had been friends for a while in college. All is great in our relationship except.... this guy. He's been an issue ever since we've been dating. He's a dirtbag and for the longest time was obviously still interested in her. They used to talk all the time after they had broken up, but after a while they talked very infrequently. She "felt bad about their relationship" and still wanted to be friends with him, like before they had sex. And she still does. Well they hadn't talked for like 3 months but then his mom emailed her saying she wanted her son to go visit her in Mexico (She's studying abroad in Mexico this semester, and the dirtbag's mom likes my gf, but doesn't know anything about her son and my gf's relationship.) So my gf asks me if it's ok if he comes down. I'm like "Uhhh no, why would that be ok?"

Blah blah, long story short I think it's bogus. There are a lot of details, she doesn't like him romantically, she just wishes they could still be friends or "resolve things". Like she feels like she still owes him some resolution. I told her to stop talking to him, but over the last 1 1/2 years he always ends up being an issue, so obviously "Not talking to him" isn't working. I've stopped talking to girls for her, but this is "different."

Anyways, I know she doesn't mean anything mean by it, but she still feels like she can resolve things. Girls are weird. And I'm not entirely sure how I should be reacting. She's always trying to justify herself and I'm always telling her "Fine, resolve it, I want you to resolve it, but as your boyfriend this sucks balls, so maybe call me when you wanna be with me no strings attached?" I'm a huge nerd that doesn't like emotions, how do you think I should be reacting? I still want to marry this girl, but I don't want to have to deal with this asshat every 4 months. He's not going down to Mexico, but apparently it's still an issue she has to confront when she gets back.

[Kayos]

You say yes and it is the beginning of the end for you.

[Tyche]

Real simple. Tell her to end this shit or GTFO. Also, e-mail that cunt's mom and tell her to keep her fucking mouth shut.

Edit: The fact your G/F was actually OK with him coming to visit her and didn't immediately say "fuck no" would make me worried.

[Denchi]

I feel like I've given her way too many chances. I wanna tell her it's over until he's gone.

[Tyche]

You really need to nip the mom problem in the butt. If you got her number, I'll call her for you!

[Denchi]

Well the g/f likes his mom!! She's admires his mom, she's a professor, and they don't talk about the guy in question at all (Until the whole Mexico thing). Sooooo as my gf would say... that's gotta be ok right?

[Tyche]

Meh, my ex's mom was a DA, and I went to the same law school she did. We broke up before I actually entered college, but I still never spoke with her again after we broke up. She gave me, probably thousands of dollars in books too >.> Seriously, nip the mom problem in the butt. Has your G/F not told her she was in a relationship? If so, it was really disrespectful of her to ask her to see her son.

[Denchi]

Nope, she doesn't know about me (Although I'm now at the college where she's teaching, I've probably seen her around). My g/f didn't want to bring relationship stuff into their friendship.

But it's really naive to think you can be friends with your ex's mom and he never comes up. She should know about that stuff if the friendship is gonna be a very good one. Otherwise it's just kinda.... a fake friendship

[Ddz]

If she is that adamant about keeping him as a friend, I would worry. The only reason is that there are still feelings there, or some form of security. Marriage is out of the question until he is out of the picture. I would stick to your guns. There is a lot to be said about a person's intuition or "gut-feeling". In my opinion, there is a boundary that you do not cross when you're in a serious relationship when it comes to people you've got history with, period.

[Tyche]

Nope, she doesn't know about me (Although I'm now at the college where she's teaching, I've probably seen her around). My g/f didn't want to bring relationship stuff into their friendship.

But it's really naive to think you can be friends with your ex's mom and he never comes up. She should know about that stuff if the friendship is gonna be a very good one. Otherwise it's just kinda.... a fake friendship

E-mail that dude's mom, and just nicely tell her that you have been dating "lucy" for however long you two have been dating, and tell her you'd appreciate it if she would refrain from speaking about her son to "lucy".

[Deftscythe]

Nope, she doesn't know about me (Although I'm now at the college where she's teaching, I've probably seen her around). My g/f didn't want to bring relationship stuff into their friendship.

But it's really naive to think you can be friends with your ex's mom and he never comes up. She should know about that stuff if the friendship is gonna be a very good one. Otherwise it's just kinda.... a fake friendship

The fact that she doesn't want the mom to know about you is definitely cause for concern.

[Ddz]

Nope, she doesn't know about me (Although I'm now at the college where she's teaching, I've probably seen her around). My g/f didn't want to bring relationship stuff into their friendship.

But it's really naive to think you can be friends with your ex's mom and he never comes up. She should know about that stuff if the friendship is gonna be a very good one. Otherwise it's just kinda.... a fake friendship

The fact that she doesn't want the mom to know about you is definitely cause for concern.

yeah, that too.

[octopus]

E-mail that dude's mom, and just nicely tell her that you have been dating "lucy" for however long you two have been dating, and tell her you'd appreciate it if she would refrain from speaking about her son to "lucy".

I'd definitely do this if I were you.

[Tyche]

I'd take it a step further and enroll in his mom's class. Then somehow talk (before class or during break) about how your girlfriend hates her douchebag ex boyfriend, and talk about how she's freaky and likes buttsex. Then namedrop your girlfriend. Lulz will ensue, and drop the class.

[Denchi]

I'd take it a step further and enroll in his mom's class. Then somehow talk (before class or during break) about how your girlfriend hates her douchebag ex boyfriend, and talk about how she's freaky and likes buttsex. Then namedrop your girlfriend. Lulz will ensue, and drop the class.

lmfao

That is a brilliant idea. Or maybe for the first paper, no matter what it's on, just write about "Discourses on my girlfriend's fuckup of an ex-boyfriend." then the rest is easy.

I agree, it's kind of a messed up situation, and I'm at the bad end of it. thanks for the input guys, glad to know I'm not crazy.

[Weltall]

Marriage.....::Shudder::

I'll keep my own money, travel, and fuck random girls when I need sex.

[Aerin]

Everyone has given you the right advice, you really do need to take care of this asap. The other guy shouldn't be allowed to come down and stay, she might not do anything, but that sure as hell doesn't mean that he won't. It's also not really the guys mom fault that she doesn't know the whole situation so if you do anything there don't be too mean.

But ya take care of this or this could be you in a few years.

[Heian]

Hit the bitch in the face with a pipe, or the "friend."

Either way get a sturdy piece of pipe, about three feet in length. preferably steel, iron, or lead. Then swing the pipe as hard as possible at their head. After that the problem should be resolved.

[XxSlusherxx]

If he's her first this is never going to change, it's going to go on like this for a looong time.

[BerenTebogo]

If she doesn't tell him a firm no by 'set a date, within a week' leave her, or just start listening to simple plan and cutting yourself now, because that's where this is going.

If somebody really cares about you, seriously enough to get married, they're not gonna put you or the relationship in such a terrible fucking position over someone who is 'just a friend'

Bottom line, if you don't come first in her eyes, kick her to the curb.